I do not own Harry Potter or anything related.
Commentator: Welcome back my living and spirit detective wannabe friends to instalment of Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged. Before we begin let's take a look at the reviews you've sent us. PROFESSOR! OPEN THE SHOOT!
(The Professor does so, and out pops two envelopes)
Commentator: Right then! Our first review is from Master Hut:
all right1 I really like how this is going! and i really like this Bios character!
Commentator: -Did she just say 'Bios'?
Professor: It certainly seems that way, Sir.
Commentator: -BIOS WAS IN THE LAST CHAPTER! (Reads the last chapter) I can't see him mentioned anywhere!
Professor: Neither can I, Sir.
Commentator: But that's impossible! We're commentators! We see everything the reader sees!
Professor: Clearly Bios is using some dark side jutsu to cloud our vision, my old friend.
Commentator: Enough with the old, you! You know I think Master Hut mentioned before about a mysterious evil new character. So it was Bios. He's back.
Professor: What do you think he's after?
Commentator: Oh the usual. Take over the world, become absolute tyrant, turn everyone his slaves, you know, cliché villain stuff that's below an Eighteen.
"I HEARD THAT."
Commentator: You were supposed to. I mean, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Professor: What's wrong, Sir?
Commentator: What's wrong? BIOS WAS JUST HERE, THAT'S WHAT WAS WRONG! You know, I always knew he'd come back and bite me in the rear.
Professor: What should we do about him?
Commentator: Put him aside for now. We have more important things to worry about.
"SO, I'M NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH, AM I? NO MATTER. SOON, I WILL PUT MY EVIL PLAN INTO MOTION. MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!"
Commentator: I might as well finish this review:
Interesting name though. How did you come up with it?
Commentator: That's a long story. Long story short, let's just say that the name originates with a fanfic character Anonymius created for 'Reboot' long ago in the days he didn't know there were other sad people creating their own stories and characters for their favourite series and keeping in the tradition of all characters being named after computer components he later heard his parents talk about the 'BIOS', so the name stuck. Anyhoo, let's move on to the other review:
(jcogginsa gets up unharmed)
Jcogginsa:sorry, i'm rubber and your in pain(kicks his arse again, this time with through the fire and flames playing)
Commentator: -Ow.
Professor and Sammy: HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
Commentator: Quiet you two! Well, back to the matter at hand, how dare Jcogginsa suddenly reverse the damage I inflicted! That's not in the rules! (Gets up) Well two can play at this game! It just so happens that the so-called 'arse kicking' you gave me was only a scratch. Now that I am in my true form again, FEAR MY MARTIAL PROWESS!
(Commentator and Jcogginsa enter a Mortal Kombat styled arena)
ROUND ONE: FIGHT!
(The Commentator, armed with a staff, spins it in the air and hits Jcogginsa's head repeatedly with it. Then he knocks him on the ground by hitting his legs. After Jcogginsa gets up, the Commentator disappears and reappears all around Jcogginsa, hitting him in all directions. He's low on health)
FINISH HIM!
Commentator: (Spinning staff) Here's a little move I like to call the 'Nutcracker no Jutsu'!
Professor: Nutcracker No Jutsu?
Commentator: HI YA! (Hits him with the balls)
Professor: Oh. Nutcracker No Jutsu.
(Jcogginsa clutches his balls as he keels over)
COMMENTATOR WINS!
(The Commentator spins his staff)
Commentator: THERE! Let's see you recover from that!
Professor: Sir, how often are you going to pick a fight with one of our readers?
Commentator: Until he concedes defeat! Or when I run out of ways to fight him. Now then, without further ado, enjoy the latest chapter!
After months of training (Or is it weeks?) Yusuke Urameshi has returned home, and is currently hanging out with his archrival, which makes absolutely no sense.
Yusuke: Hey! After everything we've been through at the Genkai Tournament, I discovered that Kuwabawa isn't as big as a loser as I took him to be!
Kuwabawa: Hey! Who are you calling a loser?
Yusuke: The guy who wore his school uniform on the weekend, that's who!
Kuwabawa: Oh this is coming from a guy who went to a comic book convention! Speaking of uniforms, shouldn't you be wearing the summer uniform right now?
Yusuke: Whatever gave you that idea?
Kuwabawa: Ah! Look! A gang with knives! And they look strange, somehow.
