Disclaimer- If I owned twilight I would so be somewhere else… like wherever they're filming NewMoon! Wow. But I don't okay? All credit to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer, without whom,my life would be like the night without the stars… or the comet. :) I hope that you like it.
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EPOV
I knew as soon as I got back from school that day that coming back from Denali had been a bad idea. When I had spoken to her in Biology… she smelt so good. I wanted so much from her. I wanted her blood more than I could possibly imagine that I'd ever want anything. But there was something else I wanted from this strange, beautiful girl as well… I just didn't know myself what it was. And I wasn't going to stick around to find out.
My bedroom door suddenly burst open with a bang and I looked up from my bed, where I was brooding, at Alice, who was stood in the doorway.
You're leaving, her thought was not a question.
"Alice, I can't stay," I told her.
"Why not?" she spoke aloud this time, although she knew that I could hear her words in her head first.
"If I don't… something bad will happen, Alice, and I… I can't let that happen."
"Edward…" she spoke aloud, but then let me see a vision she had had before I had decided to leave. I was with Bella, and she could see something in my eyes… as though a light had been turned on.
"That's why I have to go, Alice," I whispered, "I can't do that to her; it's not right. I'm not right."
You're fine, Edward, she thought.
"Don't you see, Alice?" I looked into her eyes, "Don't you understand? I have to leave before this gets to be too much. I have to go before that happens; before it's too late."
But what about Esme? You'll make her so sad. And me.
"I'm sorry, Alice, that's just the way things are," I sighed.
"Don't go," she whispered, "Please. It's already too late, Edward, and you know it."
"I'm sorry," I murmured, "I'll come back soon." With that, I stood up and jumped lithely from the window.
"Say sorry for me," I called back to her, as she watched me go through the open window. I saw her nod, before turning back and sprinting flat out into the dark forest.
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I had been gone for a week, doing nothing, heading nowhere. Now I was bored. I wanted to return to Forks, not just to see my family again, but I found myself longing to talk to Bella for a second time. Stupid masochist, I thought to myself, but still the need to go back burned stronger than the ache in my throat, and I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to turn back.
It didn't take me long to get back, but when I got there, I found that the tenor of my family's thoughts was not happy, as I'd expected. I could hear them from miles away, and I wanted to know what was wrong right away, so I ran as fast as I could to get back.
"Edward," Alice greeted me, although she did not smile.
"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked, "What's happened?"
"Edward!" Esme smiled at me, but her thoughts were not so happy: What will he think?
"What's happened?" I repeated, and then I realised, "Where's Carlisle?"
"Carlisle's fine, Edward," Jasper sent calming waves at me, but the panic was only numbed.
"Well, what's wrong then?" I demanded. None of their thoughts were wavering.
"It's…" Alice hesitated, "It's Bella," she whispered, and then I saw it in her mind, her memory:
Bella getting out of her truck the day after I left; Bella getting distracted by her tires; Bella not seeing Tyler Crowley's van hit the ice wrong until too late; Bella screaming; Bella caught between her truck and the on-coming van; Bella's head smacking the concrete, blood pouring from a gash in her head; Bella pale in hospital; the beeping of the monitor that measured Bella's heart rate as she lay still; Bella in a lifeless state; Bella in a coma. Bella, Bella, Bella. Beautiful, beautiful Bella.
The guilt, horror and devastation choked me until I couldn't breathe. And I realised why I had wanted to see her, why I hadn't wanted to leave. I was in love with Bella. I could've saved her, but I didn't, and now she may never wake.
"No," my whisper was a denial, "No."
"Edward…" Alice put her hand on my shoulder but I shook it off, "Edward… I'm… so sorry," she murmured.
"I… I have to go…" I shook my head, unsure of what to say, "I have to leave…"
"But you only just got back, Edward," Esme said, her tone reflecting her sadness.
"I have to go and see…" I muttered, "I can't stay… I have to…" my words were almost incoherent, and even I didn't know what I wanted. Alice's visions flickered crazily as I tried to decide whether to run, wallow or go and see my angel, lying in a coma.
"Edward, go," Alice urged, her eyes glinting with pity for me, "Go and see her."
I hesitated, but then nodded and whipped around, turning back to face the way I'd come. I ignored my family's thoughts of sympathy and raced to the hospital.
"Come in, Edward," Carlisle said, loud enough for only me to hear, even through the thick door.
