DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

NOTES: Oh my GOD guys, I'm so sorry for the silence. I won't go into it too much but work, novel writing and life in general has robbed me of time. So I'll be dropping Ardently I Admire for now, at least until I can give it the time needed to write it, and Metamorphoze WILL be updated but not as regularly as before since I have other writing commitments. Sorry guys but hey, at least I'm not ditching it! I'm still not sure about Plastic Fangs. We'll see.

I will, however, be ditching the kiriban for now. I just don't have the time guarantees to promise fics right now. To the winner of the last kiriban - two things. One: when time allows, I'll try and get it done. Two: you might want to rethink your prompt, it sounds very much like the third oneshot in this set!

If you want more information, I'll be altering my profile in the next few days to reflect the current circumstances. For now, rest assured that Metamorphoze will continue.

Some other noteworthy things:

1 - There's a Winter Fanfiction Contest at the Shino/Tenten FC! There are prizes available to the winners, so if you're interested, check it out! There's a link to the FC in my profile, and when I update my profile I'll put a direct link to the competition. For now, it's on the last page. Please check it out!

2 - It's come to my attention that someone who reviews anonymously has been flaming ShinoTen authors. I don't know how to feel about this, though I admit, amusement is definitely there - this person (I'm guessing it's one person by the fact that they're doing it to ShinoTen authors and couldn't spell properly to save their life) doesn't even have the guts to make an account when they slander the stories, spew NejiTen propaganda and demand that the authors kill Shino. This is why I block anonymous reviews on my stories - cowardly people use anonymous reviewing as an excuse to spew vitriol and flame people without facing the consequences.

So come on then, anonymous reviewer. If your convictions are that you like NejiTen, and therefore it must be better than our preferences of ShinoTen, why don't you back your convictions up with a proper account so that you look like less of a muppet than you do hiding behind an anonymous review, misspelling your insults and harassing good authors?

Normally I wouldn't even deign to give you the attention you must so desperately crave, but one of the authors you bothered is one of my best friends who in no way deserves your foolish little anti-ShinoTen spree. Listen: everyone has preferences, and they won't always match your own. Bitching at people with different preferences isn't going to make them agree with you and go 'you know what, that poor illiterate person who just insulted me is right! NejiTen is so much better!' Get real. You don't see us flaming NejiTen writers because we like ShinoTen so we respect the same courtesy.

Anyway - leaving that particular baby in the pram, let's move on. Please do check out the competition, and if you haven't read them yet, check out Rel's stories for ShinoTen because they're awesomesauce!

As for this particular oneshot - it's a belated birthday present to Rel, who requested angst. Sorry dudes - it really is angst. I wanted to delve into a few things in this oneshot - the way grief and trauma effects time, and the way people go through phases of coping. It may seem abstract, but it's very true. Maybe some people can relate to it.

So if time seems distorted, that's why. It's purposely done, I swear!

It's based on a song - Hurt, by Christina Aguilera. The lyrics are at the bottom of the fic. I listened to the song on repeat to write this.

TITLE: Hurt

PAIRINGS: ShinoTen

RATING: Teen

GENRE: Angst/Romance/Friendship

The sun hung low, sinking like a weight past the lines of the trees. The breeze was balmy but cool enough to refresh, and late afternoon crickets chirped around the pond and the tall reeds.

He watched her stretching her body out along the ground. A fine sheen of sweat was drying on her skin, her cheeks still flushed from exertion and faint sunburn. The scent of exotic fruits that clung to her only grew stronger in the heat, a balmy smell that made him think of places beyond the sun. She smiled at him, the last glow of the sky streaking her eyes with mahogany.

"Don't take your sandals off, okay?"

He leant back on his palms and looked up at the sky, noting the flashes of orange appearing through the blue hues. Beneath the tall collar of his underjacket, his lips quirked.

"Why?" He asked.

"You looked like you were about to. And I don't wanna smell your toe jam."

He raised his eyebrows. "I do not have toe jam."

"All guys have toe jam, especially after a spar like that," she replied, and flicked her index finger against his ear.

He wrinkled his nose. "I do not have toe jam. Why? I am able to control my bodily temperature. Therefore – "

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Shino."

"Then reassure yourself. Since you are unable to control your bodily temperature, you are the most likely candidate for toe jam. It also explains what I have been smelling."

