Bella's Point of View

The fire crackled in the dark night, sending sparks of light up into the black sky. Heat surged off the flames, nearly, but not completely, shutting out the cold wind that was rushing off the sea. I shivered, and rubbed my hands up and down my goose bump covered arms. Almost as soon as I had moved, Jacob's arms were around me, his hot arms chasing away all thoughts of coldness. I leant into him gratefully.

"You okay?" He murmured into my ear.

I glanced up to smile at him. "Yeah- fine." I glanced across the fire, and grinned as I saw Embry and Leah having an animated conversation with Paul, who was getting more and more red faced by the second.

Jacob noticed the direction of my gaze. "Hey- cool it, Paul!" He laughed, raising his voice a little to project it across the circle. Even after all the time that had passed, Paul still had the shortest temper- something which Embry took great delight in testing at every given opportunity.

It was the ninth of July, and everybody was gathered on the sandy plains of First Beach in La Push. The ninth of July- a date which was inked onto my own heart. My first baby daughter's birthday. Thinking of her, I sat up and stretched my arms up above my head, craning my neck to look past where Leah and Seth were sat together, laughing at some joke that Charlie, my dad, and Billy had just told. Charlie roared with laughter, too, slapping his knee, seeming not aware that I was watching him. I dragged my eyes away from his happy face to look past him, at his granddaughter, who was playing happily on the sandy ground. Her face was glowing in the light off the fire, her bright silver eyes dancing with excitement. My beautiful little Lyra. It was her first birthday- her first ever party- and as she already seemed to be showing a liking for attention, I had decided that I wanted to throw her a party, whether she would remember it or not.

Jacob had agreed at once, always searching for a reason to show Lyra off to the pack. He had promptly called everyone up, and I had run down to see Charlie, who was only too pleased to be able to spoil his only granddaughter on her first birthday.

"Do you want to do Silver's cake?" Jacob asked, yawning, and cutting through my more pleasant thoughts. I frowned.

"Do you have to insist on calling her that?" I demanded irritably.

Ever since she had been born, Lyra had had the strangest coloured eyes. They were a bright, electric silver. From the first meeting, Jacob had smiled down at her, and pronounced her 'Silver'.

Silver! Of all the silliest names to call her, he chose Silver! To my disgust though, it had caught on with the rest of the pack, and last week, when I went down to see Charlie with Lyra, even he had called her it!

"Sorry, sorry!" He had said hastily, after being at the receiving end of one of my scorching glares. "I just…oh come on, Bells- it suits her!"

And even though I would never in a million years admit to his face that Jacob had been right- it did suit her in an odd kind of way. She was absolutely gorgeous, with soft blonde hair that just reached her cheeks, and those huge eyes that were lined with long black eyelashes. She was different, and special- and she needed a name that reflected that.

I still fought against it though. I stood up, shrugging away from Jacob's arm, and stalked around the fire to snatch up Lyra.

"What's wrong with her?" I heard Jared ask behind me, and I heard Jacob chuckle.

"Silver still hasn't grown on her."

"Told you so."

I turned around to glower at the boys, and they both fell silent guiltily. Kim, Jared wife to be, laughed at their faces, and my own lips twitched, though I tried hard not to let Jacob see.

I wasn't fooling him.

He walked over to me, and put his arms around my waist, kissing first me on the cheek, then Lyra.

"I left her cake in the car- shall I run and fetch it?" He asked me.

"Sure. Thanks." I replied glumly, and watched as he turned and sprinted off into the darkness.

I turned my gaze back to look at Lyra. Her own eyes were fixed on the fire, which never failed to dazzle her. I remember the first time we had brought her to one of these fire side parties. She had been three months old, and I had held her wrapped in a blanket. Jacob had spent the entire evening with his arm around her and me, grinning so widely that it had made you smile just to look at him.

Lyra was so pretty, so flawless…there was only one person who I had ever known with such beauty. I shook my head, desperately trying to repel the images of his perfect face that flashed before my eyes.

Edward Cullen. Even after seven long years, it still hurt to even think his name.

"I'm back!" Jacob called cheerfully, appearing out of nowhere and dancing back to my side, brandishing a small pink cardboard box. "Did you miss me?"

I smiled. "Of course." I lied. How could I tell him that, in truth, I had been thinking about my vampire ex-boyfriend that had left me almost seven years previously? That in every silence, in every dream- I was thinking of him?

