Vodka and Nicotine

Chapter Fifteen

Blood: noun - a fluid carrying oxygen and nutrients throughout out bodies.

I knew it was morning without opening my eyes. I could feel warm sunlight on my face, as well as see the bright light through my closed eyelids. I was tired and groggy, in no mood to get up. I felt an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Loneliness in the sense that I woke up almost every morning to an empty house. No mother to make sure I was up for school, no father to share coffee with... no Edward to wake up naked beside. I was alone.

I turned my back to the window and the sun, I refused to get out of bed. Screw life. It only seemed to be against me these days anyway. It had won. I was defeated.

Screaming next to my head told me I was receiving a call. I groaned, in no mood to talk to anyone but pressed the answer button regardless, my eyes closed, still half asleep.

"Lo?" I asked groggily.

"It's Edward." His voice sounded rough, like he hadn't been to sleep yet.

I sat, rubbing my eyes wearily. My clock told me it was seven forty eight am. Shit. Who got up this early on a Sunday?

"What is it?" Cold. Guarded.

I hadn't forgotten last night. The way he had looked, the way he had spoken to me. Fuck. How could I forget that?

"I'm sorry," He sounded sincere. The sadness in his voice made my heart ache. "I keep fucking up, don't I?"

"Kind of, yeah." I replied.

I laughed nervously. So did he.

"Let me make it up to you. I know I probably don't deserve another chance but I really don't want to loose you… what we have."

"Me either." I sighed.

There in lied the dilemma. Give him another chance, risk getting hurt again or just end this mess right now, which in itself would probably hurt more. Who was I kidding? I could never end this, I was in too deep already. This boy… I had it bad for him and there was nothing I could do that was going to change that.

"Okay." I mumbled

"I'll call you. There are a few things I need to sort out but I will call."

I nodded, more for my own benefit. I was forcing myself to believe he would. I really hopped he wasn't going to let me down again.

I plodded through the rest of the day after Edward's call. I couldn't get back to sleep, so instead I busied myself with little things throughout the day. Mostly school work, some light cleaning and the like. I checked my phone regularly but got nothing. Edward never called and with each passing hour my heart sank further and further.

Sleep that night was near impossible. I kept tossing and turning, slipping in and out of consciousness. It was agony. I knew I was going to suffer in school the next morning, which only made it worse.

I was already awake when my alarm sounded, telling me it was time to get up. I cursed repeatedly, I felt more than shit. I got ready in a zombie like state, draining a cup of coffee in the hope of a little bit of animation on my part.

Edward called just as I reached my car. I almost didn't answer, grouchy from lack of sleep and being left waiting. After taking a deep breath and running a hand quickly through my hair, I clicked on.

"Yes?"

"Bella?" If I had thought he sounded bad yesterday, it was nothing compared to how he sounded today.

"Yes."

"Shit, Bella… Where are you?" He sounded distracted and confused.

"I'm on my way to school, what's wrong?"

"Bella, jeez, fuck… I screwed up… Where are you?" His voice was filled with panic.

"I just said, on my way to school. Edward, what happened? What's going on?"

My heart was pounding, I felt a cold sweat begin to form on my skin, whatever was going on was serious and I had no idea how bad it would be or what to do.

"I need to see you, fuck! Bella, please, you have to come!"

"Where are you? I'll come now, just tell me where you are."

"You know the abandoned warehouses out near the highway? I need you here, I need you now." Edward's voice had now taken on an unbecoming hint of hysteria, which made my heart race even faster.

"Yes, I know it," I was already trying to work out the fastest route there, fumbling for my car keys whilst holding the phone to my ear. "I'll be there as soon as I can, okay, just hold on."

Edward clicked off without saying goodbye. He sounded so unlike himself, it terrified me. What the fuck was this boy into? I had no idea, no idea what I was walking into, no idea where it would take me, but I had to go, he needed me… and it was Edward. I was so deeply invested in him it scared me, I'd known him for little more than a month yet my heart told me I would do anything for this boy. I would die for him.

I drove faster than I should have, my palms were sweating and I was breathing so fast I feared I might hyperventilate. It seemed like it took me forever to get there. I drove in silence, the only sound that of my harsh breathing and thundering heart.

Edward had asked me to drive out to a group of three abandoned warehouses. I remember when my dad was still alive, he would always tell me about the high school kids who would drink out here, every time reminding me I would never be one of them. Back then I was daddies good girl, I sometimes wondered what he would say if he could see me now.

The ground was gravel and littered with bottles, broken wood and all sorts of other rubbish. I pulled the Impala in carefully, mindful not to damage the tires on the broken glass or wood.

Being here did not ease my panic in any way. As I stepped out into the cool September morning, Edward was nowhere to be seen. His car wasn't here, nor was any other. This place looked as abandoned as ever.

"Edward?" I called out, hoping someone wasn't going to run out with a knife or some shit.

I knew this was a bad place to be, had heard it first hand from my father, but it was first thing on a Monday morning, surely I was safe.

"Edward!" I called again, this time louder. "Where are you?"

He came from the west, I didn't see him until he was practically in front of me. I didn't scream, or even jump, just stared. Stared straight at him in absolute horror.

He was wearing a white v-neck t-shirt and a pair of ripped jeans. The t-shirt was thin, covered in grease and smeared with blood. His nose was bleeding, both eyes were bruised, one so badly it was swollen shut. The look in his one remaining good eye was something I had never seen before. His pupil was blown wide, clearly fucked but there was something beyond the drugs, something dark, something I wish I didn't have to look at.

