A/N: This is yet another stupid alphabet thing, this time for Tobi and Deidara. A few themes are reused, but I don't really care. I just about impaled myself on this. I dedicate this to all the TobixDeidara lovers out there, and all the TobixDeidara haters, just to be mean. XD Enjoy!

A is for annoyance and affection.

No matter how annoying Tobi was, he was still the most affectionate lover around. Or was it annoying that he was affectionate? Deidara sighed, looking across the table at Tobi. Maybe he'd never know what truly annoyed him about the man.

B is for bedroom and beauty.

Tobi lay next to his blond lover, panting, after their first time together. He turned over and smiled down at Deidara. Deidara turned away, showing his toned back to Tobi. "I was only bored, un," he said. Tobi smiled, reaching out and running the back of his hand against the blonde's shoulder. He knew his sempai was blushing and embarrassed, having had sex for the first time since his previous partner's death. But Tobi knew he had nothing to be embarrassed about. Deidara spent his life creating beauty, but he never realized he saw true beauty every time he looked in a mirror. And as far as performance went, Deidara probably couldn't be beat.

C is for careless and carnage.

The bomb exploded, and the ANBU screamed. The blood sprayed everywhere, along with soiled earth, showering down on the forest. Deidara smirked and walked the few yards back to Tobi's stricken body. He knelt by his lover and leaned over him, lips almost brushing his ear. "Don't be so careless next time, and you won't get hurt, un."

"H-hai, Sempai," Tobi groaned. "Could you please stop grinding your elbow into my ribs?"

D is for dear and dangerous.

Tobi took a chance every time he held his lover close to him. He didn't know if Deidara would push him away awkwardly, telling him no. At these times, Tobi knew he was taking it too fast, and would allow Deidara his space. But there were the times Deidara would hold a kunai to his ribs, making vague threats. Tobi knew at these times Deidara was in a foul mood and would honestly hurt him (albeit an elbow to the rib or a fist to an eye) and it was best to leave the artist alone. And then there were the times when his lover would melt against him, allowing himself to be held and kissed and cuddled. And these times, Tobi knew Deidara was in his right mind, and was completely innocent and in love. And these were the times he lived for.

E is for enraging and earbashing.

"You are such a fucking moron, un! I wish you would just go away and leave me alone, un! You're such a pain, yeah!" Deidara turned his back angrily on Tobi, finally finishing his long reprimand. Tobi hung his head, turning from his Sempai.

"I'm sorry, Sempai." They stayed quiet for a long moment. Finally, Tobi felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm just glad you're all right, un," Deidara said quietly. Tobi smiled behind his mask.

F is for flying and fretting.

Tobi almost cried as he watched Deidara fly away. His heart was breaking. He couldn't let his Sempai go off and fight by himself. What would he do if Deidara died? He had known for a long time that Deidara was liable to kill himself if the battle wasn't going his way. Tobi didn't know if he could stomach loosing Deidara.

Tobi paced the clearing, looking around with nervous anxiety. Every sound was Deidara's return, every bird that shifted on its perch was a flock taking flight in wake of Deidara's final attack. But finally, a familiar figure limped into the clearing. Tobi practically leapt upon him, holding him tightly against his chest. "Sempai!" he cried happily. Deidara cried out in pain, hissing. Tobi instantly let go and Deidara collapsed in his arms. Tobi lay him down on the ground, and began tending to his wounds. But his relief was still greater than his fear of his Sempai's wounds. He wouldn't have to deal with Deidara's death today.

G is for gasping and grasping.

Their lovemaking was sometimes loving and soft. But these times were few and infrequent. Mostly it was a desperate clash of skin against skin, not prepared, and not lubricated. It was fast, harsh, and would fall under the category of fucking rather than lovemaking. They clung to each other as if their lives depended on it, touching everything within reach before they ran out of time. But even in these desperate hours, Tobi still loved his Sempai with all his heart, and could only hope Deidara felt the same.

H is for help and hacking.

They each had different ways of showing their love. Tobi's came out most when Deidara couldn't push him away, like being bedridden or on crutches. "Do you want me to get you anything, Sempai?" Tobi would offer. "Here, let me help you down the stairs!" Deidara would either reply sulkily that he didn't need help, or just give Tobi his arm and look the other way, as if ignoring what was going on.

