Disclaimer: SM owns everything…damn.

AN: So the other day I hit a major writer's block and I decided to make brownies…brownies I've found, gives me ideas for the strangest stories! Anyways, I was trying to decide what I should write for my next chapter of 'Someone Wake Me Up' and I got this instead! I hope you enjoy. It's a lot longer than what I had planned. Meh.

Also, this has mention of drugs and alcohol abuse. If you find this offensive…well, don't read it.

AN2: This has not been sent to my beta so all errors are mine and mine alone. (sigh) I know, I suck at grammar and spelling, but give me some credit here, I did write this while babysitting two hyper 7 year olds and a 3 year old. I think I did pretty good considering!

I sat up on a rock in a very secluded part of the forest in Forks near my home. Ever since the accident on Bella's birthday, I have taken to avoiding her at all costs. I couldn't chance hurting her, so it was best that whenever she came to the house, I fled here to my safe haven.

Here I could just sit and think about the love of my life, Alice. Or, I would just sit here and clear my mind of everything and let time fly by. This was one of those rare times though, that not even Alice or clearing my mind helped.

No, today I was too worried and confused to be able to be distracted by such things. Today at school, Bella had been feeling…odd. Her emotions were all over the place and whenever I caught her eye, she'd blush and quickly avoid my gaze. I could tell however, that she clearly did not want me to think of her emotions around Edward. He'd just panic for nothing and bug the hell out of me or her, until he found out why she was feeling the way she was.

I had tried to ask her about it when I left Trig class and saw her walking down the hall towards her locker, but Edward had appeared and I had lost my chance.

I was confused. Never had I felt such strong emotions coming from her all at once before.

Fear, longing, panic, hope, and an unbelievable amount of craving or hunger for something that; dare I say, matched my craving/hunger for human blood.

Throughout the day, I caught her emotions getting stronger and I tried to calm her down the best I could without drawing attention to myself or her by Edward. The few times I caught up with her without Edward around, I saw her shaking. Her nerves were everywhere and truthfully, that frightened me. What could have my future sister-in-law so scared? Filled with such longing?

I looked at the clock on my cell phone and sighed. 9:30pm. it was now safe to go home.

I made a mental note to myself while I ran home that tomorrow at school; I would ask Bella about her feelings.

-~-~-~-~-~-

The next day at school, everyone was abuzz with chatter about the new student we were getting that day. We had known for a week already that she was coming, thanks to Alice. When Alice had told Bella however, she was less than excited. Fear was what struck her the instant she found out and no-one, not even me, could figure out why.

At lunch, when Edward and Bella joined us at our usual table - the only part of the day that I allowed myself to be near Bella – I was bombarded with so many emotions coming from Bella. None of them I could figure out the cause of. For her privacy, and mine, I kept my thoughts hidden from Edward about her emotions, but I shot her a curious, and hopefully, concerned, look. She shook her head slightly, indicating that I should let it go. I frowned but didn't press for answers.

All I could do was send her calming waves in hope that she would calm down. Sadly, that was all in vain once she caught sight of the new girl whose name eluded me. The fear, longing, panic, hope, and an unbelievable amount of craving or hunger came back, but this time, guilt, shame and immense sadness came with them.

The emotions were so strong; I nearly fell out of my seat and had to quickly catch on to the table in order to stay up right. Everyone but Bella shot me a curious stare at the table. I shrugged off their concern and hid my thoughts once again from Edward.

Bella tried to calm herself, knowing she was the cause of my reaction. I sent her more calming waves in hopes she'd calm down, not only for her sake, but for mine as well.

The bell rang signaling the end of lunch. We all quickly threw our untouched food away and headed to our next classes. I had Trig alone, Rose and Emmett had AP Chem., Edward and Bella had Biology, while Alice had gym class. Finally, I was alone to think about the confusing feelings of Bella.

