Maybe Things Can Change

Chapter 1 Can People Change?

Disclaimer: The characters depicted, settings, and some terminology in this fan work are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. The views and opinions of this fan based work in no way reflect the views or opinions of Masashi Kishimoto. This is a fanfiction written purely for entertainment purposes and nothing more. The author of this fan based work receives no profit gain in writing this.

WARNING: Contains content NOT suitable for children under the age of 17, and readers are strongly cautioned. The following contains but is not limited to, suicide attempt, light sexual acts, descriptive rape, inappropriate language, self harming and violence and child abuse. Seriously don't be upset with me if something triggers you.

Thank you soooo much PoseidonDemon for translating the original into FRENCH.

Rewrite 5/13/2020 chapter re-writes will update weekly on wednesday evenings or thursday mornings. The over all tones and major plot lines remain the same, but I just felt it needed more/ I could do better. I hope you enjoy. : )

Naruto struggled to get out of bed. The feeling of sore muscles and the suffocating after effects of his dreams weighed him down. A monster plagued his sleep every night. A monster whose body was pure hellfire. It growled and snarled deep within him, but he knew he needed to get up and try. He had dreams he was aiming for, but even his best efforts were beginning to seem hopeless these days.

Naruto tried to mentally shake the growls that vibrated deep within him. His dream was to become Hokage, and gain the respect of everyone in the village. Obtaining this goal was the only way he could prove to himself he wasn't really a monster, because he didn't want to be a monster anymore. He didn't want to be alone anymore.

Naruto POV

I try not to think about it too much, but as far back as I can remember I've been all alone. No mother to hug me, no father to teach me, no siblings to look after or to pester me. Just me. I sometimes wonder if monsters even have mothers? Did I have one? Did she even love me? No... it's impossible...to love a monster.

Maybe Neji was right, you are born into your fate. You can't erase it. You can't hide from it, and you definitely can't change it. I am the nine tails and I attacked this village nearly 15 years ago. I understand that I caused a lot of people pain that day, but I can't change who I am, and the villagers can't change either. I tried so hard to change their minds about me. I wonder if I even deserve to be forgiven.

Was I really so naïve as to think smiling and goofing off would make the villagers like me more? I still can't leave my house without being glared at or worse. I avoid walking outside at night for fear the villagers would gang up on me. Which they've tried several times in recent years, but Iruka or Kakashi had always stepped in. I still don't know to this day why I want to protect this village and everyone in it with all my heart.

I tried to hate them like they hate me, but it wasn't something I could do. I just feel sad for them. I took away their loved ones, and now they have to see me every day alive and well while their loved ones are rotted in ground. It must be really painful for them. Even so, I would give my life to save these people. The very same people who have made my life a living hell, but that seems to be my fate in the end.

I am a monster after all.

End Naruto's POV

Lost in his thoughts Naruto made his way to the kitchen. He struggled to hold back the tears burning in his eyes. Naruto slid down onto the cold cement floor hugging his knees to his chest. He glanced out his window barely making out the faint rays of sunlight through tears that fell down his cheeks. He let out a tiny whimper leaning his back against the wall. He was so tired. Tired from his thoughts and lack of sleep. He had tried to sleep the night before but he couldn't manage at all. His sleep disturbed by nightmares of growls and fangs. He kept tossing and turning. Eventually he gave up and stared into the darkness of his room alone with his thoughts until it was time to get his day started. He was supposed to meet up with his team for training around 7am. He really didn't want to go. It didn't seem like it mattered anymore. He was never going to be Hokage. He was always going to be alone. He momentarily contemplated showing up and feigning illness to get out of training. Maybe Kakashi would buy it and let him leave early. Maybe he'd feel better with more sleep.

'Yea right.' he let out an exhausted sigh.