"Edward?" My voice was small and sounded awfully far away.

"We need to go. We need to go now." He said, grabbing my arm painfully tight.

He tried to pull me back towards my car but I dug my feet in, trying to loosen his grip on my arm with my free hand.

"Go where? Edward! What's going on?"

"Shh, Bella."

He moved his face close to mine. I could smell alcohol on his breath, mingled with sweat and blood, it made my stomach churn. He released his grip on my arm, taking my face in his hands, he looked me straight in the eyes.

"Edward… you're scaring me." I whispered the words so quietly I wondered if I had said them at all.

His reply was a kiss, a kiss so forceful, so needy it startled me… I stood paralysed as he kissed me, only responding when his tongue snaked into my mouth. His hold on my face was gentle, caring, nothing like it had been on my arm but there was something about this which scared me shitless.

He tasted like stale cigarettes, booze and blood. I ignored all of that, focussing solely on the tiny thrill I felt from having his lips on mine. I closed my eyes, blocking this… broken, bleeding man from view, then relaxed into his touch. It felt almost normal when I couldn't see him but I knew something was wrong and I needed to know what if I was to be any help at all.

"Edward, what happened?" I asked softly as I broke away from the kiss, a part of me felt relieved.

He sighed, dropping his hands to mine then taking them in a loose grip.

"I fucked up, I screwed up big time. I'm so messed up, Bella. I… I, I tried to fix it but now everything's worse. I don't know what to do." As he spoke, he turned back into the Edward I knew and loved. The darkness in his eye seemed to leave and instead was replaced with such sadness it made my heart ache.

"Come on." I lead him to the car gently, helping him into the passenger seat before moving around to my side.

I needed to get the whole story from him and I needed him to make sense. I didn't want to be out here, it made me uneasy. Beside, Edward was hurt, I had to get him home. My mom hadn't been home when I left earlier. I had no reason to believe she would be now and even if she was, so fucking what.

"It's all about drugs Bella. Everything. The whole fucking world revolves around them." He sounded so lost. Just a scared little boy too small to matter in this world.

I took a deep breath. I had no idea how far into this shit he had got himself, but by the state he was in I was thinking it was pretty deep. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. I just needed a minute to think, a second to compose myself but how could I? I could feel his warmth next to me, could hear him breathing beside me. I had to get through this. Had to sift through this mess in order to save the real Edward. The Edward who had been there for me as I sat crying next to my father's grave, The Edward who had taken me to dinner, who had thrown popcorn with me at the movies. The boy, no man, who when I looked into his eyes I saw something which I thought I would never have. I saw a chance for happiness, with him.

"I'm going to take you back to my house, you're hurt. Then we can talk."

He said nothing, just stared straight ahead. He either hadn't heard me or didn't care. I took his silence as acceptance and began the drive home. I drove much slower this time, instead of my heart thundering in my ear, there was an eerie calm inside the car. Our breathing was slow and even, soft. I was shaking all over and didn't even realise it. I had an awful fear that he was already too far gone to save and then what? Would I go on with my life, knowing he could have been part of it but wasn't. I didn't know if I was capable of that.

We didn't speak, even after I had pulled up outside my apartment. We walked in silence, him following me the entire way until we were sitting side my side on my bed. Now that I was here, I didn't know what to do. Didn't know what I could do.

The blood.

I had to clean off the blood.

He didn't stop me, didn't even ask where I was going when I left to get some warm water to clean his face with. I had cotton wool in my room and was sure I had one of Jasper's shirts Edward could borrow.

I started back towards my room then stopped, instead pulling a battered pack of cigarettes from my back pocket. I needed to calm my nerves. I felt as though I had a gun pointed to my head and the trigger could be pulled at any time. The nicotine helped, if only a little. The tremble in my hand's stopped and my head felt a little clearer. I could face this, I knew I could, I just had to stop being a pussy and get on with it.

He sat still as I dabbed cotton wool into water, cleaning away the blood as gently as I could. The bowl of clear water turned red after a couple of dabs, a stark reminder of just how fragile the human body was. What was once perfect can become broken and bloody easier than what seemed logical. How could we survive as a species if we fell apart so easily. If we lost our way at every fork and turn.

I felt anger boil to the surface and had to bite my lip to stop myself from screaming. Here I was patching up this beautiful, near perfect boy. Only he wasn't perfect anymore, he was marred and defiled. For what? For coke or E? A little bit of high wasn't worth this, wasn't worth the look in his eyes when I had found him.

His face cleaned of blood was puffy and bruised, he looked like a completely different person. It had only been two days since I had seen him last.

"I bought you a clean shirt. It's Jasper's, but I don't think he'd mind." I told him, handing over the black Led Zeppelin shirt. I didn't bother to leave the room or turn my face. It didn't seem to matter right now.

He pulled his own bloody and stained shirt over his head. At first I didn't know what the marks covering his ribs were, dark smudges covering almost all of him, but of course they were bruises. Like whoever did this to him was just going to stop at his face. My heart sank.

"You have to tell me everything. All of it. Start from the beginning. I don't care how long it takes. I need to know." My voice was hard and set. I needed the truth. I deserved it.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Yes."

And that's when my world turned upside down.