She slapped him on the shoulder.

"I had believed it to be the pond, but algae does not smell like gorgonzola."

He narrowly avoided her next slap and gripped her wrist to prevent her from trying again.

"Beast," she muttered.

"Thank you, Tenten," he replied, his fingers loosening around her wrist. He stroked his thumb over her pulse point, watching her closely.

She raised her face to the sky, loose strands of hair blowing across her nose. The colours in the sky washed across her skin.

"It's like candy."

"What?" He asked.

"The sky. All those bright colours. Makes me hungry."

"It was most likely the training that made you hungry," he observed, but he looked at the sky and agreed all the same. The pastel colours were warm and inviting, like the candy wrappers of childhood.

"It's crazy, isn't it?" She laughed, somewhat breathless.

He unzipped his jacket a little and removed his hood. He liked to enjoy the dying of the light by letting it fall on his bare skin. "No. It does look rather like candy."

"No, that's..." She laughed again, her eyes falling down to the pond. "What I meant is...it's crazy how quickly you've become one of my best friends."

Realising his hand was still on her wrist, he squeezed slightly. The touch was not unwelcome to her – she never seemed to find contact with him objectionable.

In truth, he had little to no sense of time when it came to making friends...or enemies, either. Transitions were simply an occurrence that happened regardless of speed and it was always the bigger picture that Shino liked to look towards.

He could extrapolate with the best of them – even Shikamaru. But there were times and circumstances when Shino just wanted to know, and damn the journey to the answer.

"It depends on the people," he replied, although low in his stomach, he had the strange tightening feeling he got when he said something that wasn't entirely true. He bit the inside of his cheek. It would be easy to say to Tenten that they fell into friendship because they fit, or something equally clichéd.

However, Shino did not condone lying – especially lying to nakama – and he knew that it had been quick for Tenten, but not so much for him. And their pieces of the puzzle were not properly shaped to fit together yet.

"Yeah," Tenten nodded, her voice faraway. She was watching the sky and Shino knew that she was once again mapping every movement of the sun, trying to calculate the point that it disappeared behind the ground. She'd been doing it ever since he had told her that no matter how much he watched the sky, he always seemed to forget the transition between the colours and the darkness.

She'd said that she would remember it for him.

"I have to leave for a mission tomorrow," Tenten said, looking at her fingernails. Shino tensed, tracking the way she scraped little bits of dirt out from beneath her stubby nails.

The crickets chirped away the seconds between them.

As always, Tenten broke under the silence. "I have to pretend to be a wealthy wife of a merchant in Mizugakure this time. I think Ino would have been better suited, don't you? I mean, she pulls off the whole 'wealth' and 'high class' scene a lot better than me." She snorted. "You've seen me try to walk in heels, right? I look like a man. Especially when I have to wear a dress that really limits my walking, you know? I think – "

"Who are you going with?"

Tenten's jaw snapped shut. Her cheeks tinted pink and he watched her meet his lenses with more effort and defiance than she should have. "My team."

"Your team," he echoed.

"And Naruto. We have to take him along to get him out of Tsunade's hair," she shrugged, her words somewhat clipped. She looked at him sidelong, the mahogany streaks missing from her eyes.

Shino put his hands in his pockets, realising belatedly that he'd only just let go of her wrist when her eyes narrowed. "I see."

That should have been the extent of it – even if irritation and coldness wasn't growing in his chest, Shino hardly saw the need to be verbose. The situation was clear even if she had not explained it in detail. No mission relying on a skilful farce would 'marry' Tenten to Uzumaki Naruto or Rock Lee.

It was nothing to be angry about, of course. Shino bit the inside of his cheek again, drawing blood this time. This kind of behaviour did not become him, either. He did not appreciate the swelling of emotion within him, like a rising tide of acid and lava that scalded his lungs on the way up.

Forcibly calming the kikkai beneath his skin. Shino zipped his collar back up. "You will be careful? Mizu is not the safest place of late."

"Of course," Tenten huffed, rubbing her arms. Half of Shino decided that it would be a good idea to give her his coat. The other half of him wanted to stay beneath the material and that half won as her sidelong look burnt holes through him.

"I mean no offence," he said tightly. "Mizu is a deceptive place – it often seems safe when it is not."