Deidara showed it in a different way. His was likewise when Tobi was injured, but only in battle. Only then, if Tobi lay incapacitated on the ground, would he fly into a fit of rage and bloodily kill anything that was in his path. And then he would go over to Tobi and tell him exactly how pathetic and stupid he was. Tobi always smiled, knowing the part that Deidara meant: you're such a moron for giving me such a scare.

I is for intelligence and ignorance.

Deidara sometimes wondered exactly how much Tobi knew. There were times in battle when Deidara would get hurt, and then Tobi would somehow find the strength to wreak revenge on whoever had harmed his Sempai. But after these spells, Tobi would bounce happily to Deidara's side and try to help in his cheerful way. Deidara knew he would probably never understand every nook and cranny of Tobi's strange personality.

J is for jelly and Jacuzzi.

Tobi groaned as Deidara wrapped his legs around his waist. Deidara's arms went around his neck, and their erect members slid slowly against each other. Tobi could feel his legs become jelly at the lustful look he was receiving from his Sempai. Oh yes, they must do this more often. But, really, how many hotels had a Jacuzzi?

K is for kindness and kill.

Sometimes Tobi worried about Deidara. There were some instances when Tobi was being friendly and helpful, and it would only warrant a suspicious and angry look from his Sempai. It made him wonder and worry about why exactly Deidara was wary and resentful of kindness. After all, he never showed his kindness in a conventional way. It was always about how he killed the people who threatened Tobi. But, Tobi concluded as he watched his Sempai disembowel ANBU, he didn't mind in the least.

L is for lust and love.

It was Deidara's lust that had lead them there. Tobi was too shy to initiate anything, and Deidara had been forced to make the first move. Being a sexual person and just coming from puberty, Deidara started with sex. It was his lust for something he saw in Tobi that had led them to his bedroom. It was lust that had made him grab Tobi's hand and lead him down the hall. It was pure lust that had made him pull Tobi down on the bed and whisper the lustful things he did. It was lust that had made him hard and made him want Tobi. He kept telling himself it could be anyone in his bed and he would feel the same, after all, it was only lust. It was lust that had led them there. But it was love that had made Tobi follow.

M is for maniac and melting.

Tobi had seen many fearsome things. After all, hanging around with Zetsu wouldn't bring you to happy rainbows and butterflies. He'd seen many people devoured by his sensei. And by being around Akatsuki members, he had seen some pretty scary things. He had learned not to ask Kakuzu for money, or have a theological conversation with Hidan. But of all the things he had seen, his maniac Sempai was about the scariest. His eyes would grow wide, and an insane smile would spread across his face. As he spoke, his words grew quicker and more confident, bouncing off the walls with an air of certainty. He would talk of blood and ruin and art. He would talk of death and destruction and beauty. It scared Tobi far worse than a threat from his sensei of being eaten. Far worse, than a threat from anyone else. Because a threat from the very thing he lived for, to take that away, was the scariest of all.

There was a difference between Tobi's complaints. There were times when he'd complain about the lack of food or the cold or something. These times Deidara would tell him to shut up and just be thankful for what he did have. And then there were the times when, in the middle of the night, Deidara would feel someone next to him where there hadn't been. When this first happened he was scared he had accidentally slept with Itachi again. But then he turned over to see Tobi, shivering and looking frightened, a pleading look on his face. Deidara had understood instantly and, tacitly, he had opened his arms and allowed Tobi to snuggle. He didn't know what scared Tobi so bad on these nights, but he knew it was best not to ask. In the morning Tobi would be back to his old self, grinning stupidly and offering Deidara breakfast. Though it was sometimes annoying, Deidara would rather be annoyed by Tobi than worrying about him.

N is for nocturnal and needs.

"Go back to sleep, Sempai. We don't have a mission today," Tobi said, kissing Deidara's forehead. Deidara grumbled and rolled over. Tobi chuckled, Deidara was allowed to be tired. After all, they practically lived during the night.

