Black and Blue

Five minutes into the blind date and Barney knew that this chick wasn't going to be worth the trouble. There was no way her rack was big enough not to invoke the Lemon Law at this stage. And, come on! How much trouble had he already gone to, agreeing to meet her at this pretentious restaurant? He should have listened to his instincts the second he'd seen her email but, no, he had to see her as "a challenge".

Plus, she kind-of looked a bit like Robin.

But he really should take his own advice more often. So, at exactly four minutes and fifty seconds in to his date, Barney got a large glass of red wine thrown in his face. At least he remembered to open his mouth before he got drenched.

He sat there, gaping like a fish out of water, when a kindly waiter handed him a napkin and had the good grace not to laugh at him.

Damn, the shirt was definitely ruined. His brand new Boule De Neige suit jacket was probably trashed as well. He really should have checked what that chick was drinking before Lemon-Law-ing her! And now this night was a total bust there was really nothing left to do but to go home and change.

"Hey… are you okay?" The waiter said. Barney nodded with a sigh, but then felt the touch of the waiter's hand on his shoulder "Oh my god… Barney?" The waiter peered shyly at him from beneath a shock of raven-black hair.

Barney trawled his memory. Who was th- God, was that Scooter? Lily's high school boyfriend? He grinned in recognition. "Bill?" He got to his feet and shook the guy's hand.

Bill nodded, a little flustered. "Yeah… hey, do you want to clean up? I've got some baking soda in the kitchen if you want?" He beckoned Barney to follow him, but Barney hung back a little. There was something else that-

Oh dear god!

He chuckled, finally following Bill back into the kitchen. He'd been drunk, but not so drunk that he didn't remember. In fact he remembered everything that had happened at Lily and Marshall's wedding. He even remembered Ted almost catching them at it…

So he followed Bill and the kitchen was pretty busy so Bill grabbed the baking soda and a glass of water and they headed through into a private dining room. The place was empty - Bill complained about how quiet the restaurant was since the start of the recession, while Barney shrugged off his jacked and tie. Then Bill attacked the front of his shirt with gusto (well, with the baking soda and a cloth) before stepping back and tutting.

"It's no good," Bill grinned. You're going to have to take it off. Barney gave him a mock-sad-face.

"Shame, I was enjoying that…" But he popped the cufflinks, quickly unbuttoning the shirt, his nipples bunching in the cool, air-conditioned room. He watched as Bill bent over the table to scrub at the stain, his lips twitching into a smirk. That guy had the best ass in Manhattan, up to and including most of the girls he'd slept with recently.

Oh yeah.

He remembered everything…

Bill turned around a grinned adorably. "I think we might be able to salvage it, but I'd like to put it in the washtub. I've got a t-shirt you could borrow?"

Barney moved towards him. "I think there are a few spots on my pants too…" He said, licking his lips, seeing Bill's eyes widen very slightly. As Barney approached him, Bill held his ground.

Perhaps tonight wasn't a complete bust after all?

When they were practically chest-to-chest, Bill reached down, his fingers brushing over the couple of spots of vermillion that had splattered across Barney's suit trousers, bleeding through the threads of the material. Barney chuckled as Bill tentatively ran his thumb over his crotch.

"Hey, Bill?" A voice came from the kitchen.

"Coming…" Bill yelled back.

"Hopefully…" Barney murmured with a wink.

Bill laughed. "Hey, can I see you again?" He said, eagerly.

There was no way Barney was letting this one go but he merely smiled and said "You're seeing me now."

Bill looked so forlorn. He really was unbelievably cute. Barney rolled his eyes. "All right, all right. I'm not up to much now my date's stormed out on me. What time?" That was bending the truth a little, but hey!

Bill peered through the glass of the door, into the main area of the restaurant. "Look, we're practically deserted here. I can probably get off in a half hour if I ask nicely."

Barney grinned wolfishly. "In that case, I'll have a drink and wait for you?"

"Promise?" Bill said, a little pathetically.

Barney got the feeling Bill had been let down a lot in the past, probably by sharks like himself. He wondered if he still swung both ways or if he was exclusively into guys now. He shrugged and said. "Sure."

Rummaging in a drawer, Bill tossed him a t-shirt, which Barney pulled over his head. Bill still looked as though he was convinced Barney was going to run out on him. As they emerged through the door, Barney pulled Bill towards him and kissed him full on the lips, much to the consternation of the diners beyond the door.

"I'll see you in a half hour," Barney said firmly, winking at a scandalised old lady who was sitting a few feet away, and he stalked off to the bar.

*--*--*

Barney lit a cigarette and leaned back against the cold brick wall. He had a nice scotch buzz going and was enjoying the anticipation of getting Bill up to his apartment. He'd just taken a long drag, holding the smoke in his lungs, when he heard a shout. His curiosity peaked, he sauntered round the corner to take a look, only to see a guy punching another guy in the stomach.

