Gerudo's Complaint
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Hell was boring.
But according to the gods and the laws of the universe, Hell was supposed to be boring.
There were an infinite number of Hells, all tailor made to fit the individuals who lived in them, but they all had the same defining characteristic - they were all completely, utterly, and totally boring. Tedious. Monotonous. Excruciatingly uninteresting. Nothing new or exciting ever happened, nothing ever changed, and even the new souls that migrated there looked the same as everyone else.
Thus it was doubly exciting when, in the midst of a small scree of rocks, the rotund Bas-jin crossing the colorless desert plain saw a flash of forest green.
The small alien paused, momentarily startled as he gazed across the flatlands. He had been doomed to wander the plains of Hell for eternity - and Lord Enma had been quite specific about that, too. He was commanded to wander - not just get from one point to another, but wander. Meander. Walk around aimlessly, never being able to stay in one place very long. It was a dull, boring, pointless existence that the creature was starting to question.
There it was again - wasn't it? He thought he saw something out of the corner of one of his eyes again - this particular species had four - that just didn't fit in with the rest of the plain.
That wasn't boring. There was someone else out there, and that being was ... different.
He pushed his senses to their limit. He tried to drive his way into the mind of whoever was hiding out there, but couldn't muscle through a particularly smooth mental wall. However, he could feel glimmers from the mind behind the screen; it felt curious, and exotic, and familiar at the same time - and was something that the Bas-jin hadn't experienced in years.
Nothing happens here by chance, he thought sourly, sweat dripping down the side of his thickset neck from the oppressive heat blanketing the area. Might as well see what new torture Lord Enma has in store for me. So he altered his course to take him closer to a strange little rock formation, surrounded by the weird trees that looked like blue dandelion puffs gone wrong.
He found that odd thing perched among the stones - and if he hadn't already been dead, the shock of his discovery would have killed him.
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Heh. I've been watching you for a while.
I wondered if you'd leave the path and come closer. Usually people don't - not after they've actually SEEN me. But I can see that it doesn't bother you, because - well - because you're my shade of ugly. I haven't seen another Bas-jin in I don't know how many years. It's good to see someone who-
-who -
- hey, wait a minute. I know you, don't I? You're ... you're ...
Aw ... hell.
I'm not surprised. Nothing surprises me any more. Seeing you here ... well ... heh ... something must've happened to you after I left, yes, that put you down here? It's all right - you don't have to tell me. They don't call this place Hell for nothing.
To tell you the truth, I didn't think I did anything that terrible when I was alive - at least, nothing that deserves this kind of punishment. Gods, they plague me day after day and night after night.... What did I do that was so disgusting, or so different from what everyone else around me was doing? And where is everyone else who was doing that with me?
Sure - I killed people; we all did. You know I was part of Master Freeza's Ginyu Force, and we were the strongest force in the universe - next to Master Freeza, of course. It was our job to kill people; that's what we were supposed to do, and that's what we did. And we were damn good at it, too. Master Freeza was proud of us. He told us so. He made sure that he told me, too - privately, you know.
How many? Gods, I dunno - thousands, hundreds of thousands - does it matter? They're just as dead. I didn't kill them all by myself, you understand - I did my share - but the others from the Ginyu Force were with me, too. They appreciated me because I didn't look like one of them - I wasn't tall like Recoom, or pretty like Jeiuce, or flashy like Ginyu - but I could kill just as many as they could, and because I could freeze time, I could 'get' things without anyone being the wiser. Heh. You should've seen what I got for Master Freeza from this short bald guy right before -
- never mind. I don't want to talk about that.
You remember Ginyu, don't you? Ah ... I thought so. No one ever believed I was in the Ginyu Force when I was by myself, either - I can't tell you the number of halfwits I killed just because of that.
You remember - they recruited me. They came looking for me! Ginyu was strutting around town, declaring that he'd create a spot on his squad for the Bas-jin who could defeat him in hand-to-hand combat. The rest of them thought that was pretty funny when they saw what you and I looked like - those idiots had never seen any Bas-jin before - they told me later they thought Ginyu was making it up. Ginyu thought it was pretty funny, too - he was doubled over when I stepped up to the ropes, he thought it was so funny - but he stopped laughing the second he found himself on the ground with my knives at his throat and his balls. Heh - oh, yeah, I thought you'd remember that - that was rich.
So you think I should've cut them off when I had the chance? If I'd cut him right then, the bugger would've left that body and jumped right into mine, and then where would we have been? I didn't think the universe could survive an insane telepath, and I sure didn't want to see that whack job gain any more power than he already had. It would've been just too much temptation for him. And I would've been stuck with a damaged body ...
Why aren't Batta and Jeiuce here yet? If I'm here, then they should be here, right? I don't see them up to their necks in ... eh.... never mind. Maybe they aren't dead yet.
Just wait. They'll get their turn, too.
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The green alien left after a short while, his shoulders slumped against an invisible burden, and slipped away from the rocks. What passed as daylight faded to charcoal gray as the night stole across the land, bringing with it all the shrieks and moans people remembered as they dreamed.
Several time spans later - it could have been days, but just as easily could have been hours - the night slunk away, to be replaced with a steely, miserable, half gray of a morning. Dawn towed a reluctant verdant alien in its wake, one that had vowed he'd never see the other again ... yet there he was, hat in hand, waiting patiently for the solitary figure to continue with his story.
After all, there wasn't much to do in Hell - and it was so rare to find anyone who actually HAD a story to tell ...
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Ah. You came back. I wondered if you would.
Let's get something straight. I talk - you listen. I don't give a shit about why you're here. You're the one asking all the questions. So ask away, but make them short.
First of all - I had no idea that being dead could hurt so much. But I don't want to talk about that now - that's for later, assuming we get there ...
And why am I here, of all places, instead of some other place in all the Hells? Blame that jerk at the front desk - it's all Lord Enma's doing, I'm telling you. It's not my fault at all - he had it out for me the minute he saw me and still does. Listen to what happened:
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"Let's see....next is ... Guido. Where's Guido?" The giant behind the wooden desk scowled and leaned forward on arms as wide as small tree trunks. "Find Guido, you idiots - we only have so much time! Which one of you is Guido?" he boomed, staring at the doomed souls in front of him, his voice thunderous and frightening.
Everyone shook at the very sound of his voice; everyone except me, that is. I didn't know who he was - I was lucky I knew where I was, let alone be able to recognize people from the underworld. I had just stumbled into this huge room that looked like some kind of station - I couldn't remember how I got there - and now this colossal guy was shouting and stamping his feet for someone named Guido. And my head was buzzing ... buzzing from the inside out ...
Something poked me in the side. "You ... aren't you Guido?" a tall, green skinned Kami asked me, a suspicious glint in his eyes.
"No," I snapped, slapping his hand away, "Don't touch me. I hate being touched. Besides, I'm not Guido - I'm Gerudo." I gave him my best ~back off, bud~ glare. "Isn't this the afterlife? Aren't you guys supposed to know everything?"
"Usually we do," he muttered, peering at a list of something written in a cramped, squashed style through eyes that were red and crinkled, "but I was never very good at deciphering Lord Enma's writing." Raising his voice, the green Kami said, "Lord Enma - he's right here, sir, the next doomed supplicant's right here. But his name isn't Guido, it's -"
"Are you telling me I don't know who's coming to see me?" the giant snapped peevishly.
"No - no sir, no, not at all," the Kami dissembled, clearly upset. "You know exactly what has happened, what is happening and what will happen, sir. I was just saying, sir, that sometimes your handwriting is a bit difficult to read, and that-"
I rolled my eyes.
Disgusting - just disgusting. Toady gods groveling before moronic gods. And these were the beings that ruled our universe? This was doubly irritating. A dead wildebeest could do a better job.
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Well, they finally got their assess sorted out from each other. Lord Enma took one look at me and laughed himself silly when he read my crimes from the ledger. He was laughing so hard that he was crying, the weakling - tears were actually running down his face. All the Kamis around him were laughing, too, but I knew it was only because they were afraid of pissing him off.
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"What're you laughing at?" I demanded, completely insulted at his lack of courtesy. "What's so funny?"
"You!" he managed to sputter out, and then went into gales of huge, guffawing laughter. "I know exactly where I'm going to put you ..."