"Isn't that the same with everywhere?"

He stayed silent.

"Or is this some machismo bullshit?" Tenten muttered. "Because you're not gonna be there, you're so sure something might go wrong?"

Perhaps that was exactly what it was, although he failed to see how it equated as machismo bullshit. His eyebrows drew down. "Colourful language aside, I always feel more comfortable in missions where...people are at stake, knowing that I am there."

She opened her mouth to say something, her own brows forming deep Vs.

"Why?" Shino cut in. "I trust myself. I trust the decisions I make – that I will do everything within my power to ensure success and safety."

"And my team won't?" She sounded offended and it brought simultaneous prickles of regret and irritation to his skin.

"I did not say that," he ground out. "I simply meant that I can speak for myself and guarantee my own efforts."

Tenten stared at him. He could see her anger in the redness of her face and the way her fingers were twitching, as though missing the absence of a kunai or shuriken. He felt the first stabs of genuine anger within himself – anger that, once again, something he had said with good intentions (even if those intentions were disguising something not as good) had been lost in translation.

"You're unbelievable," she breathed.

"What?"

"You!" Tenten waved her hands around. "You're supposed to be this awesome person – this guy so big on morality and rules, but you've got everyone fooled, haven't you?"

Apparently it was very possible to feel hot and cold at once. Shino told himself that it was the weather, in an attempt to calm himself before he acted in a regretful way. But he could blame the weather for his ire as much as he wanted – he could not deny the hurt that bloomed in the prickling at the back of his eyes.

"I see," he said lowly. "I was of the opinion that you knew better than to believe me the man people whisper about in ramen bars."

Tenten flushed, and Shino knew that he had scored a hit that he had never wanted to achieve – he had wanted to leave the memory of Tenten discussing Shino with him in the recesses of his mind, to move past it.

"If you believed me some perfect embodiment of a gentleman, then you are twice fooled. You have made such a mistake before."

It took her a moment to realise what he had said, but when she did, her eyes darkened until they appeared to be all pupil – he watched the brown disappear from them and fade into shadow.

"God," she said, and her voice shook. Shino's insides tightened, chilled – the air left his lungs with a painful gust. They had had their little quarrels before. They tended to be rather entertaining, in fact.

This was a disaster.

"You seriously believe that," Tenten said. "You seriously believe that...it's not even about Lee, is it? Or Naruto – it never is."

"Tenten – "

"You've always had some stupid issue with him, haven't you Shino?" He watched her clench her fists and get to her feet. He rose as well, his body steady despite the quaking of his kikkai and his own nerves within him. "You've done nothing but herd me away from him since the beginning. Why? Can't I be friends with both of you?"

You say it as though friendship is at the crux of this matter, Shino thought snidely – and realised with the twisting of Tenten's face that he hadn't thought it at all.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He had never wanted to hear that derogatory tone coming from her – not from her. It broke something within him – snapped the elastic that held his tongue so that the acid boiled over against his teeth. "What it means, Tenten, is that I cannot be your friend and stand by to see such a person throw your feelings back at you. I cannot abide such a person being looked at with care when he will not even look at you in return."

Her eyes widened.

"I should not be surprised that you have failed to recognise me as more than a subject of public gossip," he continued. Some small part of him in his mind was horrified, as though his body was controlled by something other than his rational mind. "It is in your nature to overlook the parts of people you do not wish to see, is it not? You overlook the fact that the Hyuuga can barely summon friendly interest in you, let alone romantic. You overlook your true friends, who could..." ...be more.

Shino gritted his teeth. It felt shamefully good, to unleash this. As though whipping her with his own feelings was payback for every little burst of bitterness and je...and anger she'd caused in him.

"But of course, you are correct," he said. "My efforts would be by the by. The Hyuuga would turn to destiny, and destiny is bigger than the both of us, no?" His voice hitched on the last word and only then did the mortification of the moment hit him.

Tenten was silent, her glassy eyes wide. He thought he saw her lower lip tremble and goosebumps broke out over his skin.

"You can't do that," she whispered. "You can't do that."

It was a testament to what had happened that Tenten – strong, durable Tenten – turned and ran. She ran from him.

From him.

Shino stared at the spot where she had been for a long moment. His mind stumbled and tripped over his thoughts before falling into a strange blankness. Everything disappeared and muted except for the fast thrum of blood in his ears.

