I'm sorry for the long delay. this chapter tok no time at all to write (about 24 hours), but i'd been thiking about it for the past month or so. i just hadn't had the time to sit and write.

i hope you enjoy it. it's one of my favorites.

As always: Nothing is mine. to characters are SM's, and the poem is from it's respective author.

Chapter 21

It was five thirty. I had half an hour until 'his highness' was due to make an appearance.

Idiot, self-centered, annoying… the string of profanities cursing through my mind went on, and I was sure if Renee had heard me she would have made me down some soap… I bet she was never faced with such an infuriating, stupid, egomaniac… I gave up.

In the morning I was all for leaving this place. If it wasn't because I needed to give him his gold chain back where his family wasn't present, I wouldn't be here.

Keep telling yourself that. This annoying new addition to my mind had been nagging me the whole day. Every time I texted Ethan back, or read one of his texts, it would come back and taunt me with evil smirks and 'tsking' sounds.

I sat with a glass of wine glaring at my door. Well, I tried to glare, but every time I really tried I would remember the way I was pressed against it. His haste in pushing my clothes out of the way. His scent… and I became a pool of drool and started caressing my legs, until I shook myself out of it again swearing a bit more.

15 minutes to go.

My mind kept going in circles. I had left the envelope with his chain on the coffee table to make sure he got it and was on his way.

As I thought about it, maybe I should put it on the kitchen counter. It was closer to the front door… smart, Bella. Why don't you just give it to him through the slit under the door?

Now that you mention it…

STOP IT! There was no need to hide. We already saw each other. We got over the whole 'awkward meeting' phase. He was just coming to get his chain and leave.

He was coming here. Alone. While I was alone.

I bet he is coming from the office, with a five-o'clock shadow on his cheeks, his tie undone, his jacket left behind in the car, his sleeves pushed up... STOP IT!

At six sharp my phone rung. I jumped in the seat and spilled a bit of the wine. Wonderful.

I picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Bella!" Fuck. Alice.

"Oh, hey Alice. What's up?" please be busy!

"I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight. Rosalie has this thing with a bunch other agents from the industry and she's bringing me along. You know, designer promotion, etc." yeah, I did know. You know what else I knew? Her brother would be knocking on my door any moment now, and I didn't have the slightest clue as to how get rid of both without tipping them off.

"So, what do you think?"

"About what?" oh, shit. She'll know I wasn't paying attention.

"Are you listening to me? I asked you if you wanted to come." Yes! Right now would be perfect. I could leave right now and neither of us would be the wiser. Of course that would mean we'd have to meet up to give him his chain back, but we could do that in a café. Or I could mail it to him. Anything but making him walk through that damn door and remember the feeling of being pressed into it.

"Alice, that sounds great—," I couldn't finish. My doorbell sounded and I swore under my breath.

"What was that?" Alice asked.

"Umm, there is somebody at my door. I think it's my neighbor. Hold on, I'll send him away." I said into the phone silently moving towards the door.

I looked through the peephole and smiled inwardly.

His hand hovered over the peephole, but you could still see the unique and wild hair.

I muted the phone and opened the door.

"I' with Alice on the phone." I said before he could say anything. I let him walk in and noticed the containers with take out that he had with him.

"Alice?" I said into the phone after I un-muted it, "I'll call you later."

"But will you come? Yes or no?" she asked again.

I looked at Edward as he stood in front of the door that led to the balcony. His back to me. He still wore his suit. His tie wasn't undone and there was no five-o'clock shadow on his jaw. He had never looked hotter.

"I don't think I will. Something just came up." I said with a sigh as I shut my eyes against the blatant lie.

"Oh. Ok, then." She sounded so disappointed. My heart clenched, and I realized that moments like these were the ones that made me deserve going to hell. And maybe getting caught lusting after Edward, but not eternally.

When the phone beeped off he spun around. "I see that you cancelled your 'meetings'," he said with a smirk, "Everything ok?" he asked.

I raised an eyebrow. "I guess not." He answered for me.

"I just lied to the best friend I have in this city. Your sister! So, no! Nothing is OK!"

He sat down staring at my flushed face. My fists closed at my sides and my breathing ragged. "Here. You may be missing this." I said handing him the envelope.

He looked perplexed at it for a moment before taking it up.

"Don't you usually leave this on the bedside table?" he tried joking while still not opening it.

I didn't find the 'whore joke' funny at all. So I rolled my eyes and nodded him to open it.

The shimmering links fell on his open palms and the sharp intake of air was the only sound in the room.

