Fate, a kingdom hearts fanfic

I have written a 4,000-word one-shot. My life is now complete.

Okay, originally, this was going to be a long-ass, multi-chaptered story. Then I ran out of ideas and time, so I said "FUCK ALL!" and wrote this piece of crap instead. My favorite part is the beginning, because I wrote that with an idea in my head and the perfect ending, but then I decided I wanted a happy ending so I changed it. Also, the plot ended up changing tremendously, so I hope there aren't too many holes. If you spot any, I'd very much appreciate it being pointed out. Thank you!

Allergy Information: Well, if my language hasn't already offended you, I don't know what else to warn! Ohh, yeah, implied drug use, fluff, and a little bit of angst. (Again, I draw warnings from a hat!)

This is dedicated to the person who walked out of my life just as easily as he had walked into it.

"It can't rain all the time."

Demyx always did love The Crow. I had never quite understood why; it seemed too gloomy and dark for Demyx, but then I watched it, and I finally did: beneath all the death and anger, it was a love story. Demyx was a sucker for love stories. But then again, he believed in fairy tales and happy endings, the prince always found the princess, and good always prevailed. He always believed that tomorrows brought sunshine. I admired him for that. Fate, however, held a grudge. She held that grudge to the bitter end.

"Axel." A sleepy murmur interrupted my furious tap-tap-tapping at the keys. "What are you doing? It's three in the morning." A petite blonde rubbed drowsily at his eyes from the doorway into my study. "Come back to bed, baby. Your computer will still be there in the morning."

"Yes, but will the words?" I spun in my chair to face him. "I'll come to bed soon, okay? You go on ahead." I turned back around, but I did not hear the expected padding of feet down the hallway. Instead, I felt small arms around my neck.

"I can't. The bed's too cold." He yawned. "What are you writing, anyway?"

I quickly minimized the window. "Nothing." I turned and gave him a quick kiss. "I'll be right in there, okay? Promise."

"Promise?"

"Yeah." He smiled softly and kissed me chastely.

"Don't keep me waiting," he reminded as he pulled away. I heard him pad back down the hallway and reopened the window.

I sighed and ran a hand over my face; I couldn't be bringing up old loves like this, especially not with tomorrow coming so quickly. I was actually happy with Roxas now; true, it might have taken me some time to adjust, but I was glad I didn't give up on him. He was so like me-- he understood me, which is more than I could have ever asked for when I was with Demyx.

I saved the paragraph I had written, shut down the computer, and headed to the bedroom. Roxas was curled on his side, waiting for me. With a grin, I stripped and climbed in behind him. Immediately, he adjusted and pressed his body against mine. Demyx would have been fast asleep already, sprawled out on the bed and snoring obnoxiously. I resisted the urge to shake the thought out of my head as I slid my arm around Roxas's small body.

"Get some sleep tonight, Ax." He kissed my cheek. "I know you must be nervous, but you'll need your rest. I have a feeling tomorrow's going to be a long day." I smiled and buried my face in his neck. I could feel his own smile, soft and subtle. Roxas never gave real, excited, big smiles like Demyx did. Why did I keep bringing up Demyx? It's not that I still care about him. Well, I do, but I don't still love him. Of course not. That's stupid. With that thought as my lullaby, I fell asleep.

--sadbuttruethefactsoflifeareboundtogetyoudown--

"Rox! Where are you? It's time to go!" Roxas stumbled out the door, still pulling on his coat.

"Sorry, sorry." He gave me a quick kiss in passing before jumping into the passenger's seat of my car. I jokingly rolled my eyes and slid into the driver's seat. I checked the mirrors-- yes, the infamous Axel is a careful driver sometimes (mainly when my lovely Roxas is in the car) -- and pulled out of the driveway, resisting the urge to speed down the streets. Roxas turned the radio on to some alternative station, and then leaned back against the window to take a nap. He was so cute… Okay, Axel, focus on the road before you get him hurt in a car crash.

