I

The Luftwaffe has been seen too often on the English skies, a warning that the war that has already broken can never be stopped. Sooner or later, everything will be inevitably devastated. Air raids have been a part of the English life that hearing bombs detonate and seeing mortars and debris flying seem to be a usual thing for the eyes of the civilians that don't have a choice but to be a part of a seemingly nonsense fight.

As a consequence for being a nurse, Cecilia Tallis has seen more of the casualties and results of the war which has been believed to be the final solution in exterminating all the "second-class" race in the world thus giving everything for the superior Arian race. Since the war broke, hundreds of soldier casualties were being sent to the hospital where she has been working. The soldier's superiors have a hoping that sending them in a hospital would save them from the pits of death. Most of them that she has been encountering came from the Allied countries of England were they have been assigned, often coming back to their country (England), bloodied and injured or worse, have a very little chance of surviving. Cecilia has attended to them with an utmost effort to make them well no matter how impossible it may seem. She has attended all their needs knowing that possibly tomorrow it will yet be again a new set of soldiers she will meet and take care of.

Yet sometimes, she would wonder how can she work with these unknown people, taking care of them, helping to cure them and making them better when the one person that she loves have died in this nonsense war, injured and without anyone to take care of him. Sometimes Cee would feel guilty that she has let him die on a state that they have never believe could have happened. She let him die alone, all by himself. Alone and without her.

II

Robbie...

Cee can still remember his face, his touch on her nape, his kiss on her cheeks then on her lips. She can still remember vividly the moment that they have spent together in the library. The moment, although haven't last that long, has changed her life on an instant. On that night and on that library, she has discovered and uncovered the secrets that she has been keeping. She has made ajar the fact her heart do really beat for Robbie. Oh, how pity that she has suppressed her feelings for the fear that he would not return it back. But no, that was not what had happened and she was elated about it. Robbie has told her the three words that she has been waiting to hear in a most passionate and ardent way.

"Cecilia... I love you"

And as their worlds has collided, as their beings have become one and impossible to part, she knows that it is Robbie that is meant for him. An unquestionable reality of her life has already occurred.

But it was cut short thereafter, again, changing the course of their lives when it has already changed. They have to part on the same night they have discovered each other's feelings. They have to say goodbye when it was just the beginning of a new chapter of their lives where the two of them are together.

That was the last real moment that they have spent together without anyone or anything intervening. Robbie was put to prison that same night that they have stayed and made love in the library, for a wrong accusation of a highly imaginative teenager. A teenager who was also Cecilia's own sister, Briony. Since then for years, Robby stayed in a cell that has restricted him from the outside world due to a crime he has never committed. Whereby Cee was being prevented from seeing him even once, thus making her decide to cut herself from her family, who has sided with Briony where believing her just made it much more impossible to save Robbie from the unrightful decisions of the law.

But Robbie was given a chance, either to stay in prison or serve England as a soldier and go to war. On his mind, choosing to stay in prison and excuse himself from becoming a soldier would just really make it almost real that he is a criminal. He has therefore became a soldier, a Private. Sometimes it would seem unbelievable that how can a man like Robbie, as brilliant as he is, someone full of conviction like him would be transported into France, dress up in camouflage and hold an M-16 rifle and a pistol. He, who has a mind of a scholar, has been place in one of the lowest echelon of the military. A mere Private he is, they would say.

Before Robbie went to France to fulfill his military duties, he and Cee got a chance to see each other again after 5 years. The warmth of their feelings had ignited once again not minding the thought that it could have slowly died on the night that they have parted. As he has seen Cecilia's face on the cafe where they have planned to meet, all came rushing by onto his head. Those are the memories that had happened so quickly that sometimes he thought those are just visiting dreams that came by him once. But as he looks into her eyes, it has proven that those memories were real. That there she is standing in front of him have proven that what he have are not just mere reveries but pure realities.

After their meeting, they promised each other that they would meet again, probably after the war and then spend a vacation together, somewhere near the White Cliffs at Dover. Such an enticing place, somewhere where they can be alone and just the two of them where they are Robbie and Cecilia, standing unbroken through fates and war.

But that promise was never fulfilled, and it will never be.

Just five months ago, while waiting for the near return of Robbie from France, Cecilia received a letter telling that Robbie was left in Dunkirk and impossible to come back to England not after the war has ended. He was injured according to the letter and that the superiors forbid that injured soldiers be aboard the vessels that would transport them back to England. It is rather a plan to leave the injured behind and let the capable ones be back to the country.

"Such an absurd reasoning they have!" Cee blurted out while reading the letter. She held it fixing her gaze on the succeeding parts.

"He's a go'ole Chap. You know Robbie. Such a really nice man. It is rather a pity that we have to go. He has been speaking of your name even in his dreams. Crying out "Cee..." O'course we don't know who Cee is that's why I've searched for you, miss. But we have to leave him there in Dunkirk. Those bastards making the rules. Who will get in the vessel and who won't. We tried to keep it a secret. Just the two of us. That he has wound but they did know, the others. Because he just fell sick and twas really terrible I feel for him. That next morning we have to go. Twas the last day of evacuation. He told us "just go, I can handle myself". And we did go and it felt so bad just to leave him behind. Oh God I'm so sorry about it. To tell you honestly, Miss Tallis, his survival back there in Dunkirk is rather questionable. It's just days before the fucking Axis troops seize everything in France. I'm very sorry and really sorry for it. That's why I've written you this letter. One of the last things that he told me is to send you his love. He would often tell us that he will come back to London and search for Cecilia and Marry her. And I just know that it's you Miss. You are Cee, the one that my ole Chap Private Turner had is unfortunate that we just doesn't know what could have possibly happened to him after. We don't know if he could still be alive, or..."

It was signed Nettle.

At that moment, while reading the letter, tears had run down Cecilia's face and blurred her vision. She stood up from where she's sitting and went straight to her bedside desk and pulled the drawer where she placed all the letters that she have received from Robbie. She opened one letter after another holding each paper in a grip and reading the words written by Robbie's hand, which sends her his passionate love. Cecilia wiped tears that keeps flowing down her eyes and started to read his past letters.

Dearest Cecilia...

I promise that I'll come back to you...

I continue to think of you every moment that you're away from me. I let you visit me in my dreams where we can be together. I promise that I'll see you again and I'll hold your hands tight so we will never part again...

Cecilia, my dearest Cecilia... I'll find you, love you, marry you and live without shame.

She has read all of them, remembering Robbie as he is, remembering all the letters that they have send to each other. Robbie and she have kept on promising in each letter that they will see each other again and it will be soon. Nothing can stop them, not Cee's family and not even the war. Nothing.

Cee lied to her bed with Robbie's letter in a stack again. She's still crying silently, she's still thinking of Robbie. His promises and hers too. I'll find you, love you, marry you and live without shame. It may never happen and probably it will never do. Because Robbie is gone and he may never come back to her.