She was hiding something. Something huge, that apparently, had something to do with this new girl. Judging by how the emotions came when she found out that she was coming, and gradually got worse over the week before she arrived, it was obvious she was the cause of them, but why? What could this harmless little human do that could make Bella -the girl who is like a little sister to me, and will be soon- act like this?

-~-~-~-~-~-

When I came out of Trig class, I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Bella with the new girl at the end of the hall, huddled close to the wall and talking in hushed tones so no one around could hear them. Except me, but I don't think they noticed I was there.

I pretended to be rifling through my papers and books while I listened in on their private conversation. I knew it was wrong, but if Bella was feeling like this because of this human, then I was more than willing to listen in on whatever they were saying.

"I can't believe you Izzy," said the girl. Izzy? Why was she calling Bella 'Izzy'? "You use to be so cool. What happened to the girl I grew up with huh? The carefree, cool, dangerous girl?"

"She's dead!" Bella snapped at her. "She's dead and she's going to stay that way you understand? What are you doing here Amber? What do you want?"

Whoa. I had never heard Bella talk to someone like that before. And what did she mean she was dead? She wasn't dead. I drew closer to hear better, not that I need to.

"Aw don't be like that Izzy," Amber cooed.

"Don't call me that! I'm not Izzy anymore, I'm Bella," she growled at the girl.

"Fine Bella," Amber sneered, Bella just frowned at her tone of voice.

"You know you want it," Amber said in a sing-song voice. "You know you can't live without it. It's who you are! This 'Bella' is not you! You are Izzy. The girl who doesn't care what people think of her. The girl who would do anything to get what she wants."

"No Amber! I'm not her anymore," Bella nearly shouted at her. She quickly lowered her voice. "I'm clean now, Amber. I have been for a year now."

"HA! Remember the last time you were 'clean'?" A small smirk played at her lips.

"Yes," Bella whispered, once again, guilt and sadness radiated off of her.

"Didn't last long did it?" Amber asked smugly. I had the overwhelming urge to punch the look off of her face.

"You know you want it. You crave it just like the rest of us," Amber insisted. "You can't live without it. You've tried and you've failed. You know you can't! Stop denying yourself Izzy, just give in and stop the pain you're in. I know you're in pain. You need it."

Bella shook her head vigorously. "Yes! Yes alright I crave it. I crave it every single day but I deny myself because I don't want to be a monster anymore! I don't want to hurt anyone anymore and I'm not going to give in just because I can't control myself!"

Amber smirked. "You're going to give in Iz. I know you will. You do every time."

"No," Bella insisted.

"Yes, and when you do finally come to your senses and realize that I'm right and you can't live without it, you'll come back," Amber whispered. "You always do. You know where to find me once you do realize this of course."

At that, Amber walked off leaving Bella behind to think about what she said. Once more, her emotions took over to the point where I was staggering and had to catch on to the wall behind me to stay up right. I guess she caught the movement out of the corner of her eye because Bella spun around and looked at me in shock.

"Jasper," she breathed. "H-how l-long have you—how much did you hear?"

"Enough to know you're hiding something really big and that it's causing your emotions to rival my own when it comes to human blood," I shrugged. "Also, I've learned that I don't really like this Amber girl."

"Yeah, me either," Bella nodded.

"What's going on Bella?" I asked.

"Nothing, really, nothing," she insisted. Her usual blush was quickly appearing on her face.

"Liar," I laughed.

She sighed. "Can we talk somewhere more…private?"

I quickly stiffened, which she caught.

"It's alright Jazz, you won't hurt me," she smiled. "You're being too cautious and you're too scared to."

I nodded, but still, I didn't trust myself.

"Alright," I agreed. Minutes later, we had reached the gazebo behind the school. There was a bench and she sat on one end, while I sat on the other. I made sure to leave a good distance between us though.

"What's wrong Bella? Why are your emotions running so high? And why are you craving something so strongly? Your…hunger I guess I should say, is starting to seriously rival my own for human blood," I spoke softly even though no one was around, I didn't want to risk one of my siblings or Alice to hear us. Just to be safe, I hid my thoughts from Edward incase he was checking up on Bella again.