Deidara sighed, allowing Tobi to hold him. He knew his lover had his needs, like everyone else. He was just a bit more clingy about it than some. And sometimes, it would take Tobi's needs to get Deidara to realise his own.

"Tobi, un?" The whisper was little more than a voice on the wind. Tobi wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't been trained as a ninja. He raised his head and looked around to find Deidara standing shyly in his doorway. Tobi beckoned for the blond to come in, and he did so reluctantly, stepping hesitantly across the room to the bed. He sat down next to Tobi and looked down at him, gently touching a few strands of black hair. He traced the contours of Tobi's face, across his brow, nose, cheeks, chin, eyes, and lips. Tobi stayed still, allowing Deidara's fingers to wander where they willed as they nimbly traced every detail of his face. Deidara slowly reached out and held Tobi's hand, pressing it tenderly across his chest where the mouth covered his heart. He let his own feel Tobi's pulse, and together they stayed for a moment, each locked by the other's heart. Finally, Deidara pulled back, ghosting out of the room like a specter. Just before he flitted from the room, however, he turned, and smiled. "Good night, Tobi, un." And then he was gone, like a spirit or, Tobi mused, an angel. He lay back, staring at the ceiling. Sometimes these little encounters could get his heart racing faster than sex. 'I guess everyone has their needs,' Tobi thought happily as he returned to sleep.

O is for oral and obdurate.

Tobi groaned, arching his back and pushing his hips forward. Deidara had been obdurate about pleasuring Tobi that night. It was a rare night off, and when they had gotten to their room, Deidara had insisted on giving this night wholly to Tobi. Tobi had been awkward at first, even contemplating refusing, but Deidara could be persuasive, especially with his mouth, and Tobi had finally given in. Of course he had some morals about taking his pleasure at his partner's expense, but really, with the sexiest man ever, and the focal point of all his sexual fantasies, kneeled between his legs, could he really refuse?

P is for petting and parting.

Deidara leaned back, tenderly running his fingers through Tobi's hair. It was a hot day, and they had just felt like taking it easy. He was enjoying the feel of Tobi's head on his lap and the black hair between his fingers.

It took a lot for Deidara to break down all barriers of dignity and reputation, and just lay his head in his lover's lap and relax. But these times, Tobi loved most of all was the feel of Deidara's hair spilling over his thighs. He loved also running his fingers through his Sempai's silky locks.

"I'll be off, un," Deidara said awkwardly, twisting his hands in front of his stomach. Tobi looked up. "Leader-sama says while your leg is broken I'll just have to complete our missions on my own, un." Tobi lumbered to his feet.

"This is all my fault! I'm so sorry!" he cried. Deidara looked at a faraway spot on the floor.

"Don't be, un," he said quietly. And with that he turned, leaving the hideout. Tobi sank back onto the couch. He might never see his Sempai again, and those would be their last words? Parting was such a terrible thing.

Q is for quaint and quandary.

There was something special about an old-fashioned romance. Whenever Tobi did something romantic, like hold Deidara's hand or buy him a bouquet of flowers, Deidara would just scoff and turn his back. But, secretly, he was pleased, and would always accept whatever Tobi had to offer.

Deidara lay awake next to Tobi. The black haired ninja mumbled in his sleep and turned slightly. Deidara stroked his hair lovingly. And his heart slowly sank into doubt and anxiety, per normal for nights he was left awake. His final attack, what his life was building up to, pure beauty, might have to be postponed. If he did kill himself, where would that leave Tobi? He couldn't kill Tobi as well, that was just cruel. But he couldn't leave Tobi alive, either. Then he would just suffer more. Deidara sighed exasperatedly. But if he couldn't leave Tobi alive, and couldn't kill him, what was he supposed to do for his final attack? He looked down at Tobi's sleeping face, and he knew the answer. He'd just postpone it another day.

R is for raconteur and radiating.

Deidara looked around, suddenly wondering about his own death. What would he be leaving behind? An idiot in an orange mask who couldn't do shit. A room with a love stained, unmade bed and clay drying into the carpet. Nineteen years of art. The tips of his fingers began to tingle, spreading throughout his body. He glanced nervously at Tobi. Was he really the one he wanted to tell his story? Was Tobi the one he was going to leave his legacy with? Deidara looked up at the sky and chuckled. He was no raconteur, but he did love Deidara, and would stay true to his memory. Tobi loved him, and that was all he needed. A warm, fuzzy feeling spread through him, and he couldn't help but turn around and kiss Tobi. That was all that mattered.

