That's Pretty Gay

It was a cold, peaceful night, and Hakkai was standing next to the open window and looking down at the landscape below. It was during times such as these, that his mind started to wander. Thoughts of the events of the day ran through his mind, as well as memories of the past. Yaone, the assassin from the bar, had become all too familiar when she drew her dagger and held it to her chest, passionately declaring that she no longer had any need for her life. When she said goodbye to Kougaiji with tears of sorrow streaming from her eyes, it was too much like Kanan. So much that Hakkai could barely contain himself. He felt compelled to take action, as if he had to save her... but then, the decision was taken out of his hands when Kougaiji came to claim his subordinate.

The whole issue had brought up so many memories, so many thoughts of the past. Having no opportunity to act on such strong emotions, he felt pensive. As though some part of the conflict, along with some part of his past, had somehow gone unresolved. It was in this state of mind that he stood by the window.

"It's cold tonight." Sanzo said.

"Sanzo." Hakkai said. He had been so lost in thought that he'd almost forgotten that anyone was there. "It's been three years since we met." Three years since Sanzo had come hunting for the demon-slayer, Cho Gonou. Three years since he was allowed to pursue his return trip to the the castle of Hyakugan Mao, the place where he'd killed a thousand demons... and lost the person most precious to him in this world. Three years since Sanzo had chanted that healing sutra over the blackened ashes of the castle that no longer remained. Three years since he took Cho Gonou in chains to the Sanbutsushin. Three years since he was given a new name, and along with it, a new life.

"Has it only been three years? It feels longer." Sanzo responded. "To the point of making me sick." The last comment was intended to negate his prior reflective tone and express his disgust for anything that provoked as much emotion in him as did the past. Hakkai knew that, and it made him a bit uneasy.

"Now that you mention it, you're right. Ahahaha." Hakkai agreed, laughing a little at that attitude. "It's just that I remembered a lot of things." He said, both explaining himself and making an apology for bringing the matter up. "It's not like I've forgotten about it." Of course, forgetting something like that was probably impossible. The memories of his past still haunted him.

"Hakkai...." Sanzo trailed off, noting the troubled tone in the other man's voice. He knew that Hakkai had never asked to be saved. Back then, he had genuinely wanted to die. "If you're still having feelings of vindication and wanting to take vengeance for that time...." If Hakkai had any regrets about coming, if being around Sanzo reminded him too much of his own torturous past, then maybe it was better if he left. "You're permitted to take the road you wish."

"That's true...." Hakkai agreed. He knew that he was free to come and go as he pleased, and he didn't feel as though Sanzo had compelled him to come along the journey. "However, I choose to be here." Even if he did want to leave the group, he wasn't sure what he would do on his own with all of them gone. At any rate, he didn't know how they'd take care of themselves without him. "Plus..."

That was when Goku and Gojyo broke into the room, upsetting the quiet, contemplative mood with their exhaustive quarreling. They always did have a rather unique ability to shatter the silence and render everything that had been discussed before their entrance meaningless. However, it wasn't a conversation that Cho Hakkai would soon forget. As soon as Sanzo succeeded in scaring the two unwelcome visitors back into their room he started disrobing and climbing into bed. How very like him. Hakkai thought. He had fully intended to finish their conversation, but Sanzo could be quite ornery if anything kept him from his sleep. I suppose that any further discussion will have to wait. With that, he started getting ready for bed too.

Unfortunately, the next night was not without interruption. After a long day's travel they found demon corpses on the way to the next town. Speculation as to what had happened to them occupied Hakkai's mind and distracted him from anything he might have said to Sanzo. Then, in the middle of the night, it started raining. Hakkai couldn't sleep with that sound ringing in his ears, reminding him of that time all those years ago, when he'd slaughtered so many demons. He tossed and turned, but then eventually gave up and went out to the kitchen to make some tea.

He was on his way back to his room when he heard a noise coming from the one Sanzo was in. Hakkai walked into the room and Sanzo was sitting upright on the bed, with a strained, haunted expression on his face that conveyed deep emotional distraught. "Are you alright?"

"Hakkai..." Sanzo said, turning his head to look at him as thought he'd only just realized that someone else was in the room.