Yusuke: What, you mean apart from looking like members of Grand Admiral Thrawn's race?
Commentator: I say Professor, this gang of controlled people made a lot more sense in the original-
Yusuke: SHUT THE HELL UP!
(Uses his Reishotgun.)
Kuwabawa: Wow, Urameshi! You used your new attack to take out the gang!
Yusuke: Er, yeah. That's what I intended.
Later that day Botan caught up with Yusuke and explained to him the situation.
Botan: Demons from the dark part of the Spirit World are attempting to enter the human world and are ransoming the human world in order to enter.
Yusuke: Why would beings from a higher plane of existence want to come down into a lower plane of existence? Shouldn't the good parts of the Spirit World be more appealing?
Botan: Just go with it, Yusuke. Anyway, these demons are being led by the four Saintly Beasts.
Yusuke: Evil demons that are also saints? Talk about a paradox!
Botan: -Anyway, these Saintly Beasts are currently held in a trap filled castle where they have made it their home and the centre of criminal empire.
Yusuke: -That doesn't make any sense.
Botan: Quiet you!
Kuwabawa: He's got a point though.
Botan: You shut up too, Kuwabawa!
(Botan stares at Kuwabawa)
Botan: Er, is there any chance of Kuwabawa not catching anything I just said?
Yusuke: None whatsoever.
Botan: KUWABAWA, I WAS ONLY KIDDING, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS DEMONS, YUSUKE ISN'T SOME KIND OF SPIRIT DETECTIVE FOR SPIRIT WORLD!
Yusuke: It's a little late to act cynical, doncha think? I mean we practically told him everything last saga.
Botan: -OH THAT'S RIGHT! Hehe. Whoopsie! It completely slipped my mind!
Yusuke: You know you suck at this under cover business.
Oar: WHACK!
Yusuke: OW!
Later that day, Yusuke, Kuwabawa and Botan go looking for the portal into the demon world, I mean the dark part of the spirit world!
Kuwabawa: You know this scene actually makes more sense rather than just having us somehow getting transported into the dark part of the spirit world with no explanation given AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(Falls through the floor. Yusuke and Botan look down below.)
Yusuke: Man. He should know better than to compliment the anime adaptation in comparison to the manga. Although he does have a point, this is an actual useful filler scene that makes the story make more sense in comparison to the original !
Later that day, Yusuke and Kuwabawa are beset by some hungry ghouls, who are later driven away by an explicable burst of power who's like will never be seen again.
Yusuke: Kurama and Hiei? What are you doing here?
Hiei: We're here to assist you.
Yusuke: Erm, why?
Hiei: Anime law clause 66. "Should a villain be defeated but not killed then he has no choice but to ally himself with the main protagonist and assist him in his fight against evil."
Yusuke: Oh yeah! Well come on gang! Let's kick some demon butt!
Kurama: You do know that being demons what you said is highly offensive, right?
Yusuke: No.
Later that day the quartet get stuck in the gate of betrayal.
Demon: Welcome to the gate of betrayal. Only the traitor among you gets to enter the castle. Only traitors are allowed to enter the city.
Yusuke: Well that's no way to build a society!
Demon: -Come again?
Yusuke: Well how can any society properly function if you're all stabbing each other in the back?
Demon: -Shut up.
Yusuke: Hiei! Go grab that lever! It's our only chance!
Kuwabawa: What are you waiting for? Pull the lever!
Hiei: Heh heh heh.
Demon: Just as well you didn't pull the switch. The boulder would have crushed you. GAK!
Switch: Pulled up.
Boulder: Fall.
(Hiei dodges the boulder)
Kurama: Ingenious, Hiei! You suspected foul play and tricked the demon into revealing a trap!
Hiei: Er, yeah. Sure. That's what I intended.
Yusuke: (Clutches head) This-this is impossible!
Kuwabawa: What is?
Yusuke: All these additional scenes, us hanging out with Keiko, finding the portal to the dark parts of the spirit world, the boulder scene, they're-theyre-GOOD! In fact I think they've made the story better!
Kurama: Oh. Er, isn't that good?
Yusuke: Is that-FILLER SCENES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD, their only purpose is to lengthen the story! Alterations are supposed to make the story worse, not better! (Pulls hair) IT COMPLETELY DEFIES OTAKU LOGIC!
