Disclaimer - I do not own the characters of vampire academy, Richelle Mead does.

Spoiler Alert - If you haven't read Shadow Kiss, stop reading now unless you want to figure out the ending, !

Vulnerable.

Part One.

By:DramaticField. a.k.a Becca.

As I sat down on my bed none of this seemed real. I brought my knees to my chest and I felt numb. I couldn't feel anything. As the Guardians arranged funerals and grieving sessions in the chapel, I was in my room, feeling numb to my surroundings as I tried to dull the harsh reality that was stricken upon me. Nothing could of matched this pain. Nothing could of prepared me for the loss of the man I love. Then, a knock came upon my door.

"Rose," the familiar voice said softly. It was Alberta. "please, let me in." she said and at the moment, I couldn't distinct whether or not it was a order or a plead.

I tried to get up and then realized, I couldn't. My legs were like Jell-O and I never said anything for many long moments. I wanted her to go away. I wanted everyone to go away. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but Dimitri.Somehow, even after me not saying anything, she remained there and after another few minutes that seemed like eternity, she got a little annoyed up and opened the door herself. I knew I had made a mistake not locking it.

She took one long look at me. I probably looked like a child and then I realized, I didn't care. I didn't care about anything but Dimitri and nothing else seemed to matter. I knew if I were to leave the Academy, they would assign Lissa another two Guardians that could take better care of her then I possibly could right now. After all, I would have been guarding her by myself until they found another suitable Guardian to help me. I didn't meet Alberta's eyes. I kept my eyes to the floor as she came in, shutting the door behind her.

"I know how close you and Dimitri were," she started and I gritted my teeth.

"Alberta," I interrupted. "please, I don't want to talk about it." I said, staying strong as I held the tears back.

"Okay, I understand." she spoke softly and I realized she was partially treating me like a child. "I just want to let you know that were having a ceremony tomorrow," she paused. "just for him." her voice broke a little on the last few words and I realized she too had a tight bond with Dimitri.

I shouldn't be so consumed in my grief when others around me were going through a tough time as well. It wasn't the same kind of pain though. Alberta lost a friend and a co-worker. If you really wanted to call him that. I lost a trainer, a best friend and a Guardian to help me guard Lissa. Most importantly, I lost the love of my life all in one day. Not to mention how I lost Mason as well. Still, I kept quite about the relationship Dimitri and I once shared.

Still, as she explained this to me I couldn't help but to look away from her as a tear escaped. I quickly faked a cough, brought my hand to my face and wiped it away. I turned back to her and she looked composed once again. Her and I had more in common then I had thought. We both hid our emotions to the best of our ability. I wondered what she did when she was alone. If she fell apart at all.

"He was such an asset to the Academy. One of the best Guardian's out there." Alberta said and bite my lip as hard as I could.

I nodded. "I know." I said as my voice broke.

Alberta pretended not to notice. "Rose, I was wondering if you would get up and say a few words at the ceremony." she paused. "he would've wanted you to." she said sighing, the hint of a frown playing on her face.

I nodded. "Okay." I said simply, not knowing what else I could say at a time like this.

Stay strong, Stay strong, Stay strong.

Alberta nodded. "I'm glad you agreed." she said, getting up off the bed.

I nodded. It was all I could do.

"Dinner will be pushed back an hour tonight." she said, standing in the doorframe, the door still not opened.

I nodded.

"I expect you to be there." she said, probably making sure I wasn't going to go anorexic now.

I nodded again and she left the room. I wasn't going anorexic, that was for sure, but that still didn't mean I was going to eat anytime soon. I couldn't. My stomach was filled with nausea and tears. I then brought my legs back up to my chest and started crying. My vision blurred as I couldn't even think his name. How could someone that held me in bed like he had yesterday be gone today? He couldn't be. He couldn't've been turned Strigoi. My heart sank as I even thought about that night. The passion… The love. I laid back on the bed, curling up into a ball. I inhaled sharply as I hugged my pillow tightly. I was now gasping for air as my body shook with sobs. No matter how hard I tried to stop the tears, they just kept coming. I wasn't in control anymore. For the next hour or more, I lid there, crying. The funny thing was, no matter how many tears I cried, there was always more that came after. They wouldn't stop. People had said you cry until your too drained to cry anymore, or until you run out of tears. My body seemed to be filled with them as I let them out one by one. How could you even mourn the loss of someone when they were technically still alive, only their souls were dead? Maybe if I could see his body in a casket, as terrible as that picture in my mind was, I could get some sort of closure. Maybe.

