Entries..
By: Kirbystar_86
A/N: I read a book havin journal entries for the basis' and i thought it'd be sugoi if i did something like that, sorta going thru a revolution as far as writting goes so you'll see more of this.Anyways, Tamers angst. bit a humor here and there and the what not i hope ya enjoy and i FINALLY get some reviews on this..err well need to write to do that...Ja-ne for now! ^^;
Oh yeah plus some other crud that might not be clearly labeled.
~=New chapter or entry
*=something intense or signifies something seriouse
()=switching P.O.V
~
(Takato's Journal)
Entry: Jan, 03
I did it again, not that i meant to, it just happened.
I swore on the holy bible i just wouldnt...but this time i couldnt help myself.
It was right after school i had just gotten out, which normally I'd be happy but now, now everything just seems to get worse and worse.
Maybe i should start from the beginning..
You see its been 5 years since our final battle as Tamers and things just gotten...weird...of course after we had finished our battles our digimon had to stay in the digital world, that was hard enough seeing how close we all had gotten to our partners..
But thats not why Im depressed..
Everyone just changed afterwards, no-one even acted the same, well quite the same i should say.
Juri's attitude towards life suddenly became harsh after she lost Leomon, she wasnt that sweet innocent slightly-derranged girl i once knew...even possibly loved.
I couldnt even get close to her, and it didnt end there, nope, not until i caught her and Ruki in the 'moment'.
I couldnt believe it, Juri...like *that* it just didnt seem to compute with my mind
Not that anything does.
Afterwards she annouced it to all us guys, now their dating, after those words were spoken they echoed through my mind, i could just feel my world grow darker.
Anyways, On to Ruki, not only did she now screw the girl i think i may have once loved, but she does it for money!
Thats right, they do it, on stage in a bar way down in Kinbunchi, the whorehouse for all of japan, she mainly got the job for the money, but when she heard Juri would do it to she jumped to sign a 5 year contract with that low-down place.
Boils down to them getting up to 100,000 yen a night.
Kenta now currently works in morge which i cant even grasp either, i mean i never imagined him, who techincally when we were younger was the cowardest of us all, now works with the dead.
It creeps me out, now he's actually looking that way, starting to get all gothic like and plus he works at night, long hours, giving him a grim look.
Not that Kazu minds, yeah their an item too, isnt it lovely how things work out?
Anyways Kazu gets off that his lil baby' of a friend now is the bad- boy- street- punk- ' i get to chop up dead bodies at midnight'- goth that screws him like no tomorrow.
I dont even want to think of what they do in that creepy place,late at night when no-one is around.
As far as Kazu goes he's working for a body shop, building/fixing cars all the time, he loves it, go fig, He says he's working on some secret project that will revolutionize racing and he's gonna be the first to test it...Good luck.
As far as Ryo goes, i havent seen him after our last battle and we havent talked that much either, ever since he kissed me when we were staying at that castle.
*flashback*
I couldnt sleep that night i keept twisting and turning, either it was that or Kazu's snoring, anyways, I got up slipping on my shoes and walking around in the dark and tripping over variouse people/things until i found the door..
I saw a shadow, standing in the moonlight, Ryo.
As I got a better view i found him starring up at the sky, slightly leaned on the wall..
"Takato?" he asked.
"How'd ya know?" i asked walking closer.
"I just sense these things, Ive kind of been alone for awhile so you get used to not having people around, and when there is, it seems like you get some kind of sixth sense."
"That's kinda neat, Lonely-ness makes the senses grow keener!" i tried to laugh at the corny joke i made, he remained silent.
I looked at him but i didnt recieve a glance back "Why dont you just go home?"i asked wondering why he had been alone oh so long.
"I cant." he sighed "There's no way, you guys have to.."
"Have to what?" i asked.
"Have to finish what you came here to start I can only leave when my destiny is full-filled."
"What do you mean? What's your 'destiny'?!"
