Title: A First Time For Everything
Author: Saigo no Hajime
Summary: Kon recounts all the 'firsts' in his life as related to his relationship with Kurosaki Yuzu.
Pairings: KonXYuzu (Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but give it a chance!), IchiRuki near the end
Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, Kon would be way more than comic relief.
Author's Note: This pairing jumped into my head while I was working on a not-yet-posted IchiRuki chapter story. I just couldn't get it out of my head until I wrote it down. I think it turned out really well, but please let me know what you think! Reviews and constructive criticism are, as always, eagerly accepted!
Author's Note 2: Alright, have I gone blind, or is there no character category for Kon!?

The first time Kon met Kurosaki Yuzu, he was a tiny plush lion, hiding under a pillow still smelling of the sweat from his new orange-haired caretaker's restless dreams the night before. The young girl had entered the bedroom to vacuum, and Kon had dived under the pillow to avoid detection. He watched her critically from his hiding place. To his well-trained eye, it was obvious that she was no fine specimen of womanhood. She was scrawny, plain, and with no bosom to speak of. Therefore, there was no reason to pay her any mind. It wasn't until much, much later that he finally acknowledged that at age 11, her undeveloped appearance was quite natural.

The first time Kon enjoyed being part of a doll tea party was the day after Grimmjaw had led his troops to attack Karakura. They had all been worried, Rukia-nee-san, Yuzu, Karin, and even Kon himself, when Ichigo disappeared the following day. Rukia had left to search the town, telling Kon to look after the girls. Karin had disappeared into the kitchen to do her homework. Only Kon had been there to watch as the brown-haired girl burst into tears in the middle of arranging her other dolls.

She had pulled Kon's plush form into her arms and sobbed wordlessly. As Kon felt the hot tears soak into his fabric, he wished he could do something to offer comfort. So when little Yuzu stifled her tears and said faintly, "Now let's have tea and maybe when we're finished, nii-chan will be home," Kon decided he would have tea whenever she needed him to. He just wished he didn't have to wear a dress while drinking it.

The first time Kon destroyed a hollow on his own, he was using Ichigo's body. He was just leaving the arcade, even though Ichigo had left strict instructions not to leave the house. Yuzu was just at the end of the street, walking home from the store while laden with several bags of groceries. Kon had quickly ducked into an alley when he saw her. There was no way he'd let Ichigo find out about this excursion just because of some offhand comment from his sister!

But then, he heard the unmistakable scream of a hollow, followed by a cry of fear and confusion from Yuzu. Darting out from the alley, Kon saw that the now 13 year old girl was being held in midair by the hollow's grotesquely large hand. Scattered on the ground below were the ruined contents of the grocery bags. Sprinting forward, Kon had jumped and kicked the hollow's arm with all his strength. It howled in pain, and Yuzu had been thrown into the air. Catching her as she fell, Kon landed and laid her unconscious form on the ground.

Then, spinning back to the hollow, he attacked, for once in his life not worrying about the ethics of the battle, about whether he had the right to end this hollow's existence. All that mattered was the girl lying still and silent on the pavement. And when the fight was finished and Kon had turned back to check on Yuzu, she had woken, squinting up at her savior. Kon didn't understand until years later why his heart had contracted painfully when she said happily, "Ichi-nii!"

The first time Kon saw Yuzu as a woman, he was at the Urahara Shoten, trying on his new gigai. He had been beyond gleeful when he had been presented with a receipt for the order of the false body as a joint birthday present from both Ichigo and Chad. He was eagerly twisting around in front of a mirror, trying to see himself from every angle, running his fingers through the shoulder length black hair and exclaiming at the orange streaks he was found.

Suddenly the door to the shop opened. Kon turned, the height of his new body tall enough to see over the shelves easily. There was Yuzu, dressed in a beautiful dress of light yellow and shimmering white fabric. She was now fifteen years old, and the dress, while not overly daring, clearly showed her developing body. And no one could deny she was developing well, least of all Kon. He was completely unable to tear his gaze away from her body, utterly entranced by the hints of curves just beginning to show.

