"Haha, I scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaared you."

It took a second, but bit by bit, Soul realized that he wasn't dead. Nor was his skull caved in. These were good things. Risking a revelation that he actually had been murdered and that his dead body would be laid out before him, the weapon cracked open an eye. Right, still the same stupid cell. That was a start. Giggling Maka? Check. Lame-ass throbbing in his head? Check. Solid and unharmed-ish body? As far as he could tell, check.

Slowly, Soul remembered to breathe.

Still giggling, Maka slumped back onto her knees. Her book was gone, for now. Soul wished that the feeling he was dead meat would evaporate just as easily. Still no luck with that though; if it was anything to go by, his legs were still shaking.

"Hey. Heyyyyyyyyyy. Hey. Soul. Hey." She was lying on her back now, staring over at him with those too blank eyes again. Hell, what had that witch done to her? They'd had him jacked up on some pretty nasty stuff, so what had they shot in her?

And Hell, it wasn't like he wanted to hurt her or anything, but Soul would've felt so much better if he'd been able to transform. Even just a little bit. Scythes didn't have to worry about their skulls caving in.

"What?" He managed to choke out, dreading another book scare. Maybe, just for now, it'd be okay for them to have a few feet between them. Just in case.

There was silence for a few beats as Maka's smile widened to show far too many teeth.

"CHICKEN BUTT!" The blonde cawed triumphantly, like it was a great punch line to some joke at his expense. What he would've given for it all to be a joke.

"Haha, didja hear that? I said butt!" She was actually rolling on the floor laughing. His meister was actually rofling, some distant part of his brain pointed out. Friggin' rofling. God what a stupid thought.

Maybe he was a little funnier in the head than he thought.

"Was that it?" He grit out, trying to ignore the way her laugh was hammering against his skull. Would've killed for some asprin.

"It?" Maka echoed in-between giggles.

"Yeah, was that what–"

"CHICKEN BUTT!"

"–you were trying to say. Nevermind." Every time her fist hit the ground in laughter a new dent formed. Or maybe that was just his vision going spotty.

"No, no, nononono seriously." She gasped out between peals of laughter. "I got something to tell you."

"Something to tell me?" Soul picked his words as carefully as his stupidly throbbing brain would let him. Nothing was making any sense and he couldn't figure out if it was the drugs or the shock.

"A seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecret." Confirmed Maka. And then she began to inch closer. Still laying on her back, it was slow going, but she was still moving towards him again. And that…that was…hell he couldn't think straight so how the hell was he supposed to know?

It was only when his head hit the wall that Soul realized he'd started backing up.

"Imma weapon y'know. I can bash people's brains in better than you can! You're all sharp and pointy, but I'm blunt and heavy and I can break stuff sooooooo much easier. Shatters like glass! Isn't that awesome?" She kept pushing across the floor, maybe completely missing how Soul had been edging away from her.

On a random note: He'd totally called that one! Why did no one tell him shit like this?

A hush fell over the cell as she continued to scrape along the floor, save for a few uttered train noises that really had no business coming from Maka's mouth. His meister stopped once her head bumped against his legs and she stared at him for another minute, eyes still blank and face still upside down.

And suddenly there was a book in his face.

"Holy crap!" Dammit she was laughing again. Giggling in a kinda-sorta-oh-shit unhinged way. That thing was barely an inch from his face!

"See? Book. Haha, I scared you didn't I? This thing could kill you y'know. One swipe and poof! Pink splattered guts and gore and cotton candy. Mmmm."

Uneasily, Soul took note of offered transformed arm. From a distance it had looked like she was holding it, but now with the thing shoved in his face he could see how her wrist simply became the book spine.

But if that was her midform, then what did she look like when fully transformed?

"M'useless with no meister, yanno? Can only go halfway without one and it suuuuuuucks. Pfft, and who wants a book? But they dunno. I'll tell you a secret they dunno Soul. Another one, juuuuuuust for you."

Licking her lips, the blonde smiled and Soul felt his stomach drop. In fear? This was his meister and why the hell was his stupid stomach doing flips?

"This stupid useless book killed a buuuuuunch of people, all for you. Just for you."

"Of course Maka's been weird-nya. Shuffles around the house and does laundry in her underwear. And she nya-ver lets me do that…"

Tsubaki wasn't quite sure which the odder sight was. Blaire cooking breakfast, or Blaire wearing something that actually hid her cleavage – the something in this case being puffy purple apron, decorated accordingly with pumpkins and stars that actually danced.

"They go looking for Soul all the time. That's what Maka says. 'Cept that other one's really weird about it and hates it when I pop into her lap."

"When did, um, 'that other one', start living here?" Tsubaki questioned. Black Star would have probably preferred to be doing this interrogation, but he was a bit busy with his second helping of eggs.

"Mmm, a little bit after Soul disappeared. I think that's when it started nya." How could Black Star even eat? Tsubaki was too nervous about this sudden turn of events to do much more than push her eggs around her plate.

"Mmmghfrffer mneey?" Mmmdf!"

"Black Star, please, don't talk with your mouth full." The weapon admonished, because after the eight hundredth and forty second time reminding him, he might actually remember that he couldn't talk and eat at the same time?

