A/N: A shout out goes to Shadow-a-wolf. Thanks for helping me bang this out in less than a day and a half (maybe a day and a quarter? IDK.) You rock man!

Here are several reviews for the price of one. Geez my fingers hurt. Imma go crawl under a rock. Enjoy!

Chapter 2: The Kiddies and the Basterds

The little high definition camera was once again set upon its tripod to record the "vlog" that the two half-devils intended for youtube. As the screen was centered, Vergil's voice could be heard directing Dante, "More to the left."

"Is that your left or my left?"

"Your left, you dim-witted monkey."

"Tranquilo, Verge, I almost got it. Don't get your panties in a bunch!"

As Dante panned the camera more to the left, the spiked edges of Vergil's hair came into view. The sight looked more like blades of grass that were painted white. Dante panned down and widened the shot.

"Okay. We're good," Dante said as the lens widened out enough to capture Vergil and the black leather wing-backed chair was seated in.

The older twin sucked in a breath and began his introduction, "We apologize for the delays in our latest vlog, but it seems that Dante and I were sent on a veritable blitz of films for most of the summer season; to which were mostly geared towards young children."

"Must you be so formal? This is not Inside the Actor's Studio and you're sure as hell not James Lipton. Fuckin' nerd." Dante murmured the latter, taking care that Vergil didn't hear, but not so much worried that the camera picked it up.

Vergil only rolled his eyes and continued, "Firstly, we would like to thank the viewers—"

"W00t! Six thousand views," Dante interrupted from behind the camera.

"And thank you all for the positive comments. Now, what we have said in the last go around must seem rather… harsh, but—"

"—But nothing! We regret nothing! What needed to be said was said and that's that!"

"Think of us as doing a service, a necessary evil if you will—"

"—Watching the dumb shit, so you don't have to."

"Will you stop that," Vergil snapped at the younger one behind the camera.

"Stop what?"

"Stop inter—"

"Knock, knock."

Vergil pursed his lips, narrowed his eyes, tilted his head and stared blankly at the camera. "What are you doing," he questioned after a moment of silence.

"Humor me will ya? Knock, knock." Dante said the latter more deliberately to make sure Vergil caught on and gave the appropriate response.

"Who's there," Vergil blandly replied.

"Interrupting cow."

Vergil gave a small sigh, knowing full-well what he was in for, "Interrupting co—"

And like clockwork, "—Moo. AHAHAHAHAHA! You sure did walk into that one!"

"Dumbass," Vergil muttered to himself, "With his corny-ass jokes."

"At any rate," Vergil straightened himself against the raucous background of Dante's laughs, "we do have a full review ahead of us. Would you be so kind as to start us off, Dante?"

"Where would we begin," Dante questioned thoughtfully, tapping an index finger against his chin.

"Why don't we start with that movie Lady dragged you to? What was it… Dragonball Evolution?"

At then, there was the distinct sound of footsteps retreating from the scene. Vergil sat there for a moment, wondering whether or not he had dredged some horrid memory related to the movie. Silence permeated the air until the footsteps stampeded towards him. Vergil looked up noticing a large shadow forming around him. His first thought was of a demon attack.

Well, he was half right.

Time stood still for a split second as he began to notice Dante's form in mid-air above him like a dog stretched into a full pounce. There was no time to even utter an, Oh shit!

Dante's full body weight landed on Vergil, causing him to let out mighty, "Oof," as the wind left his lungs.

Both men were in a heap atop the chair, Vergil with his head pressed against the chair's back and nearly concussed with Dante lying on his side in Vergil's lap like a fat and lazy cat. His body was turned fully to the camera as he dramatically pressed the back of his hand to his forehead. "Oh the humanity," he cried through feigned tears, "the horror. It harkened the ruination of my childhood."

"So your asinine actions nearly killed me in order to practice your acting, which is hammy and twice as cheesy," Vergil's question lashed with a muddling of sarcasm and brewing anger.

"Actually, I'm certain that nothing like that would do you in, oh sweet brother of mine."

Vergil rolled his eyes and digressed to what Dante had said earlier, "How was your childhood ruined?"

"It was bludgeoned to death the moment Hollywood got its grubby fingers on the rights to DBZ, the greatest manga franchise of all time." Dante resumed his dramatic pose.

"First of all, DBZ is hardly 'the greatest of all time,' as you put it and secondly, you're thirty-five."

"Yeah, so? What's my age got to do with it? There are plenty of people who are older than me who enjoy the occasional anime or manga."

"That's not what I meant. You claim that you were venting your frustration about your childhood, but yet that's mathematically impossible."

"What you talkin' 'bout, Vergil," Dante replied in a tone reminiscent of Gary Coleman in Diff'rent Strokes.

