A/N: Hello! And welcome to another tale of lame and ridiculous antics of the Sparda twins!

I say this, because well, actually that is what it is. But, aside from that, it's a lot of fun to write and I hope you have as much fun reading it as well.

I make the disclaimer that I don't quite know why Vergil is in these stories. It's not technically an AU story, but I just love writing the comical interaction between the twins. So my suggestion is just 'go' with it. LOL

For those familiar with my stuff... thanks for checking this one out! And for all new readers, I hope you stick around and see what happens next!

As always, reviews and comments are very appreciated.

Okay, enough chatty,

On with the show!

N.

Devil May Cry and its respective characters property of CAPCOM, story and OCs property of me, DevilWriter N.

R-r-ring...

R-r-ring...

R-r-ring...

"Vergil."

R-r-ring...

"Vergil!"

R-r-ring...

"Vergil! Answer the phone!"

The crisp, shrill bell to the Devil May Cry phone continued it's repetitive beckoning while Dante sat on the old weathered couch in the office. His hands were latched to a video game controller and eyes glued to the TV as Vergil leisurely strolled down the stairs from the upper floor.

"Why don't you get it, it's your business anyway," Vergil matter-of-factly stated.

R-r-ring...

"C 'mon help a brother out, dude," Dante lazily begged without taking his eyes off the screen. "Besides, it's probably the wrong number anyway ... calling so early in the day," he trailed off adding as he feverishly mashed the buttons on his controller.

Vergil walked up to the side of the couch and just stood with his arms folded and inquisitively observed his twin mindlessly absorbed in the video game.

R-r-ring...

"Vergil! Will you just get the damn phone?" Dante now barked, eyes still locked on the digital mayhem transpiring in front of him.

"Fine!" Vergil growled back. Tired of listening to the ringing himself, Vergil stalked over to Dante's office desk and picked up the receiver of the old phone.

"Hello." Vergil's flat greeting caused Dante to side glance briefly at his brother.

"Dude, the business name?" Dante corrected him to announce, which made Vergil just roll his eyes in response.

"Dante, it's Lady. And she didn't sound happy," Vergil relayed, muffling the receiver against his chest.

"Shit!" Dante exclaimed. "I need to find health soon or I'm hosed," he absently answered.

"Dante!" Vergil scolded.

"What did you say? Who?" Dante carelessly inquired over the sounds of digital gunfire and explosions.

"It's Lady and she sounds rather unhappy," Vergil sighed as he hated repeating himself.

Dante now hearing what his brother had said, paused his game and looked up dumbstruck at Vergil. "Dammit! I totally forgot!" He said with a rather worried tone to his voice. "Dude, just tell her I left and am on my way!"

Vergil narrowed his eyes inquiringly at his brother. But Dante just sat on the couch and looked back at him with pleading eyes.

"Very well," Vergil questioningly agreed and brought the receiver back up to his ear. "Lady, Dante is actually ... on his way," he repeated with a raised eyebrow at what Dante told him to say. Vergil then went on to casually speak into the receiver in a slightly awkward polite way. "And, um, how are you –"

CLICK!

Vergil pulled the receiver from his ear as he closed his eyes from Lady's rather abrupt and violent hang up on him.

"Dude, I'm so screwed!"

"You usually are," Vergil plainly stated as he hung up the phone.

"No you don't understand, I'm totally screwed," Dante seriously replied to his care less brother. With his game paused, he tossed the controller off to the side on the couch and slumped back in the seat. He let his head fall on the backrest and let out a heavy sigh as he worriedly ran his hands through his mop of hair.

Vergil leaned back against the office desk and crossed his arms in front of him, waiting to hear Dante's fantastic explanation of his pending screw.

Dante tilted his head just slightly and looked over to eye Vergil, staring out at him over his nose. "Lady's bike is in the shop and I promised to pick her up today," he sighed out.

"So?" Vergil furrowed his brow, obviously stumped by his brother's statement and how this possibly 'screws' him.

Dante took in a deep breath then dramatically exhaled another heavy sigh as he turned his head back to stare up at the ceiling. "Sooo ... I'm supposed to pick her up today and run errands ... you know, take her shopping?"

Vergil raised a brow. "Lady ... shops?"

Dante turned his attention back to Vergil. "Ammo and supplies, dude," he clarified.

"Ah, of course," Vergil acknowledged.

"See, here's my problem, bro," Dante casually began. "I've been waiting for 3 months for this kick ass game to come out. So I find out a buddy of mine from the bar knows a dude, who knows a dude, who owns a game store. And he gets an advanced copy of the game, right?"

Vergil just stared at Dante pointedly for him to continue his tale.

"Well, so my buddy from the bar gets the dude, who knows the dude, who owns the game shop to lend him the advanced copy. Well, I get him to lend it to me, but he says since he has to have it back to the dude by the end of the week, I can only have it for the day. Today." Dante continued, "Buuut, what do I do? I totally forget that the other day Lady tells me that she had to take her bike to the shop and is sans-transportation. So she asks if I can run her around today. Well of course, being the sweet and charming dude that I am ... ," Dante coined with a smug smirk, "I say 'sure' totally forgetting about my game day I had set aside. TODAY." He finished as he planted his hand on his head, covering his eyes.