He kicked the sand, and looked up at me with bright cyan eyes, that now seemed almost saddened.
"I dont know, I cant even hardly remember the real-world, Ive been here so long. Ive done countless quests and have had countless digimon, taming them all, i've tried everything but the Holy Beasts dont want me to leave, sure they congradulate me on destroying the bad-guys but they always say my work isnt done. Im so tired and lost, i dont want to be here anymore."
He took a deep breath looking down at the ground.
"And now, I think my destiny is to stay here forever, just taming digimon, just being the best tamer, being here is my destiny, Ryo Akiyama legendary Tamer, Knowledge of all digimon, Keeper of both worlds. I think Takato, I think Im just going to die here, alone in the desert.."
I saw a tear drip down into the sand.
"I dont want be alone anymore."
He sat down on the ground burring his face in his hands, sobbing his heart out.
I knelted close by him patting him on the back. "Dont worry..It'll be fine Im sure."
"NO! Its destiny, you cant change it, its meant like this!"
"Destiny doesnt have anything to do with this! Ryo, your going home, i swear it!"
The sobbing stopped.
He looked up at me, with tear filled eyes and sniffled.
"Really?" he asked as if he was a little kid asking for candy or something.
"I'll try my best, You'll see." I gave him a smile and i got one in return.
He whiped his eyes "Thanks Takato."
And then, as if out of the blue, he just leaned over, grabbing my chin and drawing me in closer as his lips gently pressed into mine.
It did feel good, I'd have to admit, but i didnt resist he was alone for quite awhile, it must have been building up.Actually i didnt do anything at least i dont think i did, it was all settling into me what i was doing or him, i cant even remeber what happened,or even if i was even kissing back...
It seemed to last forever then he drew away blushing under the moonlight.
"Im so sorry Takato...I didnt mean to...Please dont tell anybody.." he pleaded.
"Its ok..I won't tell anyone.." I said getting up and walking inside.
Ryo Akiyama, had just kissed me..
My first kiss..
Was from a boy..
Like me..
Im sure he didnt mean anything out of it, he was just alone, and Im sure contact like that had been missed, if ever experienced.
But it did get me to thinking, thinking things i didnt want to..things i didnt even know exsisted in my mind.As if I had burried them somewhere deep, not wanting to admit the truth....I'll get to that later.
I hear Ryo is working for the orginal digimon company or something, anyways he's around Kyoto now.
Onward to Lee, out of all of us, he hasnt seemed to change much at all, he's still the same quiet steady-as-a-rock guy we all knew.
Only his silence has grown deeper, and hardly anyone can get a word out of him edge-wise.
He's still doing martial-arts, Going in for a second degree black-belt already,and he also helps Kazu in the body-shop sometimes, normally he just fixes motorcycles or welds things, not only that but he also works on electronics and programs in his spare time.
Almost incredibly amazing he doesnt have anybody, or that he isnt invovled in a job dealing with sex, or drugs or has a bad mental disorter..
Like me..
You see i have something called sadomasochism, its where you self-mutalate yourself for pleasure,or if you will, cut, pretty sick huh? It all started after i found about about Juri, i went manically depressed, i had violent mood-swings and I'd just zone out, I wasnt on anything,but before.. something, something horrible happened..
*flashback*
One day I had seen a little girl playing outside she had thrown her ball a bit too hard across the street and went to get it, I was on the other side, I picked it up and she smiled and raced towards me, I almost felt good about doing it until a drunk driver came racing by swourving he couldnt possibly stop in time, it hit her so hard her head was practically falling off her neck.
In a split second a life so innocent could be taken, i just dropped the ball and ran.
After that i'd have horrible nightmares, where it'd seem so real, and not just normal monster things but where i would go into hell itself, and not hell fire and pitchforks, no i mean the appitimy of human devistation.