"Fucking fag!" He heard the attacker say. "Fucking queer! Cocksucker!"

Scowling, Barney dropped his cigarette on the pavement and ran towards them. Something shifted inside him, through time, through the years, back to other streets, other alleyways when his brother had been threatened or yelled at by homophobic bastards. Barney's reaction had always been the same: He saw red.

And this time there was no James to pull him back or calm him down.

"Hey!" He yelled, realising it was Bill being pummelled. "HEY! Leave him alone you god-damn son of a bitch!" The other man let him go, leaving him to slide down into a heap on the floor. Barney was on him in a second, fists flying, a couple of punches going wide before he landed one with a sickening crunch against the guy's jaw. The guy dropped like a sack of potatoes but Barney couldn't seem to stop hitting him, only stepping back when he felt Bill tug at his t-shirt, groaning. It was only then that he realised the man's face was a bloodied mess.

"Come on, let's get out of here," Barney said, panting, attempting to drag Bill away from the restaurant.

"Shouldn't we call the cops?" Bill protested.

"Yeah, great idea. You get fired, I get arrested. Let's do that!" Barney stood, flexing his fingers, adrenalin surging through his veins. "Now, are we getting out of here?"

Bill followed him, somewhat reluctantly, but he kept looking back over his shoulder. When Barney flagged down a cab, Bill doubled over at the curb and spat out a mouthful of blood.

"You okay, dude?" Barney said, concerned. Bill shook his head.

"I only live a couple of blocks away. Think I'd better go home."

Barney sighed and nodded, taking a big gulp of the smoggy night air. "Sounds like a plan."

The cab ride was short, and, by the time they got into Bill's tiny high-rise apartment, Barney was supporting the other man.

"I've got some asprin in the cabinet…" Bill suggested, but Barney rolled his eyes.

"Are you kidding me?" He helped Bill lay down on the bed, "You need alcohol." He produced a flask from his pocket and handed it to Bill, who took several swigs, grimacing as he felt the burn in his gullet. Then he smiled, pulling Barney down for a tentative kiss, tasting of iron and whiskey. Barney groaned into his mouth, his dick stiffening instantly. He grinned as Bill broke away, swallowing hard, reaching down to unbuckle his belt, sliding his pants down over his boxers.

"Well, what do you know?" Barney drawled. Oh, it was on.

It was so on.

"Mmmn! I may as well do what that guy accused me of!" Bill said his fingers kneading Barney's erection through the thin material of his silk boxers. "Otherwise, I just took a beating for nothing. Right?"

Barney nodded as Bill ran his fingers under the waistband and pulling the material down, his knuckles brushing the underside of Barney's dick as he did so.

"So…" Barney said, his heart beating a little harder. Bill reached out to capture Barney's face in his hands, pulling him in for a hard, clumsy kiss, unbalancing him so that he rolled on to the bed beside him.

When Bill pulled back, Barney laughed. "You remember?"

"I remember that last time we got to third base…"

"Oh yeah, didn't you used to be an umpire?"

Bill slid one hand under his t-shirt, tweaking a nipple and rolling it between his fingers. "Well, now I'm a waiter. And I've got you in bed in less than five minutes. That's a record for me!"

"And to first base, even." Barney rolled his eyes as Bill reached for his dick, squeezing it. "I take that back!" Barney choked. "Make that second…"

"Think we can hit a home run, this time?" Bill's eyes shone.

Barney laughed, his gaze flicking over to a jar of lube, sitting on the bedside table. His grin ratcheted up a notch. "Hey, if you wanna?"

From the slight hesitation in Bill's eyes, Barney wondered if Bill was a top or a bottom.

"You'll go slow… be careful?" Bill asked him, hesitantly. Barney smirked knowingly in response. Bottom!

"Any way you want me, baby!" He said.

Bill nodded. "And this is just a one-time thing?"

Barney chuckled. "You know something, Bill? I really like you…"

Bill laughed and kissed him again.

*--*--*

It took them a while to get naked. Bill was really beat up and he flinched whenever Barney touched the left side of his body. There was already a nasty bruise forming across his ribs. He winced when Barney ran his tongue over the warm flesh of his abdomen.

Then again, Barney also winced any time he touched anything with his right hand. There fingers swollen and painful and the skin was split across the knuckles.

Still, once they got going, the pain was really the last thing on their minds. Bill shoved a condom into Barney's hand, flipping over onto his front and wriggling his smack-able ass in the air.

