It's a little OOC for House, but I've had these mental images of House and Rachel and I just had to get it out. This could probably be a stand alone piece or the first chapter of something longer. I guess it depends on how long this holds my attention. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

It all started as a means to an end. The end, of course, was always a riled up Lisa Cuddy.

House leaned against the nurses' station in the clinic, sucking on a red lollipop. Occasionally, he'd pull the candy from his mouth to slur an insult or to mock a patient in the waiting area. The clinic was the last place Cuddy would look for him when it came down to clinic duty.

A small whimper drew his attention and he peered over the edge of the counter, spying a baby carrier sitting on the ground. He gestured with his lollipop, yelling to get Brenda's attention.

"Did you get knocked up again? Remind me, but I'm pretty sure hospital policy hasn't changed in the two seconds you weren't with child. Since when do we have daycare?"

Brenda rolled her eyes before picking up the next patient's chart. After directing Mr. Charles Lahey to exam room 1, she glared at House and quipped, "Since you started working here. And the darling baby is Rachel. Dr. Cuddy's sitter had an emergency and she dropped the baby off, but the Dean is in board meeting right now."

House paused, eyes twinkling as he considered the possibilities. This was too good to be true.

Cuddy rubbed her temples as she stepped out of the elevator, heels clipping sharply against the tiled floor. Her skirt was knee length and tight, but the restriction of her movements did little to deter her as she marched toward her office. She passed by the nurses' station, catching Brenda's eye and forcing a polite smile. There was no time for small talk and gossip when a bottle of ibuprofen called her name.

"Hi Dr. Cudd... where's Rachel?" Brenda's friendly tone took a drastic turn when the nurse noticed Cuddy was empty-handed. She took a step back and searched the floor. The baby bag was still there, but that was it. No baby carrier, no baby, no Rachel.

Cuddy froze and slowly pivoted, eyes narrowing and brow furrowing, her eyebrows drawn together as she held tight control over her rising anger and panic. "Excuse me?"

"The sitter dropped her off! She was right here, I swear. I turned my back for a minute to deal with patients because Dr. House refused to..." Both women stared at each other, eyes widening in realization. Cuddy was the first to react, snapping her mouth closed, cherry red lips pursed in a thin line. Brenda had never seen a woman run that fast in heels.

Cuddy burst into House's office, chest heaving from sprinting up the stairs. She inhaled sharply, taking as deep a breath as possible in preparation for the diatribe that was about to fall from her lips. The words never came. Her breath caught in her throat as she took in the image before her. House, caught red-handed, had the decency to appear somewhat guilty. One of the tennis balls sat in his hand, arm poised to throw it back into the air. The other, sat cradled in Rachel's small palms. The baby had evidently tried to eat the ball, a strand of drool linking the toy to her mouth. The sudden entrance had caught her attention, and upon seeing her mother, she waved her hands and kicked her feet. Despite the bouncing motions, the ball remained steadfast in her lap.

House's feet, once perched on his desk, fell to the ground and he sat up in his chair. The grizzly doctor leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially to the baby, "Gig's up, kid. We're busted."

Cuddy fought back a smile and put up a mask of rage, though her heart wasn't in it. She stalked into the room, grabbing the handle of the baby carrier and lifted it in a swift, fluid motion. Her free hand pointed at him, finger rigid and accusatory as she hissed at him through clenched teeth. "We. Will. Discuss. This. Later."

House smirked and watched her walk out, appreciating just how tight her skirt was. His attention was diverted by a rapid movement. Rachel waved her fist and grinned toothlessly, still holding his now-drool-covered ball. He couldn't help himself. House waved back.

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Cuddy frowned as the elevator doors slid closed. She didn't even know why she even bothered trying to get the nurses or her assistant to keep an eye on Rachel when she had to bring her to the hospital. Through tricks, bribes, or a department-wide email from Dr. Lisa "Partypants" Cuddy, her daughter always ended up in House's office.

The chime sounded and the doors slid open. Odds were that she was with House, but it was never a certainty and the initial fear a mother has when her child is missing was a feeling Cuddy would never get used to.

She rounded the corner and looked through the glass into House's office. Sure enough, Rachel was there. Cuddy's eyes narrowed as she approached, standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips. House was asleep on his recliner, using his jacket as a blanket. His chin rested on his shoulder, mouth agape in soft snores. Rachel stood in her playpen, watching him, small hands gripping the railing. At least he was using the damn thing. Cuddy had left it in his office once Rachel was standing on her own, knowing he would never stop with these "kidnappings."