Kuwabawa: Hey, not all the alterations are good, Urameshi. Remember the people who went berserk and how we didn't notice their skin and eye colour had changed?
Yusuke: Kuwabawa, you've just restored my faith in the manga.
Later that day, the group come across Genbu, the first saint beast.
Kurama: I'll fight him. I've got the advantage unlike the rest of you.
Yusuke: What's he talking about?
Hiei: Just wait and see.
(Kurama takes out a rose, and transforms it into a whip)
Genbu: DIE!
(Kurama slashes him with the whip, and he falls apart)
Kurama: Anyone who has played Pokemon would know that grass beats rock easily.
Kuwabawa: It's true. In fact, choosing Bulbasaur is considered the easiest level because he can easily beat the rock pokemon in Pewter City.
Later that day the group encounter Byakko, the second saint beast.
Yusuke: AH! THE TIGER MAN FROM THE OPENING CREDITS!
Kurama: His name is Byakko, the white tiger.
Yusuke: What are you talking about? HE's BLUE!
(Everyone stares at him as if he is crazy)
Kurama: O…kay…
Yusuke: Why are you looking at me like that? Seriously he's blue!
Later that day Kuwabawa decides to fight Byakko, who turns a few of his hairs into monsters. Kuwabawa defeats them by skewering them with his spirit sword and ties them up around the spire.
Kuwabawa: Like it? I call it my spirit sword monster piece doughnut!
Yusuke: That has got to be the stupidest name for an attack I've ever heard.
Kuwabawa: Shut up, Urameshi.
Byakko: Grrr, you're making me angry! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!
Later that day Byakko talks about how powerful he is and how Kuwabawa and the others are insignificant to him.
Kuwabawa: Are you actually gonna fight me or just rant how powerful you are?
Byakko: You'll regret those words, boy!
Byakko reveals to have the power of absorbing spirit energy, giving him the advantage on Kuwabawa. Kuwabawa however uses this to HIS advantage, by feeding him so much spirit energy that he explodes.
Kurama: Defeated by his own hunger for power. The audience could learn something from this.
Byakko: Don't think I'm defeated yet.
Yusuke: Wait, what? Didn't you just explode a minute ago?
Byakko: I got better. Now come into my lair.
Yusuke: How the heck did he get back up so quickly?
Later that day, after defeating Byakko, the foursome faced their next opponent, Seiryuu, also meeting an unexpected guest.
Byakko: Seiryuu…help me…
Yusuke: Oh for crying out loud, he's still alive? What does it take to kill this guy?
Seiryuu: A sub-zero punch.
Yusuke: -What do you mean?
Seiryuu: HIYA!
Byakko: GAK!
Yusuke: Oh well, he's finally-
Byakko: Seiryuu…why…?
Yusuke: OH COME ON! HE'S ONLY A FRIGGIN HEAD RIGHT ABOUT NOW! This guy's impossible to-
Byakko: Bleah.
Yusuke: -Is he dead now? Are you sure? Okay.
Hiei: I shall take this villain on.
Seiryuu: Very well. Let us begin the greatest battle ever seen. HI-
Hiei: SLASHSLASHSLASH.
Seiryuu: -GAK!
Yusuke: Wow. He appears defeated! Or is he going to come back from the dead?
Wind: BLOW.
Kurama: No he appears to be definitely dead.
Yusuke: Wow, he didn't put much of a fight. I mean you would have expected the third boss to be tougher than the second!
Yusuke: How long do you think we've been down here?
Kurama: It's hard to tell, although it can't possibly be more than a day!
Keiko: Yusuke's been missing for days now!
Commentator: …That doesn't make any sense.
Suzaku: Those four…THEY'VE KILLED MY COMPANIONS!
Murgle: Actually Lord Suzaku, they didn't kill Byakko. Seiryuu did that.
Susaku: Shut up, Murgle.
Murgle: Yes sir.
Keiko: Mr Tanaka! Are you all right? You look a little blue!
Later that day, or days apparently, Yusuke faces off with the main boss.
Yusuke: Wait, you're a demon who's also a saintly beast? You don't look demonic or a beast!
Suzaku: Yes Murgle here embodies my bird like characteristics.
Yusuke: Uhuh. That doesn't make any sense.
Suzaku: Shut up and die! Or better yet, watch the girl you're just friends with die! On come on, you lot, they're just a bunch of shonen heroines, they're not that hard to beat! So, how does it feel to know that the girl you're just friends with is the lead in a horror movie?
