A/N: This is it! The END! Aw, it's been such an incredible and emotional ride with this story! It's been one of my most successful, even though it was written on a whim and without a lot of thought or plot to the story, it's one I am very proud to have written. I can't thank all you readers enough for the incredible amount of support and love and devotion you've given to this story! I appreciated every single review, hit, favourite and alert it's garnered. :) YOU ALL ROCK! Thank you so much for being so endlessly patient with me with its updates too. I know I've kept you all waiting a long time, but I hope this is worth it for you all.

I really don't feel like I'm saying thank you enough so . . . THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! :) Any anonymous reviews will be up on my profile in the next couple of days and any signed reviews that haven't been given for the previous chapter will be done in due course too. I'm posting this now because I'm scared I'll scrap it and re-write it, lol! So that being said, I hope you all enjoy the last chapter and thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading! I hope you can leave one last review. :)

Song - 'You' - Evanescence

The words have been drained from this pencil, sweet words that I want to give you, and I can't sleep I need to tell you . . . When we're together, I feel perfect. When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart. All you say is sacred to me; your eyes are so blue I can't look away. As we lay in the stillness you whisper to me . . .

You

With the biggest sigh I could muster I pushed the open pack of delicious milk chocolate away from me along the couch and sat back with a huff. Five, four, three, two, one - and I was soon pulling it back to me. "Bye bye, willpower," I muttered to myself as I tucked into even more chocolate. I didn't need it and haven't since the moment Jesse walked out of my door and didn't look back. Cue the tears falling down my cheeks unchecked. The same thing I've been doing on and off for weeks and I'm getting pretty sick of the taste of salt in my mouth. It's starting to taste more and bitterer. It's just a shame nothing works to make me feel better. Not even my best friend is snapping me out of it.

I am not thinking about who would.

"Get over it already, Suze!" I snapped to myself, throwing the blanket off my legs and abruptly standing up off the couch. The remote clanked loudly off the floor, but I just ignored it and marched for the kitchen. I headed straight for the fridge where a nice bottle of red wine was ready and waiting for me. I put it off as long as I could all night, chocolate kept me going. But frankly, I needed something stronger and alcohol was the cure. "Come to me," I said, grabbing a glass from the counter as I headed back for my warm spot on the couch; with a pretty prominent indentation of my butt in the cushion where I've obviously been sitting around a hell of a lot.

With my hand cradling my wine and the sweet smell of chocolate floating to me, I put my film back on. Not a romantic comedy or blood spurting action; just a simple coming of age drama to get me through yet another lonely night with just me and my thoughts. Gina's been trying to snap me out of my rut of this routine for weeks, only getting as far as actually dragging me out with her a grand total of twice. It seemed like everywhere I turned there were couples surrounding me, or sleazy men trying to come on to me. It just made me feel worse than I already did.

This is pretty impressive considering!

I tried to focus on the film, I really did. But just like every other spare moment of my days since he left, my mind quickly slipped back to Jesse. I could see him in my mind as though he was standing right in front of me. His dark hair shining in the sunlight peeking between the tall buildings as we stood out on the streets of New York; his generous smile showing perfect white teeth as he looked at me; those deep fathomless eyes that have drawn me in deeper since the first moment I met him; that scar running through his eyebrow I love to trace with my finger; that deep, sexy accent purring my nickname as he leans in to kiss me . . .

I blinked out of my daydream to find my hand outstretched, stroking thin air where his face should be hovering by me.

And that's when the first body-shaking sob took me over.

I pressed a hand to my chest, as if that would stop it from hurting so much. The pain hasn't eased over time, it's just gotten slowly and painfully worse. So has my bitterness and anger towards him. I balled my hands into fists, mentally telling myself to grow the hell up and stop pining over someone who is not coming back for me. God I wish he would though. As much as I hate Jesse for doing what he did, I just can't stop myself from wishing he would come back and tell me he made a terrible mistake. Because he did . . . he made the biggest mistake, not me. My heart thumps so hard in my chest when someone just knocks on the door and every-time my hope dwindles more and more when I disappointingly open it to someone other than Jesse. I feel so lost and hurt . . . no man has every affected me or made me hurt as much as Jesse has.

And I hate him a little more each day for that.