Naruto sat stiffly in the same position for what felt like hours waiting until it was time to leave. The cement floor felt like ice and the cold seeped into his skin. He ignored it and tried his best to regain his composure. He would have to leave soon to meet up at the bridge, and he couldn't show his team mates this face. After a few more minutes and a few calming deep breaths Naruto picked his cold trembling body up from the ground. He wiped his eyes with his bare arm and willed his body to stop shaking. It took a considerable amount of time before was able to plaster that ridiculous grin on his face. He quickly threw on his jacket and checked his reflection before leaving to make certain he looked composed enough.

'A grinning fool' is what he thought he looked like.

He locked his apartment and left. It wasn't long before he noticed the glares and whispering. He did his best at being friendly. He smiled and even wished everyone he passed a good morning. All it earned him was more viscous looks. He reminded himself to smile. He hoped if he kept smiling they'd leave him in peace. Some of the people he passed tossed rocks as he walked by and others shoved him away. It hurt so much. He just wanted someone to be nice to him. Unshed tears burned behind his eyelids as he clenched them tight. Smile. He just had to smile. He just kept on his way. He never got angry or fought back. He didn't deserve to fight back. It's not their fault they felt this way. Their hearts were damaged by what happened the day the Kyuubi attacked. Naruto understood that the villagers needed to be able to blame someone for everything and everyone they lost that day. It hurt him. It hurt so much but these people needed to heal too. They had no way of healing if they couldn't blame someone. He was responsible for their pain.

'It's my burden.' he reminded himself.

His thoughts were interrupted as a jagged stone was pitched at the back of his head. He hissed in pain as he staggered forward. Naruto was seeing double. His eyes watered and he felt dizzy. He managed to keep his smile in place even though his head was throbbing. Naruto resumed his walk not daring to stop for long. He grazed the back of his head gently. He let out a pained gasp as his fingers made contact with his scalp. He could feel warmth on his finger tips.

'I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' he repeated inwardly as his face scrunched to fight off tears.

His walk took him closer to the market area, which he dreaded. It was usually the worst part of his walk, but he wanted to try. He needed to smile and be friendly. He avoided direct eye contact as he walked by, but he continued to smile none-the-less. It was getting easier now that the throbbing had died down some. He was relieved at that.

He noticed an old woman struggling to hang the banner on her shop front with the with the way the breeze was blowing. She lost her grip and it flew right towards him. Naruto caught it without trouble and walked it to the lady. He smiled his best smile as he extended the banner toward her. He didn't dare look her in the eyes.

"Why thank you..." the words died in her throat once she realized who she was thanking. "Get away." her voice was cold and harsh. He felt her rip the banner from his hand. He dared to look up. Her eyes were piercing through his soul. It was the same look everyone gave him cold and full of hatred.

"You heard her, go on get out of here, monster!" yelled a man who came from inside the shop. He held his fists out in front as if to show the boy what would happen if he didn't leave immediately.

Naruto kept his gaze trained on the ground as he left the old woman's shop front. His smile faded and tears threatened to spill out, but he couldn't let them. This was something he needed to deal with.

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' he continued his internal apologies as he passed through the center of town.

He finally settled his sight on his fingers stained red with blood. It wasn't too bad the blood on his fingers had already begun to cake up and dry. He managed a small smile. He reminded himself these sorts of things were just part of his life. He willed himself to keep smiling.

' It's my fault.' his fists clenched at his sides and he fought back the prickling in his eyes all while forcing a smile.

His eyes held sadness while his mouth was in an unnatural smile. If you weren't paying attention you would think nothing was wrong by the boy's actions and large grin. But those eyes revealed everything if someone would just look, but they wouldn't. No one ever noticed. Deep down whether he knew it or not he was screaming inside for just one person to notice. Just one person to care about him. He sometimes thought that if he could find one person to care for him he could fight fate, but that thought hadn't crossed his mind in months. He exhaled not realizing he'd been holding his breath upon reaching the bridge relatively unscathed, and nearly forty minutes early. He visually swept the bridge for any sign of his team mates, but he was alone.