Then the spell was broken as Jinta, dressed in a crisp suit and clearly uncomfortable, bustled down the steps from the back, calling out a greeting to the brown-haired girl and asking if she was ready for the dance. Yuzu giggled lightly and reached out to take the red-haired boy's hand as they walked out. Kon turned back to the mirror and was surprised to see how incredibly sad his new green eyes had become.

Two years later, Kon, now a permanent houseguest at the Kurosaki household and Isshin's self-proclaimed second son, gently rubbed Yuzu's back as she cried. She told him, through the sobs, that Jinta had declared that day that they were breaking up. She told him about how Jinta had found someone else, and about how he said he no longer wanted to date a girl when he could have a woman, and about how she had struggled desperately not to cry because she didn't want to be a crybaby anymore. Kon had pulled her into a hug, for the first time in his existence not caring about the body in his arms, but only about the hurting young teenager wetting his shirt with her tears.

The next day Kon joined Ichigo in the trek to the Urahara Shoten. They found the red-haired teen hunched over his broom, no more willing to work now than he had been as a small boy. They yelled, they threatened, they hurled every insult they could think of at the insolent and cocky youth. And when Jinta still stood, unrepentant and snidely arrogant, Kon felt for the first time that he knew what it was like to feel hatred. He fully enjoyed the next few weeks he spent with Ichigo, terrorizing the red-headed brat in any manner they could find.

For the rest of that next year, Kon spent as much time as possible with Yuzu. He would help her clean, and do the shopping, and even put up with wearing an apron in order to help her cook. He would sit with her in the evenings, reading magazines while she did her homework. And after she finished, she would make tea and they would sit and talk. No topic was off limits, and they spoke of everything from the latest high school gossip to world politics.

Kon barely even noticed when his choice in magazines changed from the nearly pornographic to a more intellectual and wholesome collection. But he did notice when, on the night after Yuzu's graduation, while she was out celebrating with her friends, he turned on the television. Flipping through the channels, he was confronted with footage of a beautiful erotic dancer, swaying to the beat of a seductive piece of music. He hesitated, watching for a moment, and then moved on to the next channel. Kon thought about all the women he had ogled over the years, both with a plush's beaded eyes and his own engaging green orbs, and for the first time, he felt shame.

When Kon realized for the first time that he loved Yuzu, it was one year and three months later, and he was attending the wedding of his surrogate brother and self-proclaimed sister. As he sat in the crowded church, watching as Kuchiki Byakuya escorted his sister down the aisle to her waiting fiancé, he didn't notice how radiantly beautiful Rukia appeared, nor how blissfully happy Ichigo looked. He didn't even see Inoue Orihime or Matsumoto Rangiku as they did their part as bridesmaids. Kon's eyes were for Yuzu alone, daintily following the older women. She was wearing the golden yellow bridesmaid's dress, with white embroidered flowers on the sleeves. When she crossed under the church's skylight, the bright sun settled around her, the colors of her dress were bathed in light, and it seemed to Kon that Yuzu herself began to glow.

During the reception, he approached Ichigo and, gathering his courage, he asked for permission to ask Yuzu on a date. Ichigo stared and, standing with her husband, Rukia did too. Kon cringed, certain that he would lose his chance without even speaking to Yuzu herself. But Ichigo didn't say anything. He just kept staring, and Kon realized that he was being studied, as deeply and intensely as if the orange-haired man could see right into his soul. And then, finally, the scrutiny ended. Ichigo turned away, taking Rukia by the hand, and pulling her towards the dance floor. As they left, Kon heard the gentle answer of his long-time friend reach his ears.

"Keep her safe."

He felt a surge of emotion bubbling up through his soul, choking his throat so he could not speak. Ichigo was willing to trust him with something as incredibly precious as his little sister's heart. For the first time, Kon felt honored beyond belief. Mere minutes later, he felt utter delight for the first time also, when Yuzu ecstatically agreed to join him for dinner the following day.

Five years later, Kon stared down at his tired but smiling wife, and the tiny body cradled in her arms. He whispered softly to her, "I never thought I'd be a father."

Yuzu smiled, and reached out to take his hand. "Well, there's a first time for everything."