Authors note: I've had really, really, REALLY bad writers block recently. So here's a one shot romance short story that I wrote to try and help clear out my blockage. Although even this has been a struggle to write. Hmm. Anyway, its my attempt at a slightly more fluffy story compared to what I normally write. So hopefully you will enjoy!
The Wait
Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work. You don't give up.
Anne Lamott
People always told her Squall Leonhart was different. Everyone knew it; anyone who had ever been near him would see within minutes that his social skills were not in any way the same as everyone else. Yet strangely, this had never made him a target with the other students. They didn't scrutinise his choice of isolation like you'd usually see in a high school. Somehow he was always respected, looked up to him even. Never made the victim.
He was the lone wolf, the reserved student that almost hung in the background away from the rest of the world- until he found himself in a battle that was. When he fought he seemed to come alive, she'd seen the fire spark in his eyes many times. That flash of passion that seemed to erupt out of him during battle. He knew how to wield a weapon, he could fight and he could do it well. He also knew how to follow orders and be the model SeeD, a great Commander. These things just seemed to come so easily to him, to immerse himself into the military world. To Squall, the fighting and SeeD he could handle, it was all the social situations in between that was the hardest battle of all.
"Squall's just... different," that was how Selphie had tried to put everything into perspective the other day. The young commander was 'different' all right. Rinoa knew that, everyone in Garden knew that, but that gave him no excuse to be an asshole now did it?
The first night after the Sorceress war had ended was something that even now -stood outside in the cold, the rain running down her dampened locks- could still bring even a small smile on her face. Although normally it made her react like a school girl with a crush. It was magical, like some sort of romance that could only ever happen in the movies. It had been like some sort of fairy tale to find Squall Leonhart, the lone wolf, pulling her into a kiss that sent such electricity down her spine. Her legs had felt like jelly, butterflies of excitement had jumped to life. It was amazing. It was perfect...
...It was such a shame she had to come crashing down to reality.
She didn't know where her fascination began with Squall, he was some handsome stranger she danced with once who ended up being entangled in her life somehow. He was a person who gave her so much annoyance and aggravation at the beginning with his whole look on life so opposite to hers. She wasn't sure when she decided she wanted him to at least live a little while he was on this road with her, but that's what she set her mind to. She wanted to help him, and Rinoa Heartilly didn't give up. If there was one thing that she definitely knew about herself it was this: when she set her mind to something, she would do everything she could to achieve it. She was stubborn.
A gust of wind rushed at her, forcing more rain to hit her face. She cursed under her breath as she looked at her watch, only to see that once again he was late. Wrapping her arm around herself she let out a long drawn sigh, he was lucky she had strong feelings for him, otherwise she wouldn't even be out here in this awful weather for this long. And just exactly when had she developed such feelings for Squall anyway? There was no moment she could point out when the feelings started to develop towards him.
Irvine had commented once of her ability to 'pull' Squall, as he had put it. But then, she wasn't sure she ever set out to make him hers. She wanted to help him, yes. But to be with him, he always seemed like someone that was, well... out of reach. Granted, over time it was impossible to get him out of her head. Every battle they fought together she always looked to him for reassurance to make her feel stronger. When she tried to get it through his head that he had people who cared for him she hoped somewhere deep down that he knew just how much she cared for him. That he knew somewhere down their long journey together even the sight of him made her smile inside, and when she got really scared he was the thought that always brought her back.
Rinoa felt a tear running down her cheek, suddenly glad that it was raining so hard it went unnoticed as it joined the rest of the droplets of water running through her hair, down her face. She was soaked, and yet she still insisted to stand out here, because that's what she did best. She had always been stubborn. Rinoa Heartilly had never given up... until now that is. She was starting to give up, more than she wanted to admit to herself.
The first month together had been amazing. After that perfect night on the balcony he seemed to blossom into this person who she had never seen out in the battlefield. Because behind SeeD, and the battles that had been lain against them throughout the months they had all spent together in the Sorceress war, lay the side of him she hadn't yet seen before. The side of himself he seemed to show when they were alone together. He was still the same reserved person he had always been, but every now and then he would look behind and give her a rare true smile nobody else saw. Every now and then he would let himself go and be his true self. Just as it seemed that she was seeing the person he was behind all the walls he put up, they came back stronger than ever. This time his walls were thicker than they had ever been. No matter how stubborn she was, this time there seemed to be no breaking through.