"Where am I going?" I demanded, getting angrier by the moment. How dare this yokel laugh at me - why, all I had to do was -
"Ah - ah - ah," Enma warned, slipping out of laughter easily and wagging his finger at me. "We know all about your little swindles, Bas-jin - don't think you can pull your pitiful psychic tricks on me. And just for that," he growled, his brow thunderous and threatening, "you can stay here without your puny little powers until I think you've earned them back. Which in your case," he said with a malicious smile, "is going to be a long, long, time." He looked down at his book, made an entry, and waved his large hand to the side. "We're done, now. Off with you."
"Off - where? Where am I going? You can't do this to me!" I squeaked. A warm, tingly feeling washed through my body, starting at the crown of my head and moving through the soles of my feet - and it was like a curtain dropped in my mind.
"Why - you're going to Hell, boy! And you'll never guess who you're going to stay with!" And with that, the Honorable Lord Enma dissolved into huge gales of laughter again, waving his hands for the Kamis to push me away.
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The small green alien sat on the ground next to the rocks, trying to find some comfort as he wiggled his egglike shape around some of the more rounded boulders. The other alien did not notice, too engrossed in himself and his story to pay attention to his visitor.
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I don't remember what happened next - but the next thing I do remember was that I was sitting here - in these rocks. It was just as hot as it is now, and I was thinking that I'd probably need to find food and shelter somewhere ... and then I wondered if I'd actually need food, since I was dead and all.
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Probably not, I realized. This is Hell, for crying out loud. They'll just make me ~think~ I need food, so they can torment me with the thought of starvation.
"That would be pretty stupid now, wouldn't it? Why waste all that energy when they could just make you hungry all the time?"
I whirled around to find a large, ugly Saiyan standing not a meter away from me. He had long hair, the habitual smirking face ...
"Raditz," I said unenthusiastically. "What a surprise. Now I know I'm in Moronville for sure."
"It's good to see you, too, Gerudo," the tall Saiyan said, grinning down at me. "I'm always amazed at the people I see here. But I'm not surprised to see you - not at all. I knew someone would knock you off sooner or later. You were living on borrowed time when I knew you."
"How do you know someone knocked me off? Maybe I just died of old age."
Raditz snorted, shaking his head vigorously. "Impossible. People would have lined up to kill you. Who was it? Anyone I know?"
Anger gnawed at my gut. "None of your business, monkey butt. It was a cheap shot, anyway."
Raditz raised a skeptical eyebrow. "A cheap shot? With you - Gerudo, king of the cheap shots? You never missed an opportunity to skin someone else - why are you surprised that it happened to you?" He looked down at me, his arms folded across his chest, his feet planted solidly apart, and narrowed his eyes. "And what exactly are you doing here?"
"How should I know?" I snapped bitterly, pushing myself off the rocks. They were hard, pointed and not at all comfortable. "I didn't choose to come here - someone just pushed me, and ... here I am."
"You mean ... you were sent here? Here?" Raditz asked, incredulous.
"Yeah ... what's so strange about that?" I demanded, staring up at him. I reached for my power to read his mind, and found ... nothing.
Damn. That jerk really DID take away my power. This was going to be harder than I thought.
He gave me an odd look, raising his eyebrow again sardonically. "Oh, nothing, I suppose ... except that the only people who are in THIS part of THIS Hell are Saiyan."
I swallowed in a throat suddenly gone dry. "All ... Saiyan?" Then softly, to myself, I muttered, "That ... son of a ..."
Raditz chuckled. "You're going to be here a long time, telepath. It's almost impossible to get to any of the other Hells from here - we were put into our own special section. Better make the best of it."
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The other alien reacted slightly to Gerudo's tale, moving his head about to get a better look at his surroundings. As he turned, he saw a figure move across the wasteland, purposefully striding toward them. It looked as though there were several more large individuals behind the first, but they were too far away to see any detail. Their bodies blended into the eerie, hostile landscape, the black and gray of their hair and armor appearing and disappearing in the gloom.
As Gerudo followed the other's gaze, his face turned a peculiar shade of green. The color was unnaturally pale, even for him.
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You'd ... better go. Don't ask any questions, just ... go. And move that way, across the rocks and down. Don't let them see you if you can help it.
I'll be all right. I always am. After all, you can't die twice, can you? - and I'm already in Hell.
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He left quickly, padding across the sand until he felt he was far enough away to be 'safe,' whatever that meant in Hell. As he walked, he kept his 'front' eyes staring forward, watching for obstacles and obstructions in his path; but due to his peculiar makeup, he was also able to swivel his "side" eyes to the rear, watching to see what happened to his companion.
The larger shadows merged with the rocks. He strained to see or hear something from the pile of boulders. Nothing - he heard and saw absolutely nothing.
I won't go back, the Bas-jin decided. I've heard enough.
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Yet once again, the Bas-jin found himself drawn to the fellow in the rocks. He had stayed away a longer time period this time, but his own loneliness and isolation compelled him to seek the other out - if for no other reason than he needed to feel the thoughts of a fellow psychic.
Hell was mind-numbingly dismal for most beings, but it was worse for psychics. They were usually unable to use any of their powers to determine anyone's emotions or feelings, something they did without conscious thought on an almost continuous basis. Meaning, that for all intents and purposes, they were blind.
But this was Hell, after all.
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Well - so there you are. Back again for more, eh ...?
Yeah ... I'm fine. It's just - something that happens to me every night - because of certain things I said to someone. Someone who betrayed me. Suffice it to say that I won't be speaking to him anymore...
What did I say? I told him how I died and how good it would be when Master Freeza offed the little twerp that put me here. "I'm just sorry I won't be there to see it," I told the bastard - who promptly told someone else, who - well ...
You wanted to hear about my death, didn't you? Who it was that put me here? It was that sick fuck Vejiita ouji who did it to me - he's the one.
Yeah, he's a Saiyan. What - you know him, too?
I never liked him - I always knew he was up to no good, and that he'd stab Master Freeza in the back the first chance he could. I tried to tell the master, but he wouldn't listen - he had that dirty little monster with him all the time. Treated him like a pet - took him everywhere, left him wander wherever he wanted with whomever he wanted, laughed at his insolent remarks ...
You know, that nasty Saiyan was the only person who could insult Master Freeza and get away with it. Everyone else got blasted to oblivion and back, but not Vejiita ouji. Oh, no. He was too precious for that. Master Freeza just spoke to him like he always did - and then suddenly he was fine. He magically changed what he was doing, and the master was happy.
The only time we were allowed to have fun with him was when he was young. He did something - I don't remember what - that made Master Freeza very unhappy. The master told Ginyu to take the boy and teach him some manners in any way he thought would be good. Even then we couldn't do much. He was smart - he didn't cry or scream like some of Master Freeza's other pets. He fussed a bit, but once he figured out he couldn't get out of it he just lay there on his stomach and refused to say a word, making us do all the work. Well - I made sure that I showed HIM who was boss. Heh - I know he needed time in the regen tank after us, and he still didn't walk right for about a week afterwards.
I tried and tried to tell the master many times before, but he just wouldn't listen. I didn't understand it - it was so plain! There was no respect for our master in that boy at all - no feeling, in fact, for anything that wasn't himself. So I was really surprised when we received the call from Namek. We were to report to the surface of Namek immediately, to help quell a problem and locate some of Master Freeza's property that was 'misplaced.'
I'll tell you what happened.
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After we arrived on Namek, Master Freeza gave us our mission.
"The traitor Vejiita took the dragon balls I collected. Make him suffer without killing him, then bring him here. I want to make him confess where he hid his contraband."
Oh, Master Freeza, my heart sang, you've finally discovered what I've been trying to tell you all these years - that Vejiita is a worthless, spineless, good for nothing son of a ...heh ...
Anyway - Ginyu assured him we'd get Vejiita. We did, too - we found the traitor not too far from Master Freeza's ship, but he also had some weird little people with him. They were small - not natives to Namek - and didn't appear to have any battle potential. But when we started to fight, suddenly their chi became huge - I'd never seen anything like it.
I won the right to kill them fair and square - we played "Roshambo," and I won them. Recoom, though, won the right to fight Vejiita - I was disappointed, because I wanted to slam that turd's head right down his throat. But at least I had a chance to fight - Butta and Jeiuce weren't going to get a turn at all. Heh. Not my problem.
Recoom was staring at Vejiita. "They're in the way - Gurd, you clean up the two pee-wees first!"
