Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephine Meyer; except the wonderful characters that you don't see in the book (:

Now that we're done
I'm so sorry
Why did I lie I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you
I know I hurt you

-Now That We're Done by Metro Station

When Edward left me 6 years ago lying in that forest, I was broken. I'm not going to lie. It wasn't the same without him. I spent my whole senior year of high school walking around like a zombie. I spent that whole year hoping he would come back. Isn't senior year supposed to be the year that you have fun, go to lots of parties and celebrate the fact that you no longer had to get up at the crack of dawn, go to school, learn things you have no interest in, and deal with bitches and backstabbers and cafeteria food that could quite possibly be alive and mooing? I did none of that. My senior year consisted of staying at home, cooking dinner for Charlie. The only thing celebratory that I did in that year was a little twirl of enjoyment when I got into Colombia. Don't ask me how I did it. I don't even know.

It wasn't until my freshman year in college, one whole year after the incident on my birthday, that I realized he wasn't coming back. That's when I became furious. My sorrow became full outrage. I was pissed. I wasted my last year in high school over a vampire who left me crying in the middle of the forest for hours. Hours. Hell, it could have been days if Sam hadn't found me. I don't care if he didn't want me anymore, you don't just leave someone lying in the middle of a wooded forest for hours on end crying their hearts out. The day I turned 19, I realized that I needed to get over it. It was time I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it.

And that's what I did. My roommate Lai and I went out clubbing, after I told her about my epiphany that went along the lines of changing. I wasn't going to be the half-dead Bella, mourning over her lost lover vampire anymore. No, I was going to live my life. I wasted the most important year of my life on autopilot. College was supposed to be the time for a new start, and that's exactly what was going to happen. I was in a new city, with a new friend.

So Lai and I got dressed up in really hot outfits. She did my hair and my makeup, and in one weak moment, I thought about Alice. I quickly shook that thought off. We both had on sequined dresses that had a low-cut v-neckline and a short, short, short length. Mine was bright red, and Lai's was gold, accenting her auburn hair perfectly. I was "starting new" in style. We were going to the hottest club in town, and I'm sure if Alice were here, she would be proud. When we arrived, I had a few shots, danced, and met a guy at the bar.

It doesn't sound so bad does it? It sounds like the typical teenage experience. I was proud of myself that night. Even though I knew I wasn't completely put back together, I knew that in a year, it could happen. I was done wallowing over Stupid Shiny Silver Volvo Owners named Edward Cullen. I liked this new Bella. She was a hoot. She had so many guys at the bar, throwing cheesy pick up lines at her, and she enjoyed it. She enjoyed it so much that she might have gotten a little carried away with some guy who's named started with the letter P. Paul? Preston? Porter? Pedro? I honestly don't remember. All I remember is waking up in some strange apartment with the mysterious man named Perry, getting dressed, and walking out of the apartment to hail a taxi back to the dorm. I know, I should've felt ashamed and disgusted, but somehow, I felt relieved. It wasn't like I was married or anything. I quickly checked my left hand just to make sure. Thank god I wasn't. Yes, I may have just lost my virginity to some man named Pablo, but I had fun. I didn't feel any different. Honestly, after a year of excruciating numbness, I didn't believe in the whole "wait to spend it with the one you want" thing anymore. He had his chance. It was eye opening. I knew that Edward wasn't going to hold me down any longer. If he really wanted to be with me, he had his chance.

Sure, if he were to walk up to my door, I wouldn't turn him down, but In the meantime, I might as well have fun. And I did. And wasn't this the best way? I had no ties to the man that took my virginity. I wouldn't have to stand there and see that person every day for the rest of my life. It's not like it was a regular thing for me either, I wasn't a slut. I was just letting off some steam that was slowly building up in me for the last year. It was pointless sex. And that's all I wanted.

Well, at the time I thought it was pointless sex.

I had a different opinion on that matter when a month later I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, staring at the small stick that I just pissed on. I picked up the other 2, all saying the exact same thing.

Who knew that three a tiny, pink plus signs could change my life?

Edward POV: 6 years after he left.

I knew I messed up. I wasn't stupid. I was helpless. So far, in the last 6 years, I have been doing absolutely nothing. Right now, I was curled up in a ball in the middle of a cottage in Canada. The only things I could do were think about Bella and me, all of our moments together.

I could see us lying in the meadow on that day that I confessed my undying love for her. The way she gapped in awe at my skin, and not run off in fear.

That night, lying in her bed, something I only dreamed of doing with her since I snuck into her window so many years ago.

The first night I heard her say my name in her sleep.

If I tried really hard, I could smell her hair, her blood, her scent. I sometimes would imagine her lying next to me on the floor, listening to my iPod while her head rested on my chest. I would have conversations with her in my head that would somehow become vocalized. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her. I saw us. I saw her life now. I saw our life. I saw everything.

All I could do was wallow in the memories. And think about how stupid I was. I let her go. I straight out lied to her about everything, and I let her walk away.

I couldn't help but sob and heave at the fact that she probably had a family now, a husband, a nice home with a white-picket fence and a porch swing.

She's happy Edward! That's all you wanted. You wanted her to be happy.

Even if she was happy, I couldn't help the feelings I got whenever I pictured her life now. It was always a painful feeling in my stomach and would only become worse when I realized that it could have been me and her with that life.