"When… where did you find it?" his voice was hoarse and his eyes held some ancient sadness.

"It was on… I found it the morning that… I was stripping the bed and…" he nodded not making me say what I obviously couldn't.

"Thank you," his tone was sincere. There was no smile on his lips, but it meant more that way, "It was a hard week without it."

"Bet it was even harder not being able to say how you lost it." I murmured leaning against the glass door of the balcony. It was still warm. The June sun had been falling on it all morning and afternoon long and it would be warm for a while longer.

He nodded at my last statement, "Bella, about that night you have to know that I had never done something remotely similar to that."

"I believe you, and don't worry, I won't say a thing. I told you that I understood that we were drunk."

"I told you I wasn't that drunk," he cut me off.

"But I was," Let me take the blame here. "You told me that you had been… attracted… to me before, so I guess me being drunk didn't help. I'm sorry." let's blame it on something and not leave it on the air.

"But I'm not!" he shouted throwing his arms on the air. He stood up and came around the table dropping the envelope in it, "I'm not saying it wasn't wrong. I know it was. But I can't find it in me… the feeling of regret." I know what that felt like. "I know it shouldn't have happened. I just regret that it happened in these circumstances. I'm so sorry for that. You deserve better. This deserves better…" I couldn't keep listening to this. This wasn't helping. He wasn't supposed to talk. He was supposed to get his things and get out. It was a two-step program. Why are we even talking about this? It's over and done with. It happened and ended.

"Bella please say something," he said taking a step forward and I took a stop away. He took a larger step and got a hold of my hand before I could move it away. "Do you feel that?" he asked looking at our hands. Electricity, warmth, and happiness shot up and spread from my arm everywhere in my body. My legs felt like jelly. But warm jelly. Every inch of my skin that he had touched that night came alive with the recognition of his skin. I took a sharp inhale of breath and his scent hit me. His subtle cologne. The smell of office supplies and leather seats. His own spicy version of paradise.

Goosebumps ran along my arm and settled on my breast. My nipples strained against the fabric and he caressed up my arm with his other hand.

I had to stop this. I had to stop it before it was too late.

"Please, don't do this." My voice was weak, powerless against the storm of sensations.

"Why?" He countered taking a step closer.

"Because…" my eyes never left his. We both knew all the reasons why this was a bad idea. His family; his—I gulped bitter unshed tears—fiancée; Lizzy; the media, not that I cared a lot about that last one, but it was something to consider. So many things against it all.

"Forget about it all. Please, just forget about everything. What else do you have?" I didn't understand that question.

Then I got it: if I took everything out, there would only be him and I left. He smiled and his eyes shone with mischief and passion. He knew he had me there. "Do you feel that?" he asked, his hand still trailing up and down my arm. I could do nothing but to nod.

"It's the best feeling in the world. Isn't it?" he asked as his arm went higher and reached my collarbone. His hand spread over my neck and the hollow of the base there. "do you know how long I've waited to feel this again?" he was the one asking the questions. He was also giving the answers. I could do nothing but to close my eyes and rest my head back on the glass, giving him full control.

He kept moving his hand up and down my arm, while he held onto my fingers and played with them. Sometimes pushing my nails into the palm of his hand and then hissing at the pain. As if he needed to pinch himself to check if it was real. I felt the same. The only link to reality was the glass behind me.

His next words were accentuated by his breathing on my face. "Tell me you didn't miss this." He told me raggedly. "Tell me you walk through that door every day and don't remember how I kissed you. Tell me—no… Swear to me that you look at the floor and don't picture our clothes lying on it. Tell me you go to bed at night and don't find something utterly wrong with it. Tell me!" he shouted and I faltered back into the glass. "Sorry, sorry" he whispered against my hair. Hugging me hard against his body. Pressing every inch of our heights together.

"Can you look at me and tell me that? Can you? If you can, you have to teach me to forget the same way you do, Bella, because I don't live since I left this goddamn place. I merely exist, and I'm fucking tired of it!" his words were harsh, but whispered as he kissed down my hair and my cheek. And because I'm the masochist that I am, I turned my cheek and pressed the other side of my face against his lips. I needed the intimate, yet innocent, contact of his lips. The rest of my body was going insane craving for it. But I could only have his touch of my face, so I had to make the best of it. I made to turn my face back for a pitiful third kiss on my cheek and he pulled my face against his lips.

My lips were closed. My eyes clenched as I fought both the urge to kiss him harder and the traitor tears leaking through.

