Note: This is my first fanfic ever so please be nice :) i don't have an idea how this will end up or what will follow this chapter so i could really need your help... tell me what you think :)
oh and this isn't betad and English is not my mother tongue... so sorry for the mistakes, if someone would like to beta my story... that would be wonderful :)
disclaimer: i don't own gossip girl or the characters
Prolog
"Look S, I just have to leave town for awhile, a few days no longer."
"But why, B", Serena van der Woodsen asked her best friend.
"I can't explain right now… please just try to understand. I have to figure out some- stuff and I have to be alone, at least for a couple of days. Do you think I could stay at your house in the Hamptons?"
"Yeah…sure. Wait a minute I'll ask my Mom."
"Serena, hold a second!" Blair cried in her cell.
"What is it?" her BFF asked worriedly.
"Could you please not tell her, that I'll be staying at your house? I don't want him, I don't want anyone to find out about it…"
She didn't have to explain who "him" was. "Please" she added.
"…"
"S?!"
"Okay, but you have to promise me something."
"Name it."
"Promise me, you'll call at least once a day."
"I promise."
"Promise me, you'll call me if you need me."
"I promise."
Serena sighed in relief.
"And S? Thanks for everything."
The line went dead.
Blair Waldorf stood in front of the huge Van-Der-Bass summer residence and tried hardly to push away all those painful memories, but she just couldn't.
It didn't matter how hard she tried, she just had to close her eyes and she saw his face, she saw him with those whores in his father's office, she heard his words ringing in her ears, they followed her, wherever she went. They made it impossible to sleep, to talk, to plot, to breathe without thinking about him.
She lost everything.
Well, she got back into Yale, but she lost everything else, her best friend, even though Serena would deny it, she was unhappy over losing Lonely Boy, and it was Blair's fault.
Her father, he finally saw the girl she really was, not some innocent little puppy, but the bitch and he was disgusted by her.
She lost Chuck, the one she loved, maybe he couldn't admit his feelings, maybe he didn't love her at all, but she did love him and she couldn't fight that feeling, she just had to find a way to live with it.
Right now she just wanted to forget, she wanted to forget this whole mess, she wanted to forget what she did, to herself, to others and to him, though he deserved it… perhaps.
Blair wanted to be perfect again, but she didn't know if she could be that anymore, or if she was already too messed up to be fixed again."
"Yeah" she muttered under her breathe "I'm messed up and the only one who could fix me, doesn't give a damn because I told him to…"
She slowly breathed in and out.
"Yeah, I should be so lucky…"