I never understood those people in the romance films who just walk around in a daze when they've had their heart-broken, looking like zombies in a world full of life. But I do now; I get it more than I wish I did. Leaving my flat for work has gotten worse each day. I can't even think about the idea of going to see my friends or talk to my family. I feel so sick and dizzy at the thought of it. I go through work on autopilot that's gotten me in trouble more than once since he left. I just can't function, I see a tall man with dark glossy hair and my heart instantly seizes in my chest hoping that it's Jesse. I know - I know instantly that it's not him, but I want to hunt the stranger down who dares to have the same hair as my - no - no longer mine. I want to beat at his chest and shout at him for leaving me with no hopes, for destroying my dreams and breaking my heart into millions of tiny pieces!

I want to tell him how much I want him back and would follow him to the ends of the earth if it meant never having to wake up without him beside me. How much it hurts to not be able to turn to him when I need him.

"God I need him," I choked on a sob, my hands coming up to cover my face as the tears fell hard and fast.

I want to take all the pain and throw it under a train. I want to send it to him in the mail or tear it to pieces like he did my heart. It's so corny and ridiculous and it's so damn true, it just makes me cry even harder. I replay that last scene with him over and over in my head on a hourly basis, analyzing it, forgiving him in one instant and berating myself; to just hating him and cursing love and all its baggage and crap that goes along with it. I wish I never fell in love and gave my heart away. It's not worth it; love is a curse that people should avoid at all costs. All it does is lead to pain, no matter what.

Lunging forward, still sobbing hard I grabbed my wine glass from the table and choked down a mouthful or two, ignoring the way it tasted as sour as it went down. A taste I'm more than getting used to now.

It took longer than it should, but I finally started to calm down. The film was just playing to itself, I missed so much of it any-way. The world could be coming to an end and I wouldn't know about it. Ha, who am I kidding? My world has come to an end and I wish to hell it wasn't because of a guy; a tall, sexy, Spanish doctor guy who quite literally swept me off my feet since day one and hadn't put me down once, other than to take the time the walk out of my door and my life forever. God, why does it hurt so much?

I was just reaching for my wine - mind numbing alcohol - again when Gina came storming through my front door in her usual way. No delicate knocking and waiting for an answer from Gina Augustin. Just stroll right on in and make yourself at home. At least some things hadn't changed; I cling to those regular normal things like a life-line, keeping me tethered to the earth so I don't float away in despair. 'Denial denial is a long river in Egypt,' my Grandmother once told me. It's a phrase that's been rotating around my mind along with Jesse's image and our memories and that last night for weeks. It's been getting louder and louder the more the time passes. I want to get an eraser and wipe it from my mind.

I don't want to go down the road of why I keep thinking of it.

So not going there.

"Has Suze's world starting turning again, yet?" Gina greeted me with as she dumped her bag by the door and made her way over to my little living area, sitting down tentatively for Gina, on the edge of my armchair. I couldn't muster up even a hand wave, so I just shrugged a little, barely bothered whether she saw it or not. "I'll take the wine as a no then . . ." She trailed off, sighing heavily. That penetrated through my fog so I turned to look at her. For the first time in a while I really looked at my best friend. She looked . . . awful. Dark circles shadowed her eyes, the colour seemed to be washed out of her skin and she looked like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

I realized instantly that she is . . . She's carrying my world for me.

A new level of pain starting to work its way around my chest, rising up to my head, making it hurt from the pressure. Not only have I lost the love of my life, but I'm starting to slowly destroy my best friend as well. God, I am such a bad person! Chewing on my lip I watched Gina walk out into my kitchen and get herself a glass before sitting back down. I watched as she poured herself some wine, her motions slow and tired. She didn't look at me as she did any of this and I got for the first time, the impression that she couldn't look at me. Like I was some kind of . . . of disappointment to her or something. Sometimes I hate how easily I can read her.

Setting her glass down, Gina sighed again and finally looked at me.

I spoke before she did.

"I'm sorry," I croaked, swallowing back the rise of tears blocking the air to my lungs. "I'm sorry, Gina."