For awhile there, she didn't answer. She just sat there looking down at her hands, trying to even her breathing which had quickened at my questioning. Finally, after three minutes of sitting there in near agony awaiting her answer, she spoke.

"Jasper, you may think I don't know how hard it is for you and the rest of the family to deny yourself the…luxury, of human blood, but I do," she spoke quietly, but quickly, in a pained tone.

My first reaction was to jump up and yell at her. Tell her there was no way a mere mortal could understand the constant thirst that we feel. The constant urge to kill every human we come in contact in because they hold the beautiful nectar that we crave. But I didn't. I bit my tongue and just listened to her. I didn't want to frighten her more than I had already on her birthday. I didn't want her scared of me anymore than she most likely already was.

She laughed, but there was no humor behind it. "I know, I know. You think there is no way a human can feel the way you do. Feel the immense craving and the guilt and shame that comes' with giving in."

I nodded, letting her know that was exactly what I thought.

"Yeah, thought you'd think that."

"Forgive me, but I am confused," I said.

"I know," was all she said.

More time passed between us and the bell rang, signaling we were late for our last class of the day, but neither of us moved to go inside. Finally, Bella moved. She shrugged off her coat, and shoved her long sleeves up passed her elbows. What was she doing? It was cold out. She could get sick!

She angled her body so she was facing me and thrust her arms out, showing me the soft under sides of her arms and the space where her arms bent. I frowned at first; not understanding what she was trying to show me, but looking closer, my vampiric sight caught the small holes all over her arms that covered her pulsing veins.

"What—" I breathed. The sight of her arms made me feel sick when I realized what those holes were made from. Drugs. Heron I guessed. I struggled to tear my eyes away from her arms and looked into her eyes, but she had looked away from me in shame.

"Bella—" I tried to speak, but my voice came out in a moan. How could she do that to herself? What was she thinking? She could have killed herself!

She quickly pushed her sleeves back down, covering the puncture wounds from me and slipped her jacket back on. She was about to speak when we were interrupted by a teacher yelling at us to get to class. She grabbed her bag and practically ran, in Bella fashion, to her last class of the day. I pretended to head to class, but once in the building, I followed her to the gym and waited outside for her. There was only 30 minutes left of class anyways, no need to go to mine.

When her class finally ended, I rushed in and stood by the bleachers. I wanted to talk to her before Edward got there to whisk her away. She came out of the locker room two minutes later trying to dodge Mike who still after all this time, would accept the fact that she was dating my brother. I jogged up to her at human speed and flung my arm around her shoulder and glared at Mike.

"Is there a reason you're talking to my brother's girlfriend Newton?" I growled. He shrunk back, shaking his head and ran off.

"Thanks," Bella mumbled to me. I kept my arm around her and led her to the bleachers, and sat her down.

"Bella, we need to finish that talk," I started.

"I know, I know," she sighed. "I just don't want Edward to know. He's already very protective as it is."

I rubbed her back gently while sending her calming waves, letting her know it would be alright.

"I know, but he deserves to know Bella, you know that."

She nodded. I could smell the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "What if he hates me?"

Without thinking, I pulled her into my arms and hugged her to me. I whispered soothing words in her ear and ampt up the calming waves. She finally calmed down and looked me in the eyes.

"He won't hate you Bella, he could never hate you," I assured her.

"You don't know that," she argued. Oh such a stubborn little girl she is.

"Not for a fact, but I do know my brother and his love for you," I reasoned. "Nothing that strong can be taken away."

She scuffed and rolled her eyes at me. "What am I going to do Jazz?"

I thought for a moment. "You need to tell him. Tell us all about your past. Who knows, maybe Rose will like you better?"

She pushed off of my chest and looked at me in horror.

"No!" she nearly screeched. "I-I couldn't tell him! Or the rest of your family for that matter! Emmett would tease me for the rest of my life, Rose would hate me more I'm sure, Alice will probably look at me in pity all the time, Esme would be heartbroken and Carlisle disappointed, and Edward…Edward would hate me."