He turned back towards the pond.

Ah, there. He had once again missed the transition into darkness.

Who was it that said that time heals all wounds? Shino preferred the reverse – that time wounds all heels. The Achilles heel, to be precise.

He had always found, in the moments when time stretched out like taffy and he was overly conscious of every minute, that the moments of pain and horror and regret that were meant to be swallowed up by the cosmos were instead prolonged. They were preserved like butterflies in formaldehyde, stuck to felt with pins and left there like raw wounds to gather dust.

Week One...simply was. It existed. It spanned time as it should. The sky continued to hang, heavy and greying with the signs of approaching snowfall, and the leaves continued to curl up on themselves and fall from the trees. They were orange skeletons across the ground, crunching underfoot like delicate bones as he walked over them.

Shino attended meetings, spoke to his teammates and played Shogi with his father with the strangest sense that he was viewing the world through a sheet of glass. Every word spoken to him and by him had the fatalistic sense of an unreality that could cause recklessness.

It made him afraid to speak, lest he say something out of character. Again.

He did not block Tenten from his mind – no, in fact, he made a point of thinking about her. Replaying their argument. Wondering what she was doing now. If she was enjoying playing the Hyuuga's wife. It should make him angry, he knew, to imagine them that way. It should give him headaches and stomach pains from the stress of it.

He could not summon the strength to care.

Instead, he watched the clouds darken the sky and stepped on the leaves on the floor, watching the dust they left behind get swept up in the wind.

He noticed that he had begun to remember the way the colours slipped into darkness, and wondered why it still did not stop the days from bleeding into one another until it was all kaleidoscope of nothingness.

Sometime in the second week, he became angry. He measured every moment until ticking clocks set his teeth on edge and his heart seemed to beat in tandem, and he still could not tell what day or time it was.

Shino could not pinpoint the exact reasons for his anger. He could not even pull anything specifically Tenten from his jumble of thoughts. His mind was a wash of irrational feelings and wild kikkai, driven mad from his wrong-footing. He was sent home from training sessions and ordered to see medics. His father checked on him in the night and his cousins gave him wide berth.

And he had no idea why. He should know – had to know, really.

Was this what insanity felt like?

The third week was like shedding an old reptilian skin, except that Shino did not feel better for it. As the slime of a fortnight slipped away from his eyes, he was left with a cold clarity that instilled something that wasn't quite misery and wasn't quite defeat deep within him.

He had no idea who he grieved for more – himself or Tenten. His clarity came from emotional intelligence rather than mental or philosophical. A rarity for him. A complete reversal, in fact.

Everything seemed reversed these days. Unreality continued to plague him except that now it was bothersome, whereas before it was simply another layer of numb skin.

There were a few times that he genuinely pondered if he was going mad. It wasn't only guilt – he knew this. He had felt guilt before. He supposed that what he had said to her had been right – it depended on the people. It had been the perfect mix of mistakes, miscommunication, vitriol and desperation. And the people.

The guilt was merely another vial to the potion, and he was left with this.

He wondered when she might come back. He wondered if maybe it would be best if she didn't.

In the fourth week, he arrived at the hospital with snow coating his hood and shoulders. He walked through the sterile halls, passing people he may have recognised if he had paid enough attention. He went up the stairs and passed doors. If anyone called his name he did not hear them.

He entered a door on the left.

His father had once had a lengthy discussion with another clansman about the nature of the new machines that had been devised for hospitals. Shino had had other things on his mind than the morality of a machine that breathed for someone. It had seemed like an insignificant thing to discuss at the time, when it had no relevance to present matters.

The beeping of the heart monitor, the whirring of the machines that breathed for, left him with the absurd feeling of being watched. Of being laughed at. The hairs rose on the back of his neck, his lungs filled with air, and only then did he look away from the rising and falling lines on the digital display.

He approached the bed and looked at her.

Losing unreality was like losing the old drinking friend who helped to give you liver disease. And none of the finer details and implications of that hit him or mattered to him – he simply had the overall sense that something bad but intrinsic had slipped away, leaving him exposed. Raw.

He had imagined what he might say to her. The silly child inside him had hoped he wouldn't have to – using every scenario from Tenten mending it all herself to her simply not coming back.

