Author's note: So I was half-awake and trying to think of dumb blonde jokes to use to severely tick off my friend when I thought about how mad someone could make Utau if they started telling her dumb blonde jokes. I don't own Shugo Chara or any of its characters and as a note to any blonde who is reading this…I'm sorry for making fun of your hair color. If that's the appropriate apology. I'm not quite sure….
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Chapter One:
Utau and Kukai in….
DUMB BLONDE JOKES!!
Utau wandered around town, daydreaming about Ikuto and the possible ways she could make him see her other than a sister when someone tapped her on the shoulder.
Please let it be Ikuto, the young singer pleaded silently and turned around to see…no one other than Kukai.
"What do you want," grumbled a very disappointed Utau. Kukai shrugged.
"Just thought I'd say hi," he said. "You look kinda down."
"Humph," was the only reply Kukai got, Utau's face flashing with irritation like a neon sign. Kukai suddenly grinned. Utau, being so used to the similar appearance in her brother's smirk, did not even wonder why Kukai suddenly look so amused.
"How about I tell you a joke," he offered smiling brilliantly.
"Fine," Utau muttered, hoping against hope that after a couple craptastic jokes, this annoy brat would get lost.
"What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?" Kukai asked. Utau was shocked into being momentarily paralyzed.
"What?!" she growled. Was this kid blind, stupid or just a plain out jerk? Probably the second, but seriously, who was suicidal enough to tell a BLONDE joke to an obviously dangerous BLONDE??
"Pregnant!" Kukai answered and doubled over in laughter. Passing people stared at the two. Completely ignoring the sputters that were Utau's attempt at a reply, the boy raised up a finger like he'd had an epiphany. "I got another!" he said happily.
"Don't you dare—" Utau started but Kukai cut her off.
"How do you get a blonde out of a tree?"
"I don't give a flying—"
"Wave at her!" Kukai answered himself, slapping his knee. "That's a real knee slapper!"
"Knee slap—wait!" for a moment, the knee slapper comment caught Utau off guard. She then decided that this child who was ridiculing her was indeed stupid when he ignored her livid face and began again.
"Why'd the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for two hours?"
"Shut the hell up!"
"Because it said 'concentrate'" Kukai laughed, as if Utau had said nothing. That little—
"Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?"
"I said—" Utau started angrily.
"Because they keep breaking them with hammers!" Kukai said laughing like he'd just said the funniest thing on Earth.
"You should stop before I kick you so hard in the damned—" Utau hissed before Kukai stopped her.
"No, no you gotta hear this one: what do you call a fly inside a blonde's head?"
"Um—wait! I'm not going to answer that because—"
"A Space Invader!"
"…"
Kukai cackled.
"See I knew these would cheer you up!" he said cheerfully. "How about another?"
"No way in hell."
"Good girl! I knew you'd love these." Kukai said ignoring her dark reply. "How did the blonde try to kill the bird?"
"Do you want to know how I'm going to kill you?"
"No. Anyway, she threw it off a cliff! Isn't that hilarious?"
Utau scowled and said absolutely nothing.
"OK,OK, just one more," Kukai said with a sigh, like it was the victim of his jokes who was pleading for him to tell her more...she was going to kill him for sure.
Utau's face showed nothing but pure fury.
"Try it and I swear to you I'll—"
"Did you hear about the blonde who tried to drive to Disneyland?"
"No—wait, no! I mean—wait"
"She saw a sign that said 'Disneyland left' and went back home!" Kukai snorted. "Get it? She thought Disneyland left when she was supposed to turn—whoa. You should really see your face right now!"
Utau narrowed her eyes. About damn time the kid noticed. Maybe he'd stop before she had to kill him. But noooooooooo.
"What do you call a pissed off blonde?"
"LUNATIC CHARM!!"
"No—aw crap."
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Heh heh. That was fun. I have the rest of today and this weekend to write more chapters to this fic…the next chapter won't have blonde jokes but Kukai will be telling more I promise you. Maybe next time it'll be Tadase…I dunno, it's kinda nice to picture Utau getting mad at blonde jokes. Anyway, next chapter is gonna have Ikuto and Nagihiko. Maybe Rima, too. Not sure. What else should I add in my end-of-chapter-ramble? Oh yeah! Ikuto and Amu say you should review!!