Before I knew it, I had arrived at the airport. I gently shook Roxas awake.

"We're here, sweetie. Wake up." With a yawn and a stretch, Roxas got out of the car wordlessly. I smiled and locked the car, and then I took Roxas's hand and led him out of the car park. We went through the thirty minutes of security then went to check at which gate the flight would be arriving. The entire time, I practically clung to Roxas. To be honest, I was a little scared.

"Axel, pay attention!" Roxas nudged me. "I just told you his flight's arriving now."

"Oh, right. Sorry." We went to stand by the gate, me fidgeting nervously and Roxas standing still, looking tired and quite possibly annoyed. People soon began to spill out, and I kept my eyes open for a lanky, cheerful blonde.

He was the very last person to exit the gate. And he was definitely not cheerful. And more anorexic than lanky. But I'd seen Demyx enough to recognize his face from a mile away. His confident bounce had become a slouchy sort of amble; my mouth almost dropped open. This was not the Demyx I'd known since middle school. This wasn't my Demyx.

I wanted to help him but I didn't know how. I settled for approaching him and walking him back to where Roxas waited patiently. Silently, we all three walked back to the parking lot with Roxas and me leading and Demyx following a few paces behind. Roxas settled in the backseat wordlessly, leaving me to awkwardly hold open the door for Demyx. I brushed his shoulder lightly, and he nearly jumped out of his skin. I was so confused… there had to have been a mistake. This strange man couldn't have been Demyx. Well, he was, but he wasn't.

My inner writer was having a field day with this.

I climbed into the driver's seat with a long-suffering sigh. If I relaxed, everything would be okay.

--wellitsnotlikeiwashisfirstchoice--

When we got home, Demyx immediately hid in the guest room; he knew where it was after so many years of living with me. I sighed and offered Roxas an apologetic smile, but he simply shrugged it off. I guess Demyx was his friend, too, and this would be something we'd have to work at together.

I wrapped my arms around my lover. "If you'll make lunch," I told him, "I'll go coerce Demyx out of his room." He grinned.

"I'd love to see that. You're damn sexy when you bribe."

I grinned back. "I try." I gave him a lingering kiss before reluctantly marching the death march to the guest room, humming "The Imperial March" from Star Wars all the way. Hm, I seem to like the word "march" today.

I knocked softly on the door. "Dem?" I didn't hear a response. I could hear the distant sound of the attached shower, so I tried the door; it opened. "Demyx, are you okay?" He still didn't respond. I knocked on the closed bathroom door without a response yet. Well, fuck, I didn't want to go in there, but… the door was unlocked and he probably needed someone to care.

Demyx was sitting naked in the bathtub, the shower curtain open while water doused him. His emaciated body was shivering. Fuck, Demyx…

He didn't respond when I walked over and turned off the showerhead, nor did he when I picked him up and carried him back to the bedroom. I gently laid him down and crawled in behind him, hoping Roxas wouldn't walk in and misinterpret anything but at the same time enjoying having Demyx's body against mine again. It had been so long since I'd felt his touch…

"I thought you stopped," I whispered. "Your parents said you had. That's why they let you check out of rehab."

"I know," he whispered back. "The more they don't know, the better."

"If you wouldn't stop in rehab, why are you trying to stop now?"

"I knew you hated how dependent I was on drugs. I wanted everything to be back the way it was, so I figured withdrawal was worth it."

"Was it?"

He stayed silent. I ran my hand up and down his cold, damp arm for a while. "I haven't slept in days," he finally said, "but now that I'm here with you…" I could feel my heart speed up. Demyx still had feelings for me, then… but I was with Roxas. Beautiful Roxas. I thought about his laugh, his smile, his voice, his eyes… still, nothing could take my mind off of the shivering body pressed against mine.

"I'll stay here until you fall asleep." I wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed his shoulder. He smelled just like he used to… his personal scent of ocean water and a hint of metal from playing his sitar. Speaking of which, where was Sasha? He never left home without her. "Oh, Demyx, you didn't…"

"Hm?"