I shook my head. Such a silly girl. "No Bella, he won't hate you. And neither will anyone else. They know how hard it is to fight an addiction! We fight it every day, you know that."

"But that's different, and don't say it isn't Jasper," she glared at me. "You were more than willing to argue that very statement back at the gazebo."

"Yes, I was," I agreed. "But that was before I had time to think about it. Look, Bella it will be easier for you and everyone else if you just came clean with them. Besides, it would do your soul a lot of good getting something like this off your chest."

She sighed heavily, knowing I was right. "You're right."

I smirked. "I'm always right!"

"And not at all modest," she quipped.

I laughed. "Well, when you've around Emmett for as long as I have, you tend to lose all modesty."

"I don't know if I can do it Jasper," she whispered, bowing her head.

"You can, and I'll be right next to you the whole time helping you," I nudged her shoulder. "You won't have to go through that alone."

"Thanks," she started to give me a hug but paused. I knew why, and understood. She didn't think I'd want her to touch me. So instead, I leaned forward and crushed her, lightly of course, into my arms and gave her a brotherly hug.

"Anytime…sis," I grinned. She smiled in return, happiness radiated off of her this time.

"Now, let's get home. I'm sick of being here!" I said exasperatedly, causing her to laugh.

"Couldn't agree more," she laughed.

"Oh, and Bells?" I said.

"Yeah?"

"Your scent—" I grinned. "It doesn't bother me anymore. No thirst or burning comes with it anymore."

"That's great!" she beamed. "Does that mean you'll stop hiding from me whenever I come over?"

"But of course!" I enthused. "Now, let's get out of here before Edward gets worried."

~-~-~-~-~

Later on that day, Edward brought Bella over when she told him they needed to talk, and not just them, the whole family. Edward was nervous about what Bella had to say, fearing she wanted to talk about being changed into one of us, or telling him she wanted to leave us.

I sat on the couch with Alice in my lap, Bella sat to our left with Edward on her right. Rose and Emmett took one love-seat and Carlisle and Esme the other. After several deep calming breaths, Bella finally began.

"First off, Edward I'm so sorry I haven't told you all of this before," Bella began, turning to look at Edward, a pleading look on her face. "Please, don't hate me."

"Bella, I could never hate you!" Edward said, a pained look crossing his stony features.

"You will," Bella sighed under her breath.

"Never," Edward swore.

"Bella," I said, urging her to continue. She nodded, taking deep, calming breaths.

"Um, well, five years ago," Bella began. "My mother started dating this guy who abused her…a lot. He would hit her over nothing and whenever my mother wasn't home and I was, he'd hit me as well."

All of us growled low in our throats, even Rose. We didn't like the thought of our Bella being hurt by some mortal.

"I couldn't take the beatings he'd give us, and often ran away from home for days, sometimes weeks at a time just to get away from it," I could smell tears pierce the air at this statement. I quickly sent calming vibes to her.

"Renee refused to leave him because he provided for her, but I knew he had just brainwashed her into thinking she was nothing without him. A year past, and the bastard was still around, still causing us pain," Bella growled out. Shock came from everyone at hearing Bella say such a word to describe the man that abused her.

"One day during school, I met this girl Amber and her friends," Bella stopped then, taking in more deep breaths. She had grabbed onto Edwards hand at some point but now quickly let it go. She folded her arms in on herself and clung to her upper arms as if they would save her.

"Amber and her friends were in to some pretty heavy stuff. I saw how everything they did was for themselves, and no one else. How they didn't feel the pain of their lives," she whispered. "I wanted it. I wanted what they had."

"Wanted what Bella? What did they have?" Edward asked. I could tell by the fear rolling off of him that he feared the answer. He didn't want to think his precious little Bella wasn't so innocent.