S is for selfless and sorry.

Deidara had been around, sexually speaking. His body was not something he valued particularly, and if it could be pleasured by someone else, so be it, no matter who the other person was. He'd throw himself at Kakuzu if he could live through entering the stitched man's personal bubble. But never, in all his experiences, had he met a partner as selfless as Tobi, willing to completely give up his own pleasure for the sake of the other's. Deidara had never been pampered, and sometimes Tobi just made him extremely awkward, but, he reasoned, it was better than being left hanging.

Tobi cursed his inabilities as a ninja. He was the reason his Sempai got hurt. The thing about Akatsuki was that they weren't anything special, but with their partners they developed a fighting style that was hermetic. The only reason any of them had gotten this far was because they were able to rely on their partners. An Akatsuki member rarely died without their partner, but this had been the case with Sasori and Deidara. It took months, even years, to be able to fight together properly. The Zombie Twins had it down to a fine art, and could only even be challenged when caught off guard and separated. Kisame and Itachi knew each other so well, knew the subtleties of each other's moods, they were able to tell what the other was thinking. They knew how much effort to put forth, when to let the other one handle it, when to step in, and when to retreat, without even speaking. Sasori and Deidara had been able to even continue arguments while fighting, because with them, everything was predictable. Sasori fought so subtly, and Deidara so obviously, that it was hard to find someone they could not easily handle, simply by being opposites.

And now, there was Tobi and Deidara. The most teamwork they ever accomplished was Deidara using Tobi as a springboard, usually without warning and leaving Tobi sore for a day or so. It would take time to build a bond like the other teams had, or like Deidara and Sasori had. And time, Tobi feared, was not what they had.

T is for tacit and tears.

Their relationship was an unspoken agreement. Tobi knew if he pressed his Sempai, he'd get something like 'I'm fucking you until someone better comes along', or 'What relationship? You're nothing more than a nuisance and body buddy.' Tobi didn't think he could handle that. Deidara could be very harsh at times. But he knew their relationship was important. He could see it in the way Deidara would blush and look away when Tobi said something sweet, or in the way he would yell at Tobi for being stupid or doing something. But mostly, it was in the tears Deidara shed when he was told Tobi might not pull through this time. Oh, of course, they weren't real tears. If they were real tears, anyone who saw Deidara would be dead. But Tobi knew they were tears, because when Deidara would finish hugging him, his shirt would be wet. And to Tobi knew the tears you couldn't let anyone see were the tears that hurt the most to shed.

U is for unique and ululate.

By being in Akatsuki, they weren't expected to be unoriginal or boring. Mostly, they were expected to be psycho sociopaths who only cared about death or money. They were expected to be hardened criminals, who had seen everything and no amount of blood or pain could stop them. Tobi disproved all of these when he admitted he cared more about his Sempai than life itself, said he'd never broken the law in his life, and fainted at the sight of Deidara's newly reattached arm falling off. But maybe being tender wasn't such a bad thing, as Deidara had first thought. Maybe Tobi wasn't the practical joke Leader-sama had pulled to ruin his life. After all, Pein didn't have much in the sense of humor department. But whenever Deidara was injured or incapacitated, Tobi would fight tooth and nail to save him, even if he wasn't much. And that was what mattered more to Deidara.

Tobi watched as his Sempai exploded. It was art. The flames rippled out from the center, shooting outward and upward, stretching for the sky. For a brief moment, everything was white, then it faded to a glowing red, and then slowly everything died away. Tobi stared. It wasn't art. It was the loss of a beautiful soul and a gorgeous, spirited human being. There was no way such vivacity could have been wiped out, no matter how large the explosion. Tobi ran to where the bomb had gone off. Trees lay fallen in a large crater at the center of the forest. Desperately, he searched for any remains of his lover. A lock of hair, a bit of flesh, a scrap of clothing, anything to give him definite closure. Nothing. With a howl, Tobi sank to his knees, faced the sky, and wept. He wept and howled for the lose of his beautiful lover, the ruler of his heart. But no matter how much he sobbed his grief to the debris and ruin around him, amongst which his dead lover was buried, he could not believe that life had been snuffed out. He could not.