I gave up us all because I wanted to keep her human. Now that I had 6 years to dwell on this fact, I realized that I should have just changed her. She obviously wanted to be with me, and at the time, it was forever. I had it all. She was willing to give everything up for me, including that precious soul of hers, just so we could be together forever. She would experience days of fire rising inside of her, just so I wouldn't be at her bed when she was 90 and dying, staring at her wrinkled form, while I stood there in all my glory as a 17 year old. To be honest, that thought scared me more than anything. I didn't want to have to watch her die, knowing that we could have had forever.

So instead of giving into those choices, a) being to change her, b) being with her while she stayed human, I took the cowards way out of it and decided that if I wasn't around, I wouldn't have to choose. So I left her, and when I did that, I left a part of me.

Just then the phone rang, and since I was getting real depressed, I decided that maybe a conversation with someone other than the imaginary angel would be a good thing. I didn't want to do something rash in the heat of the moment. Today was worse than other days, and maybe just one little phone call would keep my mind away from a trip to Italy.

"Edward." It was Carlisle.

"Hello Carlisle." I was glad it was him calling and not Alice. She would always leave me messages telling me about her visions, saying that today would be the "day." The day where I would finally get my shit together and go find the love of my life. I would ignore that and wallow. The future changed on the decisions you made, and I would always change my mind. Sure, at some moments I thought about finding her. Explaining what was going through my head. But I would always find myself shutting that idea down.

Because in the truth of the situation, I liked being depressed. It made me feel human. I made me feel as if I hadn't just lived through 2 world wars, a depression, and decades of horrible music. I felt like I had nothing else to live for. And it was true, I didn't. When you live forever, feeling like you were going to die at any given second isn't an option for us. It doesn't happen all that often.

"Edward, I need you to do something for me. I know you won't want to, but I need you to run down to New York. There have been a number of killings and we think it's being done by a newborn. We can't be certain; we just want you to check them out. Check around the Columbia campus first, most of the people have been reported to be seen around there. If you wait a day or two, I can send you my Alumni invitation so you can get an in depth looks at the situation." Newborns were not something that should be messed with, and he knew that. We wanted to make sure nothing was going wrong, and no unnecessary visits from the Volturi were to come.

Still, I was dumbfounded. There was no way I was leaving my cottage in the middle of the cold, Canadian wilderness. I was not going newborn hunting.

"No." I know it was a bit harsh of a tone to use on my father, but he should know that I wasn't one for running mindless errands to New York.

"Edward, I know that's the last thing you want to do right now, but I need you to see if there is any trouble. Jasper, Alice, Esme and I are on a hunting trip in the middle of Africa at the moment. Rose and Emmett are on their honeymoon. It will only take a few days Edward." I knew this was a serious situation, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And who cares about newborns in New York? There was nothing there anyways, nobody of importance.

"Edward, please just do this for your father. It will take you a few days. Then you can go back to your house in Canada, and nobody will bother you. If there is a newborn, call us and we will handle everything." Esme was on the phone now, and her voice was pleading. She wanted me to get over this "funk" I've been in, but it wasn't that easy. You don't just 'get over' single-handily giving away the love of your life to someone else.

"EDWARD! Trust me, go to New York. Trust Me." Alice was on the phone now, and I knew that the underlying tone in her voice meant she knew something was going to happen.

"Alice, tell me what's going to happen." She paused. My voice was menacing.

"Are you sure? If I tell you, you have to promise me to go to New York." I admit my curiosity got the best of me. I will probably regret this later, me going to New York wouldn't hurt anybody. I already turned my back on the family; one favor for the people who "raised me" wouldn't kill me. It's not like I could die. If that was possible, I would be dead by now.

"Fine. I promise. Tell me what's going on." I grumbled into the phone.

Alice squealed. I could only imagine she was jumping up and down. "Okay, long vision short is that you're going to run into Bella. And you're not going to mess it up this time."

Somehow this all made sense. We didn't live anywhere near the city, if anything I was the closet. I suddenly knew why newborns would be a problem.

Bella was there. She was there, where a newborn was running around like crazy and she could get hurt. She was at stake. I was wrong, there was someone of importantce in New York and it was her. It was my life that was at stake, and I knew I oculdn't stand by and let her get damned to this imortalitly. If anybody was going to do it, it would be me.

No one else is going to touch my Bella.

"Sure, I'll run to New York in a few days." With one last squeal from Alice, I hung up the phone.

In my 80 plus years of being a vampire, I never needed my heart. It was dead and lifeless. Six years ago, it miraculously came to life. I wasn't lying when I said I left part of me in the forest with Bella. I left my heart there. I gave it away, even if it was for selfish reasons, because I knew that nobody would ever be worthy of having it except her. In that one phone call from Alice, Carlisle and Esme, I realized that even if it was dead and lifeless, I couldn't live without my heart and the person I gave it too. In some ways, Bella herself was my heart. I didn't really use it before I met her, so maybe it was always sitting in Forks, waiting for me to come and get it. Bella was, and still is, everything to me. Why wouldn't she be my heart? It took me six long years to piece it together, but now that I have, I ran upstairs to get a shower and started packing. I couldn't live without it anymore.

It was time I did something about it.

It was time to get my heart back.