"You were having a terrible nightmare." Hakkai said, offering him a cup of warm tea.

"Yeah... thanks!" Sanzo replied, gratefully taking the cup in appreciation of having something to take his mind off of the dream he'd just had.

"It's okay." Hakkai replied. "I'm not okay... on rainy nights either." If we both have to be up worrying about something in the middle of the night, then we might as well spend that time worrying together.

"Right." Sanzo agreed. Then their respite was interrupted by a girl who found a demon in the kitchen. The other two members of the party joined in the fight, but before they could get rid of that demon and it's buddy, they had a confrontation with a talisman-wielding monk called Rikudo, who Sanzo seemed strangely familiar with. From the moment Hakkai heard Sanzo call the man's true name, Shuei, he had wondered what sort of relationship the two had. The way Sanzo talked so casually with the man made it obvious that they had once been close. Close enough to merit Sanzo's consideration, a feat that was not easily achieved.

However, the attack that proceeded their conversation indicated that whatever past experience the two had shared, the current situation was scarcely affected by it. It was business as usual when Sanzo refused to join them at the beginning of the fight, but then he gave them all a scare when he took a stab to the gut in order to shield Goku from an unanticipated attack. After they moved Sanzo out of the way, Goku threw a fit and his power limiter burst. Hakkai focused on Sanzo, knowing that the only way to save them all from their current predicament would be to save him. He was relieved to find that the attack had missed Sanzo's vital organs. Still, he knew it was all he could do to close Sanzo's wound, leaving Gojyo to confront the blood-thirsty monster that Goku had become.

It all could have turned out very bad, had they not received a visit from the Merciful Goddess herself. In one fell swoop she put the power limiter back on Goku and gave Sanzo enough blood to recover from his injuries by taking some forcefully from Gojyo through a kiss, which (among other things, such as her haughty attitude) Hakkai found fairly disturbing. However, he also wondered why she called Sanzo by the strange name of Konzen Douji, and at the reasons that a Goddess would condescend to interfere in their affairs. Although he understood that the mission they were on was important, he wasn't aware that it was so critical. Even it if was critical, he got the feeling that there was something more to the Goddess's visit.

After they all went back to their rooms, Goku was distraught by the whole series of events and didn't want to leave Sanzo's side. He couldn't seem to remember anything that he did after his power limiter fell off. Sitting by the side of the bed, Hakkai listened to Goku talk about how Sanzo was the ray of sun that saved him from his rocky prison. Owing much to Sanzo himself, Hakkai was not unable to identify with how much Goku wanted to do something to help Sanzo in return. It was a desire Hakkai shared, one that was constantly in his mind. When he suggested that Goku answer to Sanzo and try not to die, it wasn't only a suggestion to Goku, it was also something he aspired to himself.

The message seemed to sink in, and Goku finally left Sanzo's side to wander into the kitchen. Hakkai was pleased, although he worried that the monk's first action once he was well enough to walk would be to go after the man who had given him that wound. "Please, try to limit actions that might open the wound we've sealed already." He said, to the presumably unconscious man laying on the bed. "I don't want to see a pair of the same wounds."

However, Sanzo was conscious, and heard everything that Hakkai and Goku had said. After thinking about what had lead him to jump in front of that staff in the first place, he realized that he really was getting attached to these guys. He rolled over and slapped a hand on his forehead. "How uncool...." He said. He really hated that he let himself get all emotional about this. Such emotional attachment was really the last thing he needed. He couldn't stand it any more than he could stand to simply lie in his bed and wait to heal. As long as there was any strength left in him, he would not allow himself to be found so weak. For him, there was no choice but to go after Shuei himself.

He loaded his gun, and as he snapped it back into place there was a sharp, stabbing pain in the wound at his side, halting his progress. "Damn it." he cursed. Then there was a knock on the door, and Gojyo's voice drifted from the other side.

"Hey, droopy eyes. If you want to leave secretly, try using that window in your room." He warned in a friendly tone of voice. "I have to be here because I'm supposed to be supervising you. Please leave in a way that I wouldn't realize you're gone." he paused for a moment, and then, so that there weren't any misunderstandings, he said, "Go ahead and do what you want. It's your problem, right? I don't have any obligation to stop you."

