A/N: This is long overdue, I know. But I hope you will read and review anyway. I have enjoyed writing this story very much (even though it took a lot longer then I had anticipated to finish it and I am deeply sorry for that). Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and added it to their favorite story or story alert. Your encouragement helped me a lot!
Keep holding on Sweet bitter words That's right Wait, I'm coming undone Wait, I'm starting to suffocate Choke, choke again Since I was young That's right Wait, I'm coming undone Wait, I'm starting to suffocate I'm trying to hold it together Wait, I'm coming undone Wait, I'm starting to suffocate
When my brain's ticking like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts
Have come again to get me
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along, mockingbird
You don't affect me
Deliver it to my heart
Please strike
Be deliberate
Unlaced, I'm coming undone
Too late, I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate
I find my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me
I tasted sorrow on my tongue
And this sweet sugar gun
Does not protect me
Trigger between my eyes
Please strike
Make it quick now
Unlaced, I'm coming undone
Too late, I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like I'm not getting better
Not getting better
Unlaced, I'm coming undone
Too late, I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate
"Coming Undone"-Korn
I believe this is the perfect song to end the story with, it can be taken as symbolizing the personal descent of Death Eaters, of Bellatrix into Azkaban, or of the Blacks downfall.
1980:
He has Regulus' eyes.
Draco has Regulus' eyes. Lucius tries to tells Narcissa that he doesn't have Regulus' eyes but his mother's.
It is true that Narcissa and Draco and Regulus' eyes are the same color and shape. But Narcissa knows that Draco has Reg's eyes. She knows that when Draco grows up his eyes will hold the same uncertainty and fear as Reg's did. She knows that they will be as guarded as Regulus' always was.
She knows this because every time she looks at Draco's eyes she see's Regulus. She practically raised Reg and she knows what his eyes looked like when he was an infant.
Draco has Regulus' eyes.
And it breaks Narcissa's heart.
Early 1981:
Bellatrix stood next to her sister, who was cradling Bella's eerily quiet nephew. She supposed that it was ingrained into Black blood to be stoic at a funeral. This particular funeral made even Bellatrix call on every ounce of Black training to remain collected. Every time the wizard conducting the services said the name of the deceased—Durella—it was like a slap to her face and it brought her back to the last time she spoke to her mother, a conversation she was working hard on forgetting.
"Do you know what the biggest disappointment in my life is Bella?" Druella asked her eldest daughter as the weary woman lay weakly on her deathbed, her warrior star sitting beside her.
"Andromeda," Bella guessed without hesitation, it was the first and last time she had uttered her sister's name since she had betrayed the family.
"No," Druella corrected her, her breathing becoming labored.
"You are."
For once Bella had nothing to say.
"I love you with all my heart," Durella said quickly, as though she knew she had a limited amount of time to tell these imperative words to Bella, "but you are the only one of my children who never learned to love."
"I love, mother!" Bella tried to argue, irate at her mothers words although she couldn't pinpoint why.
"You love power but not people."
"Blacks don't need to love people," Bellatrix said firmly.
"That's where I failed you--I let Wally fill your head with nonsense--that's also where Andy has the leg up over you. She may have left us and disgraced the family but she did it because she was in love with a man that wouldn't have been accepted in our family," she paused for a while and looked for a long time at her daughter, imagining the stubborn, headstrong girl she once was. "You're going down a dangerous path, Bella, and I blame myself for you're failure."
"I have other good qualities," Bella said desperately, her eyes becoming glassy because of the implications of her mothers words. "Can't you see them mother?"
"I know, Bella," Durella tried to soothe, her voice growing weaker. "I know. You are the most loyal person I have ever known. Those who earn your loyalty have it fully and without question. I was never one of those lucky ones but I have seen how loyal you are and that is a truly admirable quality. But my dear, misguided, Bellatrix, all your life you have used fear to control people, like Regulus and your sisters. You might be loyal but you trust no one but yourself."
"What choice did I have, trust wavers!" Bellatrix kneeled beside her mother, imploring her to understand that she was wrong. "Even you fear me! I know what you really think of me! You think I'm a monster!
"No Bella, I think you are misguided. But I love you, I really do."
Bella did something on her mother's deathbed that she would never admit to anyone as long as she lived, she cried for herself as her dying mother cradled her in her arms. Druella died comforting her eldest daughter.
Bella came down from the room after composing herself and gave her family the news.
When Bellatrix came out of her thoughts she was aware of everyone leaving the graveyard but herself and Cissy, the services were over.
Clearing her throat and resolving to never think of that awful day ever again she informed her sister of the only thing she knew for certain.
"Life will change fast from this point," she looked down at her mothers gravestone and Narcissa and a bad feeling that her sister was right.
November 1st 1981:
Narcissa received news of what had happened on Halloween night before the sun had even risen on November first.
The Potter's were dead, expect for their son, who had survived a killing curse that had rebounded on the Dark Lord.
Bellatrix was in such a manic rage at this news that she had set off with others to torture the information out of some aurors, there was no doubt in Narcissa's head that her sister and the others she had brought with her would be caught and end up in Azkaban.
Lucius had been taken away by arurors for questioning, he had assured her that he would come home, they couldn't pin anything on him.
It wasn't until later that day that she heard about Sirius, they said he was the Dark Lords right hand man, that he was responsible for the Potter's death and that he had killed thirteen muggles and a wizard before being taken to Azkaban…Narcissa didn't believe it, but there was nothing she could do.
She sat on the floor of the nursery for all of November first, holding Draco and sobbing, only getting up when Draco would get restless or needed to be changed or fed. She couldn't exactly tell why she was so morose, there were so many emotions going through her head; relief that the Dark Lord was gone and her son was safe, Guilt for that relief, worry for Lucius and a hope that he was right and would be home soon, sadness for the Potter boy that was Draco's age and was now an orphan, grief for Sirius who would rot in jail under a false accusation, hatred of Bellatrix for being so stupid as to think that she could find the Dark Lord and for making Narcissa say goodbye to her sister long ago so that there was no grief now for the woman Bella had become.
But mostly Narcissa mourned for the fallen Black family because now, thanks mostly to the Dark Lord, they were no more. Narcissa couldn't help feeling that she had lost more family due to this war and the prejudices that started it than any muggleborn, half-blood, muggle, or blood traitor family that had been targeted.
So Narcissa sat on the floor, cradling her child as though if she let go that he too would be taken away from her, waiting for Lucius to return so that they could begin again…