I think I must have sobbed because he was cradling me against his chest and moving towards the sofa. He sat down and pulled me with him. Swaying back and forth trying to calm the irrational response. God, I wanted him so much!

"Shh… it's ok. It's gonna be okay. I know how it feels. Just let it out." I couldn't help it anymore. I opened my eyes and really looked into the green oracles that haunted my dreams for the past week.

His eyes were dark and heavy. They shone with lust and ardor but left room for sadness and left me with the feel that I had no place in this world.

He kissed me. Softly bringing his mouth down on mine. Kissing every part of my open lips without letting me taste, take, feel him. He started to pull my lower lip into his mouth. Biting it the same way I did when I was nervous. Then did the same to the top one and I moaned and pushed his jacket off. Trying to feel him move, breathe, live. Trying to be closer.

He shook off his jacket and went back to pressing his hands against my neck, running them down my back and bringing my closer to him. I tasted mint and coffee until he started to kiss my cheeks. I moved my lips down the side of his face. Breathing against the aftershave of his neck before going back up and kissing along his jaw again. I found his chin and pressed my open lips to it before taking it into my mouth and biting it softly.

That simple gesture set him off and he was pushing me down on the sofa. His hands roaming my body and throwing whatever I had left on the seat to the floor. Once I was lying down he settled himself between my legs and went on to kiss me even harder. Pushing his tongue into my mouth and tasting every inch of me. His hips pressing down on mine while his hands teased my chest. His erratic breathing only increasing at the same pace of mine. Incoherent words were leaving my lips and he only said my name over and over in-between kisses. His hands went under my shirt, down my back cupping my bottom and moaning when I bucked even more into him. Then they went up and up as I arched into him and my hands pulled at his unruly hair.

"Oh, god!" I moaned as he palmed my breasts and left no place without the scorching feeling of completeness. Even the small and invisible feeling of the brush of his lashes against my skin brought moans out of me. My head thrown back on the armrest of the seat while my hands pushed and pulled at his shoulders without a defined goal.

I wanted him to come up and kiss me again where I could feel each one of the creases of his lips, but I wanted his lips lavishing my body as they were now. The conflict surged in my mind, but in my state of arousal I couldn't make a choice.

In the end I was pleased with having him kiss, suck, lick, bite and breathe, on every inch of my body. Not leaving a place where his hands didn't go.

"God, I could kiss your shadow and it wouldn't be enough." He moaned as I sucked on one of his fingers. "I need you now, Bella. Please say yes. Please Bella. Please don't make me wait any more. This week has been torture as it is. Please… please… please…" I could barely make out his words as he kissed my way out of my clothes. "God, Bella. Say something. Tell me you want me. Tell me you missed me. Hold me." He wasn't leaving me any space to do or say anything. So, I could only show him. I started frantically pulling at his shirt. He pulled at his tie and undid the top 3 buttons before pulling the whole thing over his head. When he was free of his clothes, like me, I pulled him to my bedroom. What else would you do when this godlike creature begged you not to make him beg? How did you answer to the fact that he would 'kiss my shadow' if it brought him some kind of peace?

He sat on the bed and I stood between his legs. No other move was made. We stared into each other's eyes and I relived the flashbacks of being in this room with him. This time there was no spinning out of control, just lust-induced haze. There would be no awkwardness of first time 'round. There was only him and me. Enough to make the sounds of the street below disappear and leaving a void to be filled with ecstasy.

Softly he pulled my face down. Running his fingers through my hair and rolling the ends around his fingers. Loose hairs fell and the sting of the pull on the others sneaked down my back in a strike of heat that settled down below.

I brought my knees up each side of him, settling on his lap and pressing his hard cock between our flaming bodies. He grunted at the contact. My skin starting to sweat up from the heat of the room and our bodies.

He flipped me onto my back and started a path down my mouth, throat, stomach—making a large stop on my breasts where he suckled and kissed until I was crying out for him to keep going.

He held both my hands in one of his to stop me from hurrying him. He kissed around my stomach. Up my side where it would have normally tickled, but now it only made me moan and writhe. Kissed across my chest and down the other side following the exact invisible path. He reached my hipbones and turned me over and I groaned at how long he was making me wait.

"I know." He said and I could hear the satisfied smirk on his voice, "I know what it feels like. Don't worry we'll get there." Yes, I would make damn sure we did, but what if I died from all this pleasure before we made it there?

He kissed the small of my back and ran his hands up in a relaxing gesture.

