Voices No One Else Can Hear:

"Hearing voices no one else can hear isn't a good sign, even in the wizarding world."

(Ron to Harry, in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets,Chapter 9, 'The Writing on the Wall'.)

DISCLAIMER: I did not invent any of the characters or the setting, they belong to JK Rowling. Nor did I invent the idea of the Potions Accident Fic. I'm grateful to whoever did.

WARNING: Contains crude innuendo, filth, depravity and nob gags but no actual smut.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I HEREBY DENOUNCE MYSELF AS A DISGRACE TO THE COMMUNITY OF 'THE WEASEL AND THE FERRET' BECAUSE I PRESENT TO YOU A FIC IN WHICH NOT ONLY WILL RON BE PAIRED WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN DRACO, BUT I ALSO COMMIT THE MOST HEINOUS CRIME OF DRARRY.

I HAVE ONLY TWO DEFENCES TO MAKE. FIRSTLY, THIS STORY IS A LIGHT-HEARTED ATTEMPT AT HUMOUR AND DR/RON IS SOMETHING I TAKE VERY SERIOUSLY. SECONDLY, THE IDENTITY OF RON'S SECRET ADMIRER IS SUPPOSED TO BE A MYSTERY AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BIT EASY TO GUESS IF I HAD STUCK TO MY FAVOURITE SHIP.

IN THE HOPE THAT TRAGICLUV WILL FORGIVE ME, I DEDICATE THIS FINAL CHAPTER TO HER.

CHAPTER TEN: Quidditch

Ron turned up for Quidditch practice almost an hour early. He lay in the middle of the field and soaked up the silence. It soothed his tired mind. He tried not to think about whips or loincloths or stockings; he even closed his mind to orchids and chocolate sauce. He mused on goblin rebellions and they lulled him to drowsiness like a lullaby, as always happened in History of Magic lessons with Binns.

He woke as his team-mates walked out of the changing rooms. They were in a big huddle. Their voices came to him in an erotic patchwork, promising him nights of caring caresses and mornings of debauchery. He made sure he didn't look at Ginny.

His soul-mate was in range.

Harry turned up a quarter of an hour late, adjusting his kit and wincing.

"Glad you're all here!" he announced breathlessly. "Going to try something a bit different this practice. I'd like to see how you all look from the ground, so, off you fly. I won't be getting on the broom myself this evening."

"Why not?" Katie asked.

Harry just muttered something about new training techniques used by professional teams and how she should shut up and get on with it.

Ron took lightly to the air and concentrated on his secret admirer, his other half, his soul-mate. Hermione might think he was thick, but there were some things Ron could work out for himself. Now he knew.

As he watched strong, graceful movements, Ron realised that he also knew how he felt about that knowledge: He was very happy, hopeful and not a little turned on.

Ron tried not to fall off his broom as he heard his special someone's voice promising to "... throw you down onto my bed and tear off your clothes with my teeth ..."

Ron swooped low, caught the Quaffle without really thinking about it and returned it to Ginny. All the while he kept his sight on his beloved. He found he played better, actually, when he wasn't thinking about it.

The enticing voice continued: "... I'll run my hands down your sides and my mouth will cover your body with ..."

"Snakes."

Ron gagged. Then he realised that it was Harry who had said 'snakes', quietly enough that he could have been talking to himself, but loud enough to drown out the intoxicating description which Ron had been rather enjoying, actually.

"Snakes?" he asked his earth-bound captain, a little crossly.

Harry stared at him for a moment, then pulled himself together. "They have real snakes. Did you know? In the Slytherin chamber, erm, dungeons, I mean ..."

"Don't tell me!" Ron said quickly, trying to fly away.

"Oh, yeah, Malfoy ordered me not to tell anyone ..."

"That's what I didn't want to know! Malfoy!"

Just then Harry got smacked by a Bludger and was knocked onto his arse. He leapt up yelping and practice was abandoned. He hobbled back to the castle very slowly. Ron left Ginny to walk with him. He had someone to catch up with.

They walked in silence, Ron relishing fantasies of the two of them naked in the lake which he eavesdropped on, but at the same time wondering how he could make his move.

His soul-mate started to wonder the same thing: " ... you are so close. I could do it now. What could I do now? I wish you weren't straight. If I thought there was any chance that you might like me too, then I'd grab you and kiss you here and now."

