An Uke in Denial

Chapter 11: Theory of Conspiracy

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Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

Thanks a lot for the supports!

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The next day, the moment L push the rehabilitation door open, he kind of half-expecting himself to be tackled by three lunatic hermits. He even consider to wear helmet and a set of complete football player costume—but since Light said it's just over exaggerating and too retarded, he didn't. Didn't mean he's brave enough to face them though—Matt without game players just consider as a whiny brat, Near without toys probably just a revengeful albino, but Mello without chocolates equal doom.

And he no kidding.

So after valiantly holding the door open by himself (Light had refused to tag along in case some certain people want to kill him there), he kind of confused to find himself still breathing, as alive as yesterday.

That's it, until he saw Matt, lying sprawled on the floor, black-and-white strip shirt torn, revealing his pale chest. His jeans look positively the same, almost torn if it's not his stubborn attempt to hold them on.

At time like this L torn between the urge to rush there and ask him what's wrong and the urge to walk out that door and pretending nothing's really happen. He eventually settled on the former instead, just as Matt opened his green eyes to glare at him.

"Uh…Matt-kun? What's wrong?" he asked, probably the tone of his voice carried too much innocence for the red head just huffed at him in annoyance. Seeing Matt this angry gave him an unsettling feeling on the stomach, the kind that urging him to go ahead and run away—but still found himself unable to.

"What's wrong? You ask me what's wrong, L?" Matt hissed, getting up from his awkward sprawling pose, "well, nothing's really wrong, except the fact that Near, desperate for his toys, just used me to grind at."

"E-excuse me?"

"They're getting out their minds, L. You should know, us being your successors and all. Near started using my hands as his action figure on the first day and Mello used me to munch at." As if trying to prove his words, Matt held up his hands that already painted with bruises that look positively like a bitten scar. "On the second day, both of them agree that they suddenly wanna be a strip-tease dancer and use me as their pole."

Once again L was left to choose between the urge to laughing out loud and pet the poor red head down. Considering the glare that still being sent to his direction, L, very wholeheartedly settled on nodding in feigned understanding instead.

"What was the cause of it, Matt-kun?"

Matt rolled his eyes, exhausted as he plopped down to a plain white sofa. "Lack of toys and chocolates—what else? I'm lucky I have a stack of cigarettes hidden here, or else I'll go crazy too. This isn't good, L, I'm telling you. Just imagine yourself living without sweets for two days; what would it cause you to?"

L's Adam apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed nervously, terrified of the idea. Matt's right—probably he already taken things too far that it push his supposedly successors over the edge. He should be apologizing, not staring at Matt like he'd grown a second nose when he told him about how Mello like to wake up in the middle of the night and singing Barbie Girl with only his yellow G-string on.

"I'm terribly sorry, Matt-kun." He said softly while Matt only snorted.

"You should say that to those miserable lumps of depression right there." The gamer said, pointing to said lumps that honestly went ignored by L. Just as he took a better view of them, he eventually concluded that the lumps were actually Near and Mello, who sulking and singing together.

And boy, isn't that a terrifying image.

"Uhhh…Near? Mello?" he called, converting to English just in case the lack of toys and chocolates actually make the two of his successors lost their intelligence. Near stole a quick glance at him before went back to whatever the hell he was clutching, nudging Mello softly on the elbow.

This time it's Mello turn to sneak a glance at him and L had never been so terrified on his life before. The look that Mello gave just screaming to eat him alive, but in a totally literal way. He unconsciously cleared his throat, wondering since when the usually robotic and stoic L turned into a very human L.

"I am very sorry for everything, Mello, Near, Matt." He eventually said, glancing at each face at every name spoken, "but I have to do it, because what you have done is intolerable for Light."

At the mention of the brunette's name Near let out a hiss, Matt snorted when Mello totally growled—deep and menacing and dangerous from the base of his throat. This gave L a strange mixture of fright and guilt, but he let Light's words kicking the puppy side of him away.

'Just give him whatever goddamn things they want, and they'll be their sickeningly happy self again,' L remembered Light had said once he complained of how he'd broken them. The advice would touch him to the very core if Light wasn't adding 'and you better do that, or else I'll decline any of those perverted ideas you have in mind!' to his sentence.

Fueled by the words, L bravely poked Mello on the shoulder. Judging by how narrow and angry the eyes stare into his own, he supposed that wasn't the brightest idea he'd ever done.