Barney grabbed at the pot of lube, clumsily coating his fingers, his vision fogged with lust. Bill kept grinding his groin into the bedding, which really didn't help Barney's ability to focus. He only stopped when Barney grabbed his hip, kneeing his thighs apart, and reaching under him to cup his balls. Barney wanted to say something, to direct Bill somehow, but the words got stuck in his throat and something more primal took over. He ran one finger back, pushing it between Bill's buttocks, probing inside him, feeling the delicious pressure, the warmth, each tight ring of muscle resisting him. He pressed another finger inside him, wincing as he shifted his weight from his injured right hand to his elbow. But there was no way he was going to back away now, even if he broke every one of his fingers, he was determined to get inside Bill, and as quickly as the other guy would let him.

He needed more lube (a lot more lube), liberally coating his dick with it as he forced his fingers further inside Bill, scissoring them as the man beneath him whined in protest. Barney wanted to be comforting, wanted to tell him this wouldn't hurt, but he knew that it would. The only thing he could do was make sure it felt equally fucking good once he was inside him.

Taking a breath, Barney withdrew his fingers, guiding the head of his cock to replace them before Bill had the chance to tense up. It wasn't like he hadn't done this a hundred times before with a hundred different chicks. But it was different with a guy, because there was the anticipation that he was about to give him the most mind-blowing fuck he'd ever had.

Bill was moaning fitfully beneath him as Barney pushed inside, firmly, not exactly gently, but taking his sweet time, his eyes fluttering closed as he felt every single inch, felt the tightest of tight grips around his dick and he let Bill settle around him before he started to move in earnest.

Bill groaned in pain and Barney paused, went still, panting from the effort of holding back. Then his lips curved into a smirk as he adjusted his angle, settled his weight and thrust forward, just once, pushing Bill into the mattress on the backstroke.

Bill almost bucked him off the bed, letting out a yell, half of disbelief, half of ecstasy.

Oh yeah, that was the stuff!

Barney grinned, thrusting a little gentler, letting the waves of pleasure build over him, letting Bill get used to the pain again, just loosening him up a little. This was what he liked best, riding the rollercoaster up to the top of the ramp, feeling the heat build inside him, hearing his lover's strangled cries, holding back, holding back…

Then he was at the top, clear blue sky all around him and he went for it, hips pistoning, fucking Bill into brutal oblivion, thrusting into him so hard that he'd be lucky if he could sit down without thinking about this night for a week. Bill let out a scream of joy, yelling meaningless gibberish as Barney grit his teeth, letting the pleasure crash over him in waves.

When he came back to himself, the muscles in his arms were trembling. Bill let out a groan of protest as Barney levered himself off him, pulling the condom from his wilting cock.

"Oh my… G…" Bill moaned, his face buried in the pillow.

"Hey, dude? You okay?" Barney asked him, a little concerned. He rolled on to his back beside Bill, cradling his hand, which now throbbed like a motherfucker.

"Yeah…" Bill said, turning to face him and laughing shakily. "Yeah! I mean… wow…" He said, his eyes shining.

"Wow? Really?" Barney asked him. His usual bravado hadn't yet had time to settle over him and he was still feeling a bit raw and in a lot of pain.

"Yeah… that was… boy!" Bill leaned forward and kissed him, slow and soft and thoroughly until he made Barney's toes curl. "Thank you!" Bill said, breathlessly.

Barney laughed. "No problem!"

Bill moved in closer and Barney reached out, hooking an arm around him and pulling him into an embrace. He'd forgotten how affectionate Bill was.

It's nice, he thought. Weird, but nice. And Barney didn't push Bill away, didn't try and get up, get away, get out of there before the dawn like he usually would.

No, instead Barney settled in beside him, pulling up the blanket and closed his eyes, Bill snuffling into his ear.

Eventually the pain in his hand subsided enough for him to drift off into sleep.

*--*--*

Barney was a little horrified by the state of Bill the next morning. The bruises had blackened and he almost wished he had called the cops. But hey, there were other ways of getting revenge. It's not like he didn't know a guy.

But a lazy blow-job against the kitchen sink certainly didn't go amiss and Barney returned the favour in the shower. He borrowed a pair of Bill's jeans, plus his black leather jacket, promising to return both to the restaurant on Monday.

Bill seemed inordinately pleased at this and couldn't seem to stop grinning, despite a split lip and a black eye.

"So I'll see you Monday?" Bill asked.

"You betcha!" Barney replied. "And thanks for the loaner…"

"The jacket suits you."

Barney turned around, examining himself critically in the full-length mirror by the door. "Not bad…"

"The jeans are flattering. You look sexy."

Barney quirked an eyebrow and shrugged. When didn't he look sexy?

"Monday…" Bill said.

"Monday…" Barney laughed and kissed him on his uninjured cheek and ran his fingers through Bill's untidy hair.

Barney found himself whistling as he let himself out and headed home, joining all the other New Yorkers who were just making their way home from an illicit encounter the night before.

Walk of shame?

Hah! Walk of game…

He hadn't enjoyed himself so much in weeks.

He found himself wondering if he couldn't find an excuse to go visit Bill before Monday.