Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Pairing: NaruSasu

Warnings: Slash: Male homosexual relationships, adult language, and slash sexual intercourse.

Sasuke's Magazine: Part One

By: Tanuki-Mara

Beta: Kamerreon

If anyone asked where Uchiha Sasuke was on a Friday morning at eight a.m., they would not be expecting to hear that he was attending compulsory therapy.

Of course, he was.

Ever since Sasuke's older brother went off his nut and slaughtered his whole family, sans Sasuke, the last Uchiha had been stuck in therapy. As he grew older he wound up visiting a stupid pink-haired woman who always wanted to talk about his feelings. Hell, if Sasuke wanted to talk to a woman about his feelings he would have asked the desperate thing on a date.

But that was just the problem.

Dr. Haruno 'just call me Sakura' was concerned at Sasuke's lack of social-interaction. In other words, he needed to get laid in her opinion.

Now, Sasuke had plenty of willing volunteers, including his damn therapist, but what they didn't understand was that Sasuke just flat out didn't like people. Nor was he particularly interested in shoving his cock somewhere warm in order to feel 'connected to someone'.

So that was how, at 7:52 on a Friday morning, Sasuke was back at his therapist. He glared around the waiting room at the other patients before resigning himself to his wait. His eyes fell on a magazine someone had left carelessly lying on a chair and his eyebrow twitched. Sasuke was not one to read up on who had knocked up who, but for some reason he found himself picking up the magazine and flicking through it. He passed by the useless gossip until he found a crossword. Well, at least he wouldn't be bored, and it didn't look like a 'Name that star from the useless TV soap!' one – it was an actual intellectual one.

Sasuke picked up a pen from the table before freezing as he looked back at the crossword. Some absolute idiot had already attempted to complete it. His answers were way off, even for the simplest questions, and he had even gone as far as to write 'Who the hell does these things, anyway?' next to it. It was obvious he was a man, as many of his incorrect answers included crudely made jokes about the opposite sex.

An evil smirk flittered onto Sasuke's face as he calmly corrected the idiot's answers before neatly writing 'People with a vocabulary, dobe.' next to the man's chicken scratch scrawl. He knew the chances of the man reading it were highly unlikely, but it still made Sasuke feel good that he had bested a random loser.

Tossing the magazine back onto the table, Sasuke rose. He crossed to Sakura's office and entered, not caring if his session didn't start yet. He wanted to get it over with quickly, so that the week would pass and he could see if that baka bothered to reply.

Sasuke sauntered into his next therapy session, not hurrying, but not dawdling. He sat down in his usual seat, glaring down the other occupants of the room, before snatching up the magazine. He wasn't eager, not an Uchiha, but he was… curious. Sasuke flipped to the crossword hurriedly, almost dropping the magazine at one point. When he reached the crossword a smirk flittered onto his face.

'Fuck you, teme! Not everyone sits at home reading a dictionary every night!'

Sasuke almost laughed – right in a therapist's office, but he was an Uchiha, so he restrained himself, opting instead to let out a dark-aura-of-amused-evil. He calmly picked up his pen before scribing his reply.

'Only those of us who can read, dobe.'

Sasuke practically skipped back into his therapist's office the next week. He was almost completely positive there was a small smile on his face, but he couldn't care less. He passed by the usual occupants, even nodding at one, a shocked blonde woman who had been crushing on him for a while, before bouncing into his seat and picking up the magazine. He flung it open to the crossword and almost clapped his hands in glee.

'Read this: Fuck you!'

A delicate snort sounded from the Uchiha before he leant over the magazine. He quickly wrote his reply before looking at the clock. To his surprise, he was fifteen minutes early. Damn he was getting eager to be there, and he knew it was all because of the magazine. He looked back at his writing before smirking and flipping the book shut.

'In your dreams, usuratonkachi.'

'More like my nightmares, bastard!'

Sasuke almost chuckled at the childish reply. The idiot had set himself up. Sasuke absentmindedly searched for a pen as he let his thoughts drift. He couldn't help but wonder what the man was like. How tall he was, what colour eyes he had, what colour hair he had, and what he looked like in general. Sasuke found that, for the first time in his life of luxury, he was entranced by something. It was like a fantastic new game, and Sasuke won every game he played. He would win this one too.

Well, the ball was in his court, so it was time to start the game properly. Warm up time was over.

'What, only in your dreams are you seme?'

Sasuke glared at the fat man sitting in his seat. The moron had not only stolen Sasuke's preferred seat – away from the air conditioning, but still cool – but he was also flipping through the magazine. Sasuke was restraining himself from rushing over to the man, ripping the magazine from his fat chubby hands and choking him with his own ugly necktie.

However, Sasuke was an Uchiha. Uchiha do not cause scenes in public places, they have composure, poise, self-control – ah, screw it.

Sasuke rose, stalking towards the man. He looked up, terrified, and squeaked as the angry raven bore down on him. Sasuke was done with his Uchiha façade. After all, Uchiha's also didn't write suggestive comments to random people in magazines that might very well be read by children.

As Sasuke opened his mouth a door behind him clicked open. A woman cheerfully announced an unknown name and the man before him sighed in relief. He abandoned his magazine and seat to dash over to the woman, scampering inside her office. Sasuke settled himself back into his chair, ignoring the disapproving look he received, before picking up his magazine.

'Go to hell, teme! I'm way more seme than you'll ever be!'

Sasuke almost sighed as he read the words. The moron was playing right into his hands – and damn it, he had better be worth Sasuke's time. Sasuke swore to God, if it was the fat nervous guy…

Breaking off with a shudder, Sasuke scrawled his reply down with a self-satisfied smirk.

'Prove it.'

Sasuke stared at the table before him, the table that sat before his chair, the table that held his magazine, the table with a newly replaced magazine.

Sasuke was going to kill someone.

He contemplated either stabbing the nervous, pale eyed girl across the room with a pen before shouting at her to grow a backbone, or throwing a chair through Sakura's door, hopefully taking the pinkette out. Oh yes, Sasuke was that mad.

He did not lose.

Scowling irritably, and deciding to venture down the path that didn't involve police intervention and a court sentencing, Sasuke sat in his seat. He picked up the magazine grudgingly, flipping through it randomly. By habit he ended up in the crossword section and slowly a purely evil smirk spread across Sasuke's face.

'Name the time and place, bastard! I'll show you how seme I am!'

As you can see I know have a beta!! Yay for Kay-senpai!!