PROLOGUE

May 29th, 2007

Dr. House:

This letter is to inform you that I will be resigning from my position on your staff as of June 1st. I want to thank you not only for the opportunity to work with you for 3 years, but also for your instruction and guidance. If there is anything I can do to ease the transition, please let me know.

Now, since the fact that you're actually reading this letter instead of throwing it away unopened means that you are interested in what I have to say, here is my real letter of resignation. You are rude, arrogant, abrasive, hurtful and damaged. You look for the worst in people and don't care what they think of you. But you are not insensitive. You keep the world at a distance because you are afraid. Despite what you may tell yourself, I have not been in love with you for 3 years because you are damaged. I did not marry my husband because he was sick. Ironic that the brilliant diagnostician never even considered the fact that these events were symptoms of two unrelated illnesses. My marriage to my husband was for him, to ease his last year by giving myself to him. I married him so he wouldn't be alone, so that he could die knowing that someone cared. My love for you is for me. There is nothing selfless or noble about what I feel for you, it is simply a fact, a freak occurrence that blindsided me as much as it did you. I've never loved you despite your faults, and I've never loved you for what you could be. I love you for everything you are right now, at this moment. You constantly amaze me. You are brilliant on or off drugs. You are sexy with or without your cane. You are obnoxious whether or not you are in pain. These attributes are you, and it is you that I wanted. What I see in you is not a sick puppy that needs to be nursed back to health. I've never wanted to heal you. I wanted to be loved by you. For a time, I was convinced that you wanted to love me too, and later I felt convinced that you never would. I don't know anymore, but I've realized that it doesn't matter. No matter how you feel about me, you aren't going to give me what I need. What I have with Chase is nothing, but I have to take the chance that it could be something. The way I see it, I can either have nothing with him but have someone who cares, or I can have nothing with you and be alone. For the first time in my life, I feel what you feel everyday: the certainty that what I am doing is right. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for making me a better doctor. Thank you for the occasional glimpse into your heart. Thank you for pushing me to develop opinions and stand behind them. Thank you for giving me the strength to write this letter and take this action. If it weren't for you, I would never have been able to leave.

Sincerely,
Allison Cameron

P.S. It will never be too late.