I could feel my insides pulling and pushing at me to make him for faster. To relieve the pain that was eating me inwardly from between my legs. He was kissing my shoulder blades and the side of my breasts again.

I finally got tired of this torture and flipped over, rose on my elbows and took his lips in mine. He pushed down on me; I fell back on the bed and caressed his chest, down his abs and along the V at his hips. My hand squeezed him when I got there. I felt him twitch and smiled at him. The look on his face was of pure concentration and pleasure. I brought my hand up following the same trail and pulled him down on me by the neck.

"Condoms are in the drawer." I whispered against his lips, not wanting to break the magic with something so important. He kissed my shoulder and the spot below my ear as I reached for the drawer. The constant touch of his already slick skin was the only thing I could concentrate as I rummaged with pencils and candles inside the boxlike demon. Where the hell were those things? I finally got a hold of it and brought it to him.

His hand engulfed mine and he didn't let go for a moment, just looking into my eyes.

In a flash he had it open and on. Slowly he eased himself into me. There was no nod of confirmation this time. It wasn't needed. It was just him and me, here.

Slowly he kissed me. So slowly, but so deeply. His tongue traced the outside of my mouth. Sucking my lips into his and then drawing my tongue into his mouth. It was a heavenly torture being filled like this.

As he entered me I could feel how every inch of him stretched me. The slow pace placating some of the fire burning within, but not enough to put it out. He controlled the fire, slowed it down, but had no intentions of putting it out. He merely concentrated it on the juncture between my legs with his slow rhythm.

His hands were tangled in my hair, keeping me kissing him despite the gasps and whimpers of pleasure. "More, faster." I urged as my hands pressed down on the small of his back.

The slow rhythm gave way to the demanding thrust that seated him in me, completely. He waited there for a moment before pulling out and pushing back in. My eyes closed tight while I concentrated on the single feeling of the joining of our bodies. Every time he pushed in, his skin would brush my clit and the complex mix of feeling would make me cry out.

His lips were everywhere. On my chest, on my face, on my neck. The heat was starting to be too much. The sensation was that one of being pulled away and away from reality and into a sea of bliss. I no longer recognized the touch of the bed or the rest of the room. It was just him and me there. The driving of him into me lifted me to immeasurable heights until I arched my back and felt as if I was then falling the whole way down. As if the last thread linking me to reality had snapped and I was in an alternate universe where I could only say his name.

My insides grasped and released him, again and again. Feeling every part of him. The unknown, but so familiar sensation inside of me.

One thrust. He growled my name from the back of his throat. Going faster and demanding more.

Two thrusts and his arms were strained and lifting him off me. His head thrown back in ecstasy and my name falling off his lips like a tantalizing mantra.

His pulsing inside did nothing to calm my clenching and, as he rested on top of me, I couldn't help but smile. He rolled over. Taking the feeling of completion with him and giving me a soft kiss on my shoulder as I whimpered.

We both took deep, calming breaths to fight back the erratic tempo of the afterglow. Blushing I looked back at him, and couldn't help to remember the feel of his hair as it brushed mi nipples; the look in those eyes as I demanded more; the way his nose inhaled my every scent as it ghosted over me; and his mouth. God, his mouth. Seeing it now half opened as I felt his breath come in and out.

"Bella?" the mouth moved and the deep voice brought back goosebumps across my skin. My eyes closed and my smile stretched, "Hmm?" was my pathetic excuse for a reply.

"Please stop looking at me like that. It's doing nothing for my sanity," oh, I wanted him to go crazy. I wanted him to feel helpless as I did whenever he came close.

"I want you… to lose that sanity," I said sultrily and he groaned, burying his face in the pillow and punching the bed. I couldn't help but giggle at the sight.

He sighed and peeked at me from under his lashes. His playful glare became more serious and my smile faltered.

"What are we doing?" the question hung on the air like impending doom. I swallowed and didn't know what to reply.

We're following our impulses.

You want a last fling before you are off the market.

I'm giving into temptation.

We're being crazy.

You're blind.

I'm a needy idiot.

Neither of them seemed right, although they were true.

"I don't know," I sighed as I tried getting up.

"Me neither, but I don't care." He said pulling me down and bringing our bodies close again. I pulled the sheet from under my pillow and he covered us both with it.

He held me for a while. His breath was hot on my hair and his hands caressed my back as I traced lazy circles on his chest.

"Only a fool wishes for what he can't have." He murmured and my breath caught in my lungs.

Please, stop him.

"Do you want to eat?" I changed the subject.

"No, I can eat on the way home." He said and pressed my body yet closer to his.