Naruto crouched down by the river bank and did the best he could to rinse the blood off his hand and out of his hair. The blood had crusted and dried leaving a rusty colored stain on the back of his head. The water felt cool on his head and relieved the residual ache. Since he was so early he allowed himself to sit on the bank for a rest. He needed to calm his nerves.

He hesitantly glared down at his reflection in the water and was only able to see the Kyuubi's fire red eyes stare back at him. He cringed in disgust at his reflection.

'Monster.'

Naruto punched at the water's surface while tears threatened to flow, but again he willed them back deep inside grinning all the while.

'Did Uzumaki Naruto even exist?' he wondered if he ever existed as anything other than the kyuubi. He tried to think back but he always remembered the color red. The red chakra of the kyuubi deep inside. The flames that destroyed everything. He remembered the snarls and growls that echoed in his dreams. He winced. Sometimes he could almost feel the heat of the fox's flames inside himself.

Inside it felt like his heart was fracturing into pieces. Whether he'd like to admit it he longed to be forgiven by the villagers. He longed for his hell to end, but he could see no way out. He was trapped in this life. A life that was chosen for him, a cruel fate he was born into. That is if he was ever anything other than the fox.

It wasn't long before his ears detected Sakura throwing herself at Sasuke who just ignored her the entire time. It had been that way since Naruto damn near killed himself to bring Sasuke back to her. Sakura asked for a promise of a life time of him, and he made good on that promise to her, but she continued to treat him the same as always though mostly as an annoyance and sometimes like he doesn't exist. It's not like she ever went out of her way to be especially cruel, but it didn't feel like friends was the best word to describe their relationship.

Sakura never really talked to Naruto or even seems to noticed him. Maybe she got what she wanted and now she didn't have time for him? Naruto shook his head pushing all the thoughts that troubled him down as deep as he could, and brought back his smile and readied himself for today's plans. Hopefully they were just training. He really didn't feel like going on any missions. Sakura's voice grew louder and Naruto stood.

"UH…where's Naruto…he's such a loser. He's always late. He's so irresponsible. Not at all like you Sasuke-kuuun." she whined at Sasuke, who seemed entirely indifferent.

'A loser? After all this time that's how you still think of me? After I brought Sasuke back to you? What do I have to do to be acknowledged? What do I have to do to be your friend?'

Naruto dropped his head in shame. He would never be acknowledged by anyone, not truly acknowledged. Kakashi and Iruka mostly pitied him. His eyes stared into the stream in front of him. He momentarily wished the stream was deep enough to drown himself in, but it wasn't. He sighed turning around with his ridiculous smile and jogged up to bridge waving at his team mates.

"You're late Naruto!" Sakura scolded the blonde.

"Sorry." He managed to say, but the words came out clumsily as he unconsciously rubbed the back of his head.

Sakura gave the blonde a punch in the shoulder as she continued to lecture him for being late for their meet up. Sasuke though he looked indifferent briefly wondered why Naruto hadn't spoken up about being there before any of them. However, before he could think this through any further Kakashi poofed himself into existence or it would seem that way to a non-shinobi.

"Sorry I'm late guys I got lost on the path of life…." he mumbled his standard excuse, which no one believed anymore.

"Yeah right!" yelled Sakura turning her attention away from Naruto angrily clenching her right hand into a chakra filled fist.

Kakashi looked in Naruto's direction waiting for a reply from the blonde about his being late but it never came. Kakashi realized how out of character it was for the blonde. He kept his gaze on the blonde boy taking in his posture and noting the redness in of his eyes. It was rare for him to see Naruto looking anything but energetic and boisterous.

"Eh, Naruto aren't you going to yell at me too?"Kakashi teased him trying to elicit some kind of normal response from him.

"He just got here too sensei, but Sasuke-kun and I were right on time." chimed Sakura with a shit-eating grin.

"I see. Is that so?" he responded quietly waiting to gauge Naruto's response.

"Yea…hehe...I woke up late." Naruto lied with a wobbly smile.