"Those are some lovely sounds you're making, un," a sultry voice said behind Tobi. "Now I wonder, why aren't you ever that vocal during sex, yeah?" Tobi leapt to his feet and whipped around, finding his Sempai completely intact and smirking mischievously at him. Tobi ran forward and reached for Deidara, pulling him close. Deidara groaned. "Ow, let go, un!" he cried in pain. Tobi let go, but couldn't help the smile he had plastered on his face.

"I thought I'd lost you!" he cried. Deidara rolled his eyes, unbuttoning his cloak.

"If I was going to use my final attack, I would use myself, not a clone, un," he replied, letting the cloak fall to the ground. "And besides, that was far too small, un. My worst would be the biggest, un." Deidara was covered in blood. Tobi cried out in alarm. Deidara smirked. "Don't worry," he said, "it's not mine, un."

V is for vacant and vagary.

Deidara sighed. Stupid emotions. Stupid, idiotic, irrational emotions. He rolled over, staring desperately at Tobi's vacant bed. Oh, that little shit was so going to get it when he got back for making his Sempai feel so lonely.

There were many and varying reactions Tobi could get from Deidara. Deidara had about as many moods as Hidan did curses. He could be coy sometimes, giving Tobi sultry glances from behind his perfect veil of hair, knowing just how to get Tobi hot and aroused without even touching him. Tobi could have wet dreams about these times for the rest of his life.

But then there were the times Deidara would be angry. He'd get violent, pushing Tobi away and calling him cruel names and saying terrible things Tobi knew he couldn't possibly mean. Tobi would retreat and leave Deidara be, but the blonde's words would ring in his ears. 'I hate you', 'You're a convenient fuck, that's all', 'Sasori was a worlds better partner than you, and I hated his guts, un'. If left alone, Tobi might just sit in a corner, Deidara's insults swirling around him.

But Deidara would always come for him, not saying anything outright, but giving as much of an apology as he could ever give. And to Tobi, it was enough to know Deidara really didn't mean a mean word he said, ever.

Also, there were the opposite of those times. Tobi might put an arm around his Sempai's waist, and Deidara would pull away, awkwardly. He would just shake his head and look at the ground, and Tobi knew that he was taking it too fast. With other people, sex was a step too far. With Deidara, anything cute or fluffy was a big step in a relationship. Because, most of the time for Deidara, sex came first, names later.

And then there were the times Deidara would blush. An "I love you, Sempai," could bring that pink tint to his cheeks every time. It was weird, he could have sex and not so much as bat an eyelash. But holding hands, or cuddling, always made him awkward and embarrassed. His excuse was that he wasn't very used to any of that. And by the way he always stiffened when Tobi put an arm around him, Tobi knew that was true.

W is for waking and warnings.

Tobi loved waking up. He often woke up first, loving watching Deidara sleep and remembering the night before. And he took any chance to make Deidara breakfast, or at least coffee. He loved every second he could spend with his blonde lover. Any moment was worthwhile.

Deidara hated waking up. He hated that momentary confusion of who exactly had been in your bed, if you were indeed in a bed, and then turning over and finding someone staring at you. It didn't help that Tobi had one Sharingan eye, and the first time Deidara almost had a heart attack, thinking he had slept with Itachi. But he was slowly getting used to the part of a relationship that didn't have to do with sex, if only taking baby steps.

Tobi hadn't wanted to believe them. Some rational part of his brain probably knew it, but he had refused to believe. "Dude, that fucker won't live too long. Best not to get fucking attached," Hidan had said. "Tobi, Deidara's isolated himself for a reason, so that he won't have any reason not to kill him. Getting close will just make it harder when his time does come," Kisame had explained. "Tobi, let Deidara be. Reopening things for him will only end in hurt," Itachi had said. But Tobi hadn't listened, and now he'd gone and gotten attached to his blonde partner. And now, he'd gotten Deidara attached to him. He could see those around them shake their heads, knowing this relationship could only end in heartache.

