"I didn't know a van could go up on two wheels like that. For so long."- Nudge
I don't own anything except the parody. It is out of absolute adoration for this book that I mock it so.
Chapter One
Flowers and happiness and shortcake and mocking eight year olds…
Angel: OMG! Erasers!!
Max: WTF??????
Ari: Ha ha! I is eraser! Bow to my pink rubbery might!
James Patterson: *cough cough*
Ari: What? Oh, sorry JP. Bow to my hairy, wolfy, seven year old might!
Max: Turbo Action Heroes, go!
Le Fight: *Is bloody*
Iggy: Oh, frick. They took Angel and have a helicopter waiting for her.
Fang: Thank you, captain obvious.
Readers: Hold on. Erasers? What?
JP: Werewolves.
Members of team Jacob: Woohoo!
Angel: Max! Save me!
Max: Na, I'm just going to attack a helicopter for my health.
Angel: Shut up and take a plot point.
xxxxxxx
Max: Okay guys, let's go get Angel.
Iggy: Hahahahahahahahaha-NO.
Max: Say what?
Iggy: I'm not going on a suicide mission.
Max: Sure, whatever. You weren't going to go anyway.
Iggy: You bet I'm- wait, what? *Le gasp* You were going to leave me behind? Suddenly, I want to go on this so called suicide mission.
Max: No way.
Gazzy: Haha. Sux 4 U.
Max: You're not going either, oh-smelly-one.
Gazzy: WTF?
Nudge: Stop speaking in abbreviations! That's my thing!
Fang: Hahahaha. You probably can't go because your scent would lead them right to us.
Gazzy: That's not the reason, is it Max? It's probably something smart like me being to young.
Max: Na, it's pretty much the scent thing, Farticus. Anyway, no matter what the reason, you guyz aren't going.
Gazzy&Iggy: Oh go to h-
Max: Alright. Let's go before this thing is still rated K+.
Fang: Wait, you mean me and you are going together? ALONE??
Max: Stop drooling, emo boy. No, nudge is going too.
Fang: Ah man. I'm gonna go slit my wrists.
Max: No way. Be emo on your own time. Besides, that's Ari's thing.
Ari: Hey! That's not till book two!
Max: Shut up dog breath. I'm not supposed to kick your #$% until we're in a subway tunnel.
Once again, I wrote this because I love the books, parodies are funny, and Ari threatened to kill me if I didn't. R&R!!!!!