"You didn't sell Sasha, did you?"

His body tensed. "My parents wanted me to leave her back home. They said I'd probably run away otherwise."

"Oh, thank gods…" I tightened my arm and buried my face in his neck. "I was worried."

"Mmm."

True to my word, I stayed just like that until I was sure he had fallen asleep. For extra measure, I stayed a little longer.

--anditsnotlikewealwaysgotalong--

Apparently Roxas hadn't expected him to leave the guest room, because he'd only prepared two plates. Damn psychic. He grinned and kissed me.

"I didn't think you'd win." If only he knew I hadn't tried. I felt in my heart that I had cheated on him, even though I hadn't actually done anything. My body had wanted to, had wanted to hold and touch and kiss Demyx and tell him everything would be just fine, but the knowledge that Roxas was just in the other room had kept me in check.

"Your faith astounds me." I wrapped my arms around him and rested my cheek on his head. "Sorry."

"Hm? What for?"

"Nothing, just… felt like saying it." I'm such a horrible liar. Roxas either believed me or wasn't up to prying information out of me, because he just hmm'ed and held my arms around him.

"I thought Demyx wasn't doing drugs anymore."

"How did you know?"

"I can smell it on you." I bit my lip. How was Roxas not suspicious? Even I was suspicious of myself, and I had been there!

"…he only told his parents he had quit so they'd let him out of rehab."

Roxas snorted humourlessly. "He never was one to face his problems."

"Yeah, but… Rox, what are we going to do? You should see him… withdrawal's hitting him hard."

Roxas pulled away and looked at me accusingly. "And neither of us knows what he's going through?"

"I know, I know... Still… go see him. He's sleeping right now, so be quiet." Rox raised an eyebrow but nodded and left nonetheless.

"Ax, where exactly is he sleeping?" Roxas yelled.

"What do you mean?"

"He's not in bed."

Well, shit. I half-jogged to the guest room to find the bed empty. The bathroom door was open, and that room was also empty. "Fuck." I ran a hand through my hair.

"I'll check the living room," Roxas volunteered. We searched the house thoroughly, but we couldn't find the musician. He'd just… vanished.

Roxas, exhausted, retired to bed early, leaving me to stew in my thoughts for a while. With a quite childish "humph," I plopped myself down on the guest room bed. I should have figured Demyx would do something like this. His parents had said he'd become flighty and restless. Still… running away from us? That was a bit immature, even for Demyx. He was twenty-four; he shouldn't be pulling something like this.

I lie down on the bed. It was a little damp, but his comforting scent washed over me the second my face hit the pillow. If I closed my eyes and ignored the cold, it was almost like he was still there.

But he wasn't.

I sat up. This reminded me of when he left me. Maybe a little-- okay, a lot-- less painful, but more or less the same: I'd thought he was sleeping, and when I came back to bed he'd been gone. I should have known he wouldn't have stayed. He didn't want to stay when he loved me-- or so I had thought at the time-- so why would he want to stay when I was with Roxas?

I flopped back down. I'd only had him back for a couple hours, but now that he was gone I missed him terribly. I stuck my arm under the pillow for support-- and promptly hit a piece of paper. Confused, I pulled it out, flipped on the light on the nightstand, and began reading.

Axel,

At least I hope it's Axel. I figured you'd be the first to find this. You always run in here when something goes wrong. I'm sorry I left-- both today and two years ago. But seeing you with Roxas… it somehow feels wrong. I don't want to worry you or burden you, so just forget me. For both of our sakes. It's only hurting both of us now.

Don't look for me. I'll find my way back home somehow. Leave me and stay out of my life.

Demyx

By the end, the writing was shaky and hardly legible at best. Was he crying when he wrote this? I ran my fingers over the letter. It only made me want to find him even more. I wanted to hold him and kiss his fears away… but what of Roxas? I refused to just abandon him. I loved him, didn't I? Just because Demyx's touch made me tingle and quiver didn't mean I didn't love Roxas. Just because Roxas never affected me near as much as Demyx had didn't mean I loved him any less. It just meant…

I sighed. It just meant I was still completely in love with Demyx.