"Hmph," I muttered, staring back at him with a black gaze of my own, my hands on my hips. "Does this look like a janitor's uniform? Hm?"
He said nothing - just chuckled and shrugged, motioning me forward.
"Fine, fine," I muttered as I walked over to them. They were standing in front of Vejiita, both looking very earnest and angry, both wrapped as tightly as a drum.
"This is going to be over before we know it," I muttered to myself, looking at their pitiful scouter readings on my readout.
One of the pygmies shouted, "RELEASE YOUR CHI!"
It was as if a hurricane had been unleashed right in my face. I was blinded with light and sensation, trying to pinpoint their locations. Where were they?
I felt another enormous burst of chi released from the heavens and flung straight at me.
"STOP!" I hollered, looking up into the sky with my fists halfway raised, sucking in my breath.
It worked. I had stopped time, and by doing that had pinpointed where the little jerks were going to be. Now, all I had to do was dodge their blasts and beat them to hell and back.
But - I couldn't find them. In fact, I couldn't find them anywhere. I finally peered around and spotted them several kilometers away
"B - but how'd they get way over there?" I wondered. I was sweating profusely by then - the strain of holding time isn't that hard, if you're only holding objects that aren't trying to move. But objects that are moving are more difficult.
"Dammit," I muttered, "I can't ... hold time.... any longer .... Phew!"
I released my breath, and with that the continuum restarted with a fountain of rocks and debris spewing from the earth in front of me.
And the brats disappeared.
This happened several more times, until I finally figured out how to trap them. I threw out my arms, opened my mind and froze them in midair, refusing to allow their arms and legs to work, pushing back at them as hard as I could.
"Never thought ... I'd be using telekinesis on these small-timers," I muttered, panting and straining. "Who the hell are they? H-how did they know where I was without scouters?"
They're a great deal stronger than I thought they'd be - I won't be able to hold them much longer - what should I do?
Looking at the strange dwarf trees near me gave me an idea. "I know. I'll make a shish kebab out of this." Looking back over my shoulder, I nodded toward the small one with dark hair and smirked, "Heh, heh - maybe you'll taste good roasted ..."
I pulled my arms up and behind me, grunting "Hah!" as I cracked the tree trunk at its base and snapped off its green, leafy branches - leaving only its tough wooden trunk. Balancing it as if it were a javelin above my left arm, I used my power to shave both ends of the trunk to crude wooden points as I taunted the little warriors.
"Hee hee hee! What's wrong? You better run, or this log is going to impale you," I yelled, grinning maniacally at them. It was positively delightful to have such an unwilling, captive audience.
Nothing but rude snarls floated down toward me.
"Hee hee hee ... I guess you can't move, you poor things. Tell you what. I'll take care of one of you right now, and then I'll use a different psychic power to play with the other one ... nice and slow."
Oh, I was enjoying this - I really, really, was -
"Ha, ha, ha - HERE!" I screamed and launched the tree trunk like a missile, right at the chest of the bald one, guiding it with my mind ...
~SLAAAASH~
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I was dizzy and cold, and couldn't feel anything below my chin. That's when I realized - there was nothing below my chin to feel.
What just happened? I don't understand ... that's my body over there, so ...
That son of a bitch ... he just ... just snuck up behind me and - and sliced my head off my body. Damn him! how did he know ...?
"That's not fair, Vejiita," I whined, feeling my head vibrate. "This game was between me and the tiny folk."
He sneered as he stared down at me, his mouth curled in derision, his fist clenched at his side. He didn't seem surprised that my bodiless head was talking to him, either - so that meant that his little slashing move was intentional. Apparently he knew what would happen if he simply drilled a hole in my chest, and decided to take no chances.
Now I started to panic.
"Gee, Gerudo! Too bad I never agreed to your rules." His image started to fade and wavered in front of me - I'm losing my grip, I can't hold on much longer - and I heard him taunt, "Nothing's fair in battle ..."
You brainless Saiyan ape, I thought as I forced myself to look up at him one more time. Perspiration was dripping down the side of his face - even though he looked cool, I knew he was afraid. Ginyu does that to people, I thought maliciously. I hope they fry your ass before they hand it back to you.
"I n-never thought ... I'd be killed by a monkey-butt Saiyan like you ... that pisses me off ..." I muttered, snarling. I tried to draw my chi into my mind, to gather it for one more thrust, just to wipe that smirk off his face.
A familiar expression flickered in his eyes as he looked at me; he uncurled his fist to reveal a large store of his own blue chi curling around his fingers. Smiling deliberately, his eyebrows drew together as he drawled, "Poor Gerudo ..." Energy in a bright, blue-white ball came rushing toward me, hurtling through space to disintegrate my head so that I couldn't regenerate ...
The last thing I remember was his expression before he threw the ball of chi - mocking, contemptuous, and obviously relishing my fear and helplessness and his own power over me.
What a bastard. I hate Saiyans, I thought as my vision exploded.
And then there was nothing.
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So now I'm dead. You'd think I'd learn by this time - keep your mouth shut around Saiyans. They're stupid, but loyal to each other and almost insanely protective of their royalty.
But no ... Gerudo didn't learn a thing, no, not me ... just had to keep talking.
And not only did I keep talking, I actually told this story Raditz. I wanted that prick to stick around, if you could believe it. Before you, I was desperate to have someone to talk to - even if he was just a stupid Saiyan, he was better than nothing. He ended up wandering off for a little while, but eventually came back and demanded that I complete my story. So - I did.
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"...and now I'm here," I finished, looking around again. Gods, this was pathetic - stuck in Hell for eternity was bad enough, but being dropped into the Saiyan part with one who had been loyal to that ugly, pointy-haired pissant had to be the worst.
Raditz raised one eyebrow. "Not a very good death, though, was it? Pretty stupid of you, too, in fact - why would you assume that your back was covered?"
Rage at his incredible obtuseness clouded my judgment momentarily. "You people are such inconceivable morons," I snarled, not caring how loudly I spoke. "You are all brawn and no brains. Did you hear anything I said at all? I was part of the Ginyu Force - the strongest force in the known universe, next to Master Freeza. It was my turn with those little runts - I won them fair and square."
"You mean you were stuck with them," Raditz pointed out, amused. "You were trying for Vejiita. And if I were you, I'd keep my voice down."
"So what?" I snarled, nettled at his condescending attitude. "I WAS trying for Vejiita - I would have loved to split that little jerkoff's face in two. The way he always flaunting his position with Master Freeza in my face - Anyway, this was my turn, my fight, and nobody else was supposed to interfere. We'd fought that way for years and years. The Ginyu always fought that way, and never had problems."
The fool just stood there, gaping at me with that same, stupid Saiyan smirk I saw on Vejiita's face. Gods, they ALL looked the same - all idiots! Rage and vitriol flowed from my mind into his as I stepped closer to him, raised my fist in the air and shook it at him, ready to pound his face into mincemeat. "And I was winning, dammit," I yelled up at him, furious at my thwarted triumph. "I was winning - those runts didn't stand a chance! I had them on the ropes, and victory was mine! And then that ugly, repulsive, hideously asinine Saiyan prince of yours went and cut - my - head - off! Completely opposed to everything we've ever done - it goes against every fight we've ever had - it was utterly wrong, totally dishonest, and absolutely-"
"-the best move he could have made," said a deep, unfamiliar voice behind me. I was still staring up at Raditz, but the fool was looking at the person behind me with this weird, devoted look on his face.
"Sire," he murmured, inclining his head.
Sire? I thought, swiveling my side eyes to look behind me. The only thing I saw was a large Saiyan body with a thick, furry tail wrapped around its waist - but the tail looked as though it had just been washed, as its fur was standing up nearly on end.
That's not a good sign. I remember Vejiita's did that whenever he was in a killing mood -
Sire? Oh, no ...
"My son is no fool, alien," the deep voice rumbled, a dark fiber of something pulsing in its tone. I didn't need psi talents to tell that the person in back of me was really ticked off . I couldn't read his mind, but I could certainly feel something pouring out of him - and whatever it was, it wasn't friendly at all.
I slowly turned around and looked up. A Saiyan - somewhat smaller than Raditz, but still rather physically impressive - was staring down at me, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his eyebrows drawn across his face in one solid black line. A small red crest was emblazoned on the left side of his breast plate, identifying him as a member of Saiyan royalty.