He eyed the blonde boy suspiciously, but decided the boy was likely tired. The team had been training a lot lately. Kakashi noted that even Sasuke looked like he could use some rest. He stood silently contemplating canceling the training session since half of them looked worn out, and he really wanted to get to the book store when it opened.

"Okay well anyway training's been canceled for today! I've been assigned an important mission, so take the day off." Kakashi replied indifferent to their qualms.

'The new Icha Icha paradise came out today!' he grinned beneath his mask and with that he poofed himself from existence again leaving the three children alone on the bridge.

"What the hell! He made us wait just to cancel?!" yelled Sakura shaking her fist in the air.

"I don't have time for this." Sasuke stated before heading home, likely to train on his own.

"Wait, Sasuke-kun. Did you want to grab breakfast together?" she called to his retreating back but he either didn't hear her or ignored her. She called again and he turned around to humor her.

Naruto was secretly glad it ended up this way. He was in no mood to mess around with pointless training. He didn't think it was possible to feel worse than he'd felt this morning but he did. He felt awful. His chest ached with each inward breath he took. Sakura's words to Sasuke however little it seemed cut Naruto like a kunai. He thought at the very least he could trust his own team not to talk about him behind his back. Maybe they hated him too, he thought. His heart ached. His head ached. He wanted to cry, but he kept smiling.

"Well I'll catch you guys later then!" Naruto yelled cheerfully as he turned to walk away waving as he did so.

Sasuke suspiciously eyed the dried blood on the back of Naruto's head and wondered what had happened for moment before the thought was pushed from his head. Sakura kept asking him question after question. He shook the pinkette off before heading home. His thoughts strayed to Naruto strange behavior today and the blood, but it wasn't really any of his business.

Naruto may have managed to smile as he walked home but inside he was dying. Behind that smile of his was child curled up in a ball of pain. He just felt so alone, so cold, so disgusting. He avoided eye contact with the villagers on his way home. After what had happened earlier this morning he wasn't sure he could look at anyone. He was barely able to smile. He held his breath as he past through the middle of the market, the most crowded part.

He tried his best to shut out the harsh names they whispered as they passed him, but in his state it was hopeless. He heard every hurtful word they uttered and the pain it made him feel was almost unbearable. It hurt so much he could barely breathe. It was like his heart was cracking with each whisper. He suppressed tears and clenched his trembling hands at his side.

The words he heard echoed through his mind on repeat his whole walk home. Monster. Filthy. Murderer. Go away. Get out of here. No one wants you here. Go die.

Naruto finally made it home without any physical altercations, but this was much worse. His breaths came out ragged and quick. His lungs burned and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He stumbled into his apartment wide eyed and panicked. Go die, the words echoed painfully in his mind. He leaned against the wall for support as he walked. The burning in his lungs made it hard to move, but no matter how hard he tried it didn't feel like he was getting enough air.

He slowly staggered to his bathroom. Naruto clutched the sides of his sink and leaned his head on the mirror. He tried to calm down. He tried not to cry, but he couldn't hold them back any longer and tears forced through his closed eyes down his cheeks. He opened his eyes and stared back at himself. His reflection seemed to morph in front of him. The kyuubi's crimson eyes stared back at him. His hands gripped the sides of the sink tighter. He grit his teeth as ugly tears streamed down his face. He fixed gaze on the drain in the sink. He was afraid to look back up at his reflection. He was afraid to see those eyes staring back at him.

"Do I exist or am I the demon fox?" he slowly lifted his head to look in the mirror. Red eyes stared right back at him. That was his answer. Uzumaki Naruto never existed in the first place. Just this demon.

Naruto headbutted the mirror. The shards of broken glass shattered and flew into his skin and the sink and the ground he stood on. Naruto's grip on the sink loosened and he fell down to the floor. The glass crunched beneath his body. Blood dripped down his forehead and slid down his face. Naruto barely registered pain through his rapid breaths and choked cries. The cuts on his body healed fast and he hated it.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." he cried.