At the mention of home reality came back to me, "What did you tell her?"

He stiffened for a moment before sighing and letting go of me.

Well done, idiot. My lust-crazed self chastised.

"don't worry about it." He said sitting on the edge of the bed. His back to me once again while my arms were left empty tracing nonsense onto the sheets.

"I need to get my story straight," I would need to get a los of stories straight see as what happened tonight.

"Today I'm at a meeting. That night I slept at Ethan's" he said running his hands through his hair and looking out the window. "I bet the neighbours will be knocking on your door any day." He said pointing to the curtain-less window in front of him.

"If there's something they don't want to see, maybe they shouldn't look," I dismissed his worries.

"Has Ethan asked you anything?" he said suddenly.

"I thought you ad talked to him." I said worried.

"I did, I was just wondering if he asked you anything."

"He didn't. We haven't talked a lot on the phone." Since Ethan left for a business trip a couple of days ago we had texted pleasantries a couple of times a day. Some jokes, but nothing more. "Where is he?"

"I needed him to cover a few things for me in New York." He replied sitting back in the bed facing me.

It was weird seeing him sitting there so comfortable while completely naked. It was a pleasurable sight, but weird all the same.

"You sent him to New York? Are the few things that he is covering Lizzy and her stuff?" I asked.

"Partly," he replied with no trace of shame, "I also needed you free this weekend."

We were back to the arrogant prick persona.

"It's amazing how you decide to rearrange my plans with a simple order." I said sarcastically gathering the sheet close to my body.

"Are you sorry?" his incredulous smirk mocked me.

"I find it annoying how sure you are of yourself."

"I just proved I have reason to feel that way. We're here, aren't we?"

"Yes, after I completely ditched you sister."

"There'll be other functions." He dismissed me and I got madder at his patronizing tone.

"It doesn't matter!" I yelled at him. "You can't just swoop in and expect me to drop everything the minute you decide you need me." My tone was acid and I hoped it burned him.

"Fine! I'll ask next time!" he yelled back at me.

"Next time?" his eyes shot to mine, "what do you mean next time?" I asked.

"You know exactly what I mean." He replied serious.

"There will be no 'next time'," I told him without looking away. Hoping my voice held the conviction I wished I had.

"This was the 'next time' to that 'first time'. What makes you think this will go away so easily?"

"I'm not expecting it to go away by itself," the message was clear. Force yourself o forget.

"You can't be serious. Were you not in the same room as me a moment ago? Were you not taken aback by what just happened?"

"That doesn't mean we have to encourage it," I relented.

"No. it means I'm sure we won't be able to stop it from happening again." His eyes bored into mine with the security that the truth offered.

"That depends on how strong your willpower is."

"Tell me something: why are you so decided on not giving things a chance?" he asked throwing me a glare.

"Tell me something: what will you do once you're done here?" I didn't let him reply, "Tell me where you will go?" my eyes bored into his. "Can you tell me that? Can you swear to me that you will go on with your life never lying to everyone around you?"

His eyes fell from mine with shame, "I thought so, too." I replied and got up. I wrapped the sheet around me and went to my closet then the washroom.

When I came out he was getting dressed in the living room. His shirt was tucked in but I could still see the signals of our encounter. Maybe I was the only one who could see them, but it didn't make me feel better. His phone rang and he ignored the call after looking at the screen briefly. I leaned against the door to the kitchen never taking my eyes off him.

"Is your curfew over?" I asked with a smirk.

"Jealous?" he smirked back.

"Of what? Of being lied to?" incredulity coloured my voice.

"And all that it entails." He told me with a wink before falling back on the couch. "It was just Ben." He sighed.

"How much does he know?"

"Ben's job is to know nothing. The last person you have to worry about is him."

"Who should I worry about?" I asked more serious now.

"Alice… and Jasper," he added as an afterthought.

I nodded solemnly and saw his hands ghost over the couch; the place where everything had started.

"I have to go—,"

"You'd better go—," we both started at the same time and our gazes met again.

My eyes collided with a wall of green and it didn't shine with the usual mischief, lust and hidden passion. This time it was flat as a constant, dull note.

"Don't forget the envelope." I reminded him in whisper and stared at the floor. His steps moved to my line of sight and then closer. His hands came and cupped my face and forced me to look up into the green ocean of his eyes.

He held my gaze for a moment longer. Trying to see if I'd give in.

Not tonight. I promised myself. Taking it one night at a time would be easier for now.

