Chapter 1: Decisions

"Edward…" Jasper's voice was so low that I almost did not hear it.

"What?" I was not in the mood for his guilt, I knew he was sorry, but it did not change anything. I did not blame him either; we are what we are and it was in his nature to behave that way; if I had not loved Bella so much, had not wanted to protect her, I would have been as crazed by her blood as he was, probably more so. Since the moment I first realized that I loved Bella, I knew that I needed to leave, that it was what was best for her, but I had been selfish, infinitely selfish.

"Stop being such a jack-ass. You're about to make a huge mistake." His words surprised me. I had not heard this in his thoughts; his guilt was too all consuming.

"I'm doing what is best for Bella. She is the most important thing in this world and I can not continue to put her life in danger just because the thought of being without her almost kills me." It was a strange feeling really. I was all but indestructible, yet this small, fragile, beautiful human girl had the power to break me. But I would put my pain aside and endure it gladly as long as I knew that she would be safe.

"Edward, I have known you for half a century, you are my brother, and I have never felt you so happy before, not even a one-hundredth of how happy you have been since Bella came to Forks." Jasper continued "I also feel how you're feeling now. I imagine this is what it would feel like if I… lost Alice, and I don't know how you can stand it!"

Jasper sped across my room and was inches in front of me. His eyes were blazing with intensity and I almost began to feel his fervor, but it was short lived and then loss that I knew was coming began to take over, as he started to speak. "Edward, Bella loves you, and I am not talking about a fleeting infatuation here. She is consumed by you and sometimes I am baffled at how her human mind and body is able to harness that emotion… that devotion."

I stared blankly at him. His thoughts did not betray the lie, but this had to be a lie. Alice must have forced him to come in here and try to reason with me. I knew how much she loved Bella. Yes, she loved Rosalie and Esme, but in Bella she found her true best friend, her sister. And I knew what I was doing to her by making her leave, but if she loved Bella, she would go because it was obviously what was best for her.

After a few seconds, or maybe hours, Jasper spoke again. "Edward, I need you to know something before we leave Forks." He paused. "Edward, you don't understand, and you have it all wrong! You can't read her mind, but I can read her emotions, her pure and true love for you. You give her so little credit, and I am not sure if that is because you believe her incapable of loving so deeply or if it is because you do not believe yourself to be worthy of her love. It doesn't matter either way. She feels for you what you feel for her and that is the truth. So with that being said, I want you to know that if you leave, you will be damning Bella to endure what you and I are both feeling now and she will be alone, with no one to comfort her… There is no comfort possible when part of yourself is taken away."

Shocked. I was utterly shocked by his speech. Could what he is saying possibly be accurate? I knew Bella better than anyone. I knew every line of her face, but more lines should have the opportunity etch themselves on her beautiful face. I knew every scar on her body, but she should continue to live and fall down then rise up again. She should be human and one day she would thank me for allowing her to be so… for leaving her. Yes, I knew Bella better than anyone, especially Jasper. I knew the exact sound of her heartbeat, and damn it, her heart should continue to beat. I would not survive if I knew that I was the cause of her premature death. It doesn't matter that I can't hear her mind, I know how the mind of an eighteen year old girl works, I have been listening to them for almost a century. I will leave and she will probably be upset for a while, but eventually she'll begin to forget, eventually someone else would catch her eye, someone human and warm. Someone who couldn't break her and in whose world she would belong, who could make her happy. Yes, I would leave and she would be happy.

The sound of Alice's approach brought me out of my own mind and Jasper and I turned to see her in my doorway. Her eyes were dark, but not with thirst, with… despair? Just then, Jasper jerked in sudden pain, Alice's pain, my pain. Before she could speak, her eyes became unfocused and I could see the image of a blurry girl in her vision. This girl looked familiar somehow, but she was extremely thin, her features were contorted. She held her arms around herself like she was trying to keep herself together and her face was gaunt, and yet she was still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.

"Bella?" The word came out in a whisper. How had Alice concocted such a false vision? This could not be the future.

"It's what she will become if we leave Edward, if you leave." Please don't do that to her. Alice's actual and mental voices were not accusatory as Jasper's had been, they were blunt and matter-of-fact.

No. I thought to myself. Bella will be fine. She will be safe when we're gone. She is a human, she will forget about us, about me. I took a deep unnecessary breath and unpinched my fingers from the bridge of my nose.

"She won't forget." Both Alice and Jasper spoke, as though they had been able to read my mind. Alice began walking toward me at a human speed as she began to speak. "Edward, you are the love of her life, just as she is the love of your existence. If you make us leave, you will be taking her family away from her. I know it is not your intention, I know you are trying to keep her safe, and trying to do what you think is right, but Edward, you will destroy her. And you will be just as miserable." Once again I was seeing things that were not in front of me. Although this vision was darker than the one of Bella, it was also clearer, and I could easily tell that it was a vision of me. I could not recognize my surroundings; I appeared to be in a cramped space with my arms around my knees, clinging them to my chest. I had dark purple circles under my eyes and I looked exhausted.

Jasper raised his hand and put it on my shoulder. "Please do not underestimate her feelings for you Edward. The love she has for you is lasting and unbreakable, regardless of her other human limitations."

I heard their words and I had seen Alice's visions, but I still was not sure what the right thing to do was. I loved Bella more than anything, more than anyone has ever loved anyone else; she was my world. It would seem that if I left, if my family left, I would be hurting Bella more than helping her, and the absolute last thing I wanted to do was cause her anymore harm.