"What's on your mind, un?" Deidara asked, placing a hand lightly on Tobi's shoulder.

"Stuff," Tobi replied.

"Hmm." Deidara sat down next to him on the bed. An idea came to Tobi then.

"I was just thinking about how they told me not to get involved with you," he said. Deidara quirked an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Itachi said you wouldn't be able to handle it, and stuff like that." Deidara wrinkled his nose, eye narrowing.

"That bastard, yeah. Don't believe a word they say about me, Tobi, they don't know me, un." Deidara stood up, stretching.

"Then who should I listen to?" Tobi asked.

"Yourself, yeah. You know me the best of anyone, un." Tobi smiled. He knew his Sempai wouldn't let Itachi get the better of him.

X is for Xanadu and xeno-.

Tobi looked around the room. He had never pictured his own personal Xanadu, he had never bothered. Deidara mumbled something in his sleep, tightening his possessive grip on Tobi's thigh. Tobi smiled down at him. Yes, he had his beautiful place, but it was not a physical one. His lay in the loving way Deidara would tend to his wounds, the pleasured moans Deidara would allow himself to utter when no one could hear, and the curve of his Sempai's smile. He was lucky in that way, wherever his Sempai was, was his Xanadu.

Deidara squirmed awkwardly, curling up and turning his back to Tobi. That had almost been an hour ago, and he still couldn't sleep because of it. Silently, he slipped from the bed and put on a pair of jeans, leaving the room and walking to the living room. He lay back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. The knot in his stomach relaxed a little bit, but it was still there. He felt if he ate something, it would just spew right back up. He curled himself up into a ball, resting his head on his knees. He felt nervous and hot all over, his heart pounding loudly in his throat. What was with him? Glancing down, Deidara noticed his hand mouths were salivating out of control. Embarrassed, he clenched his fists, forcing the tongues back in the mouths. This was all so strange.

Deidara covered his face with his hands, wanting only to hide away and think. But he couldn't think, not with this nervous anxiety eating away at his stomach like an ulcer. 'Why Tobi?' Deidara thought desperately. 'Why did Tobi have to be the one to do this to me?' It was all so new, having someone say that. But, he mused, a lot of things had changed since Sasori's death. Why not his love life? Being a little more towards closure on the subject, Deidara lay back on the couch and fell asleep. Maybe someday he'd be able to fall asleep in the same bed as Tobi. 'Baby steps, Deidara…'

Y is for yelling and yeaning.

There are times in a relationship when yelling is all right. With Deidara, he yelled at Tobi only because he cared that much. Tobi would always allow that yelling, because he knew Deidara couldn't tell him how he felt, and that was the closest it was ever going to get. But he didn't mind.

Having sex in the wilderness can bring about some things you never expect. It was sex, like any other occasion, but this time, Deidara was allowing himself to be a bit more vocal than usual. Tobi wasn't trying to be more pleasing than usual, and it made him wonder if Deidara usually held back because others could hear them.

Deidara smirked as he straddled Tobi's hips, aligning the black haired man's penis with his entrance. In one swift movement he lowered himself, clamping down expertly. Tobi cried out in pleasure, bucking his hips upward. Tonight, Deidara was going to make Tobi scream till he lost his voice.

Z is for zeal and zero gravity.

Tobi felt his heart flit out of his chest, flying upwards as if not bound by gravity. Deidara smirked, taking a step closer to Tobi. He was completely naked, and his expression had 'fuck me' written all over it. Tobi was sitting in a chair, and the sight of Deidara had him hard already. Deidara straddled him on the chair, wrapping his arms sensually around Tobi's neck and kissing him heatedly. Tobi's heart went into orbit. No, not around the earth, around his lover.

Deidara didn't put forth much effort in keeping Tobi by his side. He figured if he didn't want it to end, he just wouldn't push Tobi away and see how long it lasted. It was Tobi who put the effort in, making sure Deidara was so pleased with him he would never have reason to call it off. And that's what it really took. Deidara would've just let their relationship drift apart, if Tobi didn't hold it together. And sometimes, Tobi felt like he was holding more than their relationship together: he was holding Deidara together.