yes this is making fun of mary-sues. hope you get a few laughs out of this one:D disclaimer: i don't own the characters or anything like that.

I tugged at the edge of my too small white t-shirt that I was required to wear and mumbled about how demanding the patients were. This was my on the "job" at the hospital, and I was already beginning to reconsider the offer for being sent away somewhere else instead of community service. I entered the next patient's room, ready to help them out.

"You rang," I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yeah get me those painkillers on my desk," he commanded.

"Get them yourself," I started to say, and then stopped when I saw how messed up he looked, "What the hell happened to you?"

"I was shot by the police," he stated casually, like that was completely normal.

"Sounds like fun," I muttered back, decided to play along.

"Still want me to get those meds myself?" he said, trying to get to me.

"Yup," I countered.

I sat down at the edge of the bed. I noticed that he couldn't be more than a year older than me.

The boy looked me over, "Good lookin' and fresh. What else you got?"

He paused, waiting to find out what I had to say to that, "Utterly despicable criminal. Is that good enough for you?"

"Perfect," he smiled, "Hey, wait. What's a badass chic like you doing all this volunteering crap for?"

"Community service. Assisted in robbery. Apparently, I suck at breaking and taking, because, as you can see, I was caught."

"Where have you been all my life?"

"California. My mom shipped me off to live with my dad since she got married."

"You got a name?"

"Harper Mathews."

"No way, Two-Bit said something about a half-sister coming down to live with him."

"You know my brother?"

"Yeah, we're close. Good, now. I'll pick you up at seven tomorrow night."

I looked at him, shocked, "But, you're in the hospital, and you were shot."

"You don't know a thing about Dallas Winston – yet. Now can I have those pills?"

And that was it. I handed him the bottle of painkillers and went back to serving old, crazy people their medicine.