Another knock came at my door and I wiped the tears that stained my cheeks off of them hastily.

"Go away," I said sheepishly.

Adrian came into the room then. I was surprised to see him for more then one reason. The way he just came in when I specifically told him not to was one surprise. The other, it was him out of all people.

"Hello little dhampir." He said, closing the door behind him. As soon as he seen my red, bloodshot eyes his expression and tone changed. "Oh Rose," He said sympathetically.

"What don't you understand about go away?" I asked him, sniffing and collecting myself.

I expected some smart ass remark or commentary, but instead, he surprised me once again.

"I only wanted to make sure you were okay." He said, in a tone that told me he wasn't going to even attempt to argue with me right now.

"Oh," I said, taken off guard. I sat up weakly. I hadn't eaten in the last couple days and it was catching up to me, along with the sleep deprivation.

Adrian came over at once and helped me sit up.

"Rose, you don't look well." He said.

"Oh really ?" I said, "I would've thought I looked as good as the queen of England right about now." I said, trying to stay strong.

Adrian sighed. "Rose, I know how much you loved… love Dimitri." Adrian paused quickly and opened his mouth once more to speak. I cut him off.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said, flinching at his name.

He nodded. "I understand," He said, just like Alberta had.

Everyone thought they understood, but when it came down to it, they never had the love of their life taken away from them along with one of their friends, all in six months.

"Stop saying that," I said, letting out all the anger and frustration that had been pent up in my chest. "You don't understand! Nobody understands!" I yelled furiously.

He nodded again, still totally composed. He probably expected this. "Calm down," he said calmly.

I took offence to this. "Calm down," I paused. "CALM DOWN!?" I screamed. "I JUST LOST ALMOST EVERYTHING AND YOUR TELLING ME TO CALM-" Adrian cut me off by clamping his hand over my mouth.

"Rose, there are guardian's on duty. Shhh…" He said, firmly.

I then realized how immature I was acting. Adrian came to help and I was pushing him away. But, if you were in my position, you would be immature, bitchy, upset and mad too. Then, I lost all of my composure once again and broke down into tears. What in the hell was happening to me? Memories filled my head… The day he brought Lissa and I back to the Academy, the day we first started training together, the day he taught me how to use a silver stake and how to kill Strigoi. Then, the most vivid of them all, the night Dimitri and I made love. I pushed that night out of my head. I couldn't deal with it right now. Maybe ever. Adrian was finally caught off guard when I started to cry. He quickly wiped the surprised look off of his face and took me into his arms gently, leaving a little space between us. Dimitri was the only one who had seen me cry before and my mother when Mason had been killed… because of me. Dimitri could've been alive right now if I hadn't suggested we go to find the others, yet, I knew it was wrong to think that. I saved so many lives, but in my heart I would trade them all to be with Dimitri right now. It was a horrible thought but I couldn't change it.

Dimitri was the last one to hold me like this too. As I kept letting the tears escape I was almost oblivious to my surroundings. To Adrian. To my room. To anything. I curled against him, needing comfort for once. For once, it wasn't going to be all about the Moroi's, for once, I would come first. I needed to.

"Rose, shhh…" Adrian said trying to soothe me.

I stayed quiet, regaining the composure, mobility and knowledge my body and mind once obtained. The tears slowly stopped. It felt like someone had a knife through my stomach, twisting it slowly. You would cry and yell, because there was absolutely nothing you could do to stop from hurting you, yet, you knew you should stay strong and show resistance. I was guessing Adrian knew I would fall apart sometime soon, very soon.

"Rose," He said softly. "I'm so, so sorry…"

"So I am," I murmured softly.

"I hate seeing you like this," He admitted.
"Like what?" I asked. "A huge mess?" I ask, sitting up.

"No," he paused, obviously not going to comment on my last comment. "Vulnerable."

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So, what do you guys think, ? Like it ?

This is a new piece I only started to work on a few days ago. I have many Twilight fan fictions up but I wanted to try to move away from constant Twilight ones and mix things up. I only finished reading Shadow Kiss last week, I admit and ever since, it's been my favourite book series. I can't get enough of it ! I'm working on this story frequently to update along with my many other fan fictions so sorry if I take a little longer to update !

Well, reviews ? =]

~ Becca.