Only If It's For You

By: NekoWriter

"When I see your smile, Tears run down my face I can't replace, And now that I'm strong I have figured out, How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul, And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one" -Red jumpsuit Apparatus (Your Guardian Angel)

Summary: If it was for anyone, but her odds are he'd be on the ground, held down by the heaviness of his own body. The blood lining his limbs would have slowly dripped to the ground creating a pool of crimson liquid and the black unknown would have consumed him already…The thing in the matter though was that it wasn't anyone else…it was without doubt for her…and that's why his resolve to fight for her life would not waver.

Dedicated to: HollowZangetsu (who has stalled my writing a lot), zacky, sharshar, ichimaru64, and shirosaki! (But mainly Hollow who actually encouraged the story) They all bugged me to no end while I attempted to write, but I still love them all.

…I…can't…move…Fuck…

I grinned at myself. Somewhere deep down inside I already knew that this was how it was supposed to end. After all, a guy could only be lucky for so long…Still my mind couldn't grasp the concept of 'the end'. It had matured around death, experienced it, lived it, but it was an entirely different matter when this time it was permanent.

My disheveled body laid expectantly on the hard dirt covered terrain. The protests my mind gave became just a whisper as the black that flawlessly merged with my vision edged its way towards the nucleus of my pupils. With all the strength I seemed to have left I rolled onto my back staring at the bizarre sight that I grew to know as the skies of Hueco Mundo.

My will to live seemed to fade where as my reason to survive seemed distant. I couldn't pin point the memory or place or person that made me all that I could be and more. Without that, my mind had no way to persuade me to stay conscious. My mind ran through random memories in hopes of finding that one single thought that would make me hold on just a bit longer. It was of no use, the quick flashes of movie that seemed to be playing in front of my open eyes, its screen being the red sky I had grown so accustomed to, did nothing to spark my interest.

It started with my old man flying at me from an inhuman angle through a window. Then it moved on to my sisters, Yuzu and Karin both as little babies waddling around in diapers. Uyruu, Chad, Orihime, Tatsuki…everyone had there share of memory, but it was all to no avail. A distant memory of mom lingered a little longer than the rest, but it was of no use. Someone who was gone already for sure couldn't revive my will to live. It seemed like my brain was running out of options…it scrambled for more recent memories rather than the old ones it dug out.

Next came soul society, my first visit, fighting Renji, befriending him. That as well was useless, who'd want to live for that baboon anyways. Ikkaku, Kenpachi, Matsumoto, Urahara, Yoruichi, Ganju, hanataro, even Byakuya. Nothing… absolutely nothing seemed important enough.

I finally understood why your life flashes across your eyes before you die. It wasn't in nostalgia ,but in hope that something or someone you had done or known was important enough to make you want to fight the inevitable; to keep on living in order to once again repeat the good times you had once had.

What a joke…my mind is pathetic, it can't even find one memory to keep myself attached to this world.

On the inside I was laughing, slowly losing my saneness as I could feel my world starting to crumble. Instead of the normal blue interior everything was doused in the deepest shade of black; the grey walls adding to the dreary setting. All I could do was stand in my own inner world helplessly as shred by shred all that I ever knew deteriorated into a sea of abyss. The black platform I was on held sturdy as everything around it dissembled itself. The laugh of insanity had slowly faded to a shocked expression of disbelief. I was really going to die.

'Zangetsu…can you still hear me?' I spoke evenly staring at my clenched fist. In mere seconds the old man himself appeared out of thin air; a hand lightly clenched to my shoulder.

'I am here as long as you are.' His voice held no sign of fear or distraught. It was as if he was ready to teach me his final lesson he had to give.

'it seems like this is it.' I said as calmly as one could while in the midst of nothingness.

'have you truly given up, Ichigo?' The disappointment was apparent as the fist on my shoulder squeezed tightly for a fraction of a second.