Shino made a loud noise, like a hiccup. It built up within him like a geyser – a wave of something that sent pain across his chest and shoulders. He wanted to say that it was hardly possible for a weapons master to almost be brought down by a weapon – that it was a cruel joke rather than a logical end.

He wanted to hate the Hokage for giving her the mission, and wanted to hate the Hyuuga for failing exactly as Shino knew he would.

He wanted to be clichéd and hate himself.

But here, at the closure of the strange vacuum in time that he'd been living in for a month, all of the feeling left him in the shape of teardrops. They tracked over his cheeks in wet trails, slipping out from beneath his goggles and down to his lips.

Shino knelt beside the bed and wondered for the briefest moment that she didn't look broken at all – why, she looked like she was sleeping. And he remembered that that's what his old man had said about Aburame Yui, on one of the rare days that Shibi was willing to talk about the loss that had halved him.

He reached out and touched her hand. She did not move, and he was irrationally hurt by it.

He lowered his head down to the bed, burying his face in the hospital blankets. It was hard to draw breath, but the suffocating feeling was fitting. His body appeared to be grieving without him – his tears continued to fall and his shoulders shook.

But his mind was frozen in time. Formaldehyde.

"I am sorry," he said, startling himself at the sound of his own voice. "I am so sorry."

He lifted his head and held her hand. It was roughened from her training and a little larger than most women's hands. She had a strong build and had often looked quite indelicate to him.

Unbreakable.

"It is trite. I cannot say that to you now," he continued, his voice thick. "I..."

He was supposed to do this, was he not? Have a monologue over her form, at which point she would wake up – having heard everything he had said – and everything would be well?

Shino looked down at their linked hands. His was paler than hers – it looked more delicate, too.

"I reached an understanding with myself this past month," he said, clearing his throat. He ran his eyes over her face, looking for a sign that she could hear him. A sweep of her lashes against her cheek, a sound. "People believe that they have knowledge of themselves as they grow up, as they live. True knowledge. And perhaps that is true – but what they lack is the knowledge of being human. That is far more complicated."

Beep. Beep.

Shino looked at the flowers that littered the surfaces in the room – tokens from teammates, friends, her grandmother. Bright splashes of colour against the bland hospital walls. "I understand myself and my humanity now. It does not make me a better person, but it will make me a better man. I think you understand the difference – no, I am certain. Yes.

"As a person I believed I could admit anything if it was the truth. As a man, I could not admit something that would change everything. It would change me. Do you see?"

Silence.

"I was – am – jealous, Tenten. I try to be a good person and a good ninja. I try to evoke the response in people that the Hyuuga does and I fail. Perhaps it is because I am a 'walking ant farm', as you once said. But I do not think so. Why? Because Uzumaki Naruto carries the nine tails...and he is still loved."

He took a deep breath. He often found himself getting irritated when speaking of Naruto. He supposed it was the boy's gift, to rub him the wrong way.

"To be loved is to be significant. It is only unfortunate that so many people look for it in the wrong place."

Shino wiped his face. He was still crying without have realised it.

"You are imperfect – as am I. Perfection is not real, Tenten – it is a bar created by people for others to reach for throughout the rest of their lives. I know your flaws. I have watched you make mistakes for years and I have never begrudged you them. Not until...even then..."

He coughed.

"Forgive me. I am worse than usual today..." This time he was aware of the tears that escaped. "What I mean to say, Tenten, is that I am a jealous fool who has been in love with you for the longest time." It came out as a whisper, so he cleared his throat and said louder, "I love you. You are...the other half of me."

Beep. Beep.

"I pushed you away. I am sorry – and I would say that I did not mean any of what I said but that would make things worse, surely?"

He stared at her. The silence stretched out. He counted every minute.

"If it is any consolation," Shino said, "I hurt myself when I hurt you. I forgot how to live. I most likely forgot how to die, too."

He thought about the blank spot between colours and darkness.

"Did you remember?" He asked.

She remained silent and still. Her eyes were closed. Her hand was limp in his.

Shino removed his goggles and wiped his eyes.

He would wait.

Hurt - Christina Aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today, ooh, oohI would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be thereOh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting youSome days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, oohWould you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking backOh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohIf I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been awayOh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back timeI'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you