A/N: And now for something a little different. Also, I don't own AF characters.

Arbitrary Commercial Letdown

Twas the feast of St. Valentine, one of the few holidays which folks both above and below the Earth's crust celebrated. While many a couple - Foaly and Caballine included, who had spirited themselves away to a delicious carrot restaurant in Atlantis – had planned activities of the romantic nature, there were always a few lonely hearts without, to say, another half. Let us take a brief look at four of these souls, on this day which many call an arbitrary commercial letdown.

I.

The small hairy man shot out of the ground with surprising force and landed in a grassy knoll just outside one of his favorite haunts. Pushing open the door to the Goldyn Mynes Bar (spelling error courtesy of the original owner, Molar Pines), Mulch Diggums (who else?) sauntered over to the barstool and ordered himself a worm martini, with a few extra worms. Next to Mulch, a sad-eyed dwarf somberly sipped a similar beverage. Mulch turned his head to greet his friend and was surprised to see him so morose. "Hey Bombadil, why the long beard?" Bombadil Berry sighed. "I just feel a little lonely today, Mulchie, you know… without a woman." Mulch's excessively bushy eyebrows raised in shock. "Dwarves don't need women to complete them!" said he, "That's what soft, silky earth is for! And why would today be any different than any other day, may I ask?" Now it was Bombadil's turn to be surprised. "Today's Valentine's Day, Mulch." "Oh," Mulch said neutrally, noisily sipping a worm out of his martini, "Never had much use for Valentine's Day."

II.

Dark hair gleamed as she tossed it over her shoulders like a model in a shampoo commercial. "My, my," she breathed, intoxicated by her own reflection. A movement in the back of the room startled her, and she angrily swiveled around. Scant Brill quivered in the doorway, holding an extremely large, garishly-colored heart-shaped box. Opal Koboi's (of the past) maniacal eyes lit up in delight. "Did you get the card I asked for?" she growled at her subordinate. "Ye-yes," stuttered the fairy. "And you brother? Is he getting the other box?" Still shaking, the pixie twin said that he was. "Good," purred the mad genius. She walked over to the floor-to-ceiling mirror and opened the card that was perched delicately on the box of truffles. "To Opal, Love, Opal," she purred again aloud. Opening the box, she plucked out a truffle and popped it into her mouth. "Happy Valentine's Day, lovey," Opal said. Then, she noisily kissed her reflection.

III.

The entire family was occupied; he had made sure of it. The elder Artemis and Angeline were in London at The Ivy for their traditional Valentine's Day dinner. The twins were absorbed with separate activities: Myles, ever the alchemist, was busy trying to mix up a love potion, while Beckett was alternately drinking expresso and dancing around old Spice Girls CDs. And Artemis the younger was doing something quite secretive in his room, something he had been working on for a few days. Butler knew that this was his prime chance. Quietly (well, as quietly as a seven foot Eurasian bodyguard could move) he snuck into the media room, DVD in hand. He slipped the disc into the player and, relaxed now, sat down onto a couch. The opening scene came on, and Butler closed his eyes momentarily in bliss. How he loved to watch "Some Like it Hot," on Valentine's Day.

IV.

Valentine's Day was sort of a family holiday for her, considering Cupid was her ancestor. In the past, her parents and her, then just her mother and her, had gone to the surface somewhere to picnic. No longer, however. In recent years, Holly had simply worked all through the day. Now, though, she was on forced leave by Commander Kelp, because of her tireless work to catch the Opal Koboi of the past. Lying on her bed, she pounded her fists against the mattresses in anguish. Why today of all days did she have to have off? She didn't have a real love life, that was for certain, and her entire immediate family was dead. Very suddenly, Holly's doorbell sounded, and she jumped up, alert. Cautiously, she moved over to the door and answered it. On Holly Short's doorstep was a gnome dressed in a giant, unflattering Cupid costume. Through her shock, a small part of Holly was offended by the gaudy getup. "Um… may I help you?" she asked slowly. The gnome adopted a surly expression. "Look, lady, I'm only here to give you your delivery." Holly was puzzled. "My delivery?" The gnome sighed audibly. "Yes, I have a delivery for you. Do you want it or not?" "Y-yes, I'd like it please," she answered. The gnome took out a small parcel from a pocket on his… diaper and handed it to the elf before turning to walk away. "Wait!" Holly called out suddenly. The deliveryman turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Who sent me this?" she asked, trying to hide her feelings of anticipation and confusion. "A guy who called himself Mr. Aph Roe de Tè," the gnome said impatiently. "But who was it really?" Holly demanded. He shrugged, "I honestly don't know. None of us know back at the store. The guy just said his name was Aph Roe de Tè and he wanted that delivered to a Holly Short." With that, the delivery-gnome walked to his small cart and sputtered away. Holly was stunned for a few moments, but regained enough lucidity to open the package. What slid out into her palm brought a grin to her face. 'Maybe it's good I was at home today.'

A/N: Happy VDAY! Also, thanks to my ama-za-zing reviewers [insert uproarious applause]!

*Concerning "Fire and Ice," fire can either be Holly or "good," and ice can be either Minerva or "evil,"… not that I have any bias- it depends on what way you look at it. Also, to Sad little smile, Robert Frost is the author of the poem "Fire and Ice." Hope that clears up any confusion!