"You and the others..." Sanzo trailed off, frustrated with the situation, "such meddlesome fools!"

"Aw- you're so cold... and even after we shared a second-hand kiss." Sanzo aimed his gun at the area where he assumed the kappa's head would be. "That was a joke just now." Gojyo defended himself. He could've let it go at that, but there was one more thing he had to say to the monk before he left. "The rosary beads around Rikudo's neck. They're yours, right?"

"So what?" Sanzo stood on the other side of the door and folded his arms. He didn't know what pissed him off more, that the lecherous water sprite had noticed the connection between himself and Shuei, or that he actually had the audacity to bring it up.

"I knew it." Gojyo said, in a self-satisfied tone. He found it highly amusing that there was someone who meant enough to Sanzo that he would get upset about it. "When the time comes that those beads can't take the talisman's power anymore, that guy'll-" He paused, the meaning behind the sentence was obvious enough without saying the last word. "Well, I don't really care about it, but if something happens to you, there are two loud people... Wow! You're so popular, Sanzo-sama."

"Hmpf! Keep on rambling." Sanzo replied. Then he got up and headed for the window.

"Well, bye now!" was Gojyo's farewell. He sat there by the door, casually smoking his cigarettes and waiting for Hakkai and Goku to get back. He' decided that he'd try to stall them from finding out that Sanzo was gone, for awhile. Not that he wanted to, but because Sanzo would be pissed if they came after him right away. Gojyo didn't really care if the bald monk was angry, but he wasn't terribly fond of having bullets whizzing through the air in his general direction either. So he sat there waiting patiently for minutes on end. They felt more like hours, but he somehow doubted that was the case. There wasn't much to do but sit there and think, and thinking wasn't really his favorite pastime... unless he was thinking about pretty women.

Given the current situation, he found it hard to focus on anything but what Sanzo's vengeful fight with Shuei might mean for all four members of the group. It's be easy enough to keep the other two out of the room for a little while. Hakkai was busy cooking and Goku was busy eating. Gojyo doubted that even Hakkai could cook quickly enough to keep up with the monkey's appetite. Hakkai came to check in on Gojyo once in awhile, but it would be easy enough to just report that he hadn't heard anything moving around in the room and that Sanzo was still sleeping. The real problem would come when the meal was over and Goku wanted to see his master.

"What a pain in the ass." he said, thinking of Sanzo as much as his pet chimp. It couldn't be helped though, Sanzo did whatever Sanzo wanted to do.

Like Hakkai, Gojyo couldn't help but wonder what sort of relationship the bald priest had with the talisman-bearing monk. The fact that those beads were really his raised an interesting question. Why would Sanzo, who never gave anything to anyone, give a prized possession like that away? Gojyo was convinced that it meant something, and he had a pretty good idea of what that something might be.

Footsteps echoed down the hallway as Hakkai plodded dutifully down to the spot where Gojyo was sitting by the door. "How is Sanzo doing?" he asked.

"It's pretty damn quiet in there, I haven't heard a sound all this time."

"Good. Then at least he's getting some much needed rest." Hakkai said, sounding relieved. "Here, Gojyo, I brought you some egg rolls. I thought I'd save you a few before Goku ate them all."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." Gojyo replied, wondering why Hakkai hadn't brought anything else. Usually when Hakkai cooked he made a whole variety of items. "Why don't you grab me some of whatever else you've made? That is, unless the monkey's eaten all of that too."

"His appetite is insatiable as always." Hakkai replied, with a genuinely pleasant tone in his voice that expressed his relief that the monkey's appetite had returned. "I can make some more though, there's plenty of food... although if he keeps up at this pace then we might have to go shopping."

Good, I hope he does. Gojyo thought. That'd buy me even more time.

"However, I think that any grocery shopping should wait until Sanzo recovered."

"What? You think I can't handle a pissy old monk who's half dead, Hakkai?" Gojyo asked in a tone of false outrage.