I crumpled the note and threw it in the waste bin.

--butistillfellforyouinaheartbeat--

I slept fitfully. I couldn't stop thinking of him, even in my dreams. I would wake up, startled, remembering only hints of a dream that no doubt revolved around him.

But one of these dreams changed the outcome of everything. It wasn't a dream so much as a revisited memory. Demyx and I were still in school then, but, like always, we were skipping. It was in the middle of spring, and we'd sat in the middle of Central Park. He had a huge smile on his face. Back in those days, he always did; things hadn't started to really go wrong yet.

"You know, Ax," he said in his cheerful melodic voice, "I always feel more at home here than I do at my house." The statement was accompanied by a laugh.

"That's because you're crazy," I responded smoothly. He pouted and tried to hit me, but I caught his arm and kissed him deeply. "And that's why I love you," I murmured as I pulled away.

I bolted upright. That was just it! Where else would he go when he was over two thousand miles away from New York? He'd find a park immediately! And, luckily, we'd driven past only the closest one today so his photographic memory probably had remembered every detail of how to get there.

--ididntexpectyoutocatchme--

I felt positively elated when I spotted his skinny figure curled against a tree. Despite the fact that it was around fifty degrees, he was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans-- the same clothes he had been wearing at the airport, in fact.

"Demyx…" I knelt next to him and pulled him into my arms roughly. I heard his breath catch when he woke; soon he slowly wrapped his arms around me. "Don't ever do that again." I hugged him tighter. I buried my face in his hair and inhaled, reassuring myself that this was real and not an illusion with his quintessential smell.

"You were… worried?"

"Of course I was! I thought I'd lost you again…" The words got stuck in my throat; my eyes stung. I could have never seen him again if it weren't for that single memory.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Me, too," I whispered back. "Dem, please… don't do that ever again. Don't make me think I have you again and then run away."

"But you have Roxas."

"I don't care," I said childishly. "I want you, Demyx. You were my best friend since kindergarten. What happened?"

He looked away. "We fell in love, Ax. I can't just ignore that. Every time I look at you I think about kissing you. I didn't want to ruin your relationship; I thought it would be better if I stayed away."

I tilted his face back toward mine. "And every time I look at you I wonder why I let you leave in the first place."

"We just didn't work together, Axel. You know that. Why can't you let it be? Let me be?"

"Because you're still as beautiful and captivating as you were seven years ago." I kissed him softly, slowly, simply testing him. He matched me, and I felt my resolve crumbling. If Demyx kept this up, I'd have to tell Roxas. As unappealing as that idea was, Demyx's arms were just too warm and comforting to leave.

He suddenly pulled away. "I can't. No, I won't." He pushed me off of him and ran. I jumped up and ran after him. It took me almost ten minutes to catch up to him-- Demyx hadn't been on the track team in high school for nothing-- and when I had, he was on the ground, crying.

"Demyx, what's wrong?"

"Leave me alone!" he shouted.

"No. Tell me what's wrong," I said firmly. I sat down next to him and stroked his back.

"You-- I mean-- it's just… Your life is so perfect now. I'm only a fucked up memory."

"You're not fucked up, and you're not a memory. You're everything I ever needed, and if that's not perfect then I don't know what is."

"But you don't want me."

"If I didn't want you, I wouldn't be out here chasing you in the freezing cold at two in the morning."

He picked his head up with a small smile. "You really do want me?"

"I always have." He grinned and tackled me. "Ow-- Dem, that's my-- okay, that hurts--" He finally situated himself into a position that was reasonably comfortable for both of us, considering that he was bonier than a skeleton and we were on the hard ground. I gazed into his aquamarine eyes; we were so close I was sharing his oxygen. I picked my head up off of the ground for a long, gentle kiss, and he pressed against me, causing his shockingly sharp hipbones to dig into my stomach, but I didn't care. It was beautiful.

