Warning: I do not like Pride and Prejudice. I wrote this after having to
read it in English. I own nothing.
Pride and Prejudice: The Lost Chapter
A/N: Imagine male voices as half an octave higher than a cross between Bill Cosby and a British clown and female voices as the "What would you change if you were Hitler?" lady from Monty Python.
The Bennets and Mr. Darcy were sitting in their parlour having tea and crumpets. "Oh my," said Mr. Darcy. "I'm ever so rich, and ever so British. Deedley deedley dee."
"I say, Mr. Darcy," intoned Elizabeth archly. "I am unable to assure the veracity of you statement."
"Then," he said, "I shall simply have to prove it. I must be rich because I don't seem to have a job and don't do anything but play quadrille and gossip. Deedley dee. Furthermore, my house has a stupid name."
Elizabeth was forced to concede his wealth. "But," she said " I cannot in truth own that you are a subject of the Queen's isles. Deedley deedly dee."
Darcy was shocked. But he composed himself and replied "What cheek! I shall have to verify my nationality also. Mary, sing the song of rich Britishness. I will dance the dance."
Mary got up and began to sing weakly "Deedle ideele ideele ideele. Deedle...
Mr. Darcy went to the center of the room and did a shambling little jig. The rest of the characters walked in and started doing the Charleston.
"Now no-one can deny," Mr. Darcy said triumphantly "that I was born in the town of ------ and am a servant of St. James." This caused Wickham to spontaneously combust.
"Oh bother," said Mrs. Bennet curtly. "We simply must get Jeeves to clean that up."
But the burn marks were never cleaned, because the revolution finally came and they were the first ones up against the wall.
Pride and Prejudice: The Lost Chapter
A/N: Imagine male voices as half an octave higher than a cross between Bill Cosby and a British clown and female voices as the "What would you change if you were Hitler?" lady from Monty Python.
The Bennets and Mr. Darcy were sitting in their parlour having tea and crumpets. "Oh my," said Mr. Darcy. "I'm ever so rich, and ever so British. Deedley deedley dee."
"I say, Mr. Darcy," intoned Elizabeth archly. "I am unable to assure the veracity of you statement."
"Then," he said, "I shall simply have to prove it. I must be rich because I don't seem to have a job and don't do anything but play quadrille and gossip. Deedley dee. Furthermore, my house has a stupid name."
Elizabeth was forced to concede his wealth. "But," she said " I cannot in truth own that you are a subject of the Queen's isles. Deedley deedly dee."
Darcy was shocked. But he composed himself and replied "What cheek! I shall have to verify my nationality also. Mary, sing the song of rich Britishness. I will dance the dance."
Mary got up and began to sing weakly "Deedle ideele ideele ideele. Deedle...
Mr. Darcy went to the center of the room and did a shambling little jig. The rest of the characters walked in and started doing the Charleston.
"Now no-one can deny," Mr. Darcy said triumphantly "that I was born in the town of ------ and am a servant of St. James." This caused Wickham to spontaneously combust.
"Oh bother," said Mrs. Bennet curtly. "We simply must get Jeeves to clean that up."
But the burn marks were never cleaned, because the revolution finally came and they were the first ones up against the wall.