"Drugs, alcohol, a carefree attitude," Bella answered. The dead tone of her voice gave proof that she wasn't really here in her mind. She was reliving her past while recounting the horror she went through.

"I was 13 and stupid. I just wanted the pain to go away. When they introduced me to alcohol, it helped numb the pain but didn't take it away. I wanted something stronger. Something that didn't me that feeling of dread the instant I sobered up," this time, Bella let a tear fall.

We all sat in complete silence. Not sure what to say or do. We just waited to see if she'd say anything more.

"Two months after meeting Amber, she introduced me to heron. The high was unbelievable. It was exactly what I had wanted for so long. I felt no pain when I took it," she whispered in awe. I could tell she was reliving the high it had brought her.

"No pain, no depression, no nothing. For once in my life I didn't care what went on around me. I was carefree for once," at this, Edward growled low in his throat and gripped the back of the couch in a death grip.

"Calm down Edward!" I hissed at him in my head. His anger was starting to affect me just like Bella's emotions and I did not want to lose control. He instantly controlled his anger, but didn't let go of his grip on the couch.

"But then the high wore off, and all the pain and depression came crashing back down ten times harder than it was before. After experiencing the lows of the drug, I made sure to keep it on me at all times so I didn't have to experience it again," Bella let out a humorless laugh, which caused Alice, Rose and Esme to gasp. They couldn't believe that our innocent little Bella wasn't so innocent. I couldn't blame them though; Bella was telling a story that I hadn't yet heard myself. I just knew she did the drug, not the reason behind it.

"Like I told Jasper; you may think I don't know what you go through when you deny yourself the taste of human blood. How it feels to control yourself when the thing that tempts you most is in front of you, just begging you to take it and make it yours."

Everyone looked at me in shock. They couldn't believe Bella had told me this before she had told them…or Edward for that matter.

"She only showed me her arms, she didn't tell me the story behind it," I spoke in vampire speed so Bella wouldn't hear. "Besides, she had to tell you this on her own time, not mine."

They nodded, understanding that I was right; Bella had to take her time.

"My temptation has just arrived in town," Bella sighed. "The new girl, Amber, is my temptation. I don't know why she's here, but I do know she wants me back and won't give up until I've given in and taken that first hit I've been craving since I left Arizona."

"Then we won't let her near you," Edward growled. Bella laughed without humor again.

"She could be back in Arizona for all I care, but that still won't take the temptation away Edward. It's too late for that," she shook her head. "I've been clean for a year and I still feel the urge to shoot up. Just the thought of the drug makes me shake and sweat. Her being here just makes me realize that I am not strong enough to deny myself. She's right, I do crave it. I crave it every day of the week."

"No," Edward shook his head, growling.

"Yes," Bella nodded. "I'm sorry Edward. I try so hard every day to deny myself the pleasure of it because I know what I'm capable of while on it. Because I know the pain it causes my loved ones when I take it."

"Then don't take it! It's not like you can get your hands on it here!" Edward shouted jumping up from the couch. He started pacing the length of the room.

"Um…" was all Bella could say.

"Oh Bella, you didn't," Esme gasped. We all looked in Bella's direction, fearing what we would probably hear.

"No, I haven't taken it," she whispered, refusing to look at us. "But—"

"But what Bella," I asked softly.

"I—I do, uh, I have a small pack of it hidden in my room," she whispered again.

"Bella!" Edward yelled causing Bella to flinch and shrink back into her seat. Rose, Alice, and Esme quickly rushed to her side, comforting her. I was a bit shocked to see Rose trying to comfort Bella, but at that time, I didn't really care. I just cared that my brother was scaring the living hell out of his girlfriend.

"Edward," Carlisle said in warning. He had stood up when Edward had yelled, fearing what he would do.

"Why? Why Bella?" Edward pleaded.

"I'm sorry," she cried. "I just got it today! I wanted to see if I was strong enough to deny myself! I didn't touch it I swear! I wanted to but I didn't!"