'Like hell would I give up! If I had a choice I'd-' My fuming words were stalled by Zangetsu's always inspiring ones.

'Find the will to go on. Find your resolve once more to live. It is not an impossible task I ask of you.' For a moment I actually believed in his words, but fate did me in once more. The ledge collapsed from under me as I flew downwards, falling closer and closer to the end.

The fall to nothingness took longer than expected. Did my mind procrastinate this to the point where something that should have taken seconds really seemed like hours? Or did it really take this long to reach the bottom?

'Just end it already.' I shouted annoyed. It really wasn't like me to give up, but winning against death, well it was impossible.

'Are you really that eager to die?' a malice coated voice echoed from the darkness besides me. Without having to look I knew what was haunting me in my final minutes of consciousness.

'You're the last thing I want to see 'now'.' I scowled open my eyes to nothingness.

'Yeah, well this 'thing' is trying to save our ass.' it mumbled as the wind from the fall still loitered around my being, almost to the point where it seemed as if I was being cradled.

'Your just pissed because if I'm gone, so are you.' My eyes slid closed in utter defeat. Everything that was my life faded to black. My memories evaporated along with everything else that I seemed to cherish. I was ready for the end…well as much as I could be ready.

'Did you forget about queen?' My hollow rapidly stated more frantic than before.

'What are you going on about?' I sighed all too happy to once and for all get rid of his nagging voice.

'that Rukia girl…' At first I couldn't quite grasp the concept of something or anything being important. All my memories were distant, yet this name brought them all back in an instant.

"Rukia!" I half shouted remembering everything. When my eyelids flew open I was back in Hueco Mundo. My body still was as useless as it had previously been, but my reiatsu was quickly fixing that problem. I had found it; my reason…it was to protect her.

Everything was still a blur; past and present occurrences floated through my brain in a procession. The usual where, what, who, when, why, and how questions answered themselves as the memories I had lost became clear; the desolate plain that stretched out before me gave all I needed to know. I was alone, which meant not only did I lose, but the person I longed to protect was gone.

This can't mean she's dead can it? No, I can still feel her but still-

My mind became a jumbled mess loitered with many unanswerable questions. We were both here, fighting side by side…much to my disapproval. I had told her to stay back and to not get involved, but what did she do? At the first sight of alienated blood she jumped in.

She couldn't have ran when she had the chance!?

A grin grew from my own thought. Rukia wasn't the type of person to run simply because a situation looked grim. In fact that's one of her redeeming qualities. It was a rarity to find someone who would care about preserving a life over their own.

The flow of my reiatsu had stopped the massive bleeding, but my body was too damaged to repair itself. I was at a loss. The fact that I could potentially still die did linger around for a while, but after twenty minutes of self healing it was clear that death wasn't an issue. My problem was moving…How was I going to save Rukia if I couldn't even stand?

My thought process lead me into a deep state of frustration. Was there any way to resolve my problem? I had taken a quick survey of my injuries trying to figure out what type of pain I would have to put up with. Too bad I was horrible at determining which bones were broken and which were only fractured.

All together I had come up with, well a lot of casualties. My legs seemed somewhat in tact, not considering the minor cuts and bruises that had been accumulated, so walking was the least of my worries. It was the same with my arms, they were crusted over in dry blood, but again nothing too horrible. There was however a deep zanpactou made cut along my right shoulder blade which extended downwards at least half my arm. My stomach seemed to have gotten the brunt of the injuries, which one would only figure was typical, that may had been my downfall if I wasn't so determined to keep moving. I would say at the very least there were three clean stabs that protruded and extruded my stomach cavity. The mass flooding of internal bleeding left my body heavy and uncomfortable. It pushed and shoved my internal organs in directions they simply weren't meant to be in.

You forgot about the four cracked ribs

So, I'm pretty fucked up right now.