He was sorry for the lives taken by the kyuubi. He was sorry he was alive. He was sorry he caused so much pain to those around him. He was sorry he was the cursed nine tails. Naruto could hear the villagers whispers and yells echoing in his head. He cringed as they echoed and echoed on and on.

'Go die!' was the last phrase that echoed.

Naruto looked at his feet where glass had cut him, but the cuts were already healed and the blood was all that was left. His lungs still burned and his stomach felt tight. He just wanted to stop feeling like this. He looked around at the bathroom floor. The broken glass glittered in the sunlight streaming in from his window. It was almost as if the heavens answered his turmoil. He was granted a way out. He reached for a long thick shard of glass and grasped it tightly not caring that it dug into his hand.

'Uzumaki Naruto doesn't exist.'

~Tsunade's Office~

Tsunade sat at her desk shuffling through a mountain of paperwork in front of her, when Shizune led Shikamaru in the office. It was barely 10am and he'd already been summoned to see the Hokage. He inwardly groaned thinking about how unfair his promotion had been. He literally lost his match by withdrawing. He waited for the woman to notice his presence.

"Ah you're finally here." Tsunade's tone was impatient as she held out an envelope without looking up from her work.

"Yes Hokage-sama." he sighed taking the papers out of her hand.

"You know you're a chunin now. You could try sounding a bit more enthused now and again." she lectured him halfheartedly.

"I didn't exactly ask to be a chunin." he replied lazily.

"Well it doesn't matter, I need you to take these papers to Naruto anyway." she retorted.

"That guy? He's so..." Shikamaru trailed off.

"He's so what?" Tsunade growled growing impatient.

"Troublesome." he answered thinking about Naruto and his loud personality.

"Do your job without complaint Shikamaru." she waved him off without another word as she got back to her mountain of paperwork.

Tsunade could have sent anyone to Naruto's apartment with that envelope, but Shikamaru was very observant and she wondered what he would see. Kakashi reported that Naruto hadn't seemed like himself lately, but he couldn't get him to open up about it.

'Why do I have the troublesome tasks? I was just minding my own business when she sent her goons out for me to do her bidding. Couldn't one of those goons deliver some paperwork?' He wondered why he was being sent personally.

'I guess it can't be helped. They are labeled as urgent so I guess a chunin or higher has to deliver them. It's still a pain.' he grumbled to himself.

~Back with Naruto~

He hated himself more than anyone would ever know. He thought he could continue shouldering the villagers hatred, but it was too hard. He just couldn't keep it up. He felt like he was crumbling. He knew how he could atone for his past sins. He looked at the glass fragment in his hand and for the first time in years he smiled, and it wasn't forced.

Naruto took the shard and stabbed his own stomach. He hissed as the air seemly was sucked from his lungs as the pain radiated through his body. He could feel the fox heal the wound as he removed the glass. He clenched his jaw hard. It was going to take a lot more pain than this to stop him, it was like that pain was his redemption, and he could taste it. He stabbed his gut repeatedly suppressing his whimpers as best as he could. The blood started pooling around his knees. The Kyuubi struggled to heal the self inflicted wounds at the rate they were being inflicted. He roared inside Naruto's mind. Naruto scrunched his eyes shut as tight as he could.

Naruto vaguely hear someone calling out for him. He froze a moment to listen before shaking the thought from his head. There was no way he really heard anyone call out for him. The blood around his knees and coating his hands felt hot sticky. The smell made him want to vomit and he heaved up blood. He had to keep stabbing keep cutting his body. If he slowed down the fox would be able to heal him. Hot thick tears rolled down his cheeks and he started crying loud and ugly. He thought about the villagers and their pain. He hoped this could absolve him of his past, and maybe he could rest in peace.

'I'm never going to hurt anyone again.'