It started when he went away for a week to Esthar to help clear up the rest of the monsters left over from the Lunar Cry. Evidently he had a reason to get away from her then, but he had been back two weeks now and she had seen him for barely five minutes. Of course he was busy with work, he was after all the Commander. But even on his days off he was impossible to get hold of, he seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth when it came to Rinoa Heartilly. The few times she did manage to cross paths with him, he'd look at her with those stormy eyes of his and mutter some excuse-usually involving work or the training center- and then off he'd go again, another day without seeing the teenager that lay within the soldier.
And then it came, that dreaded day when she received a phone call. She remembered his awkward voice, for the first time making her feel uncomfortable as he had told her they needed to see each other. They need to talk. As much as she had tried to tell herself otherwise, she couldn't help but have a bad feeling at hearing those words, sensing the awkwardness in his voice. After all, those infamous words nearly always meant something bad, right? Stubborn she may be, but the girl could take a hint. As much as the thought made her stomach churn and her eyes sting with the threat of tears, she realised he was giving up on her. Her fairytale ending was being ripped from beneath her feet.
A group of students ran past in search for shelter from the rain. A few of them stopping momentarily to give a curious look at the drenched girl stood out in the rain, before once more turning their efforts to the shelter that was Balamb Garden just up ahead through the gates. Rinoa closed her eyes, knowing how ridiculous she must look out here on her own and deciding she did not care. Her clothes were drenched right through making them heavy and clinging to her body. They felt uncomfortable against her pale skin, and as another gust of wind sent the freezing air through her soaking body, she couldn't help but feel a strange sense of comfort in the cold. At least it helped block out a little bit of the pain. Perhaps the rain could wash away all the memories she'd had of the past year on her adventure with Squall. But then, even now she cherished her memories with the five people she'd fought with, grown up with. Squall was not the only one who had developed as a person, they'd all learnt a lot about themselves on their journey together. But she guessed that didn't matter now, did it?
"You know, you could've waited inside rather than standing out in the rain."
Rinoa's eyes snapped open as soon as she heard the familiar voice. Although she didn't look at him, in fear that the emotions that had been building up over the last two weeks would come rushing out of her. And the last thing she wanted right now was to break down in tears in front of Squall of all people. He could barely handle a lighthearted conversation let alone a crying girlfriend. Or was she his girlfriend? She didn't know. Either way, she didn't want to face him just yet.
"Sorry I took so long," He said a little quieter, probably noticing that she wasn't her usual self around him. Usually her eyes would light up, she'd smile brightly at him and everything would seem perfect. Right now she only felt sick with fear and worry.
She could see the shadow of him in the corner of her eye as he seemed to edge a little closer to her. It wasn't like her to play the silent treatment when she was annoyed with someone, but she felt the need to stay quiet a little longer. Perhaps she was being stubborn, after all at least she could be on time when he finally chose to see her.
"You could catch your death out here, you're freezing!"
"I'm fine," she spoke up for the first time since he arrived, although she didn't protest when she felt the warmth of his jacket placed around her shoulders.
"Lets go inside," he said. His hand lifted slowly, almost unsure, before resting on her arm. She found herself letting it sit there for a while, almost finding it so easy to simply forget what had happened the last few weeks. Even now after all his efforts to ignore her, all he needed to was come back to her and she found it difficult to not welcome his small gestures of affection.
"You said you needed to talk," she responded, reluctantly pulling away from his hand. "So talk." Finally she looked him in the eye and she could see the slight hurt in his eyes at her abrasiveness. It was only there for a moment before being replaced by his usual gaze.
His hair was quickly dampening, making bangs of hair drop down onto his face. She saw his bare arms full of goosebumps and noticed him shivering in the cold and the rain as he stood before her with his drenched white t-shirt clinging to his body. As much as she wanted to tear her eyes away and stay angry at him, all she found herself wanting to do was close the distance between them. She longed for the sensation of his lips against hers, just like that night on the balcony when he first kissed her and-
Stop it Rinoa, she cursed herself. The girl was angry with him, he was being the worlds biggest ass- now was not the time to be lusting after him. No matter how good he looked wet. She lifted her eyes once more to his eyes to find him shifting uncomfortably in the cold as she waited for his response. He looked deep in thought as he looked at her, probably thinking rather than speaking in great detail about where they had all gone wrong. Hyne, would life be simpler if she could hear his thoughts!