I sighed trying to turn myself over again. No matter what the cost I needed to stand up. Once on my stomach the treachery and pain of moving was enough to make me cough spurts of blood onto the cold hard ground that could have at one point been my death bed.

Damn it, it's no good.

I can help ya, king.

I don't want any of your help.

Even if it's for queen?

Why do you keep referring to Rukia as 'queen'?

Because that's exactly what she is in here.

A blush betrayed me.

Stop getting all flustered. Now do you want my help or not?

What can you possibly do?

I can do many things

His insane laughter oddly seemed comforting in the fortitude of silence. It bounced off the insides of my head echoing at every angle possible. The only reassuring thought was that I was going to be able to save Rukia from whatever torturous situation she must had been in.

In short, but swift bursts of my hollow's reiatsu the sights of the previous wounds were crusted over in bubbling white liquid that was as white as new fallen snow. It looked demented and monstrous, especially the large over hanging bone like structure that horizontally crossed my cheek bone. It was fine though, I didn't care. The pain oozed away as my body slowly enclosed itself in fractions of the white encasing. My chest bore home to strips of the bone like material, acting like a second pair of ribs to replace my useless ones. Stiff, pointy material formed up both arms swirling until they met at the base of my collar bone. From there the white spiral forming weed wrapped down my body ultimately splitting again at the base of my stomach before spiraling down my legs coming to a halt at my ankles.

The second set of bones, for lack there of better words, were like my support system. If they were shattered not only would I be crippled, but the bleeding would start all over again. Basically, I had one shot at bringing down the person that took Rukia to begin with. If he got to me first I was as good as dead. My hollow side was as strong and malevolent as ever, in fact I may had been slightly more powerful than usual considering how much hollow reiatsu was circulating in my body to seize the internal bleeding. It wouldn't have surprised me if there were white patches lining my organs, but then again I didn't want to find out if I guessed right either.

Slowly, I emerged from the ground balancing my weight on my right knee until I had gotten a hang of the structure in place of my body. It was a strange feeling, I was in control, but at the same time I wasn't. My mind controlled the skeletal designed hollow bone lining my main dysfunctional limbs, while the rest of the support features were there for just that. I could do it, all I needed was one good shot, that was it. The problem that bewildered me was how I was supposed to get that one shot in.

See, and you doubted me

What's the catch?

A catch? King I don't think you understand…I'm not doing this to specifically help you. If you go then so do I.

What's to say this crap on me can't somehow thrust you to the drivers seat?

You're too skeptical of me…Well, don't just stand there! Go save queenie.

Stop calling her queen!

Don't lie to yourself, you know you like it.

……………………………..

How the hell am I supposed to get where I'm supposed to go?

It was bad enough that I was stranded in the middle of no where without directions, I didn't need the added worry of enemy attack and death. No, I take the death part back, I wasn't afraid of that…I was only afraid of dieing too soon. After I saved Rukia by all means Aizen could have had his way with me. Of course that wasn't to say I wouldn't try to stay alive. Bottom line, if it was between my life and hers, I would have given my life in a heartbeat. Wouldn't that have been for the best anyways? She gave me my life, so why not return the favor? I couldn't have thought of any better way to go; going for the person that changed your world from black and white to neon color. Sure, sometimes the tint was a little too bright and outrageously obnoxious, but it wasn't horrible. The dark; dreary world turned into something amazing, far beyond anything I ever dreamt was possible. Just because of that, I could profoundly thank her for years. My life was hers to do with what she wills and if that meant losing it then it was fine with me. The experience of being with her through these past few years was maybe the best experience I had ever had. She created and formed my life, nurtured my soul into a fully grown one, and sending it off in my eyes just came with the territory.

Damn it Rukia how am I supposed to find you!?

