On Halloween ask him if he'll go trick-or-treating with you and if he'll dress up as a vampire

When he says no say "fine, how about a werewolf?"

Tell him he got Tanya pregnant

When he says that's impossible, vampires can't get pregnant call him a liar

When he says it's the truth say "lying is a sin, I thought you wanted to go to heaven Edward"

Whenever he gets angry or upset say "what are you going to do Edward? Go to Italy?"

Get Bella to skip around him singing "I know something you don't know"

Constantly sing 'like a virgin' by Madonna in your head whenever he's around

Call him Robert

Call him Cedric (H.P. Reference)

Make him watch Hairspray with you and make him sing along

Ask him why he's not as hot as Zac Efron

Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot

When he says no, tell him he's got self-confidence issues

Constantly tell him he looks like that guy from Harry Potter

Make him go out in the sun and sing 'diamonds are a girl's best friend'

When you 'discover' he's a vampire throw holy water on him and say "the power of Christ compels you!"

When you 'discover' he hasn't got a pulse call 999

Beat him with planks of wood every 10 minutes

Stand behind a corner and shout boo every few minutes

'Accidentally' cut your finger then run up to him and say "kiss it better, pleeeaaassse Eddie"

Spray his Volvo pink

Say Jacob did it

Tell him Bella ran off with Jacob

Then Mike

Then Tyler

Cook him a huge meal then act offended when he won't eat it

When he feels guilty and eats it say "OMG! I wasn't serious!"

Tell him Bella went to Italy to be changed by Aro

When he gets to Italy to stop her call him and say "just joking"

Buy him a puppy and name it Jacob

Tell him there's someone who's getting on your nerves and if he can do you a "favour" ;D

Tell him Bella went cliff diving

Ask him where you can get gold-coloured contacts like those

Constantly jump in front of cars shouting "save me Edward!"

Ask him if he can turn into a bat

Call him a 107 year old virgin

Tell him he can be arrested for paedophilia

Call him a pervert for watching Bella sleep

Tell him Jacob is secretly in love with him

And so is Mike

Call him Dracula

Run up to him with the Twilight novel in your hands and say "when were you going to tell me you were a vampire?"

Constantly poke him

Constantly ask him annoying pointless question like "what colour is your hair?"

Picture yourself naked every time he walks by

Kidnap Bella and hide her in a closet

Programme his locker to play 'discovery channel' every time he opens it

Smash all his CDs on the floor and say "looky looky shiiiiiinnnnnyyyyy"

Buy him new moon, make him read it and then glare at him to make him feel guilty