Unfortuantely, My Soul Is...
Previously on If Princess Tutu Was A Musical... The Lord Have Mercy On Our Souls:
Mytho: You might have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun,
You might have to go to war when you get out of school.
Autor didn't look up as he spoke, playing the piano, and clearly annoyed that Fakir had requested his help with this project.
Autor: Hey cheer up kids it gets a lot worse.
Rue now appeared, clutching her head as she sang, and throwing her possessions around her room. Uzura wondered how much she broke...
Rue: You're gonna hafta deal with stress,
Deal with stress, deal with stress,
You're gonna be a giant mess,
When you get back from the war!
Now came the real bombshell. Pike and Lilie were only too happy to oblige with the sadistic part; Duck had been their practice... she'd been reduced to tears. Uzura was to be likewise.
Pike and Lilie: Santa Claus does not exist, and there's no Easter Bunny,
You'll find out when you grown up, that Big Bird isn't funny.
)_-_-_-_(
And now, for something completely different...
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Drosselmeyer sighed, studying the clog before him. There were his characters, prancing about without a care, happy (except for Uzura, bless her) and singing. Singing? He couldn't remember how the control of things had managed to get into that person's hands, and why that person chose to make it a musical. His tragedy was being ruined... but perhaps he could remedy that, he thought, watching as Duck argued with Fakir, the most miniscule of blushes on both faces. If things failed, after all, he could always claim it a success; he'd got his grandson a girlfriend. Lord knew he needed one.
Donning his cape and hat, and checking his hands were firmly screwed on, he stepped into the musical once again, and recalled that his plan would now have to be carried out through song. He summoned Duck to his side, informing her that he had a treat for her; medicine that would stop her appendix from bursting (refer to "the position of the planets and the stars").
Once they were out of earshot, he heard music begin. He kind of liked the beat... it suited him... somehow.
Drosselmeyer: I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me kinda strange
But you'll find that nowadays, I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light and made a change
Duck scoffed, staring at him with distrust.Drosselmeyer: And I fortunately know a little secret
It's a talent that I always have possessed
Dear lady, please don't laugh, I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely and depressed, pathetic!
Now Duck knew Drosselmeyer had been drinking. He was... getting into the song. Besides, what was he on about? She wanted her medicine and she wanted it now! Was he talking about his ability to make stories come true?Drosselmeyer: Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
This one wants to get the girl
And do I help them? Yes, indeed!
Yeah, right. Now he had to be singing about Rue and Mytho. She could bet it was his fault that Rue got to be Hermione before! And Mytho would have made a better Harry, right?
She paused. Right.Drosselmeyer: Those poor unfortunate souls The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
So sad, so true
They come flocking to me crying
"Will you help us, pretty please?"
And I help them, yes, I do!
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle prattle for?
Now Duck was feeling sort of injured; it wasn't her fault she blabbered the way she did! What was the point of this? Where was the sadistic fossil going with this?Drosselmeyer: They're not all that impressed with conversations Poor unfortunate souls
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn on the lady who's withdrawn
And she who holds her tongue, gets her man
Go ahead, make your choice
I'm a very busy person and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much, just your voice
Narrowing her eyes, she had to ask. "What do you mean? Who're we talking about here? What do you mean it'll cost my voice?"
"Why, my grandson of course. Here's the deal: I'll allow you to confess your love, and you won't vanish into a speck of light. But once you do, I'll take your voice away. You can still be Princess Tutu - but a mute one."
Duck gasped - was he implying she was destined for Fakir, in the end? "Dammit, I knew that Shipping Bridge was a bad idea! The votes were so unbalanced in the fandom!" (Stupid Writer: The Shipping Bridge is a reference to Princess Tutu Abridged, on youtube PLEASE watch it. You will NOT regret it.)Drosselmeyer: Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
If you wanna cross the bridge, my sweet
You've got the pay the toll
Autor and Lillie appeared on either side of Drosselmeyer, and produced a long contract. Duck began to read the fine print.
Drosselmeyer: Take a gulp, take a breath, go ahead, sign the scroll You poor unfortunate souls Those poor unfortunate souls
Autor and Lillie, now I've got her, kids
The boss is on a roll!
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
This one wants to get the girl
And do I help them? Yes, indeed!
So sad, so true
They come flocking to me crying
"Will you help us, pretty please?"
And I help them, yes, I do!
Those poor unfortunate souls!
Just as Duck made to sign the scroll, Fakir came onto the scene, rolled his eyes, and dragged Duck away, reminding her that she didn't need an appendix. "Oh yeah. Maybe next time Drossie!"
"Damn."
)_-_-_-_(
"It's time to try Defying Gravity!"
"You're going to die Defying Gravity! I already told you, the music won't give you super powers. Moron."
~ Princess Tutu Abridged, Episode 12, Act 2. Fakir and Duck.
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Kura: and that's a wrap. Ok, so, I wasn't actually planning on doing this! I wasn't, but I did. Don't worry, in future, I'll be doing chapters with more than one song again. But, for the time being, I just wanted to do this one. It's kind of pointless, to be honest, but the song fits Drosselmeyer SO well - I've seen a video with this song and Kraehe. Very well done. In any case, the Princess Tutu Abridged references are worth noting. Occassionally, I'll be inserting them, at random. People who haven't seen the videos on youtube should really do so.
Duck: I actually get to be semi-intelligent.
Kraehe: Rue/Fakir fans will get minor enjoyment from the first couple of episodes. It's only references, but anyway
Autor: They've only done the first 12 episodes so far... so I'm not in it.
Kura: shoo, all of you! Anyway. That said...
Fakir: Kura-chan doesn't own Princess Tutu, Defying Gravity (from Wicked) or have any contribution to Princess Tutu Abridged. She also wants to point out that while she is aware that Poor Unfortunate Souls is a song from Disney's 'The Little Mermaid', she chose to use a version done by The Jonas Brothers.
Kura: Yes, yes and I'm not a fan. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's the only one of their songs I've heard. But I like it.
Mytho: I feel somehow left out. Why?
Kura: -shrugs- hey, I referred to you, don't complain.
Mytho: I wanna be more involved.
Kura: well... -thinks about her range of music- Ok! Mytho, I'm going to force myself to write a Mytho Special next chapter! You may not be the biggest piece, because I have plans for everyone else too... but you're gonna be there!
Mytho: -randomly parties-
Fakir: Mytho! Those are my pants!
Duck: -blushes-
Rue: -huggles Mytho-
Fakir: -searches for Mytho's pants-
Kura: . . . Um. So, Drosselmeyer... here's your twenty.
Drosselmeyer: Thankyou. I told you it'd happen one day. Mytho was bound to gain opinions.
Kura: . . . no comment.
Everyone: Please review! Note: all underlined lyrics have been changed to suit the musical.