The sand whipped by my face rubbing against my exposed flesh as the wind picked up in a harsh manner. Mini sand cylinders circulated the area like a valley of tornados. The vast landscape, all in the sickening pale peach color, engulfed my vision. My eyes shut while the violent wind went about its business, flourishing the barren lands. A speck of the dirt like substance worked its way into my eyes which actually did hurt much to my surprise. I thought at that point I would have been immune to such an insignificant pain, but I guessed not. My footing became off balanced as I stumbled backward swaying and swishing my sword arm in the air; Zangetsu's original form still in hand.

I would give almost anything to just get to Rukia! This is fucking insane, having to find my way through this.

The storm finally subsided as I was able to reopen my eyelids. It felt good not to have foreign objects encased in my eyes or the burning sensation for that matter. To my surprise when I opened my eyes there was a small rip in the air. It was like a tear in time and space. Just a spiraling opening of dark reiatsu. Did I dare go near the strip of misplaced power? Of course.

At first I was bewildered by the foreign hole, then I slowly remembered where I had seen something like that before. It was a portal, not one like the shinigami usually used to get from dimension to dimension, but one that the espada and hollows used. I had no time to think of the meanings behind this. Or the fact that I just used an ability that should have been forever sealed off from me, a shinigami.

I poked my hand through the portal first, just to make sure it wasn't a horrible mistake on my part and that it wasn't going to kill me, but it seemed fine. I mean all my fingers were still intact. Without another hesitation I jumped; head first into the tear in midair. In retrospect maybe walking through would have done the job because slamming head first into a concrete wall wasn't the best feeling in the world.

I curled into the fetal position on the ground rubbing my head. I made a clear note to myself that rushing wasn't always the answer to everything. So, where the fuck was I? That was the question. I wasn't in the depths of the desert anymore, so did that mean I actually ended up back at Aizen's lair? Who'd of thought that luck, my luck, would get me closer to my goal. Normally it was the opposite and I'd end up miles away.

"Who the fuck are you?" An eerie voice that seemed to linger about the room in an echo effect sounded from behind me. I was quick to regain my posture, turning around in a blink of an eye, flash stepping around the arrancar while cleanly stabbing it through the stomach. Zangetsu ripped upwards slicing through its entire body, leaving a pool of blood behind while the hollow slowly faded away. There was no time for games or in most Arrancar's cases witty banter. I needed to find Rukia and make sure she was okay…but that was a hell of a lot easier said than done.

"Damn it I'm lost." I cried in frustration rubbing my head. It was astounding how strong yet flexible the bone was. No matter what action I wanted to accomplish the bones would bend with my will to perform its rightful duty.

You should've asked that last guy for directions

No way am I asking a hollow for directions!

Well, it's not like your doing any better by just standing here.

I'm thinking of a tactical plan. Is that so wrong?

Well, last time I checked you have to be thinking in order to do that!

……

Now how the hell am I supposed to get to Rukia?

Don't ask me, you just said you weren't going to ask for any help from a no good, rotten hollow.

I wasn't asking you.

Then who were you asking!? I'm the only one listening in here.

I had enough with the bitter argument as I started again on my fast trek through the winding hallways of the building made only of white concrete. At first I thought about trying at find her spiritual ribbon, but I never was good at sensing reiatsu and well lets just say with massive amounts of reiatsu flowing out of myself it was a little harder then it may have been for someone who was under little pressure and had a hell of a lot less reiatsu.

So, what the hell to do… I thought about it briefly all the while still zigzagging through the hallways. That area though, it seemed different then all the rest. There were brown wooden doors, all lined up in a neat and orderly fashion. The walls were still white, but less dust seemed to have had been collected, that was an indication in itself that the area had been used often.

I wonder…

Against my better judgment I creaked a door open a crack to take a glance inside. It was a bedroom, two beds and a dark brown bureau. To human standards that was considered a poor living condition, but I guessed that was what an arrancar was used to. I silently closed the door then entered the next room. All eight rooms were the same, the only difference was that the furniture was in different positions set up in different angles.

Well, now that you have that out of your system…

Wait, I actually have an idea.