Raising one slim, perfect eyebrow, Gina leaned forward so her elbows were resting on her knees and really stared at me. So hard it made me squirm and shift in my seat. I crossed and uncrossed my arms, not really knowing what to do with myself. Just like I can read Gina like an open book, so can she with me. It'd be so much easier if it only worked one-way, I absently thought as I tried hard to not avoid her gaze and reach for my wine again. Or chocolate, I would have taken anything right then, just to not feel like her eyes were boring right through me, leaving a crumpled down heap of a girl in the place where I was sitting.

Narrowing her eyes slightly, Gina finally broke the silence between us.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to, Suze," She started, sitting back in her seat. Right then, in that one moment I saw my best friend start to peak back through the tired, drawn person I was trying really hard to not get up and walk away from. I did not want this discussion. We hadn't had it yet and I was hoping we never would. I should have known better though. I should have known that Gina of all people would only take me this way for a certain amount of time before she snapped. Deep down I knew it was something I value the most about her. But right then? Oh right then I wanted to tell her to go to hell.

Sniffing I settled with crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't know what you're talking about." I replied defiantly.

'Denial denial, is a long river in Egypt.' Sang my Grandmothers voice in my head.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't play dumb it doesn't suit you," Gina replied, barely fazed by my stony look and 'DO NOT APPROACH' warning signs I was giving off. She never listens to them. "Jesse . . . Jesse De Silva, Suze! Remember him? You know the man you let just walk right out of your life because you got your pride wounded? Because you're too damn stubborn and pig-headed to do the right thing, so you did the absolute opposite because you thought he'd fight for you? You thought he'd choose you, because you think you should come first, no matter what he gives up. Because you can't admit you're wrong."

Each word she said stabbed at my heart in such a way that I dropped my arms and rubbed at my chest, half expecting to see blood seeping through my fingers when I looked there.

"No - " I whispered, clearing my throat to find my voice. But it sounded weak even to my ears. Probably because I knew it was going to hurt to hear what Gina had to say, but I just didn't know how much! For a split second as she said things that I shook my head at, vehemently denying because she's wrong, I felt completely and utterly alone in the world. So completely swamped under by the pain, shock and despair that I just wanted to scream at her to stop and shut up! "No - " I said again, but there was no strength to it."You're wrong!" My eyes filled with tears; hot stinging tears that made it impossible to see. Everything was just a blur . . .

I felt rather than saw Gina move to sit on the coffee table in front of me. I swiped at my tears that just wouldn't stop coming, no matter how angry I felt inside. That anger was nothing compared to the other feelings I'd stamped down again and again since he walked out of the door. I shook my head, trying to clear it wishing more than anything that I could somehow just pass out on the spot so I didn't have to feel and think about so much at one time. I was being crushed and suffocated and . . .

And there was only one person I wanted to take it all away.

"Oh my God, Gina," I suddenly said, my hands falling limp in my lap, my head still from its shaking, the thoughts silenced in my head. I choked on a breath, my heart thumping so hard in my chest I thought it was going to burst free. My tears cleared enough for me to look up and straight into the compassionate eyes of my best friend. That was my undoing. "Gina - what have I done?" I reached out to her, blindly feeling around because I couldn't see anything again and felt her cool strong hand take mine in return. Without saying a word, Gina pulled me forward into the most crushing hug she's ever given me and just rocked me as I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.

I sobbed for a lot of things.

I cried for my broken heart.

I cried for almost destroying my best friend.

I cried for the time I've lost being stuck in my daze.

I cried for the memories flooding through my mind and the undeniable love that thrummed along with them.

I cried for Jesse . . . because I let him down in the biggest way possible.

But most of all, I cried for my own stupidity. For letting the best thing to have ever happened to me, just walk out of my door without trying. Without looking for a compromise or just blindly following the fact I love Jesse and want to be with him, whether that's in New York or California. For possibly never getting the chance to ever rectify my biggest, stupidest mistake and living the rest of my life with the most unbearable regret hanging over my head and knowing that I would never, ever find a love that was as true and perfect and right, as it was, is with Jesse. I cried a whole lot of tears, but it felt like only half of the pain was gone when I finally stopped.

The rest wouldn't go until I begged Jesse to forgive me and give me another chance.

That thought almost had me spiralling back down the black hole again.

"You know what you have to do," Gina smiled, ignoring the fact her top was soaking wet from my tears as she handed me a box of tissues. There was no apology for what she said to me, because we both knew there didn't need to be one. Gina has a way of getting her point across without having to say too much at all. She tore down every denial barrier I'd put up since that night and stripped me to the bare bone without much effort at all. And I let her.