"Sanzo can be dangerous even when he's injured." Hakkai warned sheepishly. "Besides... I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the two of you alone under -any- circumstances."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'll be back later, with more food!" Hakkai said, before hastily scrambling back to the kitchen.

"Hakkai! I wasn't done talking to you, damn it!" Gojyo yelled after him. "Tch... it's not like I'm gonna rape him or anything." How annoying. Gojyo thought. Just because I had a little crush on Sanzo back when I first met him because I thought that he was pretty.... Well, he is pretty, but now that I know him I know that he's also a pain in the ass. Like hell I'd get with that. Although, he had to admit that he did enjoy teasing Sanzo about it.He sighed and pulled another cigarette out of his pack. He didn't really believe that was the reason Hakkai left so suddenly, he knew it was because Hakkai was afraid that if he and Sanzo did get into a fight one of them might end up hurt. It was ironic, but he really didn't have anything to worry about.

What do you think is worse? Gojyo wondered. Facing the wrath of Sanzo for trying to keep him in his room, or facing the wrath of Hakkai and Goku for letting him go? Normally he would jump at the chance to get on Sanzo's nerves, but... I'll take Hakkai and Goku any day. Besides... it's not like I don't understand why he wanted to go anyway. The truth was that he understood well enough. Having killed a few demons who were once friends but later went berserk, he knew that it was just something that you had to do in order to stand up for yourself. The situation between Sanzo and Shuei wasn't all that different, although it wasn't really the same either.

What had Shuei done to merit Sanzo giving him those beads? What was Sanzo like when he was younger? Although there might have been some differences, Gojyo doubted that there were very many. Certainly not anything so drastic as Sanzo being a people person or having friends, right? At least, not more than perhaps a select few. Aside from the Sanzo priest who he had called master, Shuei was the only other person he knew of from Sanzo's past who had shared a close bond of any kind with him. Were there any more? To think of Sanzo having any more friends than that was almost laughable. He could barely handle the ones that he had now. Still, there was something about the whole thing with Shuei that struck Gojyo as being awfully fishy.

Half an hour passed by before Hakkai finally came back with more food. They sat and ate together for a bit to relieve their boredom, chatting pleasantly about Goku's bottomless pit of a stomach and Sanzo's selfish pride. Hakkai found it relaxing to get away from Goku for a moment and Gojyo was momentarily relieved from his boredom.

"It's a little hard for me to believe that he's been sleeping all this time." Hakkai admitted. "I was worried that he'd be up causing trouble by now. Then again, his injuries were pretty severe."

"Maybe he's pissed off that the goddess-lady kissed him. Gojyo suggested. "I'm in a hurry to forget about that myself."

"I wonder if he even remembers that. He was unconscious, wasn't he?"

"It's hard to tell with Sanzo. Besides, you know how much he hates it when anyone touches him."

"That's true. I think that if he weren't unconscious he would've tried to kill her."

"Ya really think he could've killed her? She is a goddess."

"I don't have the slightest idea, but I am quite certain that he would've tried."

"It'd be too bad if he did. She was actually pretty hot, for a self-assured bitch."

"So that's why you didn't like her. I thought that it was strange that you didn't enjoy having a beautiful woman kiss you."

"I didn't enjoy it because she sucked the strength out of me!" Gojyo angrily explained. "Geez... don't I always say that it's better when I'm on top?"

"That's not what you said last night." Hakkai teased. "Hehehe."

"Yeah, well... that's different."

"Anyway, I should probably head back to the kitchen. Knowing Goku, he's probably already devoured all the food again. I fear we really will have to go buy something just to have food in the house for Sanzo once he wakes up. I tried to save some for him, but I was barely able to get out of that kitchen with just enough for me and you."

"That little monkey really can be a pest."

"In any case, I can trust you to stay here and guard the door, right? I know your day has been really boring, but I can't leave him here alone and having Goku watch him is out of the question. Since it's only going to be the two of us, I'm sure we won't be gone very long."

"Whatever." Gojyo replied, taking a hit of his cigarette. "Maybe if I'm lucky the monk'll wake up and give me something interesting to do."

"Just promise me to avoid getting in the way of his gun if he does, okay?"