"Is it true?" I asked as I both opened and shut the door in a split second.
I'm sorry, son, Carlisle thought, and I took it as a confirmation.
"I could've saved her," I whispered, "If I had stayed… I could've saved her life."
"Edward, you could've done nothing," Carlisle came and rested his hand on my shoulder. This time, I didn't shake it off, "No one could've predicted this, not even Alice. It was a cruel twist of fate, Edward, and nobody could've done anything. You cannot beat yourself up about this."
"But it is true, Carlisle," I said, "If I had been here…" I trailed off, seeing how differently Alice's memory could've been if I had indeed been in Forks that day.
"Edward, stop," Carlisle said firmly.
"I have to see her… Carlisle," I whispered.
He simply nodded and opened the door to his study, gesturing for me to leave first. He followed me along the corridor as he told me the directions through his thoughts, halting me when I got to the right door.
"I'm not coming in. Charlie, Renee and Phil will be here in about twenty minutes. You have that long," he said, but I could hear the reasoning behind his words; he wanted to give me some alone time with her. I appreciated this and nodded at him, before opening the door, and going in…
BPOV
It's cold and dark inside my mind. There is nothing and no one… an infinite emptiness.
That was, until I felt it. Something cold touched my hand. It got my attention unlike all of the other touches that I had felt. They had seemed meaningless, even the sounds, the voices had been nothing in all of the nothingness. But this time, the sound seemed to have some significance.
"Bella," his voice was quiet and agonized, but it was significant. And I would have recognized it anywhere, "Oh, Bella," he said. The angel's voice was not happy, not like it should be, but I didn't care. It was the only voice I wanted to hear right now. One conversation and I knew his voice by heart. One conversation and I didn't want to hear anything else. His return to Forks High had been all that I had wanted since that conversation, and now he was here and I was… I don't know. What was I? Was I dead?
The cold touch on my hand seemed to squeeze it, tightly, and I knew for sure I must be dead, as my angel spoke again, "I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered. I was confused. What would my angel have to be sorry for? And that was exactly why I was in heaven; because my angel was with me. I couldn't see him, but I knew that he was here, and not only because of his soft voice and the pressure on my hand. I knew that he wasn't my angel, but in heaven he was. And I was pretty certain that this was as close to heaven as I was going to get.
"I'm so sorry, I should've stayed… I should've saved you," he sounded like he was torturing himself over something and I wanted to open my mouth and ask, tell him not to hurt anymore, tell him that this was heaven and he should be happy, but it was like I was tied there. I couldn't open my mouth, I couldn't speak, I couldn't do anything except lie there and listen to his even breathing and my own not-so-even heartbeat projected loudly into the room by a machine.
There was silence for a moment and then he spoke again, his hand curling round my own, "I don't know if you can hear me, Bella, but I hope that you can. Please don't give up." I could hear that he was aching to say something else, something more, but he didn't.
More silence. I remembered my conversation with Charlie before the accident, and the arrangement for me to go back to Phoenix. As long as he was here next to me that was the last thing I wanted. I also remembered the relief I had felt when my head had hit the concrete, turning everything black and numb. I had still been aware: aware of the screams the cries, everything – and I had been grateful that I couldn't feel anything. Now I wished that I could see him, see his perfect face and respond to his words. I tried desperately to drag myself back up from underneath the black, but all to no avail. But then I gave up trying because he spoke again.
"I wish that I had spoken to you more before… before I left," he whispered, "I wish that I had got to ask you some more… get some more answers…" he trailed off into a thoughtful silence, before speaking again, "Alice saw that we'd be… really good friends" – what the hell did that mean? – "and I wish that I had stayed. Alice is always right, you know," he added, talking to me as though I was a good friend, a good friend who, more importantly, could respond to what he was saying, "Well, most of the time. She can't see you waking up, not yet, but you will." Suddenly I felt his cold breath by my ear and he was whispering to me, "I believe in you, Bella. You'll be fine, you'll live, you'll wake and this whole thing will be just like a nightmare. A nightmare that you can, and will, wake up from."
Nightmare? While he was here it was the best dream that I had ever had. Hmm… a dream. Now that was an interesting concept. Was I asleep, or dead?
Suddenly, his hand was gone, almost faster than I would've thought possible and a cool breeze made me aware that he had gone… he had gone. Now that my dream was over, I almost did wish that I could wake.
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