I'd never think I'd wake up and then i would i swore their'd be blood covering my body but it was only sweat, thats when i started cutting, to relieve myself...
But something else too, not just Juri or witnessing a horrible death, no it was someone else..
Jenyra Lee.
Again Im so sorry, i swore i wouldnt think of him, everytime i do i cut, my arms are scarred up badly and everytime someone ask i just tell them i hurt myself riding my bike or something.
Infact its so bad I have to start cutting my chest,stomach and legs.
All lies..
Anyways Back to Lee, he was on my mind ever since I found out about Juri, i think it could have been before that like before i could admit it or see I had feelings for him, as if i burried them somewhere deep inside refusing to let it out..
Not that he had ever done anything to me, Well....
He did hurt me,remembering it now, just that once, he didnt mean to, i know it..
He had came over to see me at my house, when he had walked up-stairs opening the door to see blood running down my arms as i pressed a sharp razor deep into my skin, in the muscle, almost to the bone..
I didnt mean to, I jumped when he came in, and i pressed harder than normal, and before i could even react to anything that was going on he ran up and punched me in the jaw..
Hard.
Now you dont pick fights with someone getting a second degree in martial arts, not that i picked a fight, then the weirdest thing happened...
He started crying.
Then he just ran out,before i had a chance to do anything, then i started crying too, i havent spoken to him since then, that was almost a month ago..
Now Im in a dark alley by the school, Im unzipping my backpack, opening a small sack i keep with me, pulling out one of my sharp razors and rolling up my sleeve looking for just one clean spot to stick my razor..
I find one small spot..
I shutter as i feel the cold sharp metal press against my warm skin then I extert pressasure with it into my skin, drawing the blood and sending a rush of pain that was almost pleasure throughout my body..
I lay my head against the graffitti stained brick wall i was leaning against, closing my eyes and drifting into some other world..
.....Im sorry Lee.
A/N:Woah, i think i may have a plot, R/R and tell me if ya want more! Even though i plan on writting more anyhow, it'd help :)
By: Kirbystar_86
A/N: I read a book havin journal entries for the basis' and i thought it'd be sugoi if i did something like that, sorta going thru a revolution as far as writting goes so you'll see more of this.Anyways, Tamers angst. bit a humor here and there and the what not i hope ya enjoy and i FINALLY get some reviews on this..err well need to write to do that...Ja-ne for now! ^^;
Oh yeah plus some other crud that might not be clearly labeled.
~=New chapter or entry
*=something intense or signifies something seriouse
()=switching P.O.V
~
(Takato's Journal)
Entry: Jan, 03
I did it again, not that i meant to, it just happened.
I swore on the holy bible i just wouldnt...but this time i couldnt help myself.
It was right after school i had just gotten out, which normally I'd be happy but now, now everything just seems to get worse and worse.
Maybe i should start from the beginning..
You see its been 5 years since our final battle as Tamers and things just gotten...weird...of course after we had finished our battles our digimon had to stay in the digital world, that was hard enough seeing how close we all had gotten to our partners..
But thats not why Im depressed..
Everyone just changed afterwards, no-one even acted the same, well quite the same i should say.
Juri's attitude towards life suddenly became harsh after she lost Leomon, she wasnt that sweet innocent slightly-derranged girl i once knew...even possibly loved.
I couldnt even get close to her, and it didnt end there, nope, not until i caught her and Ruki in the 'moment'.
I couldnt believe it, Juri...like *that* it just didnt seem to compute with my mind
Not that anything does.
Afterwards she annouced it to all us guys, now their dating, after those words were spoken they echoed through my mind, i could just feel my world grow darker.
Anyways, On to Ruki, not only did she now screw the girl i think i may have once loved, but she does it for money!
Thats right, they do it, on stage in a bar way down in Kinbunchi, the whorehouse for all of japan, she mainly got the job for the money, but when she heard Juri would do it to she jumped to sign a 5 year contract with that low-down place.