"So… are you telling me that you want to give up your perfect life with Roxas for me?" he asked after a while. His voice was sad instead of hopeful; he had already made up his mind that I would quickly regret everything.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes."

His jaw dropped. "R-really?"

I nodded. "I mean, unless you don't--" He cut me off with a firm kiss.

"I don't know what you were going to say, but I do." And for that brief moment I saw the old Demyx smiling down at me.

--andiwasecstaticwhenyoudid--

We got home at three. I left Demyx in the guest room with a kiss, telling him I'd be working. I was such a liar. Instead, I crawled into bed with Roxas and watched him sleep. Things about him that I had never before even noticed suddenly seemed irritating. I was stupid for staying with him; it was only causing problems now. I had to decide between my best friend-- Roxas-- and the man I had loved for over seven years. It wasn't fair-- not to either of them.

My brain wanted to pick Roxas to save me the heartache of possibly losing Demyx again, but my heart wanted to give the musician another try because it would hurt to lose him either way.

"Ax…?" Apparently my restlessness woke Roxas. "Mm, what's wrong?"

"Just thinking."

"'bout what?"

"…"

He propped himself up on his elbows. "Is it about Demyx?" I didn't say anything. "I thought so." He rolled over to look at me. "Did you know it was my idea for him to stay here?"

"Wh-what? Why?"

"You made yourself settle for me. As your best friend, I just wanted to see you happy. I finally came to terms with being only your best friend and decided we could handle this like reasonable adults."

"What do you mean?"

"You're still in love with him-- don't deny it; I can see it in your eyes. It's okay," he reassured. "To be honest…" He looked away. "I was kind of using you the same way you were me." My larynx had stopped working, so I just stared. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to, but… we both needed someone to lean on. I didn't want to lie to you…"

"Roxas, you are the best friend in the world." I hugged him tightly. He was obviously confused if the hesitant way in which he patted my back was any indication. "Thank you."

"Uh. You're welcome. I think." He paused. "Why are you welcome?"

"For not letting me give up on Dem. Thankyouthankyouthankyou." I felt Roxas smile softly as he finally held me back.

"Thank you, too, for reminding me how much I loved Zexion."

"Wait, wait, wait. Zexion." I pulled away and stared him in the eyes. "Zexion. You've got to be kidding me. I'm second-best to a shrimp."

"Hey, don't hate the short people." We smiled at each other for a while. This felt right. This was how everything was supposed to be.

"Well, Rox… um… as much as I love you… would you feel terribly insulted if I went to sleep with Dem now?"

He just laughed and shooed me out of the room. I smiled to myself as I walked to the guest room. Demyx was sleeping, sprawled out on the bed like he used to. I playfully nudged him over, waking him up, and slipped under the covers to lie beside him.

"I just told Roxas," I said. He was half-asleep, and probably hardly processed what I said, but I was too excited to hold it in until morning (which was in about two more hours, I realized tiredly).

"Mm, what'd he say?"

"He's okay with it!"

Dem smiled almost angelically. "Of course he is. This was all his idea."

"…you knew?" He bit his lip and nodded. I rolled my eyes. Of course he knew. As I cuddled close to him, I thought about the extremely eventful past twenty-four hours. Demyx and I were seriously going to have to work at everything-- from his drug use and overactive fight-or-flight reaction to our arguments and my abandonment issues. I didn't care. I wanted Demyx more than anything in my entire life.

--butthenyouletmefallallover--

"It can't rain all the time."

The next morning found me at my computer, rereading that paragraph. It didn't seem right. Not anymore, at least. I smiled at my inner cliché romance novelist and typed in my new idea.

But I never did believe in fate, after all.

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Questions about the wacky plot? The cute little "Review" button would love to hear them! (And I don't mean to shout them at your computer, either!)