"I missed you, too." Jacob murmured softly, his eyes suddenly filled with a reverent love that I didn't deserve. At once, guilt ripped me apart form inside. What was I doing thinking about Edward when I had Jacob here with me? It felt almost as if I was cheating on Jacob by thinking of Edward so much, even though I was sure that that thinking of your ex's had never actually counted as cheating in anyone's books…Though I did a lot more than just think. I dreamt. I fantasized. I wished.

I shook my head, trying to chase away my muddled up thoughts. I had vowed on Jacob and mine's wedding day that I would never think of Edward again- but that hadn't lasted when, as I had stood saying my vows to Jacob, I had wondered what it would be like if it was Edward stood in Jacob's place, if it was cold lips that touched mine as the vicar pronounced us husband and wife instead of hot ones. My hest ached just thinking of it.

"Cake! Yey!" Little five year old Lily dashed to my side, her eyes alight with excitement. Lily looked so much like her mother, Emily, that it was startling. They were identical- apart from the long thick scars that felt their way across Emily's cheek, of course.

Jacob slid the cake out of the cardboard box, and stuck a huge number one candle into the centre, a broad smile on his face.

I shushed everyone loudly, and they all fell silent at once. I sat down on the log next to Charlie, and put Lyra on my lap as Jacob approached us slowly, carrying the cake aloft. I concentrated on his face, drinking in every detail that I already knew so well. I loved him. Jacob Black- my husband. I couldn't honestly believe that I was still in love with the boy who I had met at seventeen…

"…Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you…" I hadn't realised that everyone was singing until Charlie nudged me with his elbow. Blinking back my tears as I realised that I had missed singing my daughter happy birthday on her first one, I joined clumsily in on the last line, not even bothering to frown when everyone sang Silver instead of Lyra.

Then Jacob leant forward, and I raised Lyra up, propping her up on my knees.

"Blow out the candle, Lyra," I whispered in her ear. "Make a wish."

Lyra just grinned around at everyone watching her, so I ducked forward before anyone else could, and blew hard on the candle, bagging her wish.

I shut my eyes, wishing, wishing, wishing.

Charlie frowned at me when I opened them again. "You could have let Lily do that." He scolded.

"Sorry, Lily." I said, but she didn't answer, too interested in making sure that Jacob gave her the biggest piece of cake.

When Jacob had finished chopping it all up, he came over and sat down next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders. I leant forward and picked up some of the crumbs on his plate with my finger.

"Hey- no nicking my cake." He complained, but there was a teasing edge to his whisper. He glanced down at the sleeping Lyra in my arms.

"Wow- parties really bum Silver out, don't they?" He smiled, his grin broadening as he saw me frown.

I let it slide with a sigh, and nodded at his statement. "They sure do. Shall we take her home?"

Jacob nodded, swallowed his last mouthful of cake, and stood up, brushing his big hands on the knees of his jeans. "Do you want me to take her?" He asked, holding out his arms.

No. I thought, but I handed her to him anyway. He cradled her carefully, tenderly, his expression softening as he cooed down at her. He was an amazing father, an excellent one.

I wonder what Edward would have been like as a… No! I had to stop this! I felt tears prick at my eyes. Why couldn't I stop?

"Bella?" Jacob's voice cut through my thoughts once again, and I shook myself, forcing my gaze up to meet his worried eyes.

"I'm fine." I repeated the old lie. "Just…tired."

I said goodbye to the pack, hugging Emily. We had become firm friends in the past years. She was sweet and kind…she reminded me almost of a more mature Alice… No! Stop this! Stop this now!

"Bye dad." I yawned. Charlie leant past me to kiss the sleeping Lyra, then gave me a brief, strong hug.

"Come and see me soon?" He asked glumly. He missed me, I knew. Even after all this time. Even when he had Sue now. The two had got married shortly after Jacob and I. I hadn't wanted the whole marriage thing between us, but Jacob wanted it, and my new life aim had been never to hurt him again. I would stick to that.

"A couple of days." I promised truthfully.

Jacob held out his arm, and I snuggled up to him, glad for the warmth as, with a final wave and a chores of happy birthday, we turned and walked away.

Our house was a small one, right on the edge of the forest. We needed to be near the trees so that Jacob could reach a safe place to change quickly. The house was a bit too modern for my liking, with two bedrooms, a small sitting room and medium garden. The garden was the only bit of the house that I liked. I had never cared for gardening much before, but after Lyra was born, I wanted to give her somewhere to play, just like I had had in Phoenix.