"You shouldn't have taken it in the first place!" Edward yelled again. Alice, Rose, and Esme hissed at him in warning, Emmett and I going to stand in front of Bella.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I'm sorry Bella, baby I didn't mean to yell at you."

"I know," she said quietly. She was still scared by his outburst, but not of him.

"Bella, we can get you help for this," Carlisle said gently. He went and kneeled down before her. "I can treat you from here. No one besides us will know about this."

"Really?" Bella asked hopeful.

"Yes," Carlisle nodded.

A huge, relieved smile spread across Bella's tearstained face, but it quickly vanished when she looked at Edward. She was still scared that he didn't love her anymore after finding out about her past. I quickly let Edward know her fears and his face took on a crestfallen look. He hated causing her pain.

"Bella, in no way does this mean I don't love you anymore," he said. He quickly rushed to her side and pulled her into his lap, taking her place on the couch. "You are my life now. Nothing can change that."

"I love you," she murmured into his chest.

"And I love you," he said kissing her head.

After a few moments of them just holding one another, Bella pulled back and whipped her tears away.

"But there is one more thing you need to know," she whispered.

"What is it love?" Edward asked concerned.

"You say you're a monster," she said. She looked at all of us pointedly. "All of you seem to think this but you're not. So what, you've killed someone; big deal. You did it out of survival. It is your instincts to kill to survive yet you call yourselves monsters over it."

We all made to argue with her but she held up her hand, silencing our protests.

"You don't know what it is to be a real monster," she said. "A real monster kills over nothing. Kills for something they want or something they think they need but don't. Real monsters don't kill to survive."

We looked at her curiously. When had she become so wise?

Bella took another deep breath and let it out slowly. I could tell she was about to give us the biggest news of the night. Something even I didn't know about.

"When I was 16, I was with Amber and our small little gang," she began. "I had been clean for over a year, but I slipped up and caved. I craved just one more taste and had told myself one little taste of it wouldn't hurt anything. That everything would be just fine. So I took it, and everything was not fine. I started drinking and using again within a week."

"One night it was late and we were roaming the streets looking for our dealer. He wasn't at his usual haunts so we went looking for him. We found him in an abandoned house near the desert," She stopped there, trying to rain in her emotions enough to finish her story.

"We were all so very high and were just starting to come down from it. We were jittery, and starting to get paranoid. We had been out of heron for hours now and we didn't want to experience the crash again," her voice shook. "We finally tracked him down at the house and when he opened the door, he said in order for us to get our usual dos, we would have to pay three times the amount we usually paid. We were angry. He was ripping us off and he knew it."

Her whole body started to shake with her voice. Fresh tears started down her cheeks and she clung to Edward for dear life.

"We became very angry and started to demand our usual dos. Yelling at him and pushing our way through the door to get to the wonderful stuff," Edward stiffened at her words. I quickly reminded him that she was just remembering the affects of the drug and how it made her feel.

"He pulled a gun on us and shot Ricky, one of the guys in our group," Bella shook at the memory. "We all carried knives on us at all times, knowing how bad it could get on the streets. We lunged for him, each of us stabbing him with our knives. Blood was everywhere. I had never seen so much of it before in my life. At the time I didn't care though. All I wanted was the drug and I wasn't going to let anything stop me."

"Whoa," Emmett muttered from his place beside me. We were still standing in front of the couch.

"We took all the heron that he had stashed there and ran. Days later I woke up at Tim's place, covered in blood from and not knowing why. Then the memory of that night came crashing back and I freaked. I ran home that night after dark, not wanting to be seen covered in someone's blood," Bella curled in on herself and hugged her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth on Edwards lap.

"My mom opened the door and saw me. She knew right then what had happened and rushed me inside. She quickly undressed me since I was in shock to do so myself and put me in the shower. She took my clothes and put them in the fire pit in the backyard, lighting them on fire. She then took my knife and dunked it in bleach, trying to get all traces of blood off of it," she took a big gulp of air then continued.

