I could hear the clock ticking through the moonlit interior of my room. Another night, another dream wasted on you, Edward. My eyes were slowly adjusting to the lack of light in my room. It still looked the same it did when I first came in here forty-eight hours ago. I was currently thanking the fact that Alice had given me a room at her house with a private bathroom. I couldn't take it if I had to leave this room and run into Edward. Not after what he said, not after the way he sadistically pulled my heart out of my chest without a sedative. Fucking bastard. I had to stretch my back as I rolled out of bed from the lack of movement I had done in the last eighteen hours since I had locked myself in my room. I drowsily walked into the bathroom and flicked on the switch. I blinked a couple of times to adjust my sleepy eyes to the sudden brightness in the room. I marched over to my mirror and saw what I had become.

My hair looked very similar to his at this point. My nightmare-fueled slumber had caused my hair to look extremely messy and the light had made my natural red highlights glimmer a little bit. My eyes seemed dead even to me and the black bruises underneath them made me look even more like a vampire than I already felt like. I could even see the dry tear trails on my face. But my face already had this unusual glow to it. Something I had not previously ever seen on myself. It made my somber face look a little bit happier. My eyes immediately fell the damned stick still laying on the counter. Positive. One night had ruined everything. My friendships were all dead or dying now. My parents surely would not accept the fact that I had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, especially with the only man they had ever trusted me to be alone with.

Edward Cullen. My best friend. I was his best friend too and even after the night we had shared, that's all he'd ever think of me. In fact he even said that. I was lying so contentedly in his sweaty arms and I decided now was a good a time as ever to admit how I felt about him. I twisted my body so I could look deep into his piercing green eyes. I had finally gotten the courage to tell him I had loved him since we were sixteen. He used to drive me to school then and I would usually ask him about his date the previous night. He would run his hands through his bronze hair and say, "I'll never fall in love, I swear." I used to pray he was wrong. That maybe he could love me. I had just blurted it out to him and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

"Bella, I knew this was a bad idea. I mean I'm marrying Tayna in two months. God, I'm an idiot." He seemed so sad and I just had to comfort him so I wrapped my thin arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"Don't worry, Edward. Everything will be alright. If this is meant to be, it's meant to be and it's gonna happen, no matter what anyone else says. Just remember I love you until the day I die." He ran his hand through his hair again.

"See that's the thing Bella. I don't love you. You must be thinking of lust. This isn't love Bella. We both had an itch and we scratched it, OK? Not love." I couldn't believe what he had said. He had just led me on and now I was laying naked in his and Tayna's bed while she was out of town. What a whore I had become. I couldn't take the pain anymore of being his best friend and just his best friend. It was so stupid of me to assume that sleeping with him would make him love me. I felt like such an idiot for even letting Edward take my virginity. I had told him before that I was waiting for the love of my life. Well, what a nice life that turned out to be. Now I wished I had just let Jacob Black talk me into the back of his Volkswagen back in senior year. I also felt ashamed of myself because Edward was one of those old-fashioned guys that wanted his first time to be on his wedding night. Oops.

"If that's how you feel then, I think I'll be leaving. Have a nice life, Edward." I rose from his bed and started pulling my clothes back on as quickly as I could. The quicker I got myself out of Edward Cullen's life the better.

"Are you still coming to the wedding?" Edward looked hopeful from his postion on the bed. I managed to bark out a humorless laugh.

"Sure, I'll watch the man I lost my virginity to marry the white trash whore next door who probably has already cheated on you as I stand there and play Maid of Honor because your fiancee is convinced I even like her. Like I said Cullen, have a great life being married to a gold-digging whore!" And with that I walked myself out of Edward Cullen's life and into the bedroom I had spent most of my time in since the incident at his house.

Alice had convinced me to maintain appearances, which I did from time to time. She was baffled as to why I all of a sudden avoided my ex-best friend. She dragged to parties where he was at, arms affectionately curled around his beloved fiancee. I plastered a fake smile on my face and thought of my plan. My plan to leave Forks and never come back. I was going to pretend that I was going to the wedding but really I was going to just get in my car and drive until I couldn't drive anymore. I knew that would be the only opportunity to leave. It would the only day that no one's attention would be on me as it had been the last month or so. Everyone had noticed my sudden change in demeanor and they took shifts babysitting me to ensure I wouldn't do something they deemed stupid. Well lately the whole baby thing kinda put a damper on my little runaway parade. I would need a job and an apartment to help support my baby. I had thought of abortion or adoption but I was too selfish to let go of my last part of Edward even if I were totally unfit to be a mother.