He sighed and moved towards the door taking my hand with him. I pulled it back and looked down again. The door clicked open and closed and he was gone. Taking the peace in my mind with him.

I passed the lock and went to clean up the mess left behind on the living room. I couldn't do it.

I fell back on the couch and stared at the door just like I had been doing hours before. No wine glass this time. Just Edward-induced intoxication.

Sunday came and left with me doing nothing but staring at my computer. I researched Edward's name in every possible search engine available in the net. I researched picture after picture until he started to show up in them without Tanya. Then I researched some more, but got nothing. It was as if his public life had never existed before she came along.

Alice was talking excitedly on the phone about the previous night and my fingernails were losing the battle against my teeth expecting her to ask me what I did.

"It was amazing, Bella. You have to come next time."

"Sure, Alice." I told her, and for once meaning it. Keep busy. Don't give yourself time to think.

"I mean, there were so many designers! I met so many people that I had only heard about. And Tanya promised to introduce me to some models and photographers that I could use for the store. I mean, it was so nice of her to do that, now with the wedding and everything I bet she'll be swamped with work. I want to plan our weddings together. That way we'll have more ideas. And for mine I'll be relaxed—," Ha! Alice? Relaxed? Yeah, right. "—because I'll know wha I'll be dealing with. I mean, she is used to all the rushing and changing clothes fast between shows. I bet she'll wear more than 5 outfits throughout the wedding."

Tanya. Wedding.

Wedding. Tanya.

Tanya.

Wedding.

It was all the same to me, and of course Alice had no reason to think that such innocent talk would bother me. After all I was the one that tried making them get along. Why did I have to push my nose where I had no business? Would I be feeling better if Alice wasn't pushing my face into the reality of Edward's and Tanya's wedding?

Well, if they weren't together I'd have no reason to feel guilty. He was a man. I was a woman. Under the same sky with the same rights.

But the truth was that they were engaged, no less. And coveting your neighbour's almost-husband was still a sin.

Based on what had happened the night before just before he left, I was sure he was having no trouble with his feelings for her. Never did he give any indication that he was thinking of calling the whole engagement off, not that I would ask him to.

Would I?

Of course you would. Right after you go back to Phoenix and tell Lily and John exactly what you think of them. Of course you'll do it.

Annoying sarcastic internal monologue.

"Did you hear, Bella? Isn't it amazing?!" what was?

"Yeah, Alice. It sounds great. Hey, I have to go now. I'll talk to you later, ok?"

"Ok, but we have to get together this week. You promised!" she shouted as I said my goodbyes and sent greetings to her family.

Yeah, sure. We'll get together. We'll make small talk and look through designs that would fit a September wedding. We should also do out hairs and speak boys. What about the best boys we've ever kissed. Or the last boy we did. That should be fun.

What am I doing? Why would I move across the country only to have it all coming back to me.

I call Carrie and I know that she knows something is up.

"so, anything new and exciting? What have you done lately?" is it me or is there a double meaning to her tone?

"I haven't done much. Work is still the ruling force. And Ethan is away for a business trip." I try to not give details. I suck at lying and I know I'll get tangled in it. I feel guilty for lying to her, but I can't help it. I can't say anything. She's coming here in a month or so and she has never been known for keeping her trap shut.

"So, the boy is away. Shouldn't you be doing something that he shouldn't now about?"

Does fucking his boss count?

"I don't think that would be wise… the boy has a lot of eyes and ears in this city." That was something I hadn't considered. What if Ethan found out? Would he tell the Cullens? Tanya?

What I found most disturbing was that I didn't exactly care if he got mad at me, and that was a signal that I didn't care for him. Time, Bella. Give it time. Don't rush it.

"So? It'll give him an incentive to get back faster…" she said with a tone I knew too well.

"Truth is… I don't really miss him that much. You know?" there was more than that, but she didn't have to know?

"That's it? I thought you would tell me the truth." She said with a laugh, "the complete truth." She added before I could say anything.

"What do you mean?" lie, lie, lie.

"You know what I mean?" she said with a sigh, "now, why don't you tell me what is really happening. Did john call? Was it Lily?"

"No! No. it has nothing to do with them." There was no point arguing with her. If I was going down I might as well pull her with me, because she always did the same. "Do you remember that last weekend I went to this club with the Cullens?"

"Yeah. The whole secret club thing has me very interested in Chicago, just so you know."

"Well, remember that I told you Edward drove me home."

"Yeah…" she paused for a moment, "he didn't drive you home? Who drove you then?"