Boils down to them getting up to 100,000 yen a night.
Kenta now currently works in morge which i cant even grasp either, i mean i never imagined him, who techincally when we were younger was the cowardest of us all, now works with the dead.
It creeps me out, now he's actually looking that way, starting to get all gothic like and plus he works at night, long hours, giving him a grim look.
Not that Kazu minds, yeah their an item too, isnt it lovely how things work out?
Anyways Kazu gets off that his lil baby' of a friend now is the bad- boy- street- punk- ' i get to chop up dead bodies at midnight'- goth that screws him like no tomorrow.
I dont even want to think of what they do in that creepy place,late at night when no-one is around.
As far as Kazu goes he's working for a body shop, building/fixing cars all the time, he loves it, go fig, He says he's working on some secret project that will revolutionize racing and he's gonna be the first to test it...Good luck.
As far as Ryo goes, i havent seen him after our last battle and we havent talked that much either, ever since he kissed me when we were staying at that castle.
*flashback*
I couldnt sleep that night i keept twisting and turning, either it was that or Kazu's snoring, anyways, I got up slipping on my shoes and walking around in the dark and tripping over variouse people/things until i found the door..
I saw a shadow, standing in the moonlight, Ryo.
As I got a better view i found him starring up at the sky, slightly leaned on the wall..
"Takato?" he asked.
"How'd ya know?" i asked walking closer.
"I just sense these things, Ive kind of been alone for awhile so you get used to not having people around, and when there is, it seems like you get some kind of sixth sense."
"That's kinda neat, Lonely-ness makes the senses grow keener!" i tried to laugh at the corny joke i made, he remained silent.
I looked at him but i didnt recieve a glance back "Why dont you just go home?"i asked wondering why he had been alone oh so long.
"I cant." he sighed "There's no way, you guys have to.."
"Have to what?" i asked.
"Have to finish what you came here to start I can only leave when my destiny is full-filled."
"What do you mean? What's your 'destiny'?!"
He kicked the sand, and looked up at me with bright cyan eyes, that now seemed almost saddened.
"I dont know, I cant even hardly remember the real-world, Ive been here so long. Ive done countless quests and have had countless digimon, taming them all, i've tried everything but the Holy Beasts dont want me to leave, sure they congradulate me on destroying the bad-guys but they always say my work isnt done. Im so tired and lost, i dont want to be here anymore."
He took a deep breath looking down at the ground.
"And now, I think my destiny is to stay here forever, just taming digimon, just being the best tamer, being here is my destiny, Ryo Akiyama legendary Tamer, Knowledge of all digimon, Keeper of both worlds. I think Takato, I think Im just going to die here, alone in the desert.."
I saw a tear drip down into the sand.
"I dont want be alone anymore."
He sat down on the ground burring his face in his hands, sobbing his heart out.
I knelted close by him patting him on the back. "Dont worry..It'll be fine Im sure."
"NO! Its destiny, you cant change it, its meant like this!"
"Destiny doesnt have anything to do with this! Ryo, your going home, i swear it!"
The sobbing stopped.
He looked up at me, with tear filled eyes and sniffled.
"Really?" he asked as if he was a little kid asking for candy or something.
"I'll try my best, You'll see." I gave him a smile and i got one in return.
He whiped his eyes "Thanks Takato."
And then, as if out of the blue, he just leaned over, grabbing my chin and drawing me in closer as his lips gently pressed into mine.
It did feel good, I'd have to admit, but i didnt resist he was alone for quite awhile, it must have been building up.Actually i didnt do anything at least i dont think i did, it was all settling into me what i was doing or him, i cant even remeber what happened,or even if i was even kissing back...
It seemed to last forever then he drew away blushing under the moonlight.
"Im so sorry Takato...I didnt mean to...Please dont tell anybody.." he pleaded.
"Its ok..I won't tell anyone.." I said getting up and walking inside.
