You learn early on that, when you are dating a woman(ish), the word 'boyfriend' takes on a whole new meaning. You are her model, puppy, coat rack, doctor, couch, and knight in shining armor. When she speaks, you listen. You don't comment unless she asks you to. When she holds your hand, you take her by the waist. When she kisses you once, you kiss her twice. It's a complicated thing.

She's going to want to show you off to every single person she knows. Don't expect to say anything--when she says, "This is my man, (insert name here)," just smile and hold her hand until they stop talking. Try to pay attention, though. If they get into an argument and she's losing, you'll have to back her up. Remember their names, too. Later on she's going to pull you aside and tell you if she actually likes the person you just met. If she doesn't and you call him/her a friend later, she's going to be annoyed.

NEVER complain if she decides she wants to touch you. Seriously. You could be in the middle of anything, and she won't care. She'll just sit next to you and start petting you. It will feel good sometimes, probably even most of the time. Other times it will be incredibly distracting. Too bad. Women like to touch.

If she needs to put something down, you better believe you're going to end up holding it. Coats, glasses, purses, the random shoe. Keep track of what you do with them, too. She might give you, say, a shirt, to hold onto when there's a perfectly good countertop right next to you. If you stupidly put the shirt on the counter and the counter is covered in sticky soda, it's your fault. Just be patient, and hold it for her. She'll probably reward you with a kiss.

When your girl takes a sick day, that means you're taking a sick day too. It doesn't matter how much she insists that she's fine and you should go--she never really means it. Make soup, buy medicine, crawl into bed with her despite every protest. If she falls asleep, don't leave unless you're going to do something for her. If she gets sick, stroke her back while she throws up and get ginger ale. Never, ever let her do anything by herself. Any good person would do this for anybody, of course, but you have to be totally attentive and more concerned than anyone else. She'll love you forever--you can give her this one day.

A chair is never good enough when a woman can sit on you instead. You're soft and comfy, and it's a sign to every other woman in the room that you are hers. It's not stupid. You're not supposed to just ignore her when this happens. She'll be expecting at least a subconscious reaction. Wrap your arms around her waist, maybe, or put your hand on her knee. When you're just sitting around, kiss the back of her neck. Treasure those little moments. If you mention her weight, know that you are treading dangerous waters. Make it one hundred percent obvious that you're joking, and make up for it with dozens of kisses and sweet nothings.

Perhaps most importantly, you have to come to her rescue. She knows that she is strong and beautiful, but she still likes to hear it from you. If anybody on the street ever makes fun of her, you're the one who is supposed to flip them off--not just your friends--and tell her she's the most important person in the world and nobody has a right to make her feel otherwise. This is your job. Protect her, care for her, love her. She deserves it.

If she wakes up in the middle of the night sweating and shaking, stay up with her. You're going to be afraid. Don't let her see it. Take her to a doctor, and hold her tight. See to her every care and comfort. Never refuse a kiss or a hug. Stay overnight. When she tells you she loves you, hold her in your arms and kiss her and whisper how much you love her. You can't start crying until she stops breathing.

When you're dating a woman, she's going to ask a lot of you. Sometimes you might not think it's worth it.

It is.