With a sigh Rinoa rolled her eyes, and grabbed Squall's arm. "Follow me," she said before leading him to a nearby tree. The shelter underneath it wasn't the best, but it would do. She wasn't yet ready to go into Garden, but she didn't want to be stood outside in the rain anymore either. Once they stopped, Rinoa turned to face Squall, keeping her hand on his arm like his had been on hers earlier. She looked into his eyes, as if when she looked into them long enough she could find the answers she was looking for.
"Squall I know something is bothering you. But you have to understand I need to know what's going through your head otherwise I'm never going to know, am I?" Rinoa lowered her gaze. Even now she felt like she wanted to help him open up. If not for her, for someone else, she thought sadly. "You've been ignoring me for two weeks, Squall. You at least owe me an explanation."
"I know..." his responded slowly. She watched him patiently as he seemed to have an inner battle with himself. She saw him open his mouth, close it again, become deep in thought. She waited quietly, bracing herself for the impact. Telling herself not to be impatient, not to expect the worst, yet preparing herself at the same time. Just as she was about to speak up again, the words finally left his lips.
"I... like you," they were spoken barely audible above the wind but she heard them. He turned away from her, his body rigid while he ran a hand through his hair. "A lot," he spoke up once more, almost as an after thought.
Rinoa stared at him, almost confused by his words. She waited once more for him to speak again, drawing circles in the ground with her foot. The words didn't make her feel any better, and as she looked up after not hearing him continue she found herself growing agitated. There he stood in front of her, gaze to the ground, arms crossed rigidly over his chest- his typical 'Squall thinking pose', as she'd grown to call it.
"But..." she started off for him. Suddenly it didn't seem so hard to be mad at him after all as he looked up, finally drawn out of his thoughts. His face was blank, hard to read. Quistis always commented on how predictable he was, and she had found that too herself for some time. Now however, he was a closed book.
"But what?" he questioned, and she was shocked to find a puzzled look on his face.
The sting of tears started to prickle at the corners of her eyes, she had to turn away from him to control them. Not now, she thought to herself. She wasn't going to cry in front of him, not like this.
"Be honest with me," she said slowly. She had spent months being patient with Squall, she had never demanded anything from him but now was different, she needed to know.
There was a sudden change in his demeanor as he lent against the tree, a sigh escaping his lips. "Everything has changed so fast," he said slowly. "I just needed some time."
"Time for what?" she found herself asking.
"You always said you wanted to know how I feel about things," she heard him say. "I wanted to tell you how I feel about you."
Suddenly all the anger dissolved, and Rinoa found herself taking a step closer to Squall. She watched him run a hand through his hair, he looked awkward barely even able to look at her. Although he hadn't gone into much detail, she understood. It dawned on her that he had said more to her in the last few minutes than he had probably said to her in the time they had known each other. They were not an order, or anything SeeD related. They were his feelings.
"I thought you'd come to your senses and realised you didn't want me in your life anymore," she said, joining him against the tree. He turned to look at her after hearing her words, and Rinoa couldn't help but smile guiltily at him.
"I can't believe you'd think..." his voice trailed off, and she felt his hand reach hers. It was wet and cold from the rain, but to her it couldn't have felt better. To her it spoke much louder than anything else he could have said. They stayed there a moment in silence, looking out at the deserted and wet grounds of the entrance of Garden. "You know I care for you, right?" Squall spoke up again, breaking the silence. This time, somehow he seemed a bit more comfortable saying the words.
Rinoa simply nodded her head as she felt him pull her closer to him, but Rinoa stopped him in his tracks. "Wait, this isn't a bad joke of yours like when Dr Kadowaki asked if I was your girlfriend, is it?"
He smiled, one of those rare true smiles that never failed to make the butterflies in her stomach take flight once more. She rested her head against his shoulder as he pulled her towards him, and suddenly she realised just how much she'd missed these almost rare moments she shared with him. She felt his lips meet hers, and somewhere within the kiss she realised that Squall Leonhart may be different, as frustrating as that may be at times.
But the wait had been worth it.