"Mello, I do not have the slightest intention to make you suffer, and so do for Matt and Near," he said, as soft and tender as cactus a could be, "for making this up, I would give Mello, Near, and Matt permission to skip their jobs for two days. And now they could buy whatever they want as they please."

The trio perked their ears at that, lips forming to a discreet smile. Mello looked positively triumphant and L had to wonder if he'd just said something wrong.

"Okay L, apologize accepted. Now if you would excuse us?" Mello said with a grin on his face, similar with the one Matt and Near wore. L once again got this unsettling feeling on the pit of his stomach especially because they agree that fast—but let it go, at the thought of how Watari will be upset if he ever found this out.

Taking a credit card from L's offering hand, the three hermits quickly left the room, leaving L wondering of what the Light-shaped doll and suspicious-looking Latin books are for.

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Mikami was depressed. Oh no, scratch that—he'd passed that point already—now settling on the point where he's ready to commit suicide. Okay, a little exaggerating perhaps, but that's the closets idea he could think of.

Because he'd tried to look for his Kami-sama, aka Light Tsukisi, aka Light Yagami, aka his god and everything, since the day he overheard that faithful conversation on Drystan's flat, only to get nothing in return. That goddamn Aiber just hanged him up the moment he screamed 'where the hell Kami-sama was' from the top of his lungs. He'd called him again after that, probably ten times or okay, maybe twenty or more, but Aiber just convert him to his mailbox. And said Kami-sama just as cruel. He hadn't replied to any messages; let alone picking up his phone. Calling Drystan was totally out of question since both of them were the perfect enemy for each other since the day they met. He already considering to spread Kami-sama photos with the word 'have you seen Kami-sama :(' below the picture; but since he's pretty sure everyone else would fall in love to Kami-sama as they see the picture he crossed the idea out of his mind. He's not ready to have that much of a rival—that pale guy on Drystan's was enough for him already.

So yeah, Mikami was ready to commit suicide.

He was comparing between choking himself on a pancake and drowning his head in his bath-up when a loud, childish voice resounded from his back.

"Yeah, I know that Matt, but it's just, he's so annoying!"

Mikami rolled his eyes at that. Kids these days—all they know is gossiping behind someone's back. Moreover, they should lower their voices, because this mall was a public place for all he knew. He took a glance at the source of the voice, feeling more annoyed that it was none other than a blond boy (girl?) in a black leather vest and tight pants. Kid thought he's a fucking spidey. The blonde's company, a red-haired boy and a supposedly albino, just wordlessly stuck a fork full of chocolate ice cream to the blonde's mouth, effectively shutting him up.

The red head finally spoke.

"I have to agree at that, Mels. I think we have to formulate a plan to kick Light's ass off immediately."

A certain word ringed a bell to Mikami's ears. Light. Kami-sama. He's sure it's a fate, a destiny to meet a group of retarded brats who could lead him to his Kami-sama. Nevermind that they look kind of like a hobo with those ratty shirts and greasy hair—oh hell, he wasn't supposed to insult them, they're Kami's choice after all!

And with that he immediately jumped from where he was sitting, practically throwing himself at the blonde's lap. Said blonde, however, merely looked down at him with his face filled with a mixture of shock, surprise and most importantly, disgust.

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The first thing that Mello could think of when he got a lapful of chanting, almost sobbing grown-up male was, what the fuck?

That he, unfortunately, decided to scream out loud.

The other customers who previously enjoying their ice cream turned their head to him, and all colors drained from his face before reappearing back full-force. Matt did no better; his eyes were as wide as a saucer and Near, for once on his life, actually unable to wear his stoic mask. The kid's face was priceless and reminded him of a constipated sheep and he would've laughed if it's not the fact that the crazy guy started shaking his shoulder.

"Where is Kami-sama? Where is he? I beg you, please tell me!!!!"

"I don't know! Who the hell Kami-sama? And most importantly, who the fuck are you?!!"

The words, that unfortunately followed by a loud slap in the cheek to sober the mad man up, seemed to bring him back to reality.

"Uh. I-I'm sorry." He finally said, standing up from his awkward position between Mello's legs and the floor. "I-my name is Mikami. And I just overheard—I mean, not that I wanted to, but your voice is so loud that I swore it could wake the dead—" the pause was given when Mello growled, "and uh, it's just that, I only want to clarify that you're talking about the same Light Tsukishi here?"