The toddler turned her wide blue eyes to her mother, bouncing up and down on chubby legs. Her blonde curls were already darker than they were a year ago, and Cuddy wouldn't be surprised if her beautiful baby girl grew up into a brunette. The stress eased from her body as a gentle smile played on her lips. She walked forward and she easily lifted Rachel, the child already reaching up for her mother. Shifting the baby's weight, Cuddy held her in one arm. With the other, she gave House a hard shove, nearly knocking him out of the seat.

"Son of a bitch. You take her and don't even watch her?"

"She's fine. Kid's in a little jail cell. It's not like this is an episode of Prison Break." House muttered and settled back down, pulling his jacket up and trying to fall back asleep.

"We. Will. Discuss. This. Later." She said the same thing every time, and each time the threat was less and less viable. He never listened. It was like trying to talk to a tree stump. House opened an eye to watch Cuddy's hips as she walked out. Damn, she had a body that just wouldn't quit. Rachel laughed over her mother's shoulder, shoving a fist into her mouth and waving with the other. House waved back.

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"Hey Cuddy, want to see a neat trick?" House looked at her as she leaned against the frame of his doorway, arms crossed over her chest. The move emphasized her cleavage and he lost his train of thought, distracted by the curves peeking out above her low-cut top. She let him stare, rolling her eyes and smiling at his blatant attraction. He acted like he wasn't going to see them bare in a few hours, typical since they'd started sleeping together a few months ago.

House had grown attached to Rachel, a relationship Cuddy couldn't even begin to explain. She finally just started bringing the baby directly to House's office, because God knows that's where she'd end up anyway. Rachel never fussed, never cried, never threw a fit. It was the perfect play date. Though House was still an asshole, Rachel brought out a more patient and gentle side of him. At first he tried to hide it from Cuddy by overcompensating and causing even more trouble. He broke more MRI machines, got sued by more patients, received countless more sexual harassment complaints. Ultimately, he gave up the charade, at least in front of Cuddy. And when he let his guard down, she let hers.

"House..." Cuddy said, prompting him. "This better not be the magic trick you showed me the other night."

"Making my wand disappear and reappear was a great trick. I didn't hear you complaining. Actually, I couldn't hear anything with all of that screaming..."

"House, little ears," Cuddy warned. She arched a brow and uncrossed her arms, straightening and walking slowly into the room, waving her fingers at the little girl sitting on House's desk. He slid his big hands under Rachel's little arms and eased her to the floor, supporting the toddler as she steadied her balance.

"Watch this." House held one of his ragged tennis balls, the one baby Rachel acquired long ago, and smirked at Cuddy. He gently rolled the ball along the ground and laughed as Rachel took off after it, tiny Nike sneakers stomping about as she awkwardly chased after it. A couple of steps into her run, she fell forward. Wide eyes stared at her dirty palms and Cuddy hurried forward, bracing herself for the tears and the wails. House interrupted, saying, "C'mon smurf, fetch!"

Rachel giggled and pushed herself to her feet, barely stable before taking off again. Her hands grasped the fuzzy tennis ball, laughing in triumph and glee before turning and rushing to her mother, ball offered as a trophy. "Ma! Ma!"

Cuddy crouched down, opening her arms as her daughter fell into her, kissing the top of her head. Rachel's hair smelled like baby shampoo and hand soap. No doubt because House had gotten her dirty and tried to clean her off in the bathroom sink somewhere. Her blue eyes gazed up at her mother before looking over at House. Rachel showed him the ball, evidence of her glorious success. Cuddy glared at him over the girl's head. "One, you taught her a dog's trick. Two, you nicknamed her 'smurf.' Three, I don't want to know what you two have been up to or in to, but I need to give her a bath."

"Should I be jealous? You never give me baths."

"Good night, House." Cuddy sighed and picked up the toddler, who was still holding onto the tennis ball.

"See you at eight?"

Cuddy smirked and gave Rachel a kiss on her cheek, hugging her close, "Mmhmm, we'll discuss this later." Rachel giggled again and bounced in her mother's arms, never letting go of the ball. "Time to go home, honey. Say bye-bye."

"Bye! Bye!" The child squealed and waved with one hand, then burying those fingers in her mother's dark brown curls. House waited until Cuddy had turned to leave before waving back. "See you later, smurf."