Yusuke: Relieved, I guess. The lead actresses tend to survive in horror movies.
Suzaku: Oh-right. (Forms a seal) KAGE BUSHIN NO JUTSU. (Creates shadow clones)
Ysusuke: (Wait a sec! I know how to defeat an opponent like him!) What happens to a clone's soul after the body disappears?
Suzaku: Well, I reabsorb the body, and with that the soul of the clone, allowing their consciousness to continue to exist.
Yusuke: DAMNIT! THAT WORKED ON NARUTO!
Yusuke: HAH! You're out of power!
Suzaku: Not quite. I can reabsorb the power of my fallen selves, return to full strength, and become seven again.
Yusuke: Oh come on!
Meanwhile downstairs, the three are still fighting the plant people.
Kuwabawa: Hey, is it just me or are we repeating the exact same moves over and over again?
Hiei: It's you.
Kurama: Quiet, Hiei. It appears that Suzaku has trapped us into a timeloop, forcing us to relive the exact same movement over and over again. Or more likely, in order to lengthen the episode, the animators decided that they could spend less time animating by using the exact same frames over and over again.
Suzaku: Now I shall make you go through extreme torture. For ten whole minutes.
Yusuke: Like I'm gonna let you torture the viewers like that. SPIRITUS EX MACHINA!
Suzaku: What the-? You're using your own life force? Surely that's suicide?
Yusuke: Didn't anyone ever tell you. SACRIFCING MY SELF FOR OTHERS IS WHAT I LOVE DOING THE MOST!
Suzaku: No! No! I can't be defeated like this! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Suzaku: Defeated…by a deus ex machina…it's-just-so-lame…BLEAH.
No. of times Yusuke has tried to sacrifice himself: Four.
Fortunately though, Yusuke is saved and recovering at Kuwabawa's place, where a number of rumours have aroused because of it.
THE END.
Yusuke: Wow! I can't believe we got through a whole saga on zombies without one lame 'BRAIIIIIINS!' joke!
Kurama: Yes it's probably because the brains thing has already been used in two other parodies.
Inferi: Brains!
Inferi: Brains!
Sylar: BRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!
Inferi: Brains!
Kurama: See what I mean?
Commentator: Well that's it.
Sammy: So, is this the end? No more 'Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged'?
Commentator: Well after getting into the anime Anonymius decided to give it another chance. So in about a month's time (Unless he's not feeling up to it) we'll be doing 'Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged (With Commentary): Season 2'! We just didn't do the final arc of Season One given there didn't seem to be that much to make fun of. But we'll include a 'previously' in the next fic! So see you all later!
"BRETHREN! WE HAVE GATHERED HERE TO WELCOME OUR NEWEST MEMBERS! CLOCK, FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST COMIC, STEP FORWARD!"
The Clock and Manga do so.
"NOW THEN," Bios raises his fingers, "I SHALL GIVE YOU THE POWER THAT I HAD PROMISED, MAKING YOU EVEN MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER BEFORE!"
He touches them. Black electrical energy runs through their bodies. They transform.
"ARISE, CYBER-CLOCKWORK!"
The Clock gets up, having transformed into a large armed robot.
"SOON, ANONYMIUS' TIME WILL BE UP!" He announced.
"-AND PAPER DEMON!"
The Fullmetal alchemist comic gets up, having been transformed into a demonic looking creature made of paper.
"I shall PAPER-CUT Anonymius all over!" He announced.
"UNFORTUNATELY A SIDE EFFECT OF THIS IS THAT THE RECEIVER TENDS TO MAKE REALLY BAD PUNS ALL THE TIME."
"Hey Boss! How come you've never bestowed great power on me?" Leatherwing asked.
"BECAUSE LEATHERWING I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE ONE LACKEY IN MY CIRCLE, AS WELL AS AT LEAST ONE MINION WHO DOESN'T MAKE BAD PUNS IN CONNECTION TO THEIR NAME. SOON, MY MINIONS, THE TIME WILL COME WHEN WE SHALL OVERTHROW ANONYMIUS, AND TAKE OVER ANONYMIUS PRODUCTIONS! MWAHAHAH! MWAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Everyone joins in the laughter.
"ONLY I MAY LAUGH."
"Sorry!" The three minions quickly apologised.