Mr. Crazy guy—Mikami—was fiddling with the hem of his Armani suit, Mello noticed. He looked rich, and it didn't take a genius to put two and two together and concluded that Mikami was one of Light's clients. An obsessive one too, on top of that. An idea already formed on his head and Mello grinned widely, gesturing for Mikami to take a seat on the empty chair beside him.

"Please take a seat, Mikami-san. It looks like we're going to have an interesting conversation here."

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L abruptly stopped his thrusting motion as Light sneezed, slowing down to catch his breath and let Light took the time he seemed to need. It took him more effort than he'd anticipated pausing mid-thrust, when Light's inner muscle was gripping him deliciously. It's tempting to thrust to that wet, tight channel, but Light got this weird expression on his face that made L kind of concerned.

"Is something wrong, Light-kun? Did you just catch flu?" L asked breathlessly, pumping Light's hard on with his hand. Actually vanishing out the worry when Light shuddered in pleasure as he run his thumb along the brunette's blunt head, he saw Light shook his head and moaned.

"It's just…I feel like someone might be talking about me…" Light answered then, just as breathlessly. L had to chuckle at that and couldn't help but bend down to kiss the top of the teen's nose—it's just too tempting to be left out. His urge telling him to kiss that soft-looking lips just below the nose, but he restrained himself from doing so.

"No wonder then, Light-kun. Maybe Near, Matt and Mello really are talking about you right now."

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Mello was close to shedding tears of anguish as Mikami kept babbling about 'how he found his Kami-sama'. It's been over half an hour and still the story hadn't come to a stop. The only rest they got was when Mikami took a long gulp of water, or thinking for a brief second. He took a glance at Matt, not at all surprise to found the red head already drooling with both eyes screwed shut, and Near just blankly stared at some space above Mikami's head. It's whether the albino imagining shooting that head to shut him up or he just simply doing that kundalini thing again, Mello can't decide. He's hoping it's the former though.

"So, I was like, wow, this guy is soooo handsome that it's such a magic I wasn't coming in my pants the moment I saw him. He's perfect, Mello-kun, and powerful, and sometime demanding. Sometime he just gonna hold me down on the bed and assaulting—"

Okay. What the fuck?

"Mikami-san," Mello growled in annoyance, "we're here to discuss a way to separate Light and Ryuzaki, not discussing about your sex life with him!"

"But you said you wanna hear more about him?"

"That's the keyword, douchebag; him! Him, not you and him, just him—Light!"

And okay, probably he was acting a little bit hyperbole there, but to learn that Light worked in a bar called Seventh Heaven was enough. Learning that Mikami was, surprisingly, a lawyer was still tolerable, but learning the way they met was a little too much of information. It was his twenty-fifth birthday, Mikami said, and his friends haul his sorry ass to Seventh Heaven in order to get him laid—because really, for someone his age being a virgin? Is just too naïve. He'd freaked out there and that's when Light came to his rescue, wearing this cute (evil) smile on his face as he held Mikami's hands and led him to the nearest motel. And that's when Mello decided that it's enough. The three of them were too young to hear anything under the label of NC-17 or M-rated things.

"Sorry." Mikami said with a hint of pout coloring his tone. "There's no need for the heat, Mello-kun."

Mello shook his head, wondering if teaming up with this crazy-looking lawyer was a good thing or the other way around. Nudging Matt hard in the waist to wake him up, he took a forkful of vanilla ice and drop it to the top of Near's mop of curly hair.

"Hey!" Near screamed, but Mello just gave him the finger. Matt started cursing then, and it will look intimidating if it's not the fact that puddle of drool still gathering on his chin.

"Okay, look. Matt, Near, do you have any objection of Mikami-san stepping into our business?" the leader of the three asked. Near simply shrugged while Matt eyed the lawyer up and down—taking sight of his creepy smile and concluding that he's evil enough to actually befriend with them.

"Totally agree." Matt eventually said and Mello cracked up, shaking Mikami's hands up whilst cackling manically.

"Great! Fabulous! Now we could kick that whore's ass off of Ryuzaki!!!"

And then, three days without chocolates didn't seem like a big deal at all. And the three of them could see the halo just above Mikami's head, while Mikami saw two thorns on each head.