Sniffling I nodded and wiped away the tear tracks staining my cheeks. God they stung something bad.

"So here's what you're going to do," She continued, pulling me up off the couch and steering me towards my bedroom. "You're going to go and get in the shower and make yourself actually look presentable for once," She nudged, pushing me towards the bathroom. "And then you're going to take this - " She bent down by my bed, reaching around underneath it until she had what she was obviously looking for and tugged it back out with some effort. Turns out it was a big, heavy-looking suitcase - clearly full up. " - and you're going to go to the airport and get on the plane to California and see Jesse and make all of this right."

Finished, Gina stood next to the suitcase by my bed and crossed her arms over her chest, looking smug and proud of herself.

Still reeling from everything that had happened in the living room; I shook my head and stared at her. "What?" I muttered, confused.

"You're going to California . . . tonight." She clarified for me. "Your ticket is waiting for you with your passport in your hand luggage. Now tell me what an incredible amazing friend I am to you?" She winked mischievously. The smirk was soon wiped from her face the moment I lunged at her, hugging her so hard I made her cough and choke. "Whoa, just saying thanks would have been enough," She laughed as she hugged me back, letting me choke her some more.

"Thank you," I whispered, getting teary-eyed again.

Pulling away, Gina shoved me towards the bathroom again. "No more tears. Go shower and get your man back. Keep the hope alive for me that if you can find love, then maybe I can too." She shrugged. But when I looked back at her with a raised eyebrow, she just laughed. Gina is not the type to fall in love easily. It would have to take the absolute right kind of unusual and special man to make Gina Augustin fall in love. "Yeah I know, never going to happen. Now go!" She ordered.

Spinning back around to go to the bathroom, my stomach fluttering with hope, excitement and a massive amount of nerves, I said one last thing before I closed the door. "Gina . . . You're an incredible and amazing friend."

And I owed her a lot.

xXx

'Concentrate Jesse,' I mentally repeated to myself as I tiredly looked down at the chart I had been staring at for longer than was necessary for a patient who only needed a few stitches to a cut on his leg after a skate-boarding accident. Rubbing my hand down my face, I scratched at the stubble located on my jaw. I needed a shower, a shave and lots of sleep and dreams that do not have Susannah in them to tease and taunt me into waking with less hope than I went to sleep with.

"So how's it looking, doc?" My patient asked me, sitting on the edge of the bed waiting to see if he could be discharged or not. "Will I live to skate another day?" He grinned. He would be right back to doing the same reckless stunts that no doubt got him into this predicament of needing stitches in the first place. His wild and wide smile told me as much.

Handing the chart to the nurse who had been patiently waiting beside me while my mind had wandered while reading a chart that did not really need checking, I nodded to our stuntman patient. "You are free to go. Nurse Flannigan here will get your discharge papers and explain how to dress your wound properly. I suggest you take better care with your board next time." I smiled tiredly; shaking the young man's outstretched hand and nodding at his thanks.

"Thank you doctor," Nurse Flannigan said to me.

Her voice was low and inviting as she stepped too close to me, her eyes tracing over me as I stepped around her. Fighting the urge to roll my eyes at the very much unwanted attention, I stepped out of the patient's curtained area and headed down to the main reception where I passed my shift and paperwork to the next doctor on duty. I could barely pick my feet up as I made my way to the staff locker room, glad to have my shift done and over with. It seemed to me as though the time had ticked past much slower than normal. Though I knew it was simply because I was so tired. Thankfully it had not been overly busy in the E.R. - or what an E.R. doctor would class as overly busy at least.

"Enjoy the rest of your day, Doctor De Silva," A young intern said as she passed me, pushing an elderly man in a wheelchair. Unlike most woman since I have been here, the young intern had no note of invitation to her voice. It was just a simple greeting to make me smile, which it did for a short time. But it was soon over-taken by a long drawn out yawn that had me rubbing my hand down my face once again. I nodded back and carried on my way. I do not believe myself to be a 'babe magnet' as Susannah once called me. In all honesty the attention I have received from the female populace here has left me feeling uncomfortable.