But I didn't need to see that. One look at him told me much, much more than I ever wanted to know. This was Vejiita Ou - the dead king of the Saiyans, the leader of one of the bloodthirstiest races the universe had ever seen, and the father of that bastard that sent me to Hell.
And it looked as though there was an army of Saiyans standing behind him - Saiyans in full battle gear, Saiyans with energy silently pulsing around them, Saiyans with that vile, arrogant attitude. Enma had taken my fighting powers from me, but now I realized he left me with a power I had never before experienced - the power to see and feel chi.
That meant I could see and feel how powerful these Saiyans really were, but I couldn't do anything about it. Enma left me with my normal fighting potential which, compared to them, was nothing more than a good laugh. Which is what I knew that sadistic god had had - at my expense, no doubt - when he sent me here.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Just so you know? I've stuck gods on my list of people who could bend down and kiss my ass, right next to Saiyans. I hate the gods, too. They did this to me, rotten excuses for deities that they are.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*
I stared at them and tried to appear fierce.
"A job well done, Raditz," the king said, glaring down at me. "Your directions were accurate, and you performed your part well. Had my son been so inclined to listen to you more often, he may not have found himself allied with such weaklings. Now, alien," Vejiita Ou growled, "you believe my son to be - let me see if I remember correctly - ugly, repulsive, and hideously asinine?"
I closed the eyes on the side of my head. Raditz sold me out, the bastard. This wasn't going to go very well at all.
"He insulted the Crown Prince?" gasped one of the Saiyans in back of his leader, outraged. "This little green twit insulted Prince Vejiita?"
"I told you to keep your voice down," Raditz murmured, a hint of laughter in his. "But you wouldn't listen to me, would you? You knew everything ..."
"He's got four eyes, Sire," a large, burly Saiyan commented, pushing his was next to his sovereign and crossing his arms as he cocked his head to the side. "I think that's really odd." Leering, he asked, "Should we look and see if there's anything else on his body that's duplicated?"
"You - you can't kill me twice," I snapped desperately, shrinking next to Raditz. "Besides, I'm entitled to my opinion. Your Prince did nothing except insult and dishonor me in a fight that was none of his business."
"Now, now, Gerudo, don't piss off the king," Raditz murmured, grasping my arms with strong fingers and roughly pushing me directly in front of the king.
"You may keep your opinion, for all the good it will do you," the king agreed, smirking - gods, he even sounded like Vejiita - "but you're going to have to explain yourself to us a little better than that." Faster than I could see, his tail snapped out and snared me by the throat. It was painfully tight - and the irony of Vejiita's father imprisoning me like that, after his son has just cut off my head, ground itself into my gut.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
For the record? I hate Saiyans more than I hate the gods. They live for nothing less than to humiliate and defeat their enemies, not necessarily in that order - and because their attention span is so short, they have to do it again and again and again ...
*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"We've been watching you Ginyu, you know," he continued pleasantly, dragging me away from the relative safety of Raditz and thrusting me toward his soldiers. His tail was like steel around my throat - no amount of tugging on my part dislodged even one hair. "We've seen the kinds of games you've played with our kind. And once Raditz and Nappa joined us here, we were able to hear firsthand about the delightful sport you and your companions made of the remaining Saiyans. Especially young ones."
I didn't think things could get any worse than they had already ... but I was now hitting an all time low. This isn't good at all, I thought as I stumbled into a sea of legs covered with boots and body armor, restlessly stamping like warhorses.
"Especially my son," the king continued, his voice flat and sparse, iron control clamped around his tone. "We heard how your master enjoyed raping and using young men of every species, and how, right from the beginning, he took an unhealthy interest in Vejiita Ouji. We were also told how you and the Ginyu Force used and abused him as a child." He bared his teeth at me - it was frightening, it really was - and murmured silkily, "I hope any pleasure you had from that encounter was worth it - little man."
This was going to be bad ... this was going to be very bad ...
"It is true, too, that we can't kill you - why should we, as you're already dead?" His tail released me suddenly, and I lurched to my knees on the ground. Still whole, still in one piece, I thought, desperately looking for a way out.
"But-"
The king stopped speaking and glanced at his commander. The man inclined his head gracefully, took several steps toward me and gently put his large hand under my chin, forcing me to stare at his eyes.
The expression there was merciless, as was his smile. "-but we can play with you, telepath," he finished for his king, his teeth flashing in the sudden gloom. "We can play with you all day and all night-as much as we want." His long tail caressed the back of my neck where the Saiyan king had grabbed me, then started to work its way down my back, underneath my jumpsuit, probing and prodding. His hand held my chin in a grip of iron; I couldn't pull away. "The Honorable Lord Enma dropped you over here for a reason, hm?"
"Oh, no," I moaned, realizing exactly what he had in mind.
"Oh, yes," he grinned, watching the expression on my face as his tail worked its way farther into my jumpsuit.
I told myself I wouldn't beg, no matter what happened.
"Raditz," the commander called, still holding my eyes, "you're first. Come on over here and get your reward. Didn't you say there was something you wanted to show this little freak if you ever had the chance -?"
"Ah - yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I'll be right there." The warrior smirked as he pushed his way over toward his commander, his long hair swaying behind him.
"Somebody go get Nappa," the commanded said pleasantly, as if he was inviting an old friend to tea. "And tell him he's next."
This was going to be very, very, bad.
"Raditz ... please," I begged, immediately retracting my promise to myself. Raditz simply bared his teeth at me and twined his tail around my leg, caressing its length with the flexible tip of his tail.
"How many times did I see you do this to the Prince, alien?" he inquired softly, tapping the inside of my thigh with his tail. "How many times did I have to watch while your master-and you-and the rest of your perverted friends-" and he spit the next word out, "forced the Prince to submit to whatever perversion pleased him at the moment? How many times, hm? Don't worry," he snarled, staring at me with black, violent eyes, "I'll take care of you. Very good care of you. We wouldn't want to damage you all at once, now, would we? You're going to be our amusement for a very long time to come."
It dawned on me that there was no way out. I was completely encircled by very large, very angry Saiyan warriors, each with a long, twitching tail and bloodlust gleaming from their eyes. And they were all going to ...
"It's true, y'know," the commander said, giving me a feral grin as Raditz ripped my body armor from my chest as easily as peeling an orange. "You know how incredibly dull and monotonous it is out here - someone like you is just what we need. We'll let you rest up every now and then, and of course we'll never kill you - but I think everyone's in the mood to play. What do you think, Raditz?"
I tried to pull away, but he had snarled his tail around my legs and I only succeeded in sprawling headfirst in the sand at his feet.
His hand was heavy on the back of my neck as he replied, amusement coloring his tone, "Oh, yes, sir - I think everyone's in the mood to play tonight. And I think little Gerudo's more than deserving of our attention ..."
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
And ... that's it. I don't want to talk about this any more - I live it, and that's enough. I've gotten used to it, I think - at least until Raditz thinks up yet another kinky perverted thing to do to me, the bastard.
So - you're going? Can't say I blame you. I wouldn't stick around, either ... you look too much like me, and those Saiyans, while nitwits, would understand that you and I are of the same race ...
Eh. You don't want to share my fate.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
The alien looked back over his shoulder at the receding rock formation, realizing that he probably wouldn't see his fellow Bas-jin again. It was odd, he mused, how the gods seemed to know exactly what type of punishment would inflict the maximum amount of physical and psychic pain on each individual. They tailored each punishment to fit the miscreant exactly, and were even able to manipulate events to the point where many different creatures were being punished at the same time by the same circumstances.
He, on the one hand, had been a normal Bas-jin - a thoughtful, retiring person, eager to stay in one place and contemplate the meaning of life, studying issues precisely with no sense of urgency, ignoring the rest of the world. Now, however, he was sentenced to wander the plains of Hell forever - he had to seek out new people and situations, get to know them briefly and move on, never resolving any of his own issues.
Gerudo, on the other hand, was a pompus, brash Bas-jin who had been jealous of the Saiyan prince for years because of the young prince's relationship with Freeza - even I knew that, he thought sourly. He took his anger and frustrations out on the younger lad as often as he possibly could. And now ...
The creature shook his head in mute understanding. Hell was frustratingly predictable - and as such, was terribly, terribly boring. The gods really did know what they were doing.
****************
Hell was boring.
