Hi, this is my first fanfic. I wasn't a big fan of iCarly until I started reading the awesome stories here - OMG now I'm totally into Seddie.

Anyway, I hope you like. I'm planning on one more chapter after this. R&R pls thnx.

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly

These events are immediately after the episode iKiss.

I

Sam walked away slowly until she was from view. When she turned the corner, Sam picked up her pace while trying to keep herself from running. She couldn't seem to catch her breath. Her pulse was pounding in her head, flushing her cheeks. Her clothes felt too tight and she tugged at her collar. Her brow was starting to bead with sweat. She felt goose bumps on her arms too. How is it possible to feel hot and get chills at the same time? Her legs felt like water so she stopped and leaned back against the hallway wall. She closed her eyes for a few seconds to try and figure out what was happening. It was a just a kiss - a single, stupid kiss. I mean, it was my first kiss and all but…

She opened her eyes and looked into the mirror across the hall. Samantha Puckett stared back at her - the tomboy, the troublemaker, the bully even. The boys in her school were scared of her. Everyone, even the teachers, knew not to call her by her full name or else they would regret it. If you valued your health, you called her Sam. She went out of her way to cultivate that reputation. I'm the same Sam in here. She wondered why she felt like she was looking at someone else. Staring back at her was a different, lanky thirteen year-old girl whose entire body was rebelling against itself at the moment. Her head was being pulled in twenty different directions at once. She wasn't sure of herself anymore and that definitely was un-Sam-like. I feel like I'm watching all of this happen from the outside.

Suddenly, Sam hated how she looked. She hated how her gangly arms stuck out from her slight frame. Sam hated her clothes. She hated her curly blonde hair too, although between her body and her clothes, it was the only thing that distinguished her as a girl. She walked up to the mirror and examined her face. She stuck out her chin and turned her head left and right. She never thought she looked pretty. Until now, she never wanted to. I could never look pretty next to Carly. So why bother? She walked backward until she had her back up against the wall again and crossed her arms. She rapped the back of her head against the wall a couple of times out of frustration.

Why would any boy kiss me? And yet that's just what had happened on the fire escape.

Sam touched her fingers to her lips. She could still feel them burning. She licked at them unconsciously. Sam watched her hand tremble. What's going on with me? Is your first kiss supposed to be like this? She glanced back the way she came. Is HE feeling like this too?

The thought of Freddie brought out a tumbling wave of emotions. My first kiss was with Freddork? That didn't sound right to her anymore. Fredweird? No? Not that either. Her first kiss was from Freddie Benson. A boy she had relentlessly teased and insulted for almost as long as she could remember. He was the same Freddie that, just this week, she had conspired to torture and humiliate. The Freddie whose life she had tried to make as miserable as possible - and she succeeded.

It made no sense to her. Even thinking about him right now was making her head spin. Freddie was her best friend/enemy and he was completely in love with Carly. Do I just feel sorry for him? Sam rejected that thought quickly. Even before all this happened, Sam realized she thought about Freddie a lot. She would often catch herself staring at him, noting every detail. She would find excuses to be around him and relished every chance she got to steal his attention away from Carly. That was why she went out of her way to annoy him, Sam admitted to herself. She never imagined he could think of her any other way. She was content with everything the way it was.

What happened?

He kissed me, that's what happened. Or did I kiss him? The panic was coming back. Oh God.

Sam ran through the scene in her head. She had known what he was thinking before he started talking. She even finished his sentence for him. Did I want him to kiss me? It had seemed like a harmless idea. Just to 'get it out of the way' seemed a good enough reason to do it. Why did he agree to it? Did he want to kiss me? She buried her face in her hands.

Sam could remember every moment of it. She felt Freddie's breath on her face when he leaned in. How tenderly he pressed his lips to hers. She remembered thinking how it was odd to feel her teeth mashed against her lips. Then Freddie opened his lips. After that, she couldn't think anymore. Every cliché ever used to describe that moment fell short. The kiss lasted so long and was over too quickly all at once. She remembered how he tasted after he pulled away. It wasn't unpleasant – a bit salty but definitely sweet. Most of all, she remembered how she wanted him to kiss her again.

Instead she stood there stunned and tried to act as normal as she could. She couldn't remember what they said to each other afterwards. She just recalled they felt inadequate. Way to go Sam. That was real cool the way you walked away and didn't look back. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. STUPID!

Sam pounded her hands flat on the carpet with each word. Without realizing it, she had slid down along the wall and onto the floor. As Sam looked at her raw palms she remembered something else. Dang it! I left the meatballs! She looked back down the hall again and wondered if she should go back to the fire escape and get them. She shook her head absently. She wasn't sure if she could face Freddie so soon.

How long have I been sitting here? Sam pushed herself up and checked her reflection again. She tried to regain her composure. Keep it together Samantha Puckett. Stop being such a girly-girl. This is Freddie we're talking about. You said you would go back to hating him. Right? Right?! Sam repeated that a few times in her head to try and bring things back to normal. After a while, she felt a bit more like herself, Sam turned to head back to Carly's apartment.

"Hey Sam!" someone chirped. Sam's body stiffened and she had to stifle a yelp of surprise. "Did you talk to Freddie?" Carly finished.

"Uh – yeah," Sam answered lamely. Sam was thankful that Carly didn't catch her sitting pitifully on the hallway floor.

So?" Carly demanded.

"Huh? So what?"

"What happened? Is Freddie ok? Did you tell him what you did on the show?"

"Sure. I did that - exactly that." Sam blinked quickly trying to cover her confusion. "Sorry it took so long."

"Long?" Carly looked puzzled. "You were only gone for about ten minutes. I came out to make sure you actually went through with your apology and made up with Freddie." Carly paused before slowly asking, "Sam? You did go through with it, right?"

"Of course I did!" Sam stammered. Just ten minutes? Really? To cover her lapse she added, "He was watching iCarly when I did it. We talked for a while then we made ou…up I mean! We're ok now." Sam looked worriedly at Carly, "Why? What do you think we - I would be doing?"

"Well, I don't know. I figured you might have stood around and…," Carly paused and looked intently at Sam. Suddenly, here eyes widened. "SAM!" Carly exclaimed, "You didn't!"

"WHAT!" Sam cried out, panicking. What did you just figure out? Sam's hand unconsciously jumped up to her lips. She quickly jerked it back down. Can you tell? Oh God. I'm going to throw up.

Carly looked down at Sam's empty hands. "You didn't eat ALL of those meatballs already, did you?"

There you go, I hope you liked it! I hope the title makes a little more sense now. CYA!