I had carefully tended to the grass, and planted flowers all along the edge of the garden. At the end was a little apple tree with short curling branches. Jacob had already attached a little swing to it, and he insisted on forcing Lyra to sit in it every time she was in the garden, even though I thought we should wait until she was older for things like swings.

"You're quiet this evening." Jacob observed as he pulled out his key and let us in. The house was cold. We had left the heating off.

I shrugged, not bothering to elaborate on an answer. We wound our way up the thin staircase upstairs to the small bedroom that belonged to Lyra. Jacob lay her carefully down on her diaper changed, and I carefully pulled off her little blue dress, and slipped her into her comfortable little sleeping suit.

Jacob and I didn't speak the entire time. I kept my eyes on my daughter, forcing my mind to concentrate on her, and her only. Her face, her eyes, her little star fish hands. Her cute button nose. Her little pink lips.

I lifted her up again, and hugged her close for a moment pressing my lips into her hair. I would never be able to leave Jacob, because I would never be able to leave Lyra.

I couldn't hear Jacob behind me. I guessed that he had slipped back downstairs without my noticing. I didn't want to turn around and check, didn't want to spoil the moment…

It had never been this awkward with Edward…

I stifled a gasp as the thought came so sharp, and so true. So, so burningly true. Everything that was missing with Jacob, Edward had given me. And everything that wasn't missing with Jacob, Edward had done so much better. He was the love of my life. My soul. My heart. The reason that I had carried on breathing, the reason I had come to school everyday, the reason that I had never been alone.

It had never been like that with Jacob. For him, he was ecstatic when I finally gave in three years after Edward departure. What had made me change my mind? Loneliness? I didn't think so. Charlie? Bugging me everyday to go see Jacob, so speak to Jacob. Maybe.

But I think that, in truth, it was the fact that I didn't want to let Jacob down again. He had done so much for me, been so much. He was my best friend in the whole entire world- and, in my guiltiness for hurting him so, I had finally given in.

And then I hadn't been able to stop it.

Every day that I had woken up during that first year and decided that today had to be the end, that today had to be the day I finally broke my best friend forever- something new would come along. He would want me to move in. He would want to marry him.

And then…I was pregnant. And then what could I do then? I loved my little bump too much already to every do something that would hurt it…but when Jacob found out, he was so over the moon, so wonderful during the pregnancy- could I really leave him alone?

I didn't realise I was crying until one of the tears dripped down onto my hand. I remembered the cool fingers that had used to chance away my tears, and they suddenly fell so much faster. I clutched Lyra to me, trying to fill in the empty, gaping hole that Edward had torn open when he had left.

Because there was one difference between my true love and Jacob.

Edward had left me.

Seven years ago, in the forest not ten meters away from my house.

"Come for walk with me." He had said in his icy newfound voice.

He had led and I had followed. Always the way it was with us. I remembered the way he had looked that day, so hard, so cold- and yet so stunningly beautiful that as I had looked at him as he had told me that he didn't want me, I had known that there was no way that a creature just so perfect was ever meant for me.

And I still knew it.

But that just made the pain hurt even more.

I let out a strangled sob that I had not been able to hold back anymore, and buried my face in Lyra's soft hair. She was the only thing holding me here now. The only thing keeping me sane.

"Edward…" I whispered, and his name burned in my mouth. I could barely remember the time when his name had brought me joy.

I don't know what made me turn around. The prickling in my neck telling me I was being watched? The slight cracking noise of a small piece of a heart being torn away from the rest?

I don't know what made me, but suddenly my head snapped up and I span around and there Jacob was stood in the doorway, his arms crossed across his chest, holding onto his elbows in a posture I knew only to well. I had used it so many times myself. It was the position somebody took when they were trying to keep themselves from falling to pieces.

I met Jacob's eyes, and they were agonised, bright and smouldering with hurt and pain…I couldn't stand it.

But I couldn't help it either.

There was less than a meters space between us, but it suddenly felt like miles. I wanted to cross the room. I wanted him to take me in his arms and be the fifteen year old boy again that I had met in Forks all that time ago. The boy that knew nothing about this kind of pain.

"J…Jacob…" I whispered.

"Yes, Bella?" He replied, his voice carefully controlled, his face slightly paler than usual, but otherwise composed into a poker face.

"I…I…." I stopped. What could I say? I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that everything would be okay in the morning- but we both knew that that was a lie.

The pain in Jacob's eyes showed that only too clearly.

And so the silence stretched on and on and on, silently creating a ridge between us, carefully turning my once whole heart into hard and ice cold stone.