"Oh, no! He did drove me home. He even walked me to the door…" I took a deep breath, "and then walked me inside…" I stopped there, waiting for her reaction.

Silence came from the other side of the line.

"Carrie?" had the call been interrupted?

"I'm here. Just processing."

"Oh, ok."

"So, you guys slept together?" she asked.

"Umm. Yeah." We had hot, sticky, sweaty, toes-curling… stop it!

"Wow. I thought you hated him. I guess your girly parts missed that memo."

"Yeah, well… I didn't end there."

"Wait, you had drunk sex, and what else?"

"He kind of came over yesterday…" I said in the smallest of whispers.

Silence again.

"He what?"

"He came over yesterday," I said louder, "and you know…"

"No, I got that. I just didn't think that you'd… wow, Bella. So, was it sloppy?"

"What was?" I was confused. He looked perfect yesterday. The last adjective you could pair Edward with, was sloppy.

"The sex!" she exclaimed.

"No! What would make you think that?!"

"Weren't you guys drunk?"

"I was that time, but apparently he wasn't."

"What about this time?" she gave no hint of amusement or disappointment. The question was just a question.

"This time I was as sober as I would ever be."

"So, is it a permanent thing?"

"He is engaged." My teeth were gritted

"Oh, right. To Miss Bulimia, isn't it?"

"Tanya." The name made my stomach turn.

"Still, I ask again: is it a permanent thing?"

"Apparently he wants it to be. But I told him no."

"Did you mean it?" she asked.

"Of course! What do you think?"

"Do you think you'll stick to it?"

"I really don't know." I sighed and rested my bead back on the wall. I was sitting on the floor. Refusing to sit on the couch or the bed. And the den was too hot to be in it right now.

"Are you sorry? Do you feel regret?"

"I'm sorry I have to lie to all of them, but I can't make myself regret it. What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong, don't worry. What about him?"

"He said he regrets it happened under these circumstances…" I shut my eyes trying not to think about last night, and failing miserably.

"Interesting." She murmured.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I wonder what you'll do next."

"Avoid him like the plague. What else am I supposed to do?"

"How about changing your tactics for once?" she taunted me.

"I think I'll pass on that one."

"Wait a minute, isn't the boy you're dating one of Edward's subordinates?" the way she said 'the boy' made it sound like he was some intern at the company.

"Yes. Ethan works for Edward."

"So, you upgraded to the boss. Nicely done, young one… oh, wait, he is the young one. Never mind," she was pushing my buttons.

"Carrie, fuck off," I said in a sickening sweet voice.

"Fine, but keep me posted. This is turning out better than I thought." She laughed into the phone.

"You're not being helpful…"

"Sorry, hun," she laughed some more and I glared at the wall in front of me.

**********

Monday rolled around and was back to feeling like a strange in my own home. Work was the same. Checking poetry and picking the best.

Searching through Edward's past and finding more expired links. Maybe there was a problem with the database.

Listening to tapes of Carlisle's and the other doctor's interviews helps nothing. I keep imagining that first meeting on the elevator and what happened on my own elevator at home.

I was distracted all lunch long and Angela could tell. She didn't say much and I wondered if Ben told her something.

'Ben's job is to know nothing.' Edward's authoritarian comment made my insides jump and my skin blush.

We went back to the office together. Talking and smiling about the weather. I stepped into the building and my smile faltered.

There, standing in the foyer was no other than Ben.

"Hey, Ang!" he greeted her and then his eyes fell on me.

I swear he knew. And not only that, he knew I was with Edward this weekend, too.

I tried and acted normally and ignored the annoying feeling inside of me.

Do you remember when you were a kid and ate that sweet you weren't supposed to? Do you remember the way you lied to your parents and they know you lied, and you still didn't come clean?

Yeah, that's how it felt. Cold and empty inside. Fear in my eyes. Pale in my face, and my hands getting sweatier by the second.

"I better go. I should get back to my desk. Nice seeing you again Ben, see you around Ang." I turned and hurried to the elevators and as I waited for them Ben showed up at my side again.

"Oh, Bella. You didn't give me a chance to give you this." He said passing me an envelope. I looked puzzled and maybe terrified, "It's from Lizzy."

"Did…" I cleared my throat, "Did Ethan get back?"

"He came to bring a few documents back, but he left again this morning." He explained and my face fell. What was I expecting? "Well, see you around." He said with a wave and went back to Angela.

I stepped into the elevator turning the white envelope in my hands.

I got to my desk and place the envelope between the keys on the keyboard.

