Alakazam!

Izzy discovers her one true calling... Magic! Crack-fic, with Heather and Noah bashing and some Noah/Cody.

It was evening at Playa Des Losers. Izzy had invited the other 19 losers down to the resort's lobby, where a large, red curtain had been put up.

"Ladies and not-ladies!" The red-head shouted when everyone was present, her voice coming from behind said curtain. "I've invited you all down here to witness the birth of a legend! Introducing..." The curtain pulled back, revealing Izzy, wearing a green top hat and a green cape, in addition to her usual attire. She was also holding a wooden cane! "E-Scope the Amazing!"

The other 19 campers stared blankly at the grinning red-head.

"That's why you dragged us down here?" Noah asked, crossing his arms and scowling. "So we could see you dressed like an idiot?"

"Nope!" Izzy said, cart-wheeling over too were Noah was sitting. "I invited you down here to witness the magic show of the century! And I personally guarantee that if you aren't entertained, I'll give you your money back!"

"... You didn't charge us anything, Izzy."

THWACK!

"Stop ruining my fun, Noah!" Izzy shouted, removing her cane from his nuts.

"Mommy," the egghead groaned, falling out of his chair.

"Now then," Izzy turned to the rest of the spectators. "For my first trick, I'll need a volunteer from the audience..." She ran up to Heather and grabbed her arm. "You!"

"Me?!" Heather asked, startled. Izzy yanked the queen bee to her feet before she could protest. Izzy removed her hat and pulled an empty wine bottle from it.

"For my first illusion, I'm going to tap this wine bottle to Heather's head, and it'll disappear before you eyes! Say the magic words..." She tossed the bottle in the air. "Abracadabra..." Izzy caught the bottle as it came back down. "ALAKAZAM, BITCH!!"

SMASH!

Izzy smashed the bottle over the queen bee's head, shattering it to pieces.

"Mommy," Heather whimpered before she fell to the floor, out like a light.

The seventeen ex-campers stared at the unconscious Heather, then at Izzy... and burst into thunderous applause!

"Thank you, thank you!" Izzy said, bowing before her new fans. "I'm available for weddings, birthday parties, and funerals!"

Epilogue...

Izzy went on to become a world famous magician. She doesn't do her signature disappearing bottle trick anymore, after a nasty incident in Las Vegas. That poor bartender is still can't smell through his left nostril...

Izzy's nutshot cost Noah the use of his entire penis. So he had a sex change operation. He and Cody are now happily married.

As for Heather... Well, she was never seen again after that night at Playa Des Losers...

"Urgh..." Heather groaned as she awoke. She sat up, clutching her throbbing head, and looked around. She was startled to find herself in a dirty bathroom, chained to the floor. In the corner, a small TV screen flickered to life, and a creepy doll stared back at her.

"Hello, Heather," the doll said in his deep voice. "We're going to play a game..."

End!