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Loveless Love Letter

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Just another dead rose on your grave
Just another lost and forgotten name

An evanescent memory, fleeting quickly
A shredded heart of love, sewn sickly
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Dear Sakura,

You'll never read this letter. I either won't let you see it, or fail to scrap up the courage needed to deliver it. I don't know which. Maybe when you're cleaning my room after I'm good and dead, many years in the future, you'll find this letter and cry. I hope you don't cry. I always hated to see you cry. I'm glad I won't be around to see it.

When I found you, I was a pretty stupid kid, still fresh in my youth. I was sixteen and you were six. By fifteen you are considered a man in my village, and thrown out for a year long survival test. I planned on running away from that villige instead of returning as a man. I never did go back, (aside from that one time on a job.) You changed that.

You were so tiny, even for a girl your age. That didn't change much as you grew older. I'm glad. I would have been depressed if you no longer fit so perfectly in my arms. You were so small, and obviously abandoned. Raising a child is expensive and taxing. I'm guessing your parents were rich at one point and suddenly went bankrupt. You were dressed in nice clothing that was old, dirty, and torn. Still, you were the cutest thing I've ever seen. You cried when you saw me. I thought I scared you until you ran into my legs, hugging them as if they belong to your father. I became your father then. If there's one thing I know I did right in my life it was taking you in.

At first I thought I was going to end up killing you, I was so bad with taking care of people. You were like a china doll that would break if held too tightly. I was so scared whenever you came down with a cold or a fever. I always thought the worse would happen. I don't think I've ever been as scared as the one time you got sick with Dysmenorrhea. I really though you were going to die and got sick from stress myself. Thank God Tsunade was there to help you. I'm pretty sure you're the reason these white hairs are springing up so early in my life. Don't worry, I'm dying my hair so you won't notice it.

Even now as I sit here writing this I can't help but smile and remember those times. They seem so far away. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, but I enjoyed it. The hard times were few and far in between. The good times never seemed to end and I was a fool to believe they ever would. You grew up, Sakura. My baby girl grew up and out of that childish body into one that I wanted to hide away.

You don't know this, but there's was more that one time that I had to scare the boys off our property on account of you. I can't remember how many times I had to don the 'demon of the mist' face when confronting those persistent buggers. And what was worse was that most of the people in our tiny village had boys. It was tiring to say the least. I think every one of them at one point tried to come up and court you, weather out of pure desire or because they were dared or wanted to prove their bravery. They were all undeserving wimps of the earth's underbelly. Sorry. Forgive me and my language, darling.

I thought I would be able to scare them off forever, but I must have missed one, since you're not here anymore. That's the truth, I feel. I know you're in love with someone, and your heart and mind are always with them. It's like I'm getting the short end of the stick after taking care of it forever. I feel like someone is stealing you away from me. Someone is staling my Sakura away from me and it angers me.

I'm flustered to admit this, but these are not simply fatherly feelings I harbor. At first, when you were just a baby in my arms-that was true. I loved you like my daughter. But you matured. You grew up and you grew wisely. I felt like you became the other half of me. I once had a dream to take over the, it's nor important anymore. It was a dream I gave up because I loved you more. Not so much as a daughter, but as a soul longing for it's other half.

And the age difference? I've seen it much worse! It's only ten years. I've seen couples with an age difference of thirteen and fifteen years. I've seen bigger age gaps as well, but that was mostly because the husband was paying the woman to be his wife. Forget about those guys. I really do love you. I've loved you longer than anyone has or will ever love you. I don't care about the age. Please don't think about that.

I wished I cold call out and tell you about how I feel, but I don't want to break the bond we have right now. Maybe if I had told you about me feeling years ago-before you met whoever it was that stole you heart-maybe then you would have rejected me or accepted me. Really, any answer would be appreciated. I feel my heart spark afire in my chest and shred into pieces every time you smile or laugh. Why couldn't I be the only one that saw that smile? Why couldn't it only be me? Why did someone else have to cut in and steal you away from me? He is a thief, whoever he is. I don't care if you love him, I can only feel hate towards him.

You don't know that I love you and you'll never know that I loved you like this. No, it's better this way. You could never see me with those eyes.I will only ever by your loving and caring father who...who is the only family you know of. Maybe or red ribbons were never meant to connect-only cross. I curse my fate. I curse this fate that keeps you from me.

Ah, darn. My tears have spilled over onto the paper. I guess I should avoid them or wait for them to dry. Yes, I'm crying for you my darling baby girl. I'm crying for my Sakura dear. You have never seen me cry, have you? You never will, I'm afraid. I swore to myself that I would be the ideal man for you who was like a pillar in a storm for you to cling to. If a storm should ever pass I would be there for you-standing strong and firm. I would never cry in front of you-only for you. Maybe it would be better if you didn't believe this part right here. I'm still the perfect man for you. That will never ever, ever, ever change.

I'm guessing (if you are reading this) why I decided to write this. Would you like to know the answer. It's painful for me. I had a revelation the other day. Or rather I had a dream. I had a dream, we were playing in the shore when a wave took you away, I cried and tried to get you, but you know what scared me? Its when I heard you calling somebody's name to help you, instead of me.

That was when I realized you loved someone other than me.

I've suffered a lot in my day. You should know that since you're always the one to tend to me once I come stumbling through the door, bleeding all over. ( I always knew you would be the world's best medic.) I've felt pain and experienced agony you can't begin to understand. But none of it was ever like this. None of it cane even come close to comparing. It hurt so much that I thought I would fall over and die. It felt like death laughing in my face before pulling me under to never awake again.

I'll only die if you're not here on this earth. If you're not here there is no point to living. I won't be somewhere you are not-so don't go anywhere where I can not follow. I want to always be with you. Heaven or hell, life or death, this earth or night I want to be with you. I don't care where it is, as long as you're there, I'll follow you wherever.

Wow, this is a long page. Maybe I should stop before I say too much. But have I said enough? I don't know and I never will because you will never see this piece of paper. Maybe it will fuel the fire in our home tonight. Maybe it will be stored away somewhere that won't ever be found. Maybe.... who would know?

I love you Sakura. I really do,

Your Zabuza

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