Ryo Akiyama, had just kissed me..
My first kiss..
Was from a boy..
Like me..
Im sure he didnt mean anything out of it, he was just alone, and Im sure contact like that had been missed, if ever experienced.
But it did get me to thinking, thinking things i didnt want to..things i didnt even know exsisted in my mind.As if I had burried them somewhere deep, not wanting to admit the truth....I'll get to that later.
I hear Ryo is working for the orginal digimon company or something, anyways he's around Kyoto now.
Onward to Lee, out of all of us, he hasnt seemed to change much at all, he's still the same quiet steady-as-a-rock guy we all knew.
Only his silence has grown deeper, and hardly anyone can get a word out of him edge-wise.
He's still doing martial-arts, Going in for a second degree black-belt already,and he also helps Kazu in the body-shop sometimes, normally he just fixes motorcycles or welds things, not only that but he also works on electronics and programs in his spare time.
Almost incredibly amazing he doesnt have anybody, or that he isnt invovled in a job dealing with sex, or drugs or has a bad mental disorter..
Like me..
You see i have something called sadomasochism, its where you self-mutalate yourself for pleasure,or if you will, cut, pretty sick huh? It all started after i found about about Juri, i went manically depressed, i had violent mood-swings and I'd just zone out, I wasnt on anything,but before.. something, something horrible happened..
*flashback*
One day I had seen a little girl playing outside she had thrown her ball a bit too hard across the street and went to get it, I was on the other side, I picked it up and she smiled and raced towards me, I almost felt good about doing it until a drunk driver came racing by swourving he couldnt possibly stop in time, it hit her so hard her head was practically falling off her neck.
In a split second a life so innocent could be taken, i just dropped the ball and ran.
After that i'd have horrible nightmares, where it'd seem so real, and not just normal monster things but where i would go into hell itself, and not hell fire and pitchforks, no i mean the appitimy of human devistation.
I'd never think I'd wake up and then i would i swore their'd be blood covering my body but it was only sweat, thats when i started cutting, to relieve myself...
But something else too, not just Juri or witnessing a horrible death, no it was someone else..
Jenyra Lee.
Again Im so sorry, i swore i wouldnt think of him, everytime i do i cut, my arms are scarred up badly and everytime someone ask i just tell them i hurt myself riding my bike or something.
Infact its so bad I have to start cutting my chest,stomach and legs.
All lies..
Anyways Back to Lee, he was on my mind ever since I found out about Juri, i think it could have been before that like before i could admit it or see I had feelings for him, as if i burried them somewhere deep inside refusing to let it out..
Not that he had ever done anything to me, Well....
He did hurt me,remembering it now, just that once, he didnt mean to, i know it..
He had came over to see me at my house, when he had walked up-stairs opening the door to see blood running down my arms as i pressed a sharp razor deep into my skin, in the muscle, almost to the bone..
I didnt mean to, I jumped when he came in, and i pressed harder than normal, and before i could even react to anything that was going on he ran up and punched me in the jaw..
Hard.
Now you dont pick fights with someone getting a second degree in martial arts, not that i picked a fight, then the weirdest thing happened...
He started crying.
Then he just ran out,before i had a chance to do anything, then i started crying too, i havent spoken to him since then, that was almost a month ago..
Now Im in a dark alley by the school, Im unzipping my backpack, opening a small sack i keep with me, pulling out one of my sharp razors and rolling up my sleeve looking for just one clean spot to stick my razor..
I find one small spot..
I shutter as i feel the cold sharp metal press against my warm skin then I extert pressasure with it into my skin, drawing the blood and sending a rush of pain that was almost pleasure throughout my body..
I lay my head against the graffitti stained brick wall i was leaning against, closing my eyes and drifting into some other world..
.....Im sorry Lee.
A/N:Woah, i think i may have a plot, R/R and tell me if ya want more! Even though i plan on writting more anyhow, it'd help :)