With an exaggerated gulp, her meister swallowed down the rest of his plate, belching loudly to mark the end of his meal. At this rate, she'd never be able to take him to meet her parents.

"I said, did you tip her off we'd be here or something? Cuz she's taking forever!"

"Nya! You think this is my fault? You're the ones that broke in. If anything, you scared her away!"

"Scared her away? We're her friends!" The outburst came before Tsubaki could stop herself. But really! For Blaire to suggest such a thing…

"And that's exactly why she makes me tell you that she's sleeping every time you call!" Blaire finished with a grin, obviously proud of her evidence.

"She what?"

Realization dawned on Blaire's face. "Oops…I don't think I was supposed to say that."

"Maka's so weird." Black Star chimed in. Wait, no, don't go off topic! Go back to the avoiding us part! Tsubaki wanted to scream.

"But she should be home by nyaoooooooow. I have a date with her Papa tonight and he'll be so depressed if I don't know where she is! And then my boss will yell and be all scary and ugh!"

"Blaire, if Maka really is missing I don't think–"

"Nyaaaaaa, Tsubaki what'll I do if my boss fires me because I can't make Maka's Papa happy? I won't have anything to spend on pretty new clothes and Super Sexy Secrets Monthly has their new line coming out next week and I won't be able to buy it!"

"I'm sure it'll be okay Blaire!" Now calm down or else we'll have a real problem and you still haven't told us anything useful! Like where Maka might be! Or even where she'd gone! These were things that Tsubaki wished she could say.

And she was about two seconds away from standing up and simply shaking the cat to get the answers she wanted when Blaire suddenly stiffened, ears perking up oh so slightly. Next to her, Tsubaki heard the scrape of the chair against the floor as her meister stood up. His head was cocked to the side, listening.

"Black Star?"

"Someone's coming" And that wouldn't have been a problem if Maka had been there sitting next to them and adhering to her house arrest.

Blaire had relaxed though, and was smiling ever so slightly.

"It's–"

"MAKAAAAAAAAAAAAA! PAPA IS HERE TO SAVE YOU~!"

Maka was sleeping. She'd giggled and snorted and freaked him the hell out, and gone on about killing people (for him?) and then she'd just fallen over and asleep. Limbs sprawled against the floor, glassy eyes squeezed shut and snoring softly, his meister looked…normal. Like she had before this. Before that stupid church in Italy and that doomed mission in England. Before whatever that witch had done to her.

He needed to get her out of here.

Experimentally, Soul tried to transform. Anything would do, even something as simple as the full transformation. No luck. Whatever that witch had pumped him full of to keep him sedated hadn't made its way through his system yet. Then again, the metal of his weapon of form probably wouldn't have done much against their stone cell anyway.

Plan B time.

Right. What was plan B? Come on, his head had cleared up enough to at least come up with a plan B, right?

"Enjoy your get together?" Plan B: Kill the witch.

"What'd you do to her!" Soul all but roared in the direction of the door. She must've been right by the door, possibly listening to everything that'd gone on, death threats and all.

"Ah ah, careful. Don't want to wake up your meister, do we?" As if responding to the witch's jibe, Maka shifted slightly in sleep. If she woke up, would she be over it? Over whatever sick crap the witch had done to her and not threatening him with books? Would she?

His meister, Soul decided, could afford to sit this one out.

"What'd you do?" The weapon hissed, voice slightly lower in volume than before.

"I didn't do anything." Tone innocent, the witch said. "She gave into insanity quite readily on her own. I'm sure you felt it every time she tried to resonate with you."

"Resonate with me? You've had me here this whole time."

"Maka Albarn. Weapon form, book. When she wielded herself, her soul tried to find something to resonate with, to boost its power. It's an instinct. And souls don't care about stupid things like physical distance. They're not bound by such things. Not with the black blood as an amplifier."

"Black blood?" He'd heard that before, when Stein had been muttering to himself and stitching Maka back together. No idea what it meant.

The witch continued like she hadn't heard him. "You felt it every time her soul tried it. My data points to it quite clearly. The black blood was able to infect you without a physical infection site. Not that you'd understand."

"I understand that you're a friggin psycho!"

"I know you want to get her out of here. I know you think that everything's all my fault, and that if you can just get away, it'll all be rainbows and sunshine, hmm?"

"I don't think that, I know." Clichéd, but what else did he have?

"It's fine, I don't mind. I've collected more than enough data from this trial run. It's been quite useful, there's a prototype in production and – well, you don't care about that, do you? Let me skip to the part you want to hear."

I don't want to hear anything from you, was what the weapon wanted to say. But the words were trapped under his tongue, pushed down by something too close to hope for comfort.

"Do one job, one job for me Soul Eater, and you two are free to go."

3 months seems to be my new schedule.

Super special awesome thanks goes to Nenena, Miss Chocolat, , emperor-soul, Taeniaea, Marlene and Blair for their awesome reviews. LURV. Also thanks goes to everyone who's watched and or fav'd the story :D thanks for still reading. Something like four chapters left? Should be done in another year at this rate P:

Can anyone think of a good quote for the top? I'm out.

TO COLLEGE! AWAYYYYYYYYYY!