Jekyll, Run and Hide

"And it just figures that we'll never figure them out,
first she's jekyll and then she's hyde"
- Mood Rings, Relient K

"Sora!"

"Yeah?"

"There's a snake in the toilet…"

"Could you repeat that, Kairi?"

"I think… that there's a snake in the toilet, Sora!"

"Really?"

"Help!"

"Sure thing. Should I bring the keyblade or the Midol?"

Being the third party observer I was, I drawled hesitantly on whether or not to intervene. On one hand, they were both my friends, but on the other, I found the whole debacle ironically hilarious. It was like a fight-scene from a comedy film that failed to impart any kind of humor, a fight that was only as funny as it was meant to be when authentic. As it was, it brought tears to my eyes from the laughter. With my decision made, I shifted both hands behind my neck, cracked a half-smile, waited and listened.

"Because I'm a girl, I have to have PMS? Is that it, Sora!" Kairi grabbed a fist full of her brilliant ginger hair, pulling on it like she meant to rip every last strand out. It was obvious she wished it were Sora's head she was in reach of and not her own.

Sora glanced towards me with apparent worry, mouthing Riku, and I only shrugged as reply. Sure, I could motion that he romance her, end the quarrel prematurely. Yet, it was too fortuitous, and I would never witness another battle quite so unique a second time.

His exasperation only seemed to feed Kairi's flames. "What, can't you talk to me? Or is my PMS distracting you?!"

"I'm sorry–" my poor friend began, before Kairi's head all but spun around, possessed by demonic forces. Or the PMS, whichever ensnared her first.

"And how do you even know I'm menstruating?" Kairi spat angrily, undeterred by Sora's attempt at reconciliation.

Both Sora and I cringed away at her lack of censorship. Menstruating was a perfect word for what it was describing–blunt and strictly female–but it was ungodly to say so in the presence of men… it was so, too, feminine. Nobody with the XY chromosome match-up should be subjected to such a vocabulary.

"Ah, geez Kairi!" Sora shivered his distaste, though wisely I pushed my ill feelings down before Kairi's third and fourth heads recognized them.

"So?" With both hands firmly in place on her hips, Kairi's brow puckered as she waited.

"C'mon, Kairi, don't make me…"

"So?" She clenched her teeth and balled her fist, illustrating he was to hurry or he'd have Hell to pay, or no "nookie". The latter was more likely to injure him.

I thought it was cute how she attempted to downplay her… problem. It was clear, with her old sweats and her general disarray that she was not her normal, bubbly self. She was Kairi the PMS monster, clad with a carton of ice cream, remote control and fashion magazine. She would no doubt spend hours devouring the rocky road, glomming to the television and cursing every beautiful model that painted the pages of her read, wondering why oh why she had to endure her… problem.

"The blood," Sora muttered out awkwardly, casting his eyes away from his messy newlywed. "In the toilet."

Astonishingly, Kairi did not attack him then. She stood utterly silent, a dazed expression glazing over her puffy eyes. Was there another shift in her mood – was she into the LDS-like phase now? I frowned, bracing myself. Poor Sora, stranded in No-Man's Land.

And then she simply picked up her nose, waving her hand in Sora's direction. "Really, Sora. Why are you spying on what I… put into the toilet?" Her voice betrayed a light disgust, "That's gross."

"But, the snake!"

"The snake?" Kairi narrowed her eyes, and through half-lidded scrutiny added, "You watch too much television."

With that, she ended the fight, skipped on her merry way and left us behind without further regard.

I concluded. "And that is the complex infrastructure known as the female mind."

© standard disclaimer applies; I own nothing. Not Kingdom
Hearts, not Mood Rings (by Relient K), nor the last lien at the,
which belongs to Relient K from their song "Mood Rings".
Yeah... ho hum.

This is for Suki, who, with me, took of conversation like this: from transcripts, to CBU, to Colorado, to Kentucky, to Florida, to Walt Disney World, to old people and humidity, to aligators, to aligators in toilets, to snakes in toilets, to snakes in toilets and a PMSing Kairi. Amazing, yes ~ So this is for you my amazing Suki, for being so amazing. And sorry to anyone of the XY being that I may have offended, like Sora and Riku.

Review, plsh?

¤ composed by lunamaria.