As I looked in the mirror, I thought of how tomorrow would go. Tonight everyone was out on the town, partying before Edward and Tayna officially went off the market permanently. It was easy enough to get out of the bachelorette party as I was already beginning to learn the wonders of motherhood hunched over my loving toilet. I would pack my stuff tonight and hide it under my bed so no one noticed. I would have to leave a lot of my personal items here to avoid suspicion of my plan. I lifted my shirt to see the tiny little bump already forming on my belly. I sighed and touched it softly.

"Listen here, kid, even though your father doesn't want anything to do with you, I kinda am already getting attached to you squirt. You were the last thing I ever wanted in the world I hope you know and I resent you a bit now but I promise someday I'll love you with all my heart and I'll be a decent mom to you." I didn't feel like telling my baby lies even if it couldn't hear me or understand me at this point. I slowly walked out of the bathroom and as I went I swiped the test and put it in my bag. I wanted it around as a reminder of how I singlehandedly ruined everyone's life around me. Packing didn't take me long seeing as I didn't have that many clothes here. I decided that maybe it would bring some closure to Alice and the others if I wrote them a goodbye note. I would be too much of a cynical bitch if I left without saying some sort of farewell. Writing the letter was harder than I thought. It was difficult to articulate how I felt about these people, my friends, the best parts of me and I noticed I couldn't do it without sheding a lot of tears. Stupid hormones.

To my family,

I'm so sorry that I had to leave you all but I willingly break my own heart to save all of you from the pain of the things that I've done. If you only knew what I've done, it would wreck us. Every single one of us and I can't bear that. I want you to all know that I love you with all I have in my heart and even though you'll be away from me physically, a part of each and every one of you will always be in my heart and foremost on my mind. I apologize for all the trouble I've caused our families by doing this but I know this is the only way for me to save you all.

To Alice, you may not be my sister biologically but to me you'll always be the shopping and fashion obsessed older and wiser sister I always wanted. Your constant beauty makeovers may have aggravated me in the past but I want you to know I appreciate every moment of your time you spent on me. I appreciate every encouraging comment you ever made to me even though I'm still convinced that I'm not beautiful at all. Thank you for your love and your strength when things were so hard for me that I could almost not bear to be alive. You let me cry on your shoulder until I was blue in the face and you never forced me to tell you what really upset me. I still can't tell you what it is but it's always been this one person and he's very close to you. I will miss your energy and your smile and the passion you throw into to everything you do. When I have children of my own someday, you will be the godmother even if I don't have the courage to come back and see you ever again and I will tell them stories about the amazing, incorrigable Alice. I love you so much.

To Jasper, I know I haven't known you long but thank you so much for helping me with everything. Take good care of my best friend, Alice and yes, I do think she'll love the ring and your proposal. I know you will make her happy until the day you both die. Thanks for being such a good friend to me all these long months. I love you lots too.

To Emmett, you've always been the protective older brother to me and even though sometimes you got annoying in your methods to protect me, I know it was with my best interests and I love you so much for caring for me when Mom and Dad emotionally couldn't. Rosalie is a very lucky lady to have you as a boyfriend and hopefully as a husband. I know my leaving will probably hurt you the most because you're probably thinking I'm hurt or something or I'll get hurt while I'm gone. Maybe someday I can see you again when this fiasco is over but until then Emmett, you'll be my teddy bear and I love you.

To Rosalie, if you ever hurt my brother I will hurt you. I know when I first met you I thought you were a stuck-up bitch, but as time goes on, I've learned to love you like a sister. Promise me you'll always take of my big brother while I'm gone and make him happy. I love you, big sis.

To Edward, this is the hardest goodbye of all. We've been friends since birth it seems and it only seems natural that you'll be wherever I'll be and this will be the first time in my life that you're not involved in it. I know that I will miss you more than all of them combined and you know that as well. For you, I'd tear out my own heart I hope you know. I wish you well in your new life with Tayna and I hope it's what makes you happy. I love your piano compositions and am asking you to please publish them so the world knows how much your soul shines. Oh Edward, I can already imagine that you'll have little Cullens running around the planet soon and I want you to know that no matter how it seems that you may have failed as a man, I want you to know that everyone whose life you touch is blessed to have such a pure soul in their lives. You were the best part of my life, my last regret. I love you, I always have and no matter what happens between you and me, no matter how badly we fight or destroy our relationship, I will always love you. I'm leaving Seattle with a piece of you in my heart and there it will always remain. I will always be your best friend and whenever you're missing me like I selfishly pray you will I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hoping you're happy. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve, which is the very best of life. I know we didn't end things well here and I'm sorry that I'll miss what should be the happiest day of your life. Don't let my disappearance ruin your happy day. I could be nothing but a memory to you, don't let this memory fade away. I love you forever Edward.