But according to the gods and the laws of the universe, Hell was supposed to be boring.
There were an infinite number of Hells, all tailor made to fit the individuals who lived in them, but they all had the same defining characteristic - they were all completely, utterly, and totally boring. Tedious. Monotonous. Excruciatingly uninteresting. Nothing new or exciting ever happened, nothing ever changed, and even the new souls that migrated there looked the same as everyone else.
Thus it was doubly exciting when, in the midst of a small scree of rocks, the rotund Bas-jin crossing the colorless desert plain saw a flash of forest green.
The small alien paused, momentarily startled as he gazed across the flatlands. He had been doomed to wander the plains of Hell for eternity - and Lord Enma had been quite specific about that, too. He was commanded to wander - not just get from one point to another, but wander. Meander. Walk around aimlessly, never being able to stay in one place very long. It was a dull, boring, pointless existence that the creature was starting to question.
There it was again - wasn't it? He thought he saw something out of the corner of one of his eyes again - this particular species had four - that just didn't fit in with the rest of the plain.
That wasn't boring. There was someone else out there, and that being was ... different.
He pushed his senses to their limit. He tried to drive his way into the mind of whoever was hiding out there, but couldn't muscle through a particularly smooth mental wall. However, he could feel glimmers from the mind behind the screen; it felt curious, and exotic, and familiar at the same time - and was something that the Bas-jin hadn't experienced in years.
Nothing happens here by chance, he thought sourly, sweat dripping down the side of his thickset neck from the oppressive heat blanketing the area. Might as well see what new torture Lord Enma has in store for me. So he altered his course to take him closer to a strange little rock formation, surrounded by the weird trees that looked like blue dandelion puffs gone wrong.
He found that odd thing perched among the stones - and if he hadn't already been dead, the shock of his discovery would have killed him.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Heh. I've been watching you for a while.
I wondered if you'd leave the path and come closer. Usually people don't - not after they've actually SEEN me. But I can see that it doesn't bother you, because - well - because you're my shade of ugly. I haven't seen another Bas-jin in I don't know how many years. It's good to see someone who-
-who -
- hey, wait a minute. I know you, don't I? You're ... you're ...
Aw ... hell.
I'm not surprised. Nothing surprises me any more. Seeing you here ... well ... heh ... something must've happened to you after I left, yes, that put you down here? It's all right - you don't have to tell me. They don't call this place Hell for nothing.
To tell you the truth, I didn't think I did anything that terrible when I was alive - at least, nothing that deserves this kind of punishment. Gods, they plague me day after day and night after night.... What did I do that was so disgusting, or so different from what everyone else around me was doing? And where is everyone else who was doing that with me?
Sure - I killed people; we all did. You know I was part of Master Freeza's Ginyu Force, and we were the strongest force in the universe - next to Master Freeza, of course. It was our job to kill people; that's what we were supposed to do, and that's what we did. And we were damn good at it, too. Master Freeza was proud of us. He told us so. He made sure that he told me, too - privately, you know.
How many? Gods, I dunno - thousands, hundreds of thousands - does it matter? They're just as dead. I didn't kill them all by myself, you understand - I did my share - but the others from the Ginyu Force were with me, too. They appreciated me because I didn't look like one of them - I wasn't tall like Recoom, or pretty like Jeiuce, or flashy like Ginyu - but I could kill just as many as they could, and because I could freeze time, I could 'get' things without anyone being the wiser. Heh. You should've seen what I got for Master Freeza from this short bald guy right before -
- never mind. I don't want to talk about that.
You remember Ginyu, don't you? Ah ... I thought so. No one ever believed I was in the Ginyu Force when I was by myself, either - I can't tell you the number of halfwits I killed just because of that.
You remember - they recruited me. They came looking for me! Ginyu was strutting around town, declaring that he'd create a spot on his squad for the Bas-jin who could defeat him in hand-to-hand combat. The rest of them thought that was pretty funny when they saw what you and I looked like - those idiots had never seen any Bas-jin before - they told me later they thought Ginyu was making it up. Ginyu thought it was pretty funny, too - he was doubled over when I stepped up to the ropes, he thought it was so funny - but he stopped laughing the second he found himself on the ground with my knives at his throat and his balls. Heh - oh, yeah, I thought you'd remember that - that was rich.
So you think I should've cut them off when I had the chance? If I'd cut him right then, the bugger would've left that body and jumped right into mine, and then where would we have been? I didn't think the universe could survive an insane telepath, and I sure didn't want to see that whack job gain any more power than he already had. It would've been just too much temptation for him. And I would've been stuck with a damaged body ...
Why aren't Batta and Jeiuce here yet? If I'm here, then they should be here, right? I don't see them up to their necks in ... eh.... never mind. Maybe they aren't dead yet.
Just wait. They'll get their turn, too.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
The green alien left after a short while, his shoulders slumped against an invisible burden, and slipped away from the rocks. What passed as daylight faded to charcoal gray as the night stole across the land, bringing with it all the shrieks and moans people remembered as they dreamed.
Several time spans later - it could have been days, but just as easily could have been hours - the night slunk away, to be replaced with a steely, miserable, half gray of a morning. Dawn towed a reluctant verdant alien in its wake, one that had vowed he'd never see the other again ... yet there he was, hat in hand, waiting patiently for the solitary figure to continue with his story.
After all, there wasn't much to do in Hell - and it was so rare to find anyone who actually HAD a story to tell ...
*^*^*^^*^*^*^*^*^*
Ah. You came back. I wondered if you would.
Let's get something straight. I talk - you listen. I don't give a shit about why you're here. You're the one asking all the questions. So ask away, but make them short.
First of all - I had no idea that being dead could hurt so much. But I don't want to talk about that now - that's for later, assuming we get there ...
And why am I here, of all places, instead of some other place in all the Hells? Blame that jerk at the front desk - it's all Lord Enma's doing, I'm telling you. It's not my fault at all - he had it out for me the minute he saw me and still does. Listen to what happened:
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Let's see....next is ... Guido. Where's Guido?" The giant behind the wooden desk scowled and leaned forward on arms as wide as small tree trunks. "Find Guido, you idiots - we only have so much time! Which one of you is Guido?" he boomed, staring at the doomed souls in front of him, his voice thunderous and frightening.
Everyone shook at the very sound of his voice; everyone except me, that is. I didn't know who he was - I was lucky I knew where I was, let alone be able to recognize people from the underworld. I had just stumbled into this huge room that looked like some kind of station - I couldn't remember how I got there - and now this colossal guy was shouting and stamping his feet for someone named Guido. And my head was buzzing ... buzzing from the inside out ...
Something poked me in the side. "You ... aren't you Guido?" a tall, green skinned Kami asked me, a suspicious glint in his eyes.
"No," I snapped, slapping his hand away, "Don't touch me. I hate being touched. Besides, I'm not Guido - I'm Gerudo." I gave him my best ~back off, bud~ glare. "Isn't this the afterlife? Aren't you guys supposed to know everything?"
"Usually we do," he muttered, peering at a list of something written in a cramped, squashed style through eyes that were red and crinkled, "but I was never very good at deciphering Lord Enma's writing." Raising his voice, the green Kami said, "Lord Enma - he's right here, sir, the next doomed supplicant's right here. But his name isn't Guido, it's -"
"Are you telling me I don't know who's coming to see me?" the giant snapped peevishly.
"No - no sir, no, not at all," the Kami dissembled, clearly upset. "You know exactly what has happened, what is happening and what will happen, sir. I was just saying, sir, that sometimes your handwriting is a bit difficult to read, and that-"
I rolled my eyes.
Disgusting - just disgusting. Toady gods groveling before moronic gods. And these were the beings that ruled our universe? This was doubly irritating. A dead wildebeest could do a better job.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Well, they finally got their assess sorted out from each other. Lord Enma took one look at me and laughed himself silly when he read my crimes from the ledger. He was laughing so hard that he was crying, the weakling - tears were actually running down his face. All the Kamis around him were laughing, too, but I knew it was only because they were afraid of pissing him off.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What're you laughing at?" I demanded, completely insulted at his lack of courtesy. "What's so funny?"
"You!" he managed to sputter out, and then went into gales of huge, guffawing laughter. "I know exactly where I'm going to put you ..."
