Title: Commandment

Genre: Humor (read, crackfic)

Rating: K +

Summary: There are no Gods in their world now, if ever there was. That doesn't mean there aren't

any at all. And one of the is annoyed.

Slayers/BSG crossover. Totally me venting on the characters. LOL. FYI: Lord of Nightmare is

a Mazoku Lord (Monster) who is also kinda a goddess. She once set someone free

just because she loved a young man and he couldn't live without her. Sound familiar?

Goddesses were beyond life.

Life was lived by mortals. Sometimes it was sad, sometimes it was happy, and sometimes it had trouble figuring out which one it wanted to be. Hence the trouble of several people in one particular universe that had the frightening and most powerful Goddess of Chaos The Lord of Nightmare ready to sigh. Or throw popcorn at her scrying pool and yell "oh come on!".

What, I never said she was emotionless.

"My Lady?" came a voice during one of these moments of frustration. A man apparated (yes, apparated, and no, his name wasn't Harry Potter.), short purple hair brushing over his eyes and he bowed to his second Mistress. The Lord of Nightmare smirked. Best bet she ever made, putting power to create up against the use of Xellos for a mortal week. Silly Beast Master Zellas should have known not to play poker with the Creator of the Multiverse. She shrugged.

"Mortals."

"Ohhhhhh," Xellos pipped up with interest. He took a look and smiled," Being foolish are they? And...what is the matter with the pirate?"

Lord of Nightmare sighed," he's not a pirate, he's an organic bio-replicator. Like a Chimera only done right so he doesn't end up a Chimera."

"Ah, so you don't need my help?" Xellos said hopefully.

"Unless you know the way to stop mortal stupidity and dependence."

"Oh that is simple..."

"Yes?"

"Sore wa himitsu desu!" Xellos proclaimed proudly, then disapeared before the already annoyed Lord of Nightmare could smite him. She really, really needed to smite someone again. Not that turning D'Anna Biers aka Three into ash hadn't been fun (what, you assumed she just sat on a log on Earth all this time? Pfft!).

She watched a few more moments. Adama drank, Laura collapsed, and Saul Tigh was..well Saul Tigh. And Ellen whored it up some more.

"Ok, that's it," and with a snap of her fingers, she was gone. Xellos flashed back into existence, blinking in confusion.

"Oh dear.."

A woman, tall and pale, with cold blue eyes and knee-length blond hair strode down the halls of Galactica, stopping nearly everyone in their tracks. It wasn't due to any stunning beauty, but more the fact that she was giving off some seriously creepy vibes.

Finally she rounded a corner and entered the CIC, where those she needed to chew out had found themselves waiting for one thing or another. She didn't know, having made it so with barely a thought.

"Who the frak..."

She turned to Saul Tigh, eyes narrowed," Short story, one-eye. I'm a Goddess. You're on Divinity's version of Candid Camera, and I've got a few bones to pick. You, stop moping, he'll get reborn eventually and marry his," she pointed to Adama," very pretty young daughter."

"Wha--" he stammered.

"You!" she pointed to Laura Roslin, pale and thin but there," stop fainting and scaring the ever loving crap out of me," she huffed. Laura didn't even get the chance to speak before Lord of Nightmare rounded on Adama.

"If you take ONE MORE DRINK, I'm going to beat you severely."

"Thank you," muttered Laura and Saul together.

Next she turned to Lee and Kara," GET. MARRIED. For Darkness' sake, DO IT. Sam will be fine, he can have Tori since Galen doesn't want her. Seriously, four seasons of this shit. Even ZAK is annoyed."

The pair, eyes wide, shared a look before Kara finally got her jaw to close.

"You, miss "Lookie-here-I'm-the-Fifth," she continued, focusing on Ellen Tigh," You are a whore. A genius, but a whore. Goodness," she smiled," that felt good."

"And you two," she said angrily, looking to Galen and Helo," stop believing people. Your gullibility is basically a plot device. You're both too cute to be intelligent I suppose." Both men gulped. Athena bit her lip.

"Thank you. I'll go to the afterlife now to bitchslap Zarek and Gaeta. Zarek for being power hungry and Gaeta for being in the same bunch as the Plot Device boys over there," satisfied, she smiled and glowed her way out of CIC. Pausing at the hatch, she turned back to Adama.

"Oh, and take off that ring. And marry her. Men."

And then she disapeared. There was silence for a moment, as each of the berated people stood stock still, absorbing what had just happened.

Naturally, it was the President who found her voice first.

"I...I think I'll go back on the Chamalla," she said, then left the room.

The rest of CIC was right behind her.

This is why I don't do drugs. Can you imagine the shit I'd write if I ever got high?