And last and certainly least, Tayna, I promise you if you hurt my best friend, I will find you and personally ensure that you will never hurt him again. I never have liked you and I know that you've never liked me either. You were just pretending so you could get closer to Edward. And I don't blame you, Edward is the single greatest man on the planet and you're damn lucky he wants you back, trust me. Please keep my best friend happy for the rest of his life, that's all I ever ask of you, Tayna.

I want you all to know that I'm not going away to hurt myself. I'll be back someday until then,

Love,

Bella.

I had settled myself down for bed a little over an hour later. I just laid down on top of my covers. I was suprised I was still tired after sleeping for nearly eighteen hours straight. I thought of the substantial amount of cash under my bed currently. My whole life savings, over ten thousand dollars. It wa barely enough to support my new life. I would have to get an apartment and as much furniture as possible plus baby stuff. I definitely would need a good paying job and quick if I were to provide for my baby. I thanked God that I had gotten my master's in Education so I could teach as soon as I relocated. I almost considered telling Edward about the baby. I felt terrible about keeping secrets from him. But he would only try to do the "honorable thing" and live with me and our baby. Even if he wouldn't do that, he would at least visit the baby with Tayna and give me child support. I didn't need Edward's money. Hell, I didn't even need his friendship that much anymore. I needed his love and I would never get it and I refused to settle for his friendship after that night. It would just be best to separate my name from the Cullens.

As I was comtemplating my life, Alice walked in. Even slightly tipsy, the girl had more grace than I ever would. "Hey Bell-Bell, you missed a hell of a night. Tayna fell flat on her face in the middle of the club." She said the last part with a wicked grin in place. If there was one person who hated Tayna nearly as much I did, it was Alice. She was "morally opposed to Tayna" becoming her sister and on many occasions, she had even begged her brother to marry me instead since I would be much more preferable as a sister-in-law. Thanks a lot Alice.

"What's wrong, sis? You've blue for such a long time and I tried to ask Edward what's going on but he says you haven't talked to him in two months. Something has to be seriously wrong if you can't even tell your best friend." She looked at me with a concern in her eyes that I had never seen in her before.

"Ali, I'm just a little sad that Edward is getting married tomorrow to that skank. I'm losing my best friend tomorrow." I hadn't told her the whole truth but it was a relief to at least tell someone how I felt.

"OK, me too. You look tired, Bells, I'll let you sleep. I love you." She reached over and hugged me tightly. She never hugged me this tight. She never let conversations like that go. I knew sometimes she saw pieces of our futures and I prayed she didn't know what I had done to her brother and what I was planning to do tomorrow. She quietly walked out of my room, shut off my lights, and shut the door. I laid in bed spread-eagled for awhile, gently rubbing my little baby bump. I could not wait until tomorrow to leave. I would just see all the happy faces around me and I would chicken out of it. I briefly allowed myself to dream of what would happen if I stayed. My heart would die yet again as I watched Edward declare his life for Tayna. Then I would get bigger and bigger and eventually my friends would learn of my mistake and Edward would wonder if it was his. When I finally had my baby and brought it around my friends everyone would know it was Edward's. Tayna would leave him and he would be heartbroken that his only love abandoned him. He wouldn't want anything to do with the woman and child who fucked up his perfect future. His parents would disown him for adultery and our friends would leave him and me. My baby and I would end up alone anyway.

But I wanted things done on my terms. I got up and got my bag from under the bed. I quietly walked downstairs, praying that Alice and Jasper were asleep by now. I left the letter on the dining room table where they would find it tomorrow morning. I opened the front door and walked out. I, as silently as possible, started my car and left the Hale residence for the very last time. I didn't even look back though my rearview mirror and for that I was proud of myself. It only took me half an hour to leave Seattle and head south. To California. No one would expect me to be there since I had long declared my hate of the ocean. I would have to overcome that fear to protect myself and my child. I couldn't even call it Edward's baby. It was mine, mine alone to care for. Edward hadn't chosen this path, I had.

At 11:34 PM that night, I left that final piece of my severely broken heart at the Hale's and I began a new life. Alone.

A/N: I bet you hate me for that beginning and for not being able to finish a story. My bad. I'll start work on Secret Valentine again. BTW, don't own Twilight or any of the songs I quote in the story or mention below. In case you weren't already aware of that. :D Hmm...I'm forgetting something....RIGHT!! Songs that inspired this bad boy: Best of Me- The Starting Line for how Bella feels about Edward, Your Guardian Angel- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus for the letter, Bruised- Jack's Mannequin when she's leaving, Official Girl- Cassie and Lil Wayne, 'The Takeover, The Break's Over- Fall Out Boy for how Bella feels after the 'incident', Memories That Fade Like Photographs- All Time Low because she's leaving but she doesn't want to be forgetten, and We've Got A Big Mess on Our Hands- The Academy Is... for when Bella's thinking and when she's leaving. :D Gracias. Love, Amanda.