Shikamaru stood in the doorway of Naruto's home. He checked the address again and he was at the right apartment. The door was ajar. He eyed the open door curiously before giving it a light knock. He waited, and waited no answer. He knocked again, and after a few more seconds of waiting he grew impatient and let himself in. He cautiously looked around. He wondered if maybe Naruto was in some sort of trouble with enemy shinobi. His door was open and he didn't answer his knocks. Shikamaru inhaled deeply and exhaled.

"Naruto?" he called out hesitantly.

"Something isn't right, god this guy is always finding trouble." he muttered to himself.

He entered the kitchen and as he turned the corner he could hear pained groans from the direction of the bathroom. Shikamaru dropped the papers and grabbed a kunai out of his pouch. He moved quietly as possible straining to hear anything. He reached the closed door and stood outside listening. It definitely sounded like someone was in a lot of pain and crying. It was strange he couldn't hear anyone else or feel their chakra.

"I'm sorry." was whimpered behind the bathroom door, and that was enough for Shikamaru.

He rushed forward ready to take out any enemy shinobi, but Naruto was alone. Shikamaru's eyes widened in shock at the grisly scene before him. It was a sight that would likely haunt him forever. The blonde was barely conscious stabbing himself repeatedly in the abdomen. Although, the most disturbing thing was the smile on Naruto's face.

"Stop! What the hell?!" Shikamaru rushed forward the glass under his feet screeched halting Naruto's frenzied stabbing.

Naruto's eyes widened in pure shock. His hand gripped the glass shard as tight as he could. He was so close to redeeming himself to the village. He could finally stop their suffering, and he could finally stop his suffering. His gaze never left Shikamaru's. He wondered what he was doing there.

"Naruto stop you're going to kill yourself!" he reached for the shard in the blonde's hand.

"Leave me alone!" Naruto pushed Shikamaru back smearing blood across his chest in the process.

Shikamaru regained his footing and quickly froze Naruto's actions with his shadow possession jutsu. He ripped the large shard from his hand, but he couldn't tell how much glass was in his gut at this point. The sight alone made his stomach heave, and heart race. He'd never seen anything so haunting or utterly shocking in his life.

"Damn it! Why would you do something like this?!" he hissed putting pressure on Naruto's gut trying to stop the bleeding, but there was so much blood. The blood seeped through his fingers, and Naruto's eyes shut as he groaned in pain.

"Shit...shit this really bad, Naruto. Hey! Naruto! Wake up!" he yelled voice panicked.

Shikamaru watched as Naruto's eyes fell closed and his breathing slowed. Shikamaru scooped him off the floor with trembling hands and ran. His heart hammered against his rib cage. He ignored the looks of people he passed by on the way to the hospital which thankfully wasn't far from Naruto's apartment. The relief that the hospital was close by was quickly forgotten as Shikamaru felt wetness seeping into his clothes. Blood. Naruto's blood. He could feel the warmth of it on his skin, the thought had him choking down bile.

His feet pounded the ground as he ran as fast as his body could manage. Naruto's face had drained of all color, and his lips and chin crusted with blood. Shikamaru gently slapped his face trying to keep him conscious.

"Come on wake up...you're not dying like this." he spoke words he knew he couldn't guarantee.

Naruto was stirring a bit and opened his eyes weakly to look up at Shikamaru. His eyes were unfocused and bloodshot. He gripped the blonde in his arms tighter, he could almost see the hospital at this point.

"Hey stay awake!" Shikamaru pleaded.

"Sorry." The blonde whimpered through coughs that brought up fresh blood.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Why the hell was this happening? How could anyone do this to themselves. How could anyone survive this long with wounds like that? Is Naruto going to die? Am I going to watch him die? Is he literally about to die in my arms? The brunette's mind raced with questions and anxiety. He could hear his heart beating in his ears starting to block out everything around him.

"I don't understand. Why?"

"Naruto Uzumaki doesn't exist."

AN: I'm working to re-write this fic and it sequel and finally finish the sequel, but my writing has changed so much that a re-write is necessary. Thanks always for reading I hope you enjoyed it. Also sorry in advance I'm aiming to punch you in the feels this time around.