Title: The Most Overused Plot Line Ever

Pairing: SS/HG and a bunch of others

Summary: Snape does the Irish Jig, Draco is confused, Hermione is pregnant, and fanfic writers go crazy. Reposting this story because it needed editing (the English major dies hard). Enjoy.

Rating: Go at your own risk.

Disclaimer: Not mine blah blah blah

P.S. Dedication still stands after 4 years: To Casey. Because she's most likely the only person that will laugh.

Snape does the Irish Jig, Draco is confused, Hermione is pregnant, and fanfic writers go crazy.

CHAPTER 1: Snape Does An Irish What?

"You're pretty hot for a mudblood, Granger," Draco said.

Hermione gave him a glance and shrugged. "Sorry, but I'm in love with Snape. I'm pregnant with twins."

"WTF! When did that happen?" Draco said, aghast.

"Well I was serving a detention when he had to leave suddenly for a death eater meeting. He came back in pain from a crucio curse and I was helping heal his wounds and one thing led to another…"

Draco rolled his eyes. "That's the most over-used plotline ever."

Hermione shrugged again. "Maybe, but it still works, doesn't it? I still get to act concerned and Snape still gets to act aroused by my soft youthful hands healing him."

"But didn't you shag Harry beneath the Quidditch stands?"

"No, Draco, you're confusing reality with fanfic."

Draco stamped his foot. "Fuck. I keep doing that."

"At least people don't pair you with every other male character," Hermione said.

Draco gave her a sympathetic look. "I guess that's what happens when you're the only girl character worth shagging."

"Yeah. JK needs to really work on that."

"Well, Dr. Quinn is coming on, so I better jet," Draco said, waving goodbye.

"Sully's hot," Hermione replied, suddenly feeling warm all over.

Harry and Ron break apart from an embrace. Harry sneers and wipes his mouth in frustration.

"What the hell?"

Ron grimaced back in disgust. "Crazy fic writers. If I was attracted to males by now, I think I'd know."

Harry shudders again. "At least you aren't shagging Draco every other second."

"Well at least you're not desperately in love with Hermione!"

"That's canon, Ron. You can't mess with that."

Draco and Ginny are interlocked in a passionate embrace

"Draco!" Ginny pushed Draco away. "We can't, you're in love with Harry!"

"NO I'M NOT!" Draco proceeded to bang his head against the wall in frustration until he lost consciousness.

Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil stared into a crystal ball, fascinated looks on there faces.

"What do you see, Lav?" Parvati asked excitedly.

"I'm not sure!"

"What do you mean 'you're not sure'? Aren't you supposed to be some sort of crystal-ball-star-looker-genius-person?"

"Holy crap, am I?" Lavender looked up in surprise.

Parvati rolled her eyes. "You didn't read the books, did you?"

"I got busy!" Lavender said defensively. "Besides, it's the same old story. Harry faces trouble, Harry defeats trouble, Harry experiences major angst, Ron and Hermione bicker while their sexual tension rises. Blah blah blaaah…"

"No, didn't you hear? She's pregnant with Snape's babies."

Lavender burrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "That's not canon."

Parvati shrugged and pointed to the crystal ball. "I don't know but it says here we're supposed to lez out in two chapters."

Lavender now looked annoyed. "Damn fanfic writers."

Parvati nodded in agreement.

Moaning Myrtle moaned in the toilet.

"Moooooan."

Bloody Baron floated in. "WTF. Stop this nonsense."

Moaning Myrtle came out of the toilet. "Who are you?"

Bloody Baron stopped in mid-float. "Hey… how you doin'."

Moaning Myrtle looked him over. "Stop by my toilet anytime. I'll give you a tour."

Bloody Baron grinned. "You're hot."

Hermione ran into the dungeons sobbing. Snape looked up, jumping to his feet. "What's wrong, my love!"

"Sev-ev-ev-erus!" Hermione wailed. "Ron fans are outside the castle trying to burn me at the stake!"

"WHAT! What do you mean, my love, my life, my heart!" Severus sweeps back his billowing robes and prances over to her.

"They said I'm messing with canon and that the punishment for that is death!" Hermione wailed.

Snape stopped prancing for a minute to look confused. "But I thought he was in love with Harry. How could he be digging you?"

Hermione stopped crying and looked at him calmly. "You're confusing this with the fanfic you read last night. You were up awfully late reading it." Then she proceeded to wail again.

Snape picked up where he left off prancing. "I can't help it. We were doing some very steamy Karma Sutra stuff."

Hermione stopped crying again. "Ooh?"

Snape switched to an Irish Jig and grinned wickedly. "Oh, yeah."