"When I was done with my shower she dressed me in some old sweats and put me in the car. I thought she was driving me to the police station but instead we drove for about a day or so, I can't remember, to the ocean and there we took a boat a mile out and dropped my knife in. We drove home and went about our lives," she breathed out. Her voice was getting horse from all the talking she had done.

"I stopped hanging around Amber and the rest of them and got back into school. I worked my butt off trying to catch up and did a summer coarse to catch up on what I couldn't during the school year. That's when I decided that I wanted out of Arizona," Bella gulped.

"My mom had finally dumped that loser and had been dating Phil for about a year by then. They had gotten married and she was now happy. I knew she wanted to travel with him, and I wanted her to. She deserved to be happy so I told her I wanted to come live with Charlie for my last two years of high school. Surprisingly she agreed," she laughed.

"Well," she sighed. "You know the rest from there."

We sat in silence again, unable to find the right words to say. None of us were sure what we should say actually. Yes, she knew our struggles better than anyone. I was struck with a thought then. She had said we were not monsters. Those real monsters' killed for nothing. Killed for something they wanted or thought they needed. She thought she was a monster.

"Bella," I said. "You are not a monster. Don't ever think you are."

"But I—" Edward cut her off quickly.

"No Bella," he stated firmly. "You are not a monster. You were under the influence of a drug and were not in control of your actions. By no means are you a monster."

We all nodded our heads. Edward was right, she was not a monster and there is no way she could ever be. Drugs could do things to people; make them think or do things that they wouldn't normally do. There was no way she had control over her actions and she couldn't be held responsible.

"We've all done things in our pasts Bella that we all regret," Esme spoke up finally. She ran her hand lightly through Bella's hair in a motherly fashion.

"She's right Bella," Emmett said. "There are a lot of things in my human life and vampire life that I wish I hadn't done."

"I killed a group of men that had hurt me and were the cause of my change," Rose shrugged. "Of course, I took pleasure in their deaths. But I have every reason to."

"I don't remember anything from my human life," Alice said. "But there are times in my vampire life that I regret doing things."

"We've all killed," Carlisle said. Every one of us gave him a pointed look.

"Well, they all have," he amended. "But you're right. Their killing of humans was in order to survive and yes, they were reacting on instinct."

Edward growled at him. He still thought himself a monster.

"He's right Edward," Bella whispered. She placed her delicate little hands on his face, trying to get him to look at her. "You are not a monster."

"And neither are you," Edward retorted.

"Yes—" she began, but Edward covered his mouth with his own.

"No," he scowled. "You are not."

"Then agree that you are not a monster either," Bella demanded.

"But—" he stopped when Bella glared at him. "Fine, I am not a monster."

"Thank you," Bella smiled. He smiled in turn.

"Now that Bella's got that off her chest and we've all established we're not monsters," Alice jumped up clapping. "Us girls are going shopping! Bella needs to cheer up."

Bella shrunk back into Edward and groaned.

"Yeah Alice," Rose snorted. "That will definitely perk her right up!"

Everyone laughed while Alice scowled. She wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Let's go!" She grabbed Bella from Edward and threw her over her shoulder. Pecked me on the lips and rushed out the door, Rose and Esme following behind at a human pace.

"Come on!" We heard Alice yell, causing us all to laugh.

"Edward help!" Bella screamed next.

"Oh hush you!" Alice huffed.

"Jazz your wife is insane!" Bella screeched to me.

"That's why I love her!" I yelled back, trying to hide my laughter.

"Oh sure, laugh at the poor defenseless human," I heard Bella grumble.

Seconds later, Rose's M3 sped out of the driveway with Bella glaring out the window.

Years later, Bella was completely clean and had been turned into one of us on her and Edwards wedding night. We were shocked to find that Bella was able to control her bloodlust and go mingle with humans for a short period of time before their blood called to her and it became too much. Her self-discipline with the drugs helped her in the long run. Though, she did come close to slipping up a few times, we were all there beside her, helping her along the way.

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