It also stirs feelings I have been trying without success, to place in a dark corner of my mind until a time that I feel I will have the courage to approach them; feelings for Susannah that burn just as brightly and vividly as they did the last day I saw her.

Pushing open the door to the staff locker room I reached the bench situated in front of my locker and sank down on to it. I know my tiredness was more to do with emotional turmoil than actual physical fatigue. But it made it no less unbearable. It has been a challenging many weeks being in California. My new job has been every bit the experience and excitement I had hoped it would be. Even if that excitement has been somewhat dulled by the pain gradually getting worse and worse as each day passes. The staff I work with have been all that I had hoped they would be and more. Everything has been, from the moment I started my first shift in my new hospital.

But it has all been tarnished by the knowledge that I am missing one extremely vital piece to the jigsaw of my new life.

Tarnished enough to have made me question myself every day whether I have done the right thing by moving to California and starting a new position and job here. Many times I have found myself sitting at my laptop ready to write a letter of resignation, so I can go back to New York and fight for Susannah, to stay there with her where she clearly wants to be. I have almost given up my entire dream and career in the hope that if I go back, Susannah will accept me with open arms and we can start again. I would be pinning so much on that hope that could quite possibly fail me and leave me with nothing - just a large hole of despair that would take a long time for me to climb out of.

I feel so selfish and guilty for choosing to stay in California and make it work here, knowing I can never be completely happy.

Unfortunately the same could be said of me if I went back to New York. Susannah was the one holding me there. But now I have had a taste of what it is like here . . . I am torn between what I want, what I need and what I should do.

Dropping my head into my hands, I raked my aching fingers through my hair dishevelling it more so than it already was. I needed to go home and rest. Eat, even though my appetite has waned considerably over the weeks. I know my job will be made torturous if I do not take proper care of myself. With that thought I stood up and shrugged my coat off and hung it in my locker, taking out my faded leather jacket and shrugging it on. Each thing I did seemed to be drawing more effort from me than normal. I did not want to be sitting in the staff locker room mulling over the mess that has suddenly seemed to encompass my life so dramatically. I did not want any of the staff I work with to see me with my barriers down. I have kept a tight lipped seal on my life from before California and planned on keeping it that way.

Even if that means turning down invitations to go out with them to socialize. I feel as though I would be cheating on the memory of Susannah and me by doing such a thing. I selfishly chose to save my career over stay with Susannah in New York, even if I had already told myself she would come with me when I told her my news. The least I can do is stay alone and miserable in the guest room of my friends house when I am not working, then go out and drink and laugh with the people I work with.

I deserve the punishment . . . I must do.

Slipping my wallet, keys, pager and phone into my pant and jacket pockets, I slammed my locker closed and made my way out of the hospital. I kept my head down, only smiling and nodding at people who spoke to me on my way to my car, my hurried pace not keeping me still long enough to talk with them. I was grateful and relieved to finally reach my car and be able to leave my job behind for another 12 hours. The nagging thought that if I am not careful, I will become bitter towards my new position and the one incredible thing in my life it took me away from, was pushed to back of my mind, where I refused to touch it.

The drive back to the house I have been staying in was pitted with traffic that made my mind wander where it always does when I have not got to have prolonged moments of concentration - Susannah.

She is the first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. It has been that way for such a long time now, to not have her there for each one has made the pain slowly allow its vines to wrap around my heart and squeeze it too tightly. I have lost count how many times I have picked up my phone to call her - to beg her to come to California; to forgive me for being so selfish; to accept me back, to say she wants me there with her, where I would give up everything to do that. I have composed emails and started letters that I have never finished, because I simply cannot find the right words to make this better for us both. I am for once in my life, at a loss of what to do.

I would be lying if I said that thought does not scare me.

I love Susannah so much. She walked into my life in such a way that the possibility of her never being there was something I would refuse to ever think about. But yet, here I am, faced with that and I feel as though I have left the most important part of me back there with her. Heaven's knows how she must be feeling towards me. And I would not blame her in the least if she hated me. I hate myself for hurting her so much; even if she has hurt me too. Everything was going absolutely right for us . . . And then I made everything go absolutely wrong. It is no wonder I can barely live with myself.