Wow, that's a first.

Can you shield the presence of my normal reiatsu and just condense it into hollow reiatsu?

What if I can?

Well, if you can, do it. If not we die.

I don't think I have much of a choice now do I?

I snuck back into one of the rooms, scrimmaged through the drawer of one of the bureaus. Just like I had thought, an extra set of clothes…Arrancar clothes. I hesitantly slipped the white and red set of clothes on after the dismantling of my shinigami uniform. What I was going to do with the left over clothes I had no idea…my only alternative was to leave them here. I sighed tucking my black robes into the space to fill the void of the missing white ones.

If I had a mirror I was sure to see an espada and not a shinigami. At this point I resembled anything but a shinigami. The white long sleeved robes were accented with a blood red sash at the middle which seamlessly tucked away in the back. There was a collar at the top which showed only to the top of my chest that flopped up in a fashion where it covered my neck, but at the same time it couldn't prove that the hole that wasn't on my chest was missing. The pants were just as comfortable as my shinigami ones considering the similarity of material; the only difference was the fabric being white instead of the black.

I had to do one last thing to completely disguise myself because as I was now it was a dead give away. It was a good thing that I noticed the black ash in one of the previous rooms. To my assumption there was a fire of some sort and I really didn't want to question as to why either. I just thought of it as good luck and carried on. I smothered my hair in the black soot until it was completely black, leaving not even a strand of orange hair.

This better work…I feel ridiculous.

With Zangetsu on my back, thinking of no other way to hide him, I carried on down the hallway, this time taking my own advice and not rushing. It seemed odd to think things through, and I meant completely detailed plans. Maybe it was the fact that the person who changed my world was on the line. I had to think though, if it had been anyone else would I have been that determined? After all, Orihime had been kidnapped, to some degree, and brought here. If it was her instead of Rukia this time would I have had really gone this far? I couldn't think of a logical explanation as to why I wouldn't feel the same way either. I mean, both of them were people, so shouldn't I have wanted to save either equally as much? In the depths of my mind I had already known the truth. Rukia, was so much more important to me than Orihime ever would be.

"What the hell are you doing here?" A vicious voice boomed from behind me. It came from an upper low class arrancar, probably ten or so down from an espada, if I had to assume. Nonetheless, a weakling in my eyes. At first I thought my whole genius scheme was to be foiled already, so my hand inched closer to Zangetsu's hilt as the arrancar walked closer. "Aizen called a meeting a half hour ago. If you don't get your ass down there in time don't complain if he decides to dispose of you." With a grimace the arrancar pulled me along as I tripped to keep up while walking backwards.

…………………

We had quietly and insidiously slipped into the back of the large white, shadow covered room. There were large square slabs raised above others in an uneven fashion along the sides with espada sprawled out across them. In the middle of it all was a thrown like chair, that matched the cubic design, with Aizen leisurely resting leaning against one arm. It infuriated me how carefree he was, how vulnerable and open he made himself, how happy his disposition was. If Rukia was safely in my hands I would have massacred him right there and then; a hundred arrancar at his disposal or not.

"Well, everyone's here now aren't they? I don't want any stragglers, after all today is an important day." His squinted eyes scanned the room briefly eyeing almost every arrancar, skipping over me. I fidgeted in my spot as I grew more and more restless. Patience wasn't one of my strong suits, especially when Rukia's life was in danger. In fact it had worried me that I couldn't see her. Wasn't she with Aizen? Didn't he take her for some bizarre reason?

"Why's that, Aizen?" A sneer came from the crowd at least fifty feet from where I had stood.

"Today, I have ensured our success by killing the only chance soul society had at beating us." His grin grew as he glanced around the cheering room, his eyes met mine for a mere second; his smile grew even larger than before, then his eyes wandered to the side door behind the thrown. My heart skipped a beat as time seemed to freeze, the only thing in the room I could focus on being those monstrous eyes. "I even brought a souvenir." His last statement seemed bored as if delivering that type of speech was exhausting.

