Over the years she had come to accept the fact that she would never become a mother. It was an unspoken truth between her and her biological clock that just kept on ticking, and she rarely thought anything of it. She knew that her tattered past and the blood running through her veins wasn't something she would pass on to an innocent child. She saw how families could be torn apart and the fragile lives of children stripped away in her line of work, and she had always been unwilling to take the risk.

Something had changed her, though. She was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe it was possible for her to experience that joyous feeling. She knew it was because of their latest case; a mother so devoted to her child that she had gone to such great heights to get her back safely in her arms. It had stirred something inside of Olivia, seeing the uncoditional, irrevocable love displayed before her eyes. She wanted what they had, she wanted a family. The only family she'd ever had was her mother, and even that was a stretch. When she had found Simon, she had tried so hard to make their relationship work. All she had ever wanted was someone there to take care of her, to love her despite all of the flaws. But as they became closer, she realized that just because he was her brother didn't make him family.

She had never been able to be part of a family like she desperately desired, but not from lack of trying. She had gone on date after date, thinking that maybe one of them would be the one she'd fall in love with. But each time, she had chased them away with either her job, her past or him. Not one of them could ever compare to him, and every new man was under the scrutiny of his watchful eyes. After her many failed attempts at securing a husband, she had tried her luck at the sperm bank. The doctor had showed her pictures of potential sperm donaters, and each of them was smart, good looking and had great credentials. But she couldn't bring herself to create a child with them when she had no idea who they were. She thought her options had run dry when she discovered the world of adoption. She had applied and was optimistic about her odds, but soon thereafter, her case worker had told her she wasn't quailified to be a parent at this time. She had chalked it up to the job and its long hours, but part of her knew it was because she could never love a child the way it deserved.

She had just given up then, knowing that being a mother just wasn't in the cards for her. But now, with this case affecting her in ways she never thought imaginable, she wanted it now more than ever.

Olivia studied the case file, trying to concentrate on tying up loose ends as her pen guilded its way across the paper. Elliot sat across from her, finishing up his own report. She looked up, gazing at him as he worked. The tip of his tongue touched his lips as his brow furrowed in concentration. His long, deft fingers worked the pen as he pressed it down hard with his words. She knew he was the closest thing she had to family. He had once told her that it wasn't about the genes, but about love. At the time, she hadn't believed him. But after her bout with Simon she realized his words rung true. And no matter how much she tried to figh it, she loved him.

Instead of studying her file, she studied him. He was the perfect man all rolled into one package. He was intelligent, as she knew from working so many cases with him, most of which he had solved with his quick and clever thinking. He was extremely good looking, with his broad smile, fierce baby blues and taut, muscular body. He was humorous, even when it was dark and sarcastic. At work he was intense and brooding, barely cracking a smile during his unwavering dedication to their latest case. Outside of work he was kind to her, listening to her many problems and vowing to be there for her as her partner and friend. He was a family man first and foremost and she greatly admired him for that. Elliot was the only man she trusted and cared deeply about. She smiled at the thought that occured to her.

He was the only man in her life. The only one she felt she could trust, the only one who had been there for her for more than a short time. She knew it was a ludicrous idea, but it was starting to become more and more plausible. It could work, she thought, but she knew he'd never agree to any of it. For one, it was a breach of professionalism, a barrier they had never torn down in their almost decade together. And for another, him being the father of her child was entirely out of question as she knew he already had a family he was committed, albeit more loosely these days.

But it didn't stop her from considering the possibilities.

His head shot up as he felt her eyes on him. "You okay?" he asked, his eyes dancing with concern.

She tore her eyes away from his face and pretended to be very interested in the peeling corner of her desk. "Yeah, I'm fine," she lied. "Sorry."

"Hey," he said gently, forcing her to look at him once more. "We've known each other for too long. I can tell when you're lying."

She didn't want to bring it up. Not here. As she thought more and more about this insane idea, she wished she could make it real. All it would take was a few words and it would be. And she thought, what the hell? Life was too short, as the job had taught her, and she couldn't afford to be a coward. "It's... I was just thinking about the case, that's all." she sighed, mentally kicking herself for being such a wimp.

He gave her a small smile. "Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me."

If you only knew what I'm going to need from you...