"Shit... it's not like I don't have any experience dodging the thing."

"Alright, I'll see you later."

"Bring back some sake for me, will ya?" He called out, just as Hakkai turned the corner. There was no reply, but Gojyo knew that the other man had heard him. "Finally..." he muttered to himself. "Now while they're gone I can get a short break from guarding this door." He got up and stretched his stiff muscles, and then walked down the hall. He made sure that Hakkai and Goku were long gone before he ventured out of the building. If I remember correctly there's a tavern just a few blocks down, that oughtta provide some entertainment while those guys are busy shopping. Keeping an eye on the road, he snuck into the tavern. It was five games of cards, two pints of beer, and three pretty girls later by the time he headed back to the inn. The place was as empty and desolate as it was when he'd left.

He walked through the hallway and sat back down in his spot, smoking a few cigarettes before he heard the other two arrive. It started with the creak of the door, and then there was the sound of bags full of items being set down on the table. Gojyo could hear the faint footsteps and muttered voices of Goku and Hakkai as they talked while putting the groceries away. It had taken them a lot longer than they had expected, but Gojyo wasn't surprised, considering the fact that there was no one to stop the monkey from eating everything that they were trying to buy while Hakkai analyzed the produce. Plus, he had the annoying habit of begging to stop at some street-side stand to get meat buns.

Eventually the sounds of the food being put away faded away, to be replaced by the sound of two sets of feet stepping around on the hardwood floor, headed in his direction. Oh boy, here comes the fun part. Gojyo thought. He sat there casually smoking his cigarette as though he didn't have a care in the world, right up until they stopped just a couple feet away from him.

"We've finally come to relieve you." Hakkai cheerfully informed.

"It's about damn time! I was about to start sprouting roots here!" Gojyo complained.

"Well, Goku had a little problem keeping the food we were buying out of his mouth. However, we eventually overcame that difficulty with some meat buns, right Goku?"

"Those meat buns were really tasty, but I'm still hungry!" the monkey said.

"In addition to the usual groceries, I left a bottle of sake out on the table for you. There's also a tavern down the street if you're so inclined." Hakkai offered. "I can't believe Sanzo's really been asleep all this time."

"About Sanzo..." Gojyo replied, trying to find some way to postpone the inevitable. What sort of excuse could he provide? He thought about claiming that the monk had snuck up on him and knocked him out, but such an obvious lie would never fool Hakkai. It'd only make him more upset. He really couldn't think of anything to distract Hakkai from the present situation, except... "I've been thinkin' that maybe he bats for the other team, if you know what I mean."

"I didn't know that Sanzo played baseball!" Goku said.

"Gojyo, be serious." Hakkai said. "This isn't the time for-"

"I am serious!" Gojyo cut in. "Think about it, he never shows any interest in women at all!"

"What do girls have to do with it?" Goku asked.

"Sanzo never shows interest in -anyone-, male or female." Hakkai countered.

"Yeah, but... look at all the girly clothes that he wears!" Gojyo insistently continued.

"What does clothing have to do with baseball?" Goku asked. "Is there a team that dresses like Sanzo does? Freaky!"

"Goku, why don't you go back into the kitchen for a minute?" Hakkai asked. "I have something I need to discuss with Gojyo privately."

"But... I haven't gotten to see Sanzo, yet! Besides, maybe he's already awake and we can ask him what team he's batting for!"

"Nice try, monkey." Gojyo said. "But I don't think it'll be that easy."

"There are some extra meat buns on the counter." Hakkai said.

"Extra meat buns? I'm totally there!" Goku said, dashing off into the kitchen.

"That got him out of the way pretty quick." Gojyo commented.

"Gojyo, haven't we had this discussion before?" Hakkai asked.

"Yeah, I know... you don't think there's anything wrong with the way he dresses."

"It's Sanzo's robe, Gojyo, he has to wear it regardless of the style."

"I know that! But... it's not like he'd wear it if he really didn't want to. Besides, I wasn't talking about that, I meant all the other girly stuff he wears on days when he's not wearing it."