With my thoughts still turned to Susannah, I pulled up to the curb of the house I have been staying in, my hands just sitting on the wheel while I stared out of the window. The engine was still running and I had the fleeting thought of not getting out of the car, but driving all the way home to New York just to see her. But the thought of being rejected made me turn the key to turn the engine off. After-all, I may not have written or called Susannah, but had she not done the same?

Sighing, my thoughts turning into a maelstrom of emotions I did not have the energy for, I stepped out of the car and locked it. My head was hung low on my shoulders as I walked up the long path towards the porch to the house, stopping only to pick up the rolled up newspaper along the way.

"Jesse . . . ?"

The sound of the sweet, loving voice that has been coming to me in my dreams in such a haunting way for such a time made my head snap up to lock eyes with Susannah, standing at the top of the steps to the porch; her hands wringing nervously together in front of her, her lip pulled between her teeth, her eyes sparkling with un-shed tears. She looked to me like the most beautiful apparition my mind could have ever possibly conjured up to stand before me; her white summer dress floating softly around her knees, her hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders. But I only took that all in with a brief glance, because I could not tear my eyes away from hers. And all that I saw there. I searched hard, looking for the one thing I had stopped breathing to find.

Her love.

"Querida," I murmured in shock.

"Jesse," Susannah said again before everything turned into a blur.

I dropped the paper and the keys in my hands and I made quick fluid strides towards Susannah who had instantly started towards me the moment I said her nickname, racing as fast for me as I seemed to be for her. Time stood still the moment her soft, delicate arms wrapped around my neck, clinging onto me tightly as I swung her up and off her feet, holding her so tightly I made her whimper as I crushed her to my chest. I hadn't until this very moment believed Susannah been real and there until I felt her soft body pressed against mine; the beat of her heart thudding fast against mine. Her breathless rasps against my neck where she buried her head, with mine in hers. I felt a dampness fall on my suddenly hot skin that made tears come to my own eyes. Nothing would tear her from my embrace, though I was terrified someone or something might try.

I felt Susannah suck in a breath, but I could not loosen my hold on her. All I could do was whisper her name again and again, in-between peppering her shoulder and neck with kisses, just so I could taste her and allow my dulled senses to come back to life again after far, far too long. "Susannah, Susannah," I said again and again.

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry, Jesse," Susannah would not stop saying, her sobs cutting her words up, but they sank in with just as much intensity as they would if she had shouted it to me. "I was so selfish, Jesse, I should never have let you go; I should never have asked you to choose between me and your job!" She rambled, everything spilling out in a whisper, but I heard every single word without fail. "Please forgive me, please. I want to be here with you, Jesse! I want you to have everything, I need you - I need you so much! I was so stupid and scared and surprised and I had a knee-jerk reaction and I'm so sorry!"

Her words were like a balm across my soul - the vines that had been squeezing the life out of me, retreating from their attack on me and disappeared as though they were never there. Susannah had said everything I needed and wanted to hear. Everything I could have hoped for. She had come for me . . . She had come all the way to California to fight for me and suddenly everything slipped back into place again. Just the way they were supposed to.

"We were both in the wrong, Susannah," I murmured back, stroking my hand down her back more for reassurance for myself than Susannah. "I forgive you, if you can forgive me, querida? I love you so much. I don't ever want to be without you."

Pulling away from me, Susannah was set back down on her feet, but I still kept my arms wrapped tightly around her waist, not willing to relinquish my complete hold on her. "I love you too, Jesse." Smiling, Susannah met my kiss on tip toes, her lips meeting mine in an explosion of sparks and feelings that had been buried deep for us both for too long. Our kiss was not feverish or full of desire. It was slow, sensual and reacquainting. It was full of love, need and something so all encompassing and deep that it took my breath away. We stayed in that moment for a very long time, just the two of us and nothing else.

When we finally pulled away, all I could do was smile and lean my head against Susannah's. Contentment flooding through my entire being and ignited every nerve ending until it made my body quiver with happiness.

"Now I have everything I want, querida." I smiled.

"So do I," Susannah sighed happily. "So do I . . ."

You know you're all that I live for, you know I'd die just to hold you, stay with you. Somehow I'll show you that you are my night sky. I've always been right behind you, now I'll always be right beside you. So many nights I cried myself to sleep, now that you love me, I love myself. I never thought I would say this, I never thought there'd be, you . . .