"Where am I going?" I demanded, getting angrier by the moment. How dare this yokel laugh at me - why, all I had to do was -
"Ah - ah - ah," Enma warned, slipping out of laughter easily and wagging his finger at me. "We know all about your little swindles, Bas-jin - don't think you can pull your pitiful psychic tricks on me. And just for that," he growled, his brow thunderous and threatening, "you can stay here without your puny little powers until I think you've earned them back. Which in your case," he said with a malicious smile, "is going to be a long, long, time." He looked down at his book, made an entry, and waved his large hand to the side. "We're done, now. Off with you."
"Off - where? Where am I going? You can't do this to me!" I squeaked. A warm, tingly feeling washed through my body, starting at the crown of my head and moving through the soles of my feet - and it was like a curtain dropped in my mind.
"Why - you're going to Hell, boy! And you'll never guess who you're going to stay with!" And with that, the Honorable Lord Enma dissolved into huge gales of laughter again, waving his hands for the Kamis to push me away.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
The small green alien sat on the ground next to the rocks, trying to find some comfort as he wiggled his egglike shape around some of the more rounded boulders. The other alien did not notice, too engrossed in himself and his story to pay attention to his visitor.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
I don't remember what happened next - but the next thing I do remember was that I was sitting here - in these rocks. It was just as hot as it is now, and I was thinking that I'd probably need to find food and shelter somewhere ... and then I wondered if I'd actually need food, since I was dead and all.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Probably not, I realized. This is Hell, for crying out loud. They'll just make me ~think~ I need food, so they can torment me with the thought of starvation.
"That would be pretty stupid now, wouldn't it? Why waste all that energy when they could just make you hungry all the time?"
I whirled around to find a large, ugly Saiyan standing not a meter away from me. He had long hair, the habitual smirking face ...
"Raditz," I said unenthusiastically. "What a surprise. Now I know I'm in Moronville for sure."
"It's good to see you, too, Gerudo," the tall Saiyan said, grinning down at me. "I'm always amazed at the people I see here. But I'm not surprised to see you - not at all. I knew someone would knock you off sooner or later. You were living on borrowed time when I knew you."
"How do you know someone knocked me off? Maybe I just died of old age."
Raditz snorted, shaking his head vigorously. "Impossible. People would have lined up to kill you. Who was it? Anyone I know?"
Anger gnawed at my gut. "None of your business, monkey butt. It was a cheap shot, anyway."
Raditz raised a skeptical eyebrow. "A cheap shot? With you - Gerudo, king of the cheap shots? You never missed an opportunity to skin someone else - why are you surprised that it happened to you?" He looked down at me, his arms folded across his chest, his feet planted solidly apart, and narrowed his eyes. "And what exactly are you doing here?"
"How should I know?" I snapped bitterly, pushing myself off the rocks. They were hard, pointed and not at all comfortable. "I didn't choose to come here - someone just pushed me, and ... here I am."
"You mean ... you were sent here? Here?" Raditz asked, incredulous.
"Yeah ... what's so strange about that?" I demanded, staring up at him. I reached for my power to read his mind, and found ... nothing.
Damn. That jerk really DID take away my power. This was going to be harder than I thought.
He gave me an odd look, raising his eyebrow again sardonically. "Oh, nothing, I suppose ... except that the only people who are in THIS part of THIS Hell are Saiyan."
I swallowed in a throat suddenly gone dry. "All ... Saiyan?" Then softly, to myself, I muttered, "That ... son of a ..."
Raditz chuckled. "You're going to be here a long time, telepath. It's almost impossible to get to any of the other Hells from here - we were put into our own special section. Better make the best of it."
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
The other alien reacted slightly to Gerudo's tale, moving his head about to get a better look at his surroundings. As he turned, he saw a figure move across the wasteland, purposefully striding toward them. It looked as though there were several more large individuals behind the first, but they were too far away to see any detail. Their bodies blended into the eerie, hostile landscape, the black and gray of their hair and armor appearing and disappearing in the gloom.
As Gerudo followed the other's gaze, his face turned a peculiar shade of green. The color was unnaturally pale, even for him.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
You'd ... better go. Don't ask any questions, just ... go. And move that way, across the rocks and down. Don't let them see you if you can help it.
I'll be all right. I always am. After all, you can't die twice, can you? - and I'm already in Hell.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
He left quickly, padding across the sand until he felt he was far enough away to be 'safe,' whatever that meant in Hell. As he walked, he kept his 'front' eyes staring forward, watching for obstacles and obstructions in his path; but due to his peculiar makeup, he was also able to swivel his "side" eyes to the rear, watching to see what happened to his companion.
The larger shadows merged with the rocks. He strained to see or hear something from the pile of boulders. Nothing - he heard and saw absolutely nothing.
I won't go back, the Bas-jin decided. I've heard enough.
*^*^*^*^
Yet once again, the Bas-jin found himself drawn to the fellow in the rocks. He had stayed away a longer time period this time, but his own loneliness and isolation compelled him to seek the other out - if for no other reason than he needed to feel the thoughts of a fellow psychic.
Hell was mind-numbingly dismal for most beings, but it was worse for psychics. They were usually unable to use any of their powers to determine anyone's emotions or feelings, something they did without conscious thought on an almost continuous basis. Meaning, that for all intents and purposes, they were blind.
But this was Hell, after all.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Well - so there you are. Back again for more, eh ...?
Yeah ... I'm fine. It's just - something that happens to me every night - because of certain things I said to someone. Someone who betrayed me. Suffice it to say that I won't be speaking to him anymore...
What did I say? I told him how I died and how good it would be when Master Freeza offed the little twerp that put me here. "I'm just sorry I won't be there to see it," I told the bastard - who promptly told someone else, who - well ...
You wanted to hear about my death, didn't you? Who it was that put me here? It was that sick fuck Vejiita ouji who did it to me - he's the one.
Yeah, he's a Saiyan. What - you know him, too?
I never liked him - I always knew he was up to no good, and that he'd stab Master Freeza in the back the first chance he could. I tried to tell the master, but he wouldn't listen - he had that dirty little monster with him all the time. Treated him like a pet - took him everywhere, left him wander wherever he wanted with whomever he wanted, laughed at his insolent remarks ...
You know, that nasty Saiyan was the only person who could insult Master Freeza and get away with it. Everyone else got blasted to oblivion and back, but not Vejiita ouji. Oh, no. He was too precious for that. Master Freeza just spoke to him like he always did - and then suddenly he was fine. He magically changed what he was doing, and the master was happy.
The only time we were allowed to have fun with him was when he was young. He did something - I don't remember what - that made Master Freeza very unhappy. The master told Ginyu to take the boy and teach him some manners in any way he thought would be good. Even then we couldn't do much. He was smart - he didn't cry or scream like some of Master Freeza's other pets. He fussed a bit, but once he figured out he couldn't get out of it he just lay there on his stomach and refused to say a word, making us do all the work. Well - I made sure that I showed HIM who was boss. Heh - I know he needed time in the regen tank after us, and he still didn't walk right for about a week afterwards.
I tried and tried to tell the master many times before, but he just wouldn't listen. I didn't understand it - it was so plain! There was no respect for our master in that boy at all - no feeling, in fact, for anything that wasn't himself. So I was really surprised when we received the call from Namek. We were to report to the surface of Namek immediately, to help quell a problem and locate some of Master Freeza's property that was 'misplaced.'
I'll tell you what happened.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
After we arrived on Namek, Master Freeza gave us our mission.
"The traitor Vejiita took the dragon balls I collected. Make him suffer without killing him, then bring him here. I want to make him confess where he hid his contraband."
Oh, Master Freeza, my heart sang, you've finally discovered what I've been trying to tell you all these years - that Vejiita is a worthless, spineless, good for nothing son of a ...heh ...
Anyway - Ginyu assured him we'd get Vejiita. We did, too - we found the traitor not too far from Master Freeza's ship, but he also had some weird little people with him. They were small - not natives to Namek - and didn't appear to have any battle potential. But when we started to fight, suddenly their chi became huge - I'd never seen anything like it.
I won the right to kill them fair and square - we played "Roshambo," and I won them. Recoom, though, won the right to fight Vejiita - I was disappointed, because I wanted to slam that turd's head right down his throat. But at least I had a chance to fight - Butta and Jeiuce weren't going to get a turn at all. Heh. Not my problem.
Recoom was staring at Vejiita. "They're in the way - Gurd, you clean up the two pee-wees first!"