"We're thirty-five now, which means that you were already a grown man by the time you saw your first aired episode of Dragon Ball Z." Before Dante could repudiate or make a rebuttal, Vergil continued, "Furthermore, if you were somehow able to see the original aired episodes in Japanese, then you would already be well into your teens, no longer a child. In those years, you were supposedly a badass mercenary, fending for your life on the streets. I hardly think that in your fight for survival, anime topped your lists of priorities."

Dante breathed in through his nose, nearly at a loss for words, "Well, when you put it that way… shall we review it?"

"Let's," Vergil smirked knowing he had won the battle, "Why don't we start with why you agreed to watch it?"

Dante let out a sigh before he quietly uttered, "I thought that it would epic."

"Therein lies the problem, never judge a book, or in this case, a movie by its poster."

"Why the hell can't Hollywood take something from Japan and make it work?! Why does it always end in epic fail?! Poor Stephen Chow. He comes from awesome comedic action movies like Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle… and now this Kamehameha wave of crap. The story was so weird. How does someone go from being raised by gramps in the wilderness to emo school outsider? This is supposed to be Dragon Ball, not a Degrassi script written after tons of cheap vodka and tequila."

"Well—"

"I respect the choice of actors… Wait, no. I don't. Throwing in a bunch of unknowns with Chow Young Fat is a bad idea. Taking an actor known by millions as the Vampire Spike and making him Piccolo is a really bad idea. No offense to him, but if I ever see Tom Cruise's crazy ass in a red coat with bleached hair, the director will be hearing from my secretaries Ebony and Ivory. There was so much potential! Transformation could have been done better. And was a game really even needed? The director owes me ten bucks and a new PSP. I shot the other one after playing the game for five minutes… The only high point was that fuckin' Chi-Chi and Mai fight!" At this point his words were almost a heartfelt cry.

"Hmm… I hate to ask, but final assessment?"

"We shoulda watched that Hannah Montana movie. I would have been perfectly fine with watching her switch wigs all day. Dragonball gets over negative nine-thousand!"

Vergil only stared at Dante for his stupid pun.

"Fine. One stab out of five. You dream murdering bastards!" Dante glanced at his watch and uttered, "Wow. That took a whole five minutes. Got anything else on the agenda?"

Vergil gave no response.

"Oh, I know… what about your movie… the one you went to with Trish." Dante quickly hopped on the chance to introduce the next movie, "So I bet you all jizzed in your pants when ya'll heard that Wolverine was getting his own movie, huh? Well, if you haven't caught it in the theaters, time to spoil it all for you." Dante turned his attention to Vergil, who seemed to be already quietly fuming. "So Verge, how painful was it to watch Logan go down in flames?"

"Well... do-you-remember-that-issue-in-the-comic-when-Magneto-tears-Wolverine's-adamantium-skeleton-out-and-he-ends-up-repeatedly-hit-by-cars?" Dante stared at Vergil for a moment as he began to process the run-on sentence that tumbled from his lips in a single breath. He even began to wonder if Vergil managed to bruise every brain cell that screamed at him to use proper sentences.

"Um… Yeah. D-did… You just nerd out on me?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP," Vergil snapped with his arm hairs standing on end like a cat under duress, "The point is that— that travesty was just that painful!"

"Ouch," Dante seethed, "Any thoughts on Gambit?" The younger half-devil smirked inwardly knowing that he had caused a storm to brew under his twin's ever present calm exterior.

At that point, something in Vergil didn't just snap… It broke! His pupils constricted and his irises became an even scarier shade of blue; a cerulean with streaks of crimson.

"I don't know. WHERE was Gambit, HUH?! I didn't see him… Oh wait, you mean that guy that threw cards and didn't look or even sound anything close to the coolest Cajun mutant EVER?! I mean it would have been a little forgivable if that had worked on the man's accent… possibly dyed his hair ginger. But no! They are idiots. The whole franchise went to shit, at least to the movie standpoint, when Bryan Singer left to make a FUCKING Superman movie!"

"Hey, I think you're taking this a little too seri—"

"NO, Dante. This is FUCKING MARVEL!! You can never take things too seriously. When you start messing with canonical characters, you screw with the whole universe."

"Umm—" Dante's eyes shifted back and forth in its sockets in apparent fright.

"Case and point: Deadpool! Why is he Baraka all of a sudden?! When the fuck in the comics did he ever have Cyclops's powers?! NEVER! That's when!"

"Dude, you need to cool it with the F-bombs—"

"And another thing—"

Before Vergil could continue his rant, Dante reached over and tapped a button on the camera. A chibi drawing of both he and Vergil giving the thumbs up appeared on screen with the bottom of the placard reading: We are experiencing technical difficulties.

The screen remained the same with something like elevator music playing in the background for a short span of time.