"Sanzo's taste in attire has always leaned toward a punk-ish look that is somewhat effeminate, that doesn't really mean that he's attracted to men. Honestly, Sanzo is so anti-social that I don't think he's -sexually- attracted to anyone. I couldn't even imagine him having a celibate romantic relationship..."

"Forget about that! What about the beads, Hakkai? You know, the ones he gave to Shuei?"

"You mean the talisman-user, Rikudo?"

"Think about it for a minute, when's the last time you ever saw Sanzo give something to someone?"

"Um... never." Hakkai replied. "But, back when he was younger he might not have had the same reservations. Perhaps he was a more generous person?"

"I highly doubt he was -that- generous."

"Just because he gave someone something doesn't mean that there was anything like that going on between the two of them!"

"Yeah, but can you even imagine Sanzo giving anything like that to a woman?!" Hakkai made as if he was about to reply, but whatever he had wanted to say seemed to be stuck in his throat as he contemplated the question. "Ha! I gotcha on that one."

"Maybe that's true, but..."

"You've also got to take into consideration that he hates older women. Like that spider-demon who attacked us the first night we set out, and even the Merciful Goddess. Can you imagine him having the same reaction if the person in question was a man?"

"Well..." Hakkai trailed off, thinking about it for a minute. He didn't come to a conclusion. "Gojyo, even if he didn't have the same contempt for them it really doesn't prove..."

"I know it doesn't -prove- anything, but it's mighty suspicious, don'tcha think?"

"I'm not so sure." Hakkai replied. He'd never really thought about it that way before. Although the clothing argument was moot in his opinion, Gojyo's argument had some good points. Hakkai had never noticed Sanzo treating people in general any different according to their gender. He saved helpless innocents and reviled obnoxious enemies alike, but... he did seem to particularly despise self-assured and overbearing women like the Merciful Goddess. Although he was passed out when she appeared he still had the presence of mind to swat at her. Not that he wouldn't do so to anyone who was stupid enough to kiss him. But he despised the spider demon too, even though the reason for that could be because she had gotten a few hits on him before the others showed up. Although there were explanations for his behavior, Hakkai couldn't completely shake Gojyo's accusation.

After thinking about it, he really couldn't imagine Sanzo having a close relationship with a woman. Even if it were just a friendship, it wouldn't fit. Admittedly, he didn't fully understand the situation with Shuei, and although he had serious doubts that it was anything more than platonic, it was still closer than any other relationships that Sanzo had and he knew about... save, perhaps, the relationship he had with his master back when he was young. Although Hakkai realized that his own relationship with Sanzo was pretty close and Goku could probably say the same, he simply couldn't imagine Sanzo ever getting even that close to a woman. Perhaps because a woman might take it the wrong way.

Still, that didn't necessarily indicate an attraction to men the way Gojyo suggested it did. In Hakkai's mind Gojyo was over-exaggerating things. "I think that Sanzo may be more comfortable relating to men on a platonic basis." Hakkai finally admitted. "But that doesn't necessarily lead to him being more comfortable with them on a more intimate level."

"Well then, I only have one more thing to say."

"What's that?"

"It takes one to know one." Gojyo said, with that obnoxious, lop-sided smirk on his face.

"Gojyo, don't be silly." Hakkai stated, in his usual falsely happy tone which meant that he was really getting annoyed. "Now, please go take your break so that I can get into the room."

At this point, Gojyo realized that resistance was futile. "Alright, if you say so." He got up and moved out of the way effortlessly.

Hakkai opened the door and it only took him a fraction of a second to realize that Sanzo was not in his bed. "Gojyo, I told you to watch over him! Didn't you hear it when he opened the window?"

Hearing the noise, Goku came rushing into the room. "Hakkai, what's wrong? Hey! Sanzo's not in his bed!"

"What a shame." Gojyo casually replied. "I guess he must've got up and left when I went to take my bathroom break."

"You stupid water sprite!" Goku yelled, throwing a punch at Gojyo's chest.

Gojyo blocked it easily. "Who are you to call me stupid, you little monkey!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Monkey! Monkey! Stupid little-"

"Enough, you two!" Hakkai interrupted. "Now that Sanzo's gone we should all climb into the jeep and go find him! We need to leave the inn now anyway."