"Hmph," I muttered, staring back at him with a black gaze of my own, my hands on my hips. "Does this look like a janitor's uniform? Hm?"
He said nothing - just chuckled and shrugged, motioning me forward.
"Fine, fine," I muttered as I walked over to them. They were standing in front of Vejiita, both looking very earnest and angry, both wrapped as tightly as a drum.
"This is going to be over before we know it," I muttered to myself, looking at their pitiful scouter readings on my readout.
One of the pygmies shouted, "RELEASE YOUR CHI!"
It was as if a hurricane had been unleashed right in my face. I was blinded with light and sensation, trying to pinpoint their locations. Where were they?
I felt another enormous burst of chi released from the heavens and flung straight at me.
"STOP!" I hollered, looking up into the sky with my fists halfway raised, sucking in my breath.
It worked. I had stopped time, and by doing that had pinpointed where the little jerks were going to be. Now, all I had to do was dodge their blasts and beat them to hell and back.
But - I couldn't find them. In fact, I couldn't find them anywhere. I finally peered around and spotted them several kilometers away
"B - but how'd they get way over there?" I wondered. I was sweating profusely by then - the strain of holding time isn't that hard, if you're only holding objects that aren't trying to move. But objects that are moving are more difficult.
"Dammit," I muttered, "I can't ... hold time.... any longer .... Phew!"
I released my breath, and with that the continuum restarted with a fountain of rocks and debris spewing from the earth in front of me.
And the brats disappeared.
This happened several more times, until I finally figured out how to trap them. I threw out my arms, opened my mind and froze them in midair, refusing to allow their arms and legs to work, pushing back at them as hard as I could.
"Never thought ... I'd be using telekinesis on these small-timers," I muttered, panting and straining. "Who the hell are they? H-how did they know where I was without scouters?"
They're a great deal stronger than I thought they'd be - I won't be able to hold them much longer - what should I do?
Looking at the strange dwarf trees near me gave me an idea. "I know. I'll make a shish kebab out of this." Looking back over my shoulder, I nodded toward the small one with dark hair and smirked, "Heh, heh - maybe you'll taste good roasted ..."
I pulled my arms up and behind me, grunting "Hah!" as I cracked the tree trunk at its base and snapped off its green, leafy branches - leaving only its tough wooden trunk. Balancing it as if it were a javelin above my left arm, I used my power to shave both ends of the trunk to crude wooden points as I taunted the little warriors.
"Hee hee hee! What's wrong? You better run, or this log is going to impale you," I yelled, grinning maniacally at them. It was positively delightful to have such an unwilling, captive audience.
Nothing but rude snarls floated down toward me.
"Hee hee hee ... I guess you can't move, you poor things. Tell you what. I'll take care of one of you right now, and then I'll use a different psychic power to play with the other one ... nice and slow."
Oh, I was enjoying this - I really, really, was -
"Ha, ha, ha - HERE!" I screamed and launched the tree trunk like a missile, right at the chest of the bald one, guiding it with my mind ...
~SLAAAASH~
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I was dizzy and cold, and couldn't feel anything below my chin. That's when I realized - there was nothing below my chin to feel.
What just happened? I don't understand ... that's my body over there, so ...
That son of a bitch ... he just ... just snuck up behind me and - and sliced my head off my body. Damn him! how did he know ...?
"That's not fair, Vejiita," I whined, feeling my head vibrate. "This game was between me and the tiny folk."
He sneered as he stared down at me, his mouth curled in derision, his fist clenched at his side. He didn't seem surprised that my bodiless head was talking to him, either - so that meant that his little slashing move was intentional. Apparently he knew what would happen if he simply drilled a hole in my chest, and decided to take no chances.
Now I started to panic.
"Gee, Gerudo! Too bad I never agreed to your rules." His image started to fade and wavered in front of me - I'm losing my grip, I can't hold on much longer - and I heard him taunt, "Nothing's fair in battle ..."
You brainless Saiyan ape, I thought as I forced myself to look up at him one more time. Perspiration was dripping down the side of his face - even though he looked cool, I knew he was afraid. Ginyu does that to people, I thought maliciously. I hope they fry your ass before they hand it back to you.
"I n-never thought ... I'd be killed by a monkey-butt Saiyan like you ... that pisses me off ..." I muttered, snarling. I tried to draw my chi into my mind, to gather it for one more thrust, just to wipe that smirk off his face.
A familiar expression flickered in his eyes as he looked at me; he uncurled his fist to reveal a large store of his own blue chi curling around his fingers. Smiling deliberately, his eyebrows drew together as he drawled, "Poor Gerudo ..." Energy in a bright, blue-white ball came rushing toward me, hurtling through space to disintegrate my head so that I couldn't regenerate ...
The last thing I remember was his expression before he threw the ball of chi - mocking, contemptuous, and obviously relishing my fear and helplessness and his own power over me.
What a bastard. I hate Saiyans, I thought as my vision exploded.
And then there was nothing.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
So now I'm dead. You'd think I'd learn by this time - keep your mouth shut around Saiyans. They're stupid, but loyal to each other and almost insanely protective of their royalty.
But no ... Gerudo didn't learn a thing, no, not me ... just had to keep talking.
And not only did I keep talking, I actually told this story Raditz. I wanted that prick to stick around, if you could believe it. Before you, I was desperate to have someone to talk to - even if he was just a stupid Saiyan, he was better than nothing. He ended up wandering off for a little while, but eventually came back and demanded that I complete my story. So - I did.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"...and now I'm here," I finished, looking around again. Gods, this was pathetic - stuck in Hell for eternity was bad enough, but being dropped into the Saiyan part with one who had been loyal to that ugly, pointy-haired pissant had to be the worst.
Raditz raised one eyebrow. "Not a very good death, though, was it? Pretty stupid of you, too, in fact - why would you assume that your back was covered?"
Rage at his incredible obtuseness clouded my judgment momentarily. "You people are such inconceivable morons," I snarled, not caring how loudly I spoke. "You are all brawn and no brains. Did you hear anything I said at all? I was part of the Ginyu Force - the strongest force in the known universe, next to Master Freeza. It was my turn with those little runts - I won them fair and square."
"You mean you were stuck with them," Raditz pointed out, amused. "You were trying for Vejiita. And if I were you, I'd keep my voice down."
"So what?" I snarled, nettled at his condescending attitude. "I WAS trying for Vejiita - I would have loved to split that little jerkoff's face in two. The way he always flaunting his position with Master Freeza in my face - Anyway, this was my turn, my fight, and nobody else was supposed to interfere. We'd fought that way for years and years. The Ginyu always fought that way, and never had problems."
The fool just stood there, gaping at me with that same, stupid Saiyan smirk I saw on Vejiita's face. Gods, they ALL looked the same - all idiots! Rage and vitriol flowed from my mind into his as I stepped closer to him, raised my fist in the air and shook it at him, ready to pound his face into mincemeat. "And I was winning, dammit," I yelled up at him, furious at my thwarted triumph. "I was winning - those runts didn't stand a chance! I had them on the ropes, and victory was mine! And then that ugly, repulsive, hideously asinine Saiyan prince of yours went and cut - my - head - off! Completely opposed to everything we've ever done - it goes against every fight we've ever had - it was utterly wrong, totally dishonest, and absolutely-"
"-the best move he could have made," said a deep, unfamiliar voice behind me. I was still staring up at Raditz, but the fool was looking at the person behind me with this weird, devoted look on his face.
"Sire," he murmured, inclining his head.
Sire? I thought, swiveling my side eyes to look behind me. The only thing I saw was a large Saiyan body with a thick, furry tail wrapped around its waist - but the tail looked as though it had just been washed, as its fur was standing up nearly on end.
That's not a good sign. I remember Vejiita's did that whenever he was in a killing mood -
Sire? Oh, no ...
"My son is no fool, alien," the deep voice rumbled, a dark fiber of something pulsing in its tone. I didn't need psi talents to tell that the person in back of me was really ticked off . I couldn't read his mind, but I could certainly feel something pouring out of him - and whatever it was, it wasn't friendly at all.
I slowly turned around and looked up. A Saiyan - somewhat smaller than Raditz, but still rather physically impressive - was staring down at me, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his eyebrows drawn across his face in one solid black line. A small red crest was emblazoned on the left side of his breast plate, identifying him as a member of Saiyan royalty.