Something told me Lizzy didn't send this. Actually, something told me Ethan didn't come at all. My eyes were drawn to the white paper and the lines that filtered through. Finally I gave up and opened it.

After reading the first few lines I knew it was more than wrong to read this at work. But I couldn't stop until I got to the end. My face flushed and my hands trembling. Suddenly it was way too hot in the office and I needed to drink some water. I stood up and went to the water fountain. Pressing the cold cup of water to my forehead, I tried calming my heartbeat and breathing.

The phone on my desk started ringing and I stared at it.

My voice was hoarse and faltered when I answered.

"Isabella Swan speaking." I said as evenly as I could, but it sounded everything but.

"Bella," deep, throaty and steel voice greeted me. Fuck. I would kill Ben.

"Edward." I bit back a growl of frustration.

"I see you got my poem. I wanted to submit it for this week's section."

"First of all, the poem has to be your own. Second of all, I think that poem is hardly appropriate for a Sunday edition of the newspaper. Are you sure you want your name right below it?" I was seething. That wasn't funny at all.

"I guess I broke the rules, again." I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"I guess you did." I said not giving him a chance to make another comment. Where had this Edward come from? He was always moody and sulking. What the hell was going on? Next thing I knew he would be telling me to—…

"Bella, lighten up!" had he read my mind?

"You sent me an erotic poem at work! It would have been embarrassing if someone else had seen it. And the worst part yet: you sent it with Ben! But if that's not enough: he said it was from Lizzy. I guess she's growing terribly fast!" I seethed into the phone.

"Fine! I'm sorry. I just wanted to do something for you. I thought we could laugh together or something, but I guess I was wrong. Burn it if you want!" and he hung up.

What the fuck is wrong with that man?

What the fuck is wrong with you? That poem was hot!

Yeah, it was hot as hell. But he shouldn't have done that. I swore I would get rid of the poem as fast as possible. But I couldn't leave it lying around in the office. I tucked it into my agenda and promised to get rid of it at home.

As I sat in the bus on my way back home my fingers itched to bring out the poem again. To read the lines and in-between them. To repeat it aloud and bring back the rain of sensations that it brought the first time around.

I couldn't do it. I sat on my dining room staring at the page in front of me. Trying to force myself to shred it to pieces and get rid of it. If any of the Cullens found it, it would be so embarrassing.

If Tanya found it she'd pop my eyeballs out with her own nails. There were so many reasons to get rid of it. So I tucked it into the pages of Pride and Prejudice and put the book back in the shelves, but before that I read it over and over until words and ideas started to mix together.

That night I couldn't sleep. I needed to get my curtains back in place. This would be the last week that I let Emmett screw my sleep. Enough was enough.

A deep green wouldn't look too bad. Was my last thought before I gave in to restless dreams.

END NOTES:

If anybody wonders, this is the poem that he sent her…. In my mind, of course

More!

by Michael Anderson

I see myself holding you close to me,
Squeezing your body tight.
But for all I see as I daydream-
I know I'll get tenfold tonight.

Running my palms across your breast,
As you tremble and bite your lip.
Feeling your hands upon my chest,
The softness of each fingertip.

Tasting your neck so sweet, so soft,
And slowly lowering my kiss.
Over pert nipples, across your navel,
And finally into pure bliss.

Looking upon your face from below-
As you tilt back your head.
Feeling your fountains begin to flow-
As you ease back on the bed.

Your "innocent little devil" look-
Crying insatiably with the sensation.
Lip to lip lapping up every drip-
From the well of your creation.

The way you pull me up by the hair-
To the heat of your mouth, on fire.
No other thoughts, no other cares,
Just the quenching of mad desire.

Riding the tide of passion,
Pushing my love into you.
On the waves of your emotion-
In slow motion, so sweet and true.

Pulse pounding in resounding rapture,
Taken to the hilt, then just past.
Rhythm growing, faces glowing,
The climax coming fast.

That heated, illicit look-
Of ecstasy across your eyes.
The culmination nearing-
Within your undulating thighs.
Echoing throughout the heavens-
On overindulgent cries.

The sultry look upon your face-
In reaching that gyrating gush.
The way you bite my fingers-
When I try to make you hush.

Your arching back, your fingernails,
Your perfume mixed with sweat.
The way you keep rubbing against me-
With your insides already so wet.

The way when I'm beat dead and ready-
To fall face first to the floor,
You put your sweet lips to my ear-
And whisper, "I want more!"

Review and tell me your thoughts on new moon. watched it? not watched it? liked it? didn't like it?