After a while, the screen returned to the usual background, but this time with Dante sitting in the wing-backed chair on the right and a similar, empty chair to his left. The chair to the left bore a blue spectral sword that penetrated through the front and well into the back. The thing exploded with the sound of shattering glass.

Feeling that the silence was too awkward, Dante began, "Vergil—"

He was briefly interrupted by the sound of his twin screaming madly, "MAAAHHH!" A flash of crystalline light rushed past Dante's head from behind, clipping off a few strands of pale hair. It also nearly nicked the camera in the process.

"—Is indisposed at the moment," Dante cautiously continued, "He will rejoin us the moment he gets himself together. Needless to say, we can guess at what score he'd give X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I, on the other hand was smart enough to gauge the movie from the production copy that was leaked online, so I'm not at all surprised by his reaction." Dante let a shit eating grin split his features. "I mean let's face it… Vergie's a fanboy and he is perpetually fixated on perfection. Just don't tell him that Disney bought out Marvel. He'll really flip."

After Dante said his piece, Vergil sat on the chair he marred with his spirit sword and fixed his disheveled hair.

"Feel better," Dante asked.

"Yes… much better," Vergil replied in a low and even voice.

"Ready to talk about Terminator Salvation?"

Vergil gave a quick nod and a scarily wide smile.

"Okay. This is actually something that all of us went to see and I'd have to say that this one was quite enjoyable," Dante began sincerely.

"Sam Worthington did brilliantly as Marcus," Vergil continued, "And Christian Bale was deeply enveloped into his role as John Connor. I scarcely knew where the actor began and the character ended."

"I have only one reservation about Christian Bale."

"What's that?"

"Why is that whenever he is in an intense role, he sounds like he needs a lozenge?"

"Hmm…"

"You know what I mean, Verge, you made comments on it yourself. I feel like I want to clear my throat for him. The only time he ever sounded normal is when he voiced Howl in Howl's Moving Castle. Someone please tell him that phlegm in his throat doesn't hide his accent or make him a better actor. He's an okay guy the way he is."

"Uh-huh. Is he in the running?"

"Wha—? Oh… yeah. Okay, folks. Verge and I got a running bet that if there ever was to be a movie made about our lives, we'd come to a consensus as to who will play us. So, I guess for one, I'd pick Mr. Bale. I've seen his total commitment to a role, like a method actor. If you ever seen The Machinist, you would see it in his eyes and in the fifty some-odd pounds he dropped to become that haggard insomniac murderer. So, I have no doubts that the man would actually bleach his hair, stay clear of the sun for a few months and follow Verge around to get his character just right."

"You're forgetting one thing. He's going to have to play both of us and I am considerably thinner than you."

"Killjoy. Always gotta go and bring logic into the conversation. They were only theories. I doubt that some Hollywood mogul will see this little youtube cast and decide make films of our exploits." Dante gave a casual wink at the camera.

Vergil rolled his eyes once again, "Stay focused and get back to the film."

Dante sighed and continued, "Well, it was interesting to see John Connor hack into a terminator with only the use of a SideKick."

"I don't think it was what you think it was."

"Pfft. Looked close enough. In short, the movie had some great action sequences, including John Connor getting his ass kicked by a naked Arnold Schwarzenegger body double. There was some nice drama mixed in without it being too much. I think that the whole thing deserves a four out of five, despite the somewhat sappy ending."

"I'd have to agree. It feels that in the director, McG's quest for a PG-13 rating, some things were left missing. I understand his need to let a new generation of viewers into the franchise, but it looks like he let some small things slip from letting it become complete film. For the most part, it remained true to its predecessors… well, while excusing the third Terminator movie from them mix like Dante does DMC2—"

"Does that ever get old?"

"No. Terminator Salvation, gets high marks from me and it's something that I'd love to pick up on DVD once it comes out."

"I want to pick it up for the prospect of drinking games."

"Huh?"

"You know… take a double shot each time you hear one of those classic lines like: Come with me if you want to live or when you hear those kicks ass scores by Danny Elfman."

"Sadly, I do believe that you'll need a new liver by the end of the second act. Let's move on to Transformers: Rise of the Fallen."

"What can I say? There was a little more romance than I would have liked. The 'Baysplosions' were definitely toned down this year. The stupidity of the military officials makes me frightened of their real-life counterparts. There were also far more jokes about balls than I'm comfortable with."

"Wait… You? Uncomfortable with vulgarity? What is this world coming to?"

"Well, I enjoy those types of jokes as much as the next guy, but when it's in a 'kids'movie, then all bets are off. It makes me feel almost guilty to laugh when there's a three year next to me questioning, 'Mama, what does being under enemy scrotes mean?' I wonder whatever happened to the PG-13 category."