But I didn't need to see that. One look at him told me much, much more than I ever wanted to know. This was Vejiita Ou - the dead king of the Saiyans, the leader of one of the bloodthirstiest races the universe had ever seen, and the father of that bastard that sent me to Hell.
And it looked as though there was an army of Saiyans standing behind him - Saiyans in full battle gear, Saiyans with energy silently pulsing around them, Saiyans with that vile, arrogant attitude. Enma had taken my fighting powers from me, but now I realized he left me with a power I had never before experienced - the power to see and feel chi.
That meant I could see and feel how powerful these Saiyans really were, but I couldn't do anything about it. Enma left me with my normal fighting potential which, compared to them, was nothing more than a good laugh. Which is what I knew that sadistic god had had - at my expense, no doubt - when he sent me here.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Just so you know? I've stuck gods on my list of people who could bend down and kiss my ass, right next to Saiyans. I hate the gods, too. They did this to me, rotten excuses for deities that they are.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*
I stared at them and tried to appear fierce.
"A job well done, Raditz," the king said, glaring down at me. "Your directions were accurate, and you performed your part well. Had my son been so inclined to listen to you more often, he may not have found himself allied with such weaklings. Now, alien," Vejiita Ou growled, "you believe my son to be - let me see if I remember correctly - ugly, repulsive, and hideously asinine?"
I closed the eyes on the side of my head. Raditz sold me out, the bastard. This wasn't going to go very well at all.
"He insulted the Crown Prince?" gasped one of the Saiyans in back of his leader, outraged. "This little green twit insulted Prince Vejiita?"
"I told you to keep your voice down," Raditz murmured, a hint of laughter in his. "But you wouldn't listen to me, would you? You knew everything ..."
"He's got four eyes, Sire," a large, burly Saiyan commented, pushing his was next to his sovereign and crossing his arms as he cocked his head to the side. "I think that's really odd." Leering, he asked, "Should we look and see if there's anything else on his body that's duplicated?"
"You - you can't kill me twice," I snapped desperately, shrinking next to Raditz. "Besides, I'm entitled to my opinion. Your Prince did nothing except insult and dishonor me in a fight that was none of his business."
"Now, now, Gerudo, don't piss off the king," Raditz murmured, grasping my arms with strong fingers and roughly pushing me directly in front of the king.
"You may keep your opinion, for all the good it will do you," the king agreed, smirking - gods, he even sounded like Vejiita - "but you're going to have to explain yourself to us a little better than that." Faster than I could see, his tail snapped out and snared me by the throat. It was painfully tight - and the irony of Vejiita's father imprisoning me like that, after his son has just cut off my head, ground itself into my gut.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
For the record? I hate Saiyans more than I hate the gods. They live for nothing less than to humiliate and defeat their enemies, not necessarily in that order - and because their attention span is so short, they have to do it again and again and again ...
*^*^*^*^*^*^*
"We've been watching you Ginyu, you know," he continued pleasantly, dragging me away from the relative safety of Raditz and thrusting me toward his soldiers. His tail was like steel around my throat - no amount of tugging on my part dislodged even one hair. "We've seen the kinds of games you've played with our kind. And once Raditz and Nappa joined us here, we were able to hear firsthand about the delightful sport you and your companions made of the remaining Saiyans. Especially young ones."
I didn't think things could get any worse than they had already ... but I was now hitting an all time low. This isn't good at all, I thought as I stumbled into a sea of legs covered with boots and body armor, restlessly stamping like warhorses.
"Especially my son," the king continued, his voice flat and sparse, iron control clamped around his tone. "We heard how your master enjoyed raping and using young men of every species, and how, right from the beginning, he took an unhealthy interest in Vejiita Ouji. We were also told how you and the Ginyu Force used and abused him as a child." He bared his teeth at me - it was frightening, it really was - and murmured silkily, "I hope any pleasure you had from that encounter was worth it - little man."
This was going to be bad ... this was going to be very bad ...
"It is true, too, that we can't kill you - why should we, as you're already dead?" His tail released me suddenly, and I lurched to my knees on the ground. Still whole, still in one piece, I thought, desperately looking for a way out.
"But-"
The king stopped speaking and glanced at his commander. The man inclined his head gracefully, took several steps toward me and gently put his large hand under my chin, forcing me to stare at his eyes.
The expression there was merciless, as was his smile. "-but we can play with you, telepath," he finished for his king, his teeth flashing in the sudden gloom. "We can play with you all day and all night-as much as we want." His long tail caressed the back of my neck where the Saiyan king had grabbed me, then started to work its way down my back, underneath my jumpsuit, probing and prodding. His hand held my chin in a grip of iron; I couldn't pull away. "The Honorable Lord Enma dropped you over here for a reason, hm?"
"Oh, no," I moaned, realizing exactly what he had in mind.
"Oh, yes," he grinned, watching the expression on my face as his tail worked its way farther into my jumpsuit.
I told myself I wouldn't beg, no matter what happened.
"Raditz," the commander called, still holding my eyes, "you're first. Come on over here and get your reward. Didn't you say there was something you wanted to show this little freak if you ever had the chance -?"
"Ah - yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I'll be right there." The warrior smirked as he pushed his way over toward his commander, his long hair swaying behind him.
"Somebody go get Nappa," the commanded said pleasantly, as if he was inviting an old friend to tea. "And tell him he's next."
This was going to be very, very, bad.
"Raditz ... please," I begged, immediately retracting my promise to myself. Raditz simply bared his teeth at me and twined his tail around my leg, caressing its length with the flexible tip of his tail.
"How many times did I see you do this to the Prince, alien?" he inquired softly, tapping the inside of my thigh with his tail. "How many times did I have to watch while your master-and you-and the rest of your perverted friends-" and he spit the next word out, "forced the Prince to submit to whatever perversion pleased him at the moment? How many times, hm? Don't worry," he snarled, staring at me with black, violent eyes, "I'll take care of you. Very good care of you. We wouldn't want to damage you all at once, now, would we? You're going to be our amusement for a very long time to come."
It dawned on me that there was no way out. I was completely encircled by very large, very angry Saiyan warriors, each with a long, twitching tail and bloodlust gleaming from their eyes. And they were all going to ...
"It's true, y'know," the commander said, giving me a feral grin as Raditz ripped my body armor from my chest as easily as peeling an orange. "You know how incredibly dull and monotonous it is out here - someone like you is just what we need. We'll let you rest up every now and then, and of course we'll never kill you - but I think everyone's in the mood to play. What do you think, Raditz?"
I tried to pull away, but he had snarled his tail around my legs and I only succeeded in sprawling headfirst in the sand at his feet.
His hand was heavy on the back of my neck as he replied, amusement coloring his tone, "Oh, yes, sir - I think everyone's in the mood to play tonight. And I think little Gerudo's more than deserving of our attention ..."
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
And ... that's it. I don't want to talk about this any more - I live it, and that's enough. I've gotten used to it, I think - at least until Raditz thinks up yet another kinky perverted thing to do to me, the bastard.
So - you're going? Can't say I blame you. I wouldn't stick around, either ... you look too much like me, and those Saiyans, while nitwits, would understand that you and I are of the same race ...
Eh. You don't want to share my fate.
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
The alien looked back over his shoulder at the receding rock formation, realizing that he probably wouldn't see his fellow Bas-jin again. It was odd, he mused, how the gods seemed to know exactly what type of punishment would inflict the maximum amount of physical and psychic pain on each individual. They tailored each punishment to fit the miscreant exactly, and were even able to manipulate events to the point where many different creatures were being punished at the same time by the same circumstances.
He, on the one hand, had been a normal Bas-jin - a thoughtful, retiring person, eager to stay in one place and contemplate the meaning of life, studying issues precisely with no sense of urgency, ignoring the rest of the world. Now, however, he was sentenced to wander the plains of Hell forever - he had to seek out new people and situations, get to know them briefly and move on, never resolving any of his own issues.
Gerudo, on the other hand, was a pompus, brash Bas-jin who had been jealous of the Saiyan prince for years because of the young prince's relationship with Freeza - even I knew that, he thought sourly. He took his anger and frustrations out on the younger lad as often as he possibly could. And now ...
The creature shook his head in mute understanding. Hell was frustratingly predictable - and as such, was terribly, terribly boring. The gods really did know what they were doing.