vi.

Barely 11:00 PM and Thirteen was sitting on the end of the bed buttoning what was left of her shirt for the third time that night. Her perfectly ironed clothes were a complete wreck on the floor and her only dress shirt was now missing more than a couple of buttons. Beside her, Cameron lay upside down on the bed; recoiled, motionless, and quite peacefully sleeping. Thirteen gently ran her hand down along the dips and curves of Cameron's figure and after a short while, Cameron opened her eyes and grinned at Thirteen before sheepishly curling up tighter against the pillows and blankets that surrounded her.

Looking back into the dresser mirror in front of her, Thirteen decided that her shirt was not worth saving. Taking it off again and throwing it to the floor, she reached behind her head for the ponytail tie and pulled it out to fully let down her hair. Fluffing it out a bit to reveal its subtle waves, Thirteen looked back over at Cameron tangled up in bed sheets and clothing. She looked so innocent when she slept. How deceiving, Thirteen smirked. When the bed shifted as she stood up to get a change of clothes, Cameron awakened again and reached for her.

"Hey," Cameron said taking Thirteen's hand and pulling her back to the bed. "Don't leave me."

Obliging, Thirteen picked up her pillow from the opposite end of the bed and placed it beside Cameron. Lying down next to her, she stared into the ever-inquisitive green eyes before her. Curling a leg around Cameron's, Thirteen drew her close until Cameron was sharing her pillow. Thirteen had never been so tender with her before, but for some reason, it seemed like the right thing to do now and in a strange way, she wanted it to be like this…for now.

Slowly, Cameron reached to Thirteen's face, twirled her fingers around various strands of her still damp hair, and timidly smiled at her. "Are you okay?" She asked, keeping her eyes focused, not wanting Thirteen look away from her.

Remy snickered quietly, a bit confused by the question. "I'm a little more than okay, Cam."

"Not about this, Remy," she said, nudging her playfully. When Thirteen didn't answer, Cameron raised her eyebrows to indicate that she should know what she was talking about. The light in Thirteen's eyes quickly faded and Cameron knew they were back on the same page again. The only other place that she'd seen that look, despite her repeated attempts to dismiss it, was in her late husband. Except now the lonely, scared, and infinitely sad depth that she'd seen in Thirteen a year ago was more daunting than it had been before. Something had changed.

"I'm fine," Remy dismissed, picking up Cameron's hand from her side and kissing her fingertips as a means of distraction. Finding that it didn't work when she looked up again, Thirteen sighed and turned over in bed, though still held onto Cameron's hand and allowed it to drape over her stomach.

Cameron shifted up against Thirteen's back and kissed her pale shoulders as she traced patterns along the girl's stomach with her fingers, too scared to press the issue even though Thirteen's health gravely concerned her.

"Why are you here, Cameron?" Remy asked out of the blue. Thirteen knew the circumstances surrounding Cameron's only love and whether or not his terminal illness was the reason for her devotion, she had no interest in becoming a new test subject on the theory. If Cameron really wanted to stay and be with her, it needed to be because she wanted her, and not because she wanted to take care of Thirteen while her life deteriorated into nothingness over the next several years.

"I just am," Cameron shrugged, kissing Thirteen's shoulders again.

The bed shifted again and Remy turned around, wanting to see the truth for herself. "That's not a reason," she argued.

"Does there need to be one?" Cameron asked.

"When I know one exists, yes," she persisted.

Cameron sighed. "I just like being with you, Remy. Always have," she said touching the soft skin of Thirteen's cheek. "I feel…" she hesitated, unsure if who she was talking to was the insensitive and scornful Thirteen or the kinder, more tolerant Remy. "I feel safe with you," she confessed.

Remy cleared her throat and waited, expectantly. "That's it?"

"Isn't that enough?" Cameron asked, laughing in spite of herself. But when Thirteen knitted her brows, suspicious and demanding the real reason that they both knew existed, Cameron gave in. "Because I'm alone and I don't want to be. And no one understands that," she faltered, afraid. "No one except you," she said, kissing her. "I'm fucking miserable, Remy," she sighed heavily, resting her forehead against Thirteen's while petting her cheek, practically begging for her to understand and to not initially react with malice for once. "But I'm always at least a little bit less miserable when I'm with you."