"Aww… look you getting all nostalgic. Next thing you know you'll be reflecting on the morality of the nation and even what happened to the milk man and drive-ins." Vergil laughed, "Things changed. Kids today are a little raunchier than we remembered. I guess that makes us a little old."

Dante gave a sigh, "Three out of five. How 'bout you, Verge?"

"I agree… Three stabs out of five and it's all because of that scene that was supposed to be at the Air and Space museum in D.C. They couldn't have got it more wrong." Now it was Dante's turn to stare. "What can I say? I am a stickler for perfection. It's one of my greatest pet peeves when a scene from a movie is filmed on location and it's not that the accurate location depicted. Word to the wise: the Pentagon isn't in Washington, DC, it's in Arlington, Virginia and the Air and Space museum in DC doesn't have a parking lot… It's in the middle of a congested city!"

"Oookay," Dante treaded carefully, "How about that Star Trek movie?"

Vergil's expression instantly brightened, "It was godly. I can't wait for the DVD. I'm definitely buying it. Five out of five!"

"So, to fill in for what V isn't saying, anyone can enjoy it. Trish, our resident Trekkie loved it and Lady and I enjoyed it even without knowing a thing about the story's canon. Apparently it's set on an alternate timeline without drilling the same old story into the more experienced viewers' skulls. It was awesome to see the younger versions of the main characters. For me, it gets a full five out of five. I can't find a single thing to badmouth."

"Chris Pine is on my list to play you," Vergil, now wide-eyed, blurted.

"Thanks. He's on my list too. And finally, we come to Inglourious Basterds."

"If you love spaghetti westerns, wanton violence, and the total disregard for the factual elements surrounding a story, then this is the movie for you."

"You sound as if you didn't like it."

"Oh no. I did. It was just awful… in a good way."

Dante's brows furrowed in confusion, "Care to explain?"

"Certainly. As we know, it takes place in Nazi occupied France during World War II. It begins when a dairy farmer is visited by Nazi soldiers searching for hiding Jews. After a deep conversation in reference to the farmer's family, mostly led by the Nazi commander, the farmer is coerced into giving up the Jewish family hiding under his floorboards. As they are brutally murdered, one of the children, a teenage girl, manages to escape into the hills with the Nazi commander shouting after her that they shall meet again. Just when you think that this may end up being one of those heartfelt WWII dramas, it does a one-eighty with the Basterds taking center stage with some serious ass-kickery."

"Ass-kickery? Really, Verge? Really?"

"The movie's acts are brilliantly separated into chapters that could be considered as its own standalone short films or the longer piece that it is. These enjoyable intersecting stories come together at the climax as the girl from the beginning feigns a life as a non-Jewish French citizen plots to kill Hitler and his Nazi entourage at a movie premiere to take place in a theater she owns while the Basterds, a group of mainly Jewish-American soldiers also plots a similar assassination idea at said theater. There's a lot of action while quite sadistic. Who could not love it?"

"You've got to see it to believe it."

"Although…"

"Although what?"

"I wonder what happened to the solders."

"Huh?"

"When 'The Bear Jew' was introduced, there were ten soldiers in the small squad, which then became eleven when the British spy joined their ranks. However, by the climax there were only four left."

"Don't you mean eight? Aldo recruited eight Jewish soldiers."

"You're right, brother, but don't forget to add Aldo himself, Stiglitz the psycho German, and the British officer used to meet with Hammersmark later in the movie. We know that the Brit, the German and one other American were killed in the tavern shootout. So that means that out of a grand total of eleven allies, only three should have been dead before the explosive ending."

"Heh. Interesting. Never thought of it that way. What's the verdict, V?"

"Four stabs out of five. Small continuity errors like that one put me off slightly. You?"

"I have to disagree. Despite most of the gore being bloodless, Inglourious Basterds deserves the full five out of five. So let's recap."

"Dragonball was weighed down by a spirit bomb of fail. I'm almost tempted to say that The Legend of Chun-Li was better… Almost. One out of five."

"Wolverine made Vergil go nuts over the lack luster portrayal of beloved Marvel characters. One out of five."

"Terminator Salvation got a four out five plus a cough drop for Christian Bale."

"Transformers: Rise of the Fallen gets a three out of five for too many balls and not enough Michael 'Baysplosions'!"

"Star Trek is brilliance incarnate. Five out of five."

"Inglourious Basterds gets a five out of five for the kickass spelling and random scalping."

"I however beg to differ with a four out of five. This great alternate version of WWII loses points for ignoring its easily fixable mistakes."

"This has been quite possibly the longest review we'll ever do. Now that we're all caught up, Verge and I will bid you ado."

"We shall meet next time to discuss the suspense genre along with The Orphan and The Collector. Until then, keep watching."

[Insert random witty comment that coerces you into reviewing] Com'on!