Disclaimer: Neither torchflame nor Falling Stardust own Crowley, Aziraphale, Subway, or ducks. You don't either, unless you're Terry Pratchett or Neil Gaiman. Let's all sit in a corner and sob.

Author's note: There is in fact a song called "Mr. Crowley". This was written after we tried to sing it and wound up singing "Hey There Delilah" instead.

Hey Mr. Crowley

By Sarah and Molly

(Sung to the tune of "Hey there Delilah")

A tribute to A. J. Crowley (Not Aleister)

Hey Mr. Crowley

What's it like in London City?

You're 5000 miles away but

Tonight your sunglasses are cool

Yes they are

I know not how to play guitar

You know it's true

Hey Mr. Crowley

Don't you worry bout your ducks

I'll send 'Ziraphale to feed them

He'll be there if you can't see them

Yes he will

So just relax, take a chill pill

They're on the shelf.

Oh, it's lonely without you,

Oh, it's lonely without you,

Oh, my change needs some glue,

Oh, my change needs some glue,

My change needs you

Hey Mr. Crowley

I know your Bentley's gettin' old

But believe me, sir

The Angel's cocoa's growin' lots of mold

Yes it is

Even Queen sings better than this

You know they do

Hey Mr. Crowley

You know your ducks tried to eat me

Did you make them try to do it?

Or were they just really hungry

Answer me

Do they not like eating Subway?

I'd like to know

Oh, it's lonely without you,

Oh, it's lonely without you,

Oh, my change needs some glue,

Oh, my change needs some glue,

5000 miles seems far to me

But you've got wings and a Bentley

I'll get your ducks to you no matter what

The Angel gave his sword away

You got it back during the 'Pocalypse

But then delivery man took it away

Crowley I can promise you

That by the time you get your ducks

They'll be safe and sound away from me

And they'll be back

Hey Mr. Crowley

What food do your ducks like?

'Cos I gave them Subway again

And they tried to bite my arm off

Once more

Are your plants still afraid of you?

My bite's infected, thanks to you

Hey Mr. Crowley, darn you

Wait never mind…

Oh, it's what you did to me

Oh, it's what you did to me

Oh, it's what you did to me

Oh, it's what you did to me

Maybe I'll try bread

Crumbs