Thirteen snickered, half smiling. At least she hadn't said that she loved her. She wasn't sure what she could say to reassure Cameron and she wasn't even sure that she wanted to reassure her at all. So instead, she remained quiet for a moment, allowing Cameron to pull her into another kiss, but when they pulled away, the look in Cameron's eyes told Thirteen that she wanted her to say something, anything…and Thirteen wasn't sure if she could.

"Are you trying to make me feel like an idiot?" Cameron asked when Thirteen still didn't respond and worrying that she was about to turn on her like some rabid dog and ask her to leave without explanation.

"No, Cameron," Remy said smiling, then gently running her thumb along the base of Cameron's jaw.

"Then say something!" She demanded, raising her hands up in frustration.

"Well…" Remy pondered, rolling onto her back and looking up at the ceiling. "I was thinking that I could really go for some pancakes right about now," she said, looking over at Cameron and smiling.

"You're such an ass," Cameron said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. She wasn't sure why she was surprised. This was Remy she was talking to and Remy never discussed things of such magnitude.

"I thought you liked my ass," Remy joked, continuing to avert the issue while running her hands playfully along Cameron's ribcage and down her hips.

"Don't change the subject," Cameron argued, jabbing Remy in the gut with her elbow. "I tell you how I feel about us and instead of offering me the same in return, you tell me you're thinking about going out for pancakes?" She asked, looking back at Thirteen, amused though still hurt that the girl could not convey even one straight answer to her.

Smiling softly, "No," she admitted, though still censoring herself. Ever cautious though consciously trying, Thirteen leaned in and kissed Cameron in the hopes that if Cameron could just feel her affection that it would be just as tangible for her to believe as if she were admitting to it aloud. Pulling away, Thirteen curled up next to Cameron and looked up at her, hoping that she would just quietly accept her for who she was and let it be.

"Fair enough," Cameron conceded, losing herself in the sadness of Thirteen's bright eyes that were looking up at her. Kissing the crown of Thirteen's head as if forgiving her for being unable to be emotionally candid with her, she began running her fingers through Thirteen's hair as the brunette laid her head down onto her chest.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Cameron?" She asked. "I mean, you know I'm not going to be here forever, and…I'm starting to come to terms with that now – I think – but going through this once with your husband was bad enough and he was a decent man. I'm…well–" she stumbled, almost ashamed by her incorrigible behavior.

"An ass?" Cameron finished for her, chuckling. "Yeah, I know," she said smiling while continuing to run her fingers through Thirteen's hair. "But it's not for you to decide what I can and can't handle, Remy. You're here now and that's all I could ever ask of you," she added nudging Thirteen's face up with her shoulder and then kissing her softer than she'd ever kissed Thirteen, feeling the flight of a thousand butterflies take wing in the pit of her stomach as she did so. "Please don't ask me to leave," she whispered, clinging onto Thirteen and completely unable to look at her now that her fervent need for Thirteen's companionship was fully on display for her entire world (Remy) to see and judge.

Although her eyes were averted to avoid her gaze, Thirteen looked up and searched Cameron's face, seeing that her personal torment was never more apparent than it was now. How selfish she had been, wallowing in her own misery, when Cameron had been suffering just as she. Watching Cameron's eyelashes flutter gently against the apples her cheeks as to prevent the falling of tears, Thirteen was certain that she looked the same: lost, scared, but uniquely comforted by the person in bed with her. Cameron would never judge Thirteen and nor would Thirteen of Cameron. She still felt like it was precarious for them to get seriously involved, knowing the end result, but it was also apparent by their pathetic co-dependency that it was too late to accept any alternative. Though still fearful of their future, Thirteen embraced Cameron, laid her head back down upon her chest, and quietly listened to her heart beating slowly, steadily, and perfectly healthy.