Vergil confusedly stared at his brother. "Dante, that doesn't seem like a problem. Can't you just wait for the actual release of the game, then play it?"

Dante quickly dropped his hand from covering his face and shot Vergil a steel glance. "NO! I can't," He adamantly stated. "Dude! Three long months I've been waiting for this damn thing," he boldly declared as he held his hand out, pointing at the TV screen. "I NEED to play it today. If I don't get to play the advanced copy today, when the game drops next week, I won't be able to get my hands on a copy soon enough before it sells out. Then some jerk-off at the bar is gonna be talking all about it and how great it is and ruin the whole damn thing. It just won't be the same, Verg!" Dante whined and sulked.

"You are ridiculous," Vergil plainly stated. "So what of Lady? You know if you don't show –,"

"Yeah, I know, she'll shoot me in the head or something," Dante sourly added and pouted. "She'll never forgive me for something like this."

"Well it seems, my brother, you are truly 'screwed'," Vergil teased and smirked wickedly.

"Gee, thanks bro, big help you are," Dante sulked as he thought his glorious game day had come to an abrupt end. Then suddenly, he sat up from the couch as his crystal blue eyes went wide and a devilish grin came across his face.

Vergil furrowed his brow at his brother's sudden expression. He didn't like the looks of it and knew something of no good had come across Dante's simple mind.

"Say Verg, you could go for me!" Dante happily stated beaming at his twin.

"What?" Vergil's eyes opened wide at his siblings comment.

"C 'mon, you could pose as me for the day and chauffeur Lady around! Yeah!" Dante smiled wide at his brilliant plan.

"No! I'm not going to do that," Vergil firmly stated.

"Oh c 'mon bro, we use to do it to mom all the time!" Dante reminded his other half.

"Yes, and she never fell for it, idiot," Vergil added.

"Okay, I'll admit it was only cause it was my fault since I didn't know all those big fancy words you say at the time," Dante confessed, wiggling his hands in jest. "But dude, you had me down!"

"Dante, I'm NOT going to pose as you and try to dupe Lady just so you can play your paltry game!" Vergil stated in finality and huffed.

Dante stared at his brother for a moment then grinned. "I know you got a thing for her," he point-blank stated.

"Wh–, Who me?!" Vergil nervously spat back at him. "That's absurd."

Dante shot Vergil a sly grin at that comment. He knew Vergil was lying through his teeth. For some time his twin had found interest in the female demon hunter. Even though Vergil would freely admit to not having any interest in weak human females, he would feverishly deny the fact that he had an interest in Lady. A rather deep interest in the girl. Dante loved to watch Vergil every time Lady would stop by, he seemed to tense up and get ... chatty. Vergil would attempt to initiate some strange conversation with her about something Dante could obviously tell Lady could give two craps about, and usually she'd wind up just giving him strange looks or ignore him all together. The best conversation Vergil could hope to get out of her was her finally asking him if he was 'okay' or needed some meds. It was so out of character for Vergil, Dante had to excuse himself to 'the can' once so he could break out into hysterical laughter over the whole ordeal. He had to admit though, sometimes he actually felt bad for his hopelessly infatuated brother who just couldn't work his 'mojo' quite the way Dante thought he could on the ladies.

Eyes locked and unblinking, the twins just stared intensely back at each other. Then Vergil twitched and finally spoke up. "And ... besides she hates me anyway," he added with a touch of disappointment in his statement and looked away.

"Nooo ... she doesn't," Dante reassured him.

"She does," Vergil restated. "She never talks to me and avoids me at all costs whenever she's around. I try to be polite and converse with her, but she just continues to ignore me."

"Dude, that's just how chicks are!" Dante smugly stated and shrugged his shoulders.

"Really?" Vergil mumbled in a half-believing tone to his brother.

"Look, dude, here's your chance to get close to her!" Dante brilliantly turned the conversation into Vergil's favor. "Just pose as me and you'll be able to spend the day with her and get to know her," Dante stated simply. "Then next time your you, you'll know EXACTLY what to say to her and impress her."

Vergil rubbed his chin and furrowed his brow. Could it be that simple? Yes, as Dante he'd have no problems getting near her. As Dante, he could talk to her freely and she'd respond instead of ignoring him. As Dante, his inhibitions about being around her could be lost and he could ... get to know the lovely Lady. Vergil would never admit it aloud, but he thought sometimes deep down there was a nugget of genius inside his brother.

"Where's your coat," Vergil flatly inquired as he looked decisively over at his twin.

Dante beamed and smacked his hands together in triumph. "Rock on!" he exclaimed as Vergil headed up the stairs to Dante's room to acquire his brother's usual choice of attire. "Oh and dude, don't take too long cause I'm already supposed to be there!" Dante shouted up the steps at his brother and deviously chuckled.