As if on cue, the backdoors swung open as Ichimaru Gin and Tosen Kaname came in; Gin carrying something extra in his arms. It was a person doused in black clothing; a shinigami uniform. Black hair, short, and petite.

You have to be fucking kidding me…

What the hell was I supposed to do? Stand there and pretend I didn't recognize her? No way in hell was I going to relax when Aizen was flaunting Rukia like a trophy. I pushed my way through the large crowd of cheering hollow. It was disturbing that being in such sudden proximity of the arrancar seemed indifferent then when I was with the shinigami or humans. Was I really the only being alive that could fit in flawlessy with humans, hollows and shinigami?

As I neared the front my restlessness grew. It was Rukia being held for everyone to see, she was a captive in Aizen's deadly war. He would pay for this, I swore to that if it was the last thing I did. My hand itched to thrust Zangetsu from his hibernating state, but my self control, well the little I had, kept me from completely revealing myself.

"Is that shinigami, Ichigo Kurosaki really not a problem anymore?" Another arrancar spoke in an excited tone.

I didn't realize how popular my death would be around here.

"Yes, he's far from being a concern. In fact he's dead to soul society now." His ever present grin had stood strong as I neared the front stage. As soon as I got close enough, just as soon as I could grab Rukia and run. That's when I was going to strike. Hell, I'd probably get killed in the process but maybe I could make that portal thing again and I could just get her away. I'd stay behind and fight off anyone who dared to go after her. Then odds are I would be dead, so a plan after that point was pretty useless.

My speed picked up as my walking became a fast walk which changed into a jog that ultimately ended in a fast sprint. A ready hand laid on Zangetsu's hilt as I jumped through the air unraveling him; clashing swords with Tosen who had swiftly taken charge of Aizen's protection.

"It's okay Kaname. You know Ichigo Kurosaki don't you?" The way Aizen introduced me like a friend sickened me. I growled under my breath as I struggled to keep level footing with the blind ex-captain. If I wanted to I could most definitely over power him. There was no doubt about it, but the fact that Rukia was in their arms and not mine made me hold back.

"I thought you took care of this problem." Tosen mumbled under his breath to the man in charge.

"What problem? Ichigo's going to be a great help." Aizen's words dumbfounded me. Did he expect me to help him? If he had then he had another thing coming.

"Why would I help you?" I hissed at him, sliding away from Tosen who had already sheaved his zanpactou.

"Well, I assume you wouldn't want Rukia to die now would you?" I could feel the momentary pause of my pulse. The room seemed to dement itself as I starred at him with an odd expression.

"What the hell do you want me to do?" I barked stabbing Zangetsu into the hard cement.

"Simple, join us and become an espada." The look he gave me all the while was enough to make me want to slice his head off.

"And if I refuse?" I said under my breath as Aizen weakly pointed towards Rukia.

"The poison she just took, thanks to our Szayel, will slowly eat away at her until she dies. It's a very painful process I assure you. Now if you join us, we will have a temporary antidote ready for her every week." His unchanging expression screwed with my mind. How could someone look so calm after destroying a persons life? After taking everything that someone held dear to them, then stomping on it until it was damaged beyond compare. If he wanted me then fine, he could have me, but to do something that horrible to Rukia was…is unforgivable. The problem was I had no choice but to comply with him.

A/N: Okay so this started off as a simple one-shot to pass the writers block, but i guess somewhere along the lines it formed into a full-blown story...which i can't understand myself. SO...blame Hollowzangetsu!!! She's the one who encouraged me to turn this into an actual story (unfortunatly)...i mean it's not like I have five other ichiruki stories in the process...oh wait...i do... -Your NekoWriter

Hollow...I needed you to post this story for me last night and you didn't answer your texts :( So, now the story is a day late!!!!!...well, seven hours late lol... -Me