Ron realised that he had the advantage. He knew for sure that if he made an advance then it would be welcomed. He lifted the tapestry on the second floor and the two of them ducked into the secret passageway which they all used as a short-cut up to Gryffindor Tower.

It was darker in the passageway. The stone walls should have made it cooler, too, but Ron felt his skin heat up as he heard the thought: "We're alone. Together. Just you and me. Why are you standing still? I'm standing still, too. What's going on? You're looking at me. You're looking at me like ... like you were going to ... I wish you were ... I wish you would ... I'm sure I'm wrong. You'll never kiss me."

Ron thought about cherry blossom in the spring time. He leant forward and grabbed hold of Dean's shoulders, heard, "... you're holding my shoulders, your face is moving closer, your handsome, perfect face is too close to focus. Oh! Your lips are --"

Then he heard a strange, emptying 'pop!' as he crushed their mouths together. He closed his eyes, knowing that he wasn't going to miss any of Dean's thoughts. He knew that he wouldn't hear Dean's secret erotic thoughts ever again. Well, unless Dean decided to whisper them to him late at night when they were curled up in bed together.

Ron pushed Dean against the wall, pressing into him. He felt their erections grind against each other and it was just as Dean had imagined it would be. He felt Dean groaning into his mouth. Dean's hands stroked over his back, down to his buttocks and Ron pictured mashed potato.

"Oi!"

Ron and Dean broke apart, both sucking in air, both becoming aware that there was too much light and that the angry voice they had heard belonged to Ginny. She and Harry were standing in the doorway.

"What?" Ron asked his sister.

"I don't want to find my own brother snogging ... people in public!"

"This was a deserted corridor till you came butting in!" said Ron. He should have known, though, should have thought that those two would be right behind them. He didn't think he could have behaved any differently, though, even if he had remembered.

Dean was looking embarrassed. Ron took a step back to give him the space to escape if he wanted to. He looked down onto dark, full lips and wanted to taste them again. Dean stayed where he was.

"Er ... c'mon, Ron," he said, "let's go to the common room ..."

Ron wanted to say 'yes', he really wanted to find a quiet corner where he could run his hands over toned biceps and ...

But he needed to sort things out with Ginny. She was going to have to get used to this.

"You go," he said softly. "I'll be up soon. I want a word with my dear sister, first."

Dean looked over at her furious face and nodded. He looked back reluctantly at Ron as he left.

"Right!" said Ron, glaring at Ginny. "Let's get this straight once and for all. It is none of your business who I go out with or what I do with them, Ginny -"

"Yeah it is!" said Ginny, just as angrily. "D'you think I want people saying my brother's a -"

"A what?" shouted Ron, drawing his wand. "A what, exactly?"

"She doesn't mean anything, Ron -" muttered Harry, though he looked less than pleased himself.

"Oh yes she does!" Ron said, flaring up at Harry. "Just because she's never snogged anyone in her life, just because the best kiss she's ever had is from our Auntie Muriel -"

"Shut your mouth!" bellowed Ginny, bypassing red and turning maroon.

"I've seen you with Harry, hoping he'll accidently brush past you every time you see him. It's pathetic! If you went out and got a bit of snogging done yourself you wouldn't mind so much that everyone else does it!"

Furious, Ginny pointed her wand at him.

"Hermione's snogging Crabbe!" shouted Ron. "And Harry's been enjoying an S & M session with Malfoy. It's only you who acts like it's something disgusting, Ginny, and that's because you've got about as much experience as a twelve-year-old!"

Ginny had turned to Harry. She was gaping at him, horrified. Harry glared at Ron.

"Snakes!" Ron snapped back at him. Then he pushed past them both and stormed out into the corridor.

He ran down the stairs and back out to the grounds. He knew Dean was waiting for him, but this wouldn't take long. He mounted his broom and flew round to the greenhouses, to the flower bed Madame Sprout kept stocked with lilies. He filled his arms with the scented blooms and flew up to the Gryffindor common room, his heart full of pleasurable expectations.

THE END

Some passages quote directly from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

THERE YOU GO. I HOPE YOU WEREN'T DISAPPOINTED BY THE IDENTITY OF RON'